Shift Into 9th Gear

“Pigging out on cigarettes again? Why not try a carrot instead?”

What’s left to say when all’s been said? What stories can be told when we’re all in bed? What memories can be held in this old empty head? Who will remember me after I’m gone and dead?

The Heavens never spoke to me God never sent me a word I found nothing at the end of the road Nothing at the end of the world

But I waited for you I watched the cursor blink on my screen What could I say, what could I do? I was too afraid to lose you

I still am too afraid Even though I’ve got 3 women waiting to get laid Not a single one needs to be paid Free-for-all sex raid

But I always come back to you It’s impossible to escape You’re like a black hole in outer space I’m the star at your gate And I wait, and I wait At the event horizon’s gate

It’s the simplest thing in the universe “Hello again, old friend” But why is it so hard? Perhaps it was because of our fight, Or maybe because of our differences Or maybe because of Forever

We drift here, seas apart But so close in the galaxy In the Galax Sea, we see each other One another, hold each other Yet I’m a “brother” And you’re a “sister” In name only, but names hurt And I don’t want names anymore

Let’s take our old memories Our forgotten love and broken hearts And bury them above the dirt In a sky castle A wizard’s tower Where no one can find them And only we can see them

Let’s take our dreams and aspirations Our summer evenings and winter nights And hide them in a place Where we won’t remember them In a world full of darkened streets And broken lamps And stores with no names 

Because we all dreamed once I dreamed once And you did too But dreams die hard And you hold them in your hands long after they’ve turned to dust Nothing exists after that You hold that pile of dust in your hands And you sift it through your fingers Just when you think it’s all gone You pick the pile up and sift through it You start all over again

Let’s take the pain we loved And let’s take the love we hated And bury them far below the ocean In a cold, black world, where no one can find them In the shallow deep where dark things sleep With their teeth like twisted pipes of the church’s organ That spike out and rip and gnash There we can lay our pain Our love Our joy Our sorrow Until we forget who we were Until we forget who we are

I looked at you and felt nothing but joy You brought me happiness inside You were my sunrise You made me honey butters Even if you were crazy Why can’t I fix you? Why can’t I heal you? I would go through great lengths Just to see you fixed again Just to see you well And happy

But not like this Not this “acceptance” happy Not this “I am okay with my flaws” happy That’s not happiness That’s a façade, a sham, a charade You’re a charlatan in a grand band Playing a panflute for the blind people How could you do such a thing This is what we call latent anger And it seethes through my pores like magma Oozing like mucus, flowing like water Raging like thunder, crashing like lightning

And yet

Yet I don’t hate you I feel terribly sad for you What must it be like to have nothing? Not even good memories from which to draw upon? What must it be like to have nothing? Why won’t you let me fix you? Why won’t you let anyone fix you?