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@heelersandhops

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Acceptable reasons for humans in reality to burst into song: It’s a concert or a rehearsal or something.
Acceptable reasons for people in Lord of the Rings to burst into song: We are in a kings hall, we are in a pub, we are about to eat some really nice food, we have just eaten some really nice food, there is a pretty tree, there is a pretty rock, there are lots of pretty trees, It’s raining, it’s stopped raining, there is a pretty tree, we are going into battle tomorrow, orcs are ugly, my ancestor was cool, my ancestor was shit, my ancestor was cooler than yours dispite starting this shit, I miss home, I don’t miss home, oh look some grass, the past is a thing that existed and it was shit, the past is a thing that existed and it was awesome, I am in love, there is a river, there is a pretty tree, my ancestor was a tree, we’re on horses now, I’m bored, I’m hungry, someone has died, elves exist, men exist, hobbits exist, dwarfs exist, 10,000 years ago there was a pretty lady, my ancestor was a pretty lady, someone else has died, my sword is cool, my sword is cooler, my ancestor had a sword once he named it Jeff, oh look a tree, I love trees, I am vibing with this monolith, this tree is now officially my bestie, there is a pretty city somewhere, there is an ugly city somewhere, I’ve killed something, I want to kill something, I don’t want to kill something, oh look a wife, I have a wife, I have a son, I am drunk, I am scared, I am bored, once there was this lady she was so pretty everyone she looked at died of awe, you’re pretty, I am pretty, I wish I was home, I wish I was a tree, oh look stars, my ancestor was a star.
We're doing the dishes and mocking a hobbit
Just goes to show the companies complying in advance to the current administration are CHOOSING to do so and the decent ones AREN'T
so if there’s one single trope i’m always down to fight it’s the animal bride (folklore motif 402??) which a lot of you are probably familiar with as the selkie - the fisherman either falls in love, steals her skin to trap her on land/gain power over her, or they fall in love and THEN he steals her skin to keep her from leaving, and either way she spends a lot of time gazing sadly out to sea and then she or her child finds the skin and never returns again. and that’s awful on a whole lot of levels - it’s not love, it’s control.
BUT. but the thing is. you how selkies/seal women was a pretty common variation of this? another really popular one was swans.
i just want you to think about that for a moment. swans. like…I get it, they’re pretty, graceful birds, certainly it’s easy to imagine them magically becoming pretty graceful ladies? but have you ever fought a swan. swans are awful. swans are the devil’s geese. imagine seeing a pretty magic lady and being absolutely enchanted by her, and stealing her magic feather cloak, and then you go up and say ‘hey i’m in love with you, let me make you my queen, it will be great, we’ll be so happy’ and she just looks at you for a moment and…
you know i was going to say maybe she just shouts for her sisters and suddenly you’re realizing you’ve made a terrible terrible mistake bc you’re surrounded by big fucking birds who are all hissing. but honestly if this swan lady is as aggressively down to brawl as any other generally unhappy swan, then she’d straight up fuck you up on her own. she’d just deck you roundhouse, honestly. you don’t fuck with swans. why does this trope exist
okay but consider this: a woman walks to the park every day and feeds the swans and watches them paddle gracefully around the lake, sighing to see how beautifully they swim.
finally one day, a swan comes up to her and says ‘why don’t you come and swim with us? you always sigh so wistfully to see us on the water, and you would be most welcome to join our company, for you have always been a true friend to our kind’
and the woman says, ‘i can’t swim’
and the swan says, ‘we’ll teach you’
and the woman says, ‘literally i can’t swim, my husband stole my sealskin and should i venture into deep water i would surely drown’
and the swan says ‘your husband fucking WHAT’
the next morning the woman’s front yard looks like this.
and neither the woman nor her husband are ever heard from again, though for very different reasons.
@elodieunderglass
tagged for imaginary swans doing the lord’s work
A++, two thumbs up.
It may also interest someone to know that swans can projectile poop.
I know a real-world mama swan who got shot in the wing and walked four miles overland to get back to her babies and dad swan, with her broken wing bleeding and dragging the whole way. She just kept going. Don’t mess with lady swans.
Also? Swans don’t have a lot of obvious physical markings that divide the males from females. So some idiot might be like, “damn, that’s a sexy bird, I wanna marry her” and then like. It’s a dude swan. You just transformed thirty pounds of angry aggressive bird into 200+ pounds of angry aggressive adult man, who will totally kick your butt. (Also I’m pretty sure that if you turned a lady swan into a human, you would not get a willowy little 5′0″ girl. You’d probably have a 6-foot amazon with biceps the size of your head. Swans are heavy birds and it takes a LOT of muscle to get them into the air. They are among the baddest bitches in the bird kingdom)
And when a swan decides to beat you up, it is not with fancy martial arts. Swans are brawlers. They have bone clubs built into their wing joints specifically for beating people up. A human swan is gonna come at you screaming and spitting and just keep punching you in the face until you regret every decision you have made ever in your life and also some of the ones your parents made too.
I want a movie where the swan is either played by The Rock or Gwendoline Christie and the screaming brawls are the centerpiece.
YES OMG BRÜNNHILDE

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Otter: Mama, why cant I get the stick? Me: Thats a root. Otter: Me: Otter: Me: Otter: *continues trying to get root"
Truth.
Just so everyone knows - a goat visited my office the other day! His name was Wilbur and I love him! Here’s a picture of Otter hiding under a pillow, too - just so she doesn’t feel left out. Still haven’t figure out how she got that on top of herself so well.... for real.
Our weekend trip to Seattle was DOPE! Adventuring around Golden Gardens Park and the beach there on the Puget Sound was stunning. We drank delicious Pinot Gris, we walking and hiked and played fetch, we saw (and heard VERY CLEARLY) some harbor seals. It was awesome. Plus we checked out Ballard Farmers Market (one of the best after the Moscow Farmers Market in ID - but I’m biased). Drank SO MUCH delicious coffee and Otter got lot and lots of pets from strangers - what a diva.
Every time that I’m in the Settle area I love it a little more. Definitely too many people and too much traffic for me long term, but the weekends I spend there are always a blast. So many cool things to see and experience! We did the grown-up underground tour, Underworld (Bill Speidel’s). Ate some sushi (Nijo - rolls were good, beef yakisoba was terrible).
Ballard Coffee Works is WHERE ITS AT, though! Plus almost everywhere was so dog friendly. Otter even stood in line with me to get coffee and there were about 5 other dogs in the place! Baller.
A day in the life of Otter the Dog. We saw Palouse Falls (so cool). We drove a ton (so much, hours - fives of hours). But this girl got to hang her head out the window, run around with other doggos, adventure, smell new smells. It was a great day.

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Really, though. Is there anything cuter than best-puppy-pals frolicking around by a river? Nothing, probably. Or maybe the same pups doing so ANYWHERE. It's unreal how much I love these two pooches. They're smart and sweet and adventurous. Otter is also incredibly snuggly (which suits me quite fine, thank you very much! I love waking up with a snoofer to the face... mostly). This trail is along the Deschutes River near Bend, OR. There was still a little snow on the ground since it was early March and the elevation is pretty high, but it was gorgeous! A little rain, a little sunshine, a little beer, a lot of walking and hiking and seeing beautiful things!
This girl has been having a really fun few days!
What could possibly be cuter than high fives from your furry friends? Otter kind of rocks these really hard - she’s the best.
Oh no! Mom caught us being friends! Quick, act like we hate each other.
Otter is always the worst at the last part - she loves Charlie a TON. Charlie probably would never admit it, but she doesn’t mind the pup as much as she lets on. This charming face is brought on by some puppy licks the cat was not expecting. She didn’t run away, but she didn’t really love it either. Otter does have stinky morning breath, though.
This dog cannot get enough of that tennis ball. Totally wrecked by the time we left the dog park. Be careful at the South Hill Dog Park of rogue poops people left in the snow that are showing up as it melts! Next walk I’m bringing a big old bag and a scooper to get rid of as many as I can. They even have free poop bags there, what gives? Pick up your pooch’s poo!

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Ice Fishing - Diamond Lake
Earlier this month, we had an amazing trip with some great friends (the the perfect dogs from both families) to Diamond Lake in central Oregon. It was amazing, the weather was gorgeous, I caught a rainbow trout! To follow are pictures from our adventure!