HectorIst

Foreword

I started writing these stories after reading popular erotic series on Grey.

I told myself, I have better stories to tell and I can write them in a more sensual manner.

I have always been in good terms with women. My female friends usually feel close enough to share their secrets and intimate stories with me. I have blended these stories with my imagination, my fantasies and included some of my own experiences.

At first, only three stories were ready. I shared these with RedGalia and her followers. The more likes I got, the more I wrote. As I wrote I got new likes and new readers joined, encouraging me to write more.

First of all, I would like to thank RedGalia, she even read some of the stories before they were complete and contributed to them. Thanks to Metalbebek and Serpil for the last review and special thanks to Mr. Smoke and Dandelion for their reviews and comments.

I would also like to thank my editor, Müjde Alganer for enhancing the feminine flavors in the stories as she edited.

A frequently asked question is, “Why do you prefer to narrate from a woman’s point of view?“ Actually, as a man, I found it more appealing to feel and write a woman’s feelings just like Tolstoy and Flaubert had done in their masterpieces.

Throughout this writing experience I found it very enjoyable to imitate them, connecting with both the feminine and masculine powers found in both men and women. I think I have fed my feminine side by carefully listening to stories of women and establish a close bond with them. Most of the emotions in the stories are traces of these interactions. 

All the stories you will read are both real and imaginative, some carry more reality and others are more fictive and my dreams and fantasies are placed in some of them. I have changed the dates, places and names in the stories and combined them with different stories and my own experiences.

In order to complete the scene, I have inserted the web links of songs, movies and books mentioned and all the poetic texts I used in stories are mine.

I hope you enjoy reading ...

TAURUS WOMAN –

Eyes Wide Shut!

 I had met him nearly two years before we first kissed. After applying for a role change, the HR department of the company I worked for, they assigned me to his team. Whereas he was promoted to a new role and I didn’t even get the chance to work for him together for a single day. Besides, I was going to be the highest ranked person in the team until a new manager was assigned which led to a sort of successor-predecessor situation. I started partially to my new duty ten days before my official employment began. During the time we spent together I was going to get on duty training to make sure I took on the role well prepared.

 Due to his high confidence, the first impression Kemal left was of a snobby know it all. His nickname ‘Mon Cher’ was well deserved thanks to his impressive voice, the fact that he was articulate and well dressed. His new position required constant business travels.

 During the ten days I had the chance to sit with him closely side by side staring at the same screen, I started to get hints of the personal traits he had other than being a Mon Cher. Both his music taste and his choice of reading were outstanding. But what surprised me more than these were his humanitarian traits such as the fact that he tried to find a job for the son of the waiter who served us at lunch or the nonvocalized support he gave to voluntary projects. Besides Mon Cher didn’t have his after-meal coffee non-fat latte from one of the coffee house franchises mushrooming all over the place. He didn’t have any unnecessary wannabe actions or obsessions. He took a special liking to drinking his Turkish coffee or blood red Turkish tea at a teahouse close to the office, sitting under the canopy on a stool made of straws singing along to Turkish folk music playing on the radio. Maybe Mon Cher Kemal became his real self at that teahouse and became Kemal the Revolutionist.

 I believe I would have discovered many more traits about him if we had spent more time together and if I hadn’t been so confused at the time but we were short of time and it passed quickly as I tried to learn the job. Besides due to my divorce trial coming up in a month, my mood was like a bush swaying with the wind. It wasn’t a time when I was aware of what was going on around me but despite everything I was impressed by his attitudes and manners and started to trust him. Based on that trust, on his last day I told him I was going to get divorced and asked whether he could support me if anything urgent came up at work on that day. His answer was caring and positive as I expected.

 When I went to the office on Saturday in order to sort out the remaining job, I found him packing up his belongings and his books. His stuff on the table and his books were no longer in their place, they were now packed in cardboard boxes. His valet stand was still in place with his jacket hanging on it instead of behind some chair just as expected from a true Mon Cher.

 He smiled and said, “I leave the valet stand with you”.

 I answered joyously “I am not a jacket person, but it is very kind of you”.

 “It doesn’t speak but consider it a memory from me, in fact an assistant!” he said.

 He tried to motivate me by saying nice things about how the mere existence of some objects did good to people. Once more, Mon Cher had found a different perspective to look at an ordinary situation in a poetic manner. Although we hadn’t spent too much time together, I realized that I was going to miss him for his humanist traits, his attitude to life, the music he played in low tone, the way he mentioned the books he quickly read and finished and his extraordinary perfumes. That woman inside of me who first inspected and analyzed and only then became familiar stepped in and asked him out for a coffee.

  “How about we drink coffee before you leave?”

 “I prefer beer to coffee!” he answered.

 We went to one of those café bars at Karaköy with a Seaview. The smell of different aromas coming from the smoke of the shishas added a different sensation to the view. Other than the quick lunches we shared, this was the first time we were alone. Taking courage from the atmosphere and the beer, I briefly told him about my marriage that was about to end, our unpleasant discussions and the last fight we had that led us to file a divorce. They say everyone hears but true friends listen. Although we weren’t close enough to be friends yet I realized that he listened to what I was saying. And due to this I started to untangle like a rope pulled from one end and started pouring out.

 I had told about a year of my life in no more than an hour. He listened to me in silence. And then he gave a motivating and encouraging speech advising me to direct my energy to myself and listen to myself. He told me not to hesitate if I needed help with work on trial day and he asked to be excused. We said goodbye wishing to see each other at first chance.

 After he left, I sat alone for a while. Our shared desire to meet again at first chance gave me a weird feeling and made me feel like I would keep seeing Kemal in the future.

 He backed me up for half a day on trial day without letting anyone know. I tried to catch him in order to find a chance to thank him. But due to his travels and my moving, I only found the opportunity two months later. We met at the same café bar by the seaside again but this time the night view accompanied us. That night the lights coming from the ferries sailing towards the shore and the boats sailing on the Bosphorus resembled a surrealist painting.

 We spoke about what we did at our jobs since the last time we saw each other. The word slowly came to more personal topics. He laughed when I told him that I started to live with my family and that I didn’t see much of my friends to hide away from the ‘divorcee woman’ looks on their face. He told me to get rid of this mood as soon as possible and to embrace life more actively then before. He told me that I could benefit from taking up my old hobbies that I had abandoned. He was more like a mentor than a friend but this time I felt like my liking for him morphed into me getting drawn into him. As a woman with powerful insights I could sense his feelings for me too. But deep down that ‘easy woman, divorcee woman’ image in my mind forced me hold back. Despite the romantic atmosphere of that night, the comfort of the café and the hidden joy that ‘Love Is Found’ by Sade playing in the background created inside of me, when I thought about it all; nothing happened between us except for a couple of times we friendly joined our hands. A couple of months later I met Orhan thanks to the tango classes Kemal advised me to take up. He was also a divorcee and we both wanted to get rid of the ‘divorced and lonely’ image. Our relationship that started in order to save ourselves from this image and the emotional baggage started to get deeper with time. Everything was going great. We enjoyed similar things. We were also sexually compatible. I enjoyed his fiery ways and constant hunger. Despite his harsh style in bed, Orhan wasn’t selfish. He knew where to touch and how to touch me. I was trying to get used to and enjoy his harsh style full of spanks, hair pulling, soft choking which I considered a little wild. I was new to this kind of sexual activity. Actually, I didn’t know what to think or what to do.

 He had a cute little ten-year-old daughter named Berna who usually wanted to spend her weekends with her daddy. No matter how much I desired to spend time with him, I showed special care that our milango and tango travels did not steal from his time with his daughter. As our relationship became more serious, Orhan decided that it was time I met her daughter and arranged a weekend holiday that we would spend together. We slept in two different rooms not to make Orhan’s daughter uncomfortable. In the middle of the night Orhan succumbed and came to my room. I might have had the most silent and standard sex in my life that night.

 Things quickly started to change after the weekend I met and spent time with Berna. Realizing that her father wouldn’t return to her mommy anymore, and maybe under the inspiration of her mother, Berna started to cause various caprice and trouble. She asked her father to pick her up from her mother’s place at unreasonable times and came to spend the night with her father. And when he came over to my place, she made unreasonable demands either for him to buy things or she insisted in going back to her mother’s place. Small arguments between the three of us slowly turned into fights. I tried not to take our discussions with Orhan too far. Each time I tried to act mature, kept my love above all and we made it up to each other.

 Whereas day by day, this situation started to repeat more frequently. Once bitten I was twice shy! Due to my stubborn character I could struggle with another woman for the man I loved but struggling with the daughter of the man I loved, an insensible small child, wasn’t my thing. I preferred my peace over my relationship and decided to end it despite the love I still felt for Orhan.

 Although it was I who decided to split up, I was still very hurt. I tried hard to hold back from calling him and looked at his photos and cried. Thank God my stubborn and determined Taurus traits won in the end. One day just when I was about to give in, I decided to call Kemal. One of our common friends had a birthday that weekend and maybe we would have a chance to spend time together and chat after the party.

 I called Kemal. After some small talk I asked if he were coming to the birthday party. He was indecisive but he would come if I did. His answer made me happy. I was going to be able to speak with a friend to whom I could bare and share my heart.

 We met at the birthday party. After having a quickly short chat we spent time separately. I didn’t rush because I was saving the main topic for when we were alone and kept on watching him from afar. I approached him at the end of the party. I told him I missed speaking with him and that I had so much to tell him. He felt the same way and he suggested that we went someplace else. I agreed at once. I wanted to drink and chat with him at a quiet place.

 After the party we went to a café at the square by the Galata Tower. I told him about why I broke up with Orhan, the sorrow I felt and the love and affection I still had for Orhan that I couldn’t suppress. While I was waiting for him to say words of consolation such as “he will come back to you”, he gave me a hard time with different questions that went much deeper. He was trying to make me examine my feelings for Orhan. What was the reason that I broke up with him although I fell in love in such a short time and thought I loved him? Maybe they were due to the prejudices I had against myself. And maybe these prejudices were a product of the suggestions I had received for years?

 The deep conversation continued for a while. Mon Cher had allowed me to look at myself and my feelings from outside the box. Once more he had made a difference. I asked a different question in order to scatter the melancholy:

 “What would you like to do for the rest of the night?”

“Let’s do something you haven’t done in a long time” he answered.

 When I thought what it was that I hadn’t done in a long time, dancing to tango came to my mind.

 “Come, let’s go dance tango. I haven’t doing it in such a long time, I miss it.”

 “I know Latin but not tango. That means you’ve got a lot to do, you’ll teach me!”

 “Don’t worry they also play Latin where we go” I answered.

 I couldn’t resist thinking that this was a game my subconscious mind played on me and that I was making an excuse to see Orhan.

 Milango was coming to an end when we got there. Still I had the chance to dance to the lyric tango song by Piazolla called Oblivion9 with one of my dance teachers. Thanks to the sad, endless melody of the song coming from the past, my emotions were on a roller coaster. I gave myself to the song and my partner and allowed the sorrow inside of me to flow away like a road does towards the horizon.

 When the dance was over, I tried to check whether Kemal was bored or not with the corner of my eye. He had the look of admiration instead of boredom on his face. When I went beside him, he put his admiration into words by saying, “I watched you dance in awe. You dance much better than I expected. Don’t quit no matter what happens.”

 And he added “I wish I also knew tango”. In the meantime, the music changed from tango to Latino rhythms. I took him by the hand and led him to the dance floor. He wasn’t dancing bad at all apart from the fact that he stayed too far away.

 I teased him, “Mon Cher, you know how to dance”.

 “Well, it’s not easy being a Mon Cher, one must know a little about ballroom dancing if one is to attend balls and receptions frequently” he answered jokingly.

 I kept on dancing with the power I took from the sorrow that surfaced in my previous dance and my self-confidence. I went on keeping him at a closer rein in order to bring him out of his shell. With every new song, the fondness on the faces of the audience increased and we got closer to each other.

 We gave a break in order to have a drink. Kemal got me a martini cocktail that I was trying for the first time. We went back to dance when a song I liked called Anacaona10 by Cheo Feliciano started to play. What surprised me was that Kemal knew the song. This time we were closer than ever as we danced. From time to time as I whirled around, I felt his arousing breath on my neck, and I enjoyed the touch of his leg when he pushed them between mine to fit the figure.

 After dancing for a couple more songs, we continued to drink our martini cocktails. The attraction I felt for Kemal started to surprise me. I wasn’t the type who searched for consolation at another man’s arms. On the other hand, I seriously questioned the root of the feelings I had for Orhan. I wasn’t sure whether much of my feelings were based on the fear of staying a lonely single woman or not. On the other hand I had a rough but hot sex life with Orhan. Could this addiction have a share in the feelings I thought to be love? Then what was it that I was starting to feel for Kemal? I decided to keep dancing instead of searching for the answer to the crazy questions in my martini drunken head. I put the strawberry on the corner of the Martini glass in my mouth, rolled it around with my lips and swallowed it in an inviting manner and then I took Kemal back to the dance floor.

 Deep in the night the music changed from tango and Latino to more popular songs. Amado Mio11 by Pink Martini was playing to fit the martinis we drank. We were getting closer and closer, I could smell his fresh perfume and his strawberry martini flavored breath, I enjoyed his hugs as I danced between his arms. Once the music was over, when we came eye to eye, he gave a sneak kiss on the corner of my lips. And I answered back with a fierier kiss.

 We went back to the bar hand in hand. We could have continued kissing over there, but I didn’t need any sexual tension on top of my confused feelings. I suggested that we left. We went outside, it was April but the weather was cold. I took his arm, even that was wonderful. We walked in the streets in silence for a while. He hadn’t taken his car because he was going to drink alcohol. He offered to drop me with a taxi. I kindly declined since we lived in opposite directions.  Under normal circumstances, if I had been going to my own house the night could have continued – I knew I wouldn’t be able to stop myself no matter how much I wanted – but since I was living with my family, this was not possible. He found me a taxi just like a gentleman, he noted the taxi plate and told me to call him when I got home as we said goodbye. When I got home, I hardly took my clothes off and threw myself on the bed. The sorrow inside of me turned into excitement. As I quickly fell asleep in my bed, I continued to have long talks with Kemal and kiss him from where I was left.

 Kemal was going to be in Turkey for three more days after that night. We decided to meet before he left. Since my mother was sick when we met, we ended the night with only a dinner. Our meeting was like minimum wage, there was nothing left of it for the next day. We kept on texting and talking every day debating on the words.

 He left … My birthday was near. He found a way not to miss it and sent me chocolates. He must know the fact that a Taurus woman’s heart is won by her sense of taste. Together with the chocolate he also sent Adam and Eve’s Diary by Mark Twain. The closer we got day by day as we texted and we talked, I was becoming more interested in Kemal and forgetting my feelings for Orhan.

 Just then Kemal was offered a position abroad for two years. When he returned, he had a couple of months to decide. He was coming back to Turkey on 1st of June. We decided to meet on the day of his arrival. He was going to cook for me.

 It was not the end of May, I was waiting impatiently for Kemal to return. May 31st was a nightmare. The events that unfolded in Gezi Park for the last two days had exploded and protests began all over Istanbul against the unbalanced police force.

 The time had come, and we met at our usual place in Karakoy. We had no chance to go to Kemal’s house at Gumussuyu without getting effected by tear gas and police intervention. Besides the revolutionist side of Kemal had sparked after all that he witnesses just as he arrived back from abroad. Right before he met me, he had joined the crowd walking from Besiktas to Taksim and he had the chance to meet me without getting sprayed gas or water because the police had partly withdrawn.

 We decided to spend the night at Gezi Park. Ceviz Agaci poem by Nazim Hikmet sang by Cem Karaca was chanted all around. Only the last part of it was changed to Gezi Park instead of Gulhane Park. Eyvallah 12 by Duman that became an anthem of Gezi followed. Everyone had said ‘Eyvallah’ which meant ‘fine, all right’ due to the gas and nightsticks a couple of hours ago.

 We were probably missing a night that started with a nice dinner that was followed by some dancing and possibly sex, but we felt the power of resistance and solidarity under the stars within our veins. The spirit of unity joined these strong feelings. People shared the food and drinks they brought from home or bought from peddlers with everyone. At some point Kemal went to his house and came back with sleeping bags and some wine. We decided to share the wine with others and sleep in our sleeping bags although we were only hundred meters away from home.

 We had to be on guard in case of a probable attack and we had to be careful not to bother those around us but his hands touching my waists, my back and my hips as we danced were delightfully touching my boobs and my rude bits inside the sleeping bag. He went from touching me over my clothes to touching down under. We both hesitated to go further although we really desired to. Still when his fingers started touching my clitoris first over my jeans and then over my underwear giving me an irresistible pleasure, I couldn’t stand it any longer and pushed his hands inside. The pleasure his skillful fingers gave me radiated from my clitoris to the rest of my body giving me a mild orgasm. We spent a splendid night were we started by kissing and snuggled and settled only to touching each other like high school teens. With the power of freedom, the relief from wine and the desire of reuniting after many days we slept under the sleeping bag hugging and spooning each other.

 The next morning, we had breakfast in the park and went to Kemal’s house. The house located a couple hundred meters away from the square captured by intense tear gas and unbalanced violence for the last couple of days was like an island of tranquility. It was time I explored Kemal’s body I had been exploring with my hands the whole night, now with my eyes. I thought we could shower together but his shower cabin wasn’t big enough for two. First, I took a shower and then he did. I enjoyed watching his body behind the frosted glass and felt warm inside.

 After taking a shower we sat on the L shaped sofa, him in his bathrobe, me wrapped in towels. After the turmoil we went through and sleeping outside, I unwillingly started to inspect my legs for any bruises and scratches. I had a mild pain in my back.

 Without realizing I said, “My back hurts and my skin is dry”. After a while Kemal came back with a vanilla scented body lotion. He applied the lotion on my legs up to my knees, meanwhile he glimpsed at what I kept under the towel with the corner of his eye. I was expecting him to move further up but he took some more lotion, warmed it between his hands and applied the lotion on my neck and started to massage me with gentle strokes.

 He moved his fingers over the secret route that started from my neck and led up to the pleasure center in my brain and then he moved from my neck down to my shoulders in circles. Once the circles reached the end of the route that were my shoulders, he squeezed them with the warmth and the strength of his palms. It was as if someone had given him my manual and he was told how sensitive my neck was and how much I loved being touched on my shoulders. Once more he took some lotion in his palm and warmed it up. When he pulled my arms up to massage, the towel wrapped around my body slid down and my boobs were bare. Kemal kept his cool. He continued to massage my arms quietly. Kemal pushed his chest exposed from his bathrobe on my bare back and kept me warm, my boobs slowly dangled as he massaged my arms.

 I enjoyed the innocent yet alluring vanilla scent coming from my shoulders. I felt like a vanilla cake or coffee. He took some more lotion in his hands and returned to my shoulders. This time his hands moved down my shoulders, he opened his fingers wide to meet my erect tits he kindly squeezed once they joined.

 I now felt ready to have sex with him both spiritually and physically. Keeping him behind me, I pulled his bathrobe’s belt open and pushed it down his shoulders and I sat on him with my towel still under me. We had passed the gates on the road from massaging to sex and now he had one hand gently grasping my boob from under, his forefinger started circling my tits. I on the other hand started making parallel symmetrical circles with my hips on his groin. Once our circles started to fasten, we no longer had neither a towel nor a bathrobe between us.

 Kemal moved one of his hands down and his adjoint fingers slowly moved over my clitoris. Before I could feel the hardness of Kemal’s erect penis over the towels, now I could also feel its warmth and even its slight wetness between my thighs. Our fluids started to mix with each other. His fingers followed the motion of my hips and split duties between my labia and my clitoris. His middle finger was the busiest of all, it made small elliptic paces up and down between my clitoris and my vaginal opening meeting the tip of his penis.

 With the escalating wetness and movement, the tip of his penis automatically started pushing inside of me. I pushed myself back to give him a further and easier access. We both might have waited a long time for this but still I was surprised to be in this hot and though position at our initial contact. Besides the best part of this position was the fact that my partner’s hand could easily move all over my body. After stating in this position for a while, I sat on his lap this time facing him. As his fingers once more met my clitoris, he made triangles between my hips, belly and my boobs with his other hand. Although some women enjoy dirty talk and slight pain, I prefer being caressed and it was what spoiled me and aroused me the most.

 We had both waited for this moment to come for a long time, thanks to yearning we had for each other we reached the end at a relatively short time. I was now ready to completely surrender. I let go of myself and lied down on his chest. I enjoyed his hands on my back and my hips as I embraced an orgasm. He must have been attracted by the noises I made and me shivering for he also surrendered and had an orgasm nearly in the same breath. We had sex one more time that day and then left to take our place at Gezi Park.

 Althought Kemal went abroad for two days we continued to live like ‘chapulcu’ during the Gezi protests. There were calmer days and on days were there was police intervention we first resisted and then took shelter at Kemal’s house. We opened our doors to other looters who were affected by the tear gas and we welcomed friends who needed help. At one point we were 20 people in the house.

(Translator’s Note 1: chapulcu: meaning looters, the rioters coined themselves as looters after Erdogan used it as an adjective to define the rioters as looters)

 We were living a 2013 version of Isyan Gunlerinde Ask (Love in the Days of Defiance) by Ahmet Altan or the 1968 events. The trill and fear we felt during the incidents connected us stronger. Each time the sex was hotter as if we wanted to prove we were alive despite the fear of death. The noises we made as we had sex mixed with the sound of the sirens and TOMA vehicles and the beating pot and pan sounds, tempting against oppression.

(Translator’s Note 1: TOMA: Anti riot water cannon vehicle)

(Tranlsator’s Note 2: Banging pots and pans were a common act of resistance during the Gezi protets)

 The peace-loving and equalitarian atmosphere at Gezi Park was a one of a kind miracles. The educated and most peace-loving youngsters of the country actually regarded being named ‘chapulcu’ (loother) as a compliment. The young people responded to unbalanced police forces with unbalanced humor and came up with new and even more creative protest methods every day. During the protest around the country that lasted for a month and a half, the number of people dead and wounded increased due to police interventions.

 At last it was decided that the park would not be turned into a military post and it was decided that the protests would come to an end. That weekend I met Kemal at his place again. We fulfilled our longing for each other with a quick sex, grabbed our cameras and rushed for the park at night. Most of the groups in the park agreed to pack up the next day, in fact many had already started packing up. We enjoyed the park that became a heaven of freedom, equality and sharing. The night was setting. We tried to decide whether we would spend the night at the park in our sleeping bags or not since it was announced that there would be no police intervention. This was going to be our last night at the park and of course we decide to stay. I decided to go back home to bring our sleeping bags and some food.

 Just as I was about to get out of the house the police intervention started. First I tried to get to the park but the streets were blocked with barricades and TOMA vehicles. A smoke started to build over Gezi Park. This was obviously a more intense and bigger intervention than the previous ones. I was worried about Kemal but I couldn’t march on. I decided to go back home to watch the events from the TV and the balcony. I was unable to contain myself; I was in fear. Soon it was hard to breath not only standing outside the balcony but even inside the house. The news got worser with every minute and the force of intervention was increasing. Kemal’s phone was ringing but he didn’t answer. I was getting even more worried with passing time. The TV showed the Divan Hotel and at that moment I thought I caught a slight glimpse of Kemal.

 I called countless times, but I couldn’t reach Kemal. Around midnight Kemal called me from a different number. He had lost his phone but he was in good health, but a tear gas shell had hit him in the eye. First aid was given at Divan Hotel and later he found a way to make it to a private hospital. Both his eyes were closed when I went to see him. His eyes were affected by gas and a piece of shell had probably hit him in one eye. His other eye would heal in time but there wasn’t hope for the one he got hit by the shell. Kemal was more upset about what happened around him then he was for himself and he wept within.

 His left eye would stay in bandage for a couple of days and then it would get back to normal. But they decided to operate his wounded right eye one week after the first aid given, this way he would be able to sense light and partially see.

 Kemal didn’t want me to inform his parents, he told me to inform only his office. And I decided to take some time of to look after Kemal. The first two days were hard but on the third day the Kemal I knew was back, both Healthwise and in spirit. He was teasing me saying, you’re the last woman I saw with both my eyes and you’re dating a one-eyed pirate now. I could sense his sourness within despite all the joy.

 The night before the day they removed the bandage from his left eye we slept cuddling each other. I felt Kemal’s hands wandering over my body in the morning. At first, I thought it was a dream but it was real. I enjoyed the fact that he still wanted me despite all the drugs day gave him and his hard penis. On top of it all, his sense of touch had developed to make up for the loss of his sight. I wanted to have sex with this one-eyed pirate despite life and all the hardship we witnessed.

 It wasn’t dawn yet. I took the time to get up the bed and without opening the lights I wore a garter I chose out of the lingerie I had left at Kemal’s place. I had a game in mind. I asked Kemal to guess what color and which lingerie I had on just by touching. He wasn’t bad at all. He guessed the panties on second guess and the stockings on first try. For a while I was even suspicious that he could see.

 He moved his hands over my body, and I asked him to guess where he was touching me. Mostly he knew. I liked that he knew my body so well just by groping. And then I started touching him in inappropriate places with different parts of my body. I asked him to guess which parts of me I touched him at different places, sometimes with my thumb, sometimes with my tongue and even my tits. He got tickled and he got goose bumps but above all he made groaning sounds like I never heard before indicating that he enjoyed it.

 Later on, I moved further down. It wasn’t hard for him to guess that I had his penis between my boobs. I was even surprised when he said he could feel my heart beating. In order to confuse him I wetted my tits and rubbed it on his penis. His first guess was that it was my tongue. I kept on since he couldn’t guess. It was obvious that he enjoyed it from the jerking of his penis but what I did aroused me more than it aroused him. So much that I didn’t want to play games any more I wanted him inside me. There was one last place I wanted him to explore with his hands only.

 I came down on my knees right above his penis. I took his hand and pushed it to my groin. I laid his fingers on my labia. I was no longer asking where he was touching me since he knew it much better than I did. First, he stroked my labia and then he pushed them apart to find my clitoris. He started to touch me softly over my clitoris. And then he pushed the skin covering my clitoris with his fingers and revealed the secret untouched parts. Kemal always knew how to touch me but today he had eyes on the tips of his fingers. He made me wetter with every touch. He pushed one finger lower down and slowly pushed it inside my vagina. He started applying pressure above it. Although what he did was giving me great pleasure, I wanted him inside of me. I held his hand and pulled his fingers out.

 I pushed him inside me. I started rocking back and forth. And he helped me by softly pushing. After a couple of minutes, I let myself go down on his body. I was kissing his lips, his neck and his shoulders. I could kiss every piece of him I had with me because I was grateful that he was saved from the accident and beside me. It was bizarre that Aslı Erdoğan’s book named Mucizevi Mandarin (Miraculous Mandarin) came to my mind when I saw him like this with his eyes closed. It was as if Kemal was rediscovering my back and my hips with his hands and we were exploring each other again by touching and kissing. Sweating from the hot weather we melded into each other like melting candles.

 I wanted to surprise him since his eyes were wide shut. I got on him and sat on his lap in reverse. He tried to figure out what was going on as I slowly pushed his penis deeper inside my vagina and my hips touched his groins. He figured out what was going on from the pressure my hips made on his groin.

 He said, “You naughty thing, you sat on my lap backwards, eh?” and started rocking back and forth in pace. The motion we created together was leading both of us to an orgasm but I wasn’t done with the things I planned to do. I took off one of my stockings and rubbed, first its heel and then the laces on Kemal’s stones and the tip of his penis. The different touch he received while he was still inside of me surprised him and gave him a different pleasure. This time he wasn’t able to guess what I did.

 There was one last thing I wanted to do. This was going to be a first for me too. I grabbed Kemal by his right hand and pulled his body towards me. I wanted his hands to become his eyes. Starting from his pinky I sucked on each of his fingers. I sucked on his thumb for quite a while and really got it wet. I took his hands towards my hip and pushed his finger inside my ring piece. I think it was really nice to have a finger feeling all my spasm inside of it.

 Kemal figured out what was going on and he had a big smile on his face.

 I said, “I want you to take your finger out as I start having an orgasm, let’s see if you will be able to guess?”

 “At least I will be sure you’re not faking an orgasm” he replied in laughter.

 This time I pushed myself further away in order to get my vagina stimulated from different angles. Despite his battered state Kemal tried to accompany me with his hips and we were swaying as usual. I liked the different pleasure I got from his finger pressing on my anus. Together with the music of the sounds we made we were on our way towards an unknown sunset.

 With his eyes shut Kemal had one hand between my buttock and he was caressing my leg still in stockings with his other hand. As if he were taking a photo of the moment in his memory with the aid of his hands. When I reached the point I could no longer stop, I started rocking faster, I could sense that Kemal was also getting closer to it from his groaning and his motions. I started to have an orgasm; Kemal pulled his finger just in time when he felt the rigor around his fingers. From the way he stood up I could sense that Kemal was in the same situation. Before completely letting go, I pulled him out and rubbed the tip of his penis on were his finger had just been and softly pushed it in. In a couple of seconds, he came between my buttocks with all his warmth. His eyes were wide shut but he was aware of what he had explored.

 At noon, we went to the doctor together. They removed his bandage. The doctor said that he could work in a couple of days and fly on a plane in a week. For a week Kemal worked from home and I dropped by to his place to see him every day after work.  Sometimes we had dinner together and sometimes we had sex and then I went back home. He decided to accept the job offer and live abroad at least for a while due to the violence he was exposed to and more importantly the disappointment he felt.

 He told me I could go with him and look for a job. But the idea of being like a refuge at someone else’s place , even if it were the man I loved, was too much for a woman like me. As a Taurus woman, leaving my family and my settlement all of a sudden to throw myself into the unknown wasn’t my thing. Still we were going to continue on with our relationship and make use of any opportunity we had.

 A couple of months later I was at the airport with his friends to say goodbye to him. He would find an excuse to visit Istanbul in a couple weeks but just like the minimum wage it wouldn’t be enough to make the next day, in the middle of the day we would both feel the stress of having to say goodbye and sadness would inevitably fall on our time left together. As he got on the plane, he gave me a small note which he made me promise I wouldn’t read after he left. I took a look at the note after he got on the place. The note said:

 My Eyes Wide Shut

You are the last woman I saw with my two eyes

Although I leave an eye behind to this cruelty

And leave this city like a one-eyed pirate

I can still find you with my eyes wide shut

Anywhere in the world

Your skin is the northern star