The last one is such fucking fire.

Insert meme of Titus Andromedon as a werewolf from Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt here.

I’M CRYING BECAUSE IN CHURCH ONE OF THE LINES OF A HYMN WAS “VERY GOD” AND THIS GIRL BEHIND ME WHISPERED “SUCH CHRISTIANITY” I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING

If you ever think you did something embarrassing just remember that I had a really hot waiter one time and i was gonna order double pepperoni pizza but I looked him dead in the eye and accidentally asked for double penetration pizza in front of my whole family

Stop reblogging my failure

Let’s all take a moment to remember that Obama actually fucking did this omg

alarm clock: because every morning should begin with a heart attack

my dogs af

Guess who’s got a new ringtone