Heartspace Realspace

They say kids today are the "I" generation. IPad, iPod, iPhone, and I, I, I ...it’s all about me! And, although I've certainly experienced a sense of entitlement among our youth, the truth is, until my Starbucks wake-up call this morning, I was inclined to agree without giving it much thought.

I had completed my run and decided to stop in at the local coffee-house for my morning latte.  Cup in hand and perched high on a bar stool at a counter butted against a large window, I found myself mesmerized by the busy downtown streets. Taxis were blowing their horns because cars were moving too slow, cars were posturing for position at the stop light, and just about everyone was dodging pedestrians that crossed before the little walking man presented on the screen. A perfect dance of managed chaos! What I saw next broke my trance and left me baffled. In fact, I found myself thinking about it on and off for the entire day. I was certain there was something to learn from it.

I would say she was my age...45-55 years or so, definitely not a teen or young adult. There were three northbound lanes, two moving forward and a center turn lane. She was in the second lane about 20 feet from the intersection, the light was green but she came to a complete stop. The car behind her braked and quickly moved to the turn lane to avoid hitting her. I breathed a sigh of relief that I wasn't witnessing an accident. She then put on her emergency flashers. Oh no, I thought to myself, I hope everything is okay? No sooner had the thought passed my mind; she hopped out of her shiny new SUV, left the passenger in the right seat, and strolled into the Starbucks store.  Yes, you heard me right; she strolled, as if she was taking a leisurely walk in the park. The lines were long - as they usually are in the morning hour - but she didn't seem bothered in the least.

As she waited for her cup of hot froth and her sugar coated morning bun, the cars outside were jogging left and right trying to maneuver past her car parked in the middle of the street - and the dance of chaos picked up a few new steps! When her order finally arrived, she moseyed, yep, moseyed over to the condiment bar, stuffed her pockets with sugar and sweeteners and grabbed a handful of napkins. She was oblivious of her impact on the world around her.

At this point I expected her to hop in her car and jet away.  Heck, she had already caused a traffic jam and the light was once again green. But no, she got into her vehicle, divided her order with the man in the right seat, arranged her breakfast as if spreading out a picnic, and then proceeded to nibble on her morning bun. I couldn't believe my eyes. This woman, a woman of my generation, did not care who she inconvenienced; she was concerned only with herself.

She did eventually drive on and traffic returned to its Jitterbug cadence, but I was changed. Maybe this "I" generation we speak about isn't just about iPhones and iPads, but the "I" of growing up in an individualist nation. Maybe, this "I" generation isn't really generational at all? Would I have witnessed this in a collectivist culture? Probably.

I think it is less about the "I" in the egocentric sense and more about the question, "Who am I."  And yes, much of who we become is learned from our culture and the groups with whom we engage - our "community", but the reality is that every day we decide who we are going to be by the actions we take. Ultimately, who we become is who we choose to be. Who we choose to be is exampled in how we engage with our world – how we live our life. When my life is done, who I was will live on only by the memories ingrained in the minds of those who bore witness. I want to make those memories speak a legacy of love, kindness, compassion, and integrity.

OF SQUIRRELS AND GOD AND ACORNS FOUND

It was a rare and relaxing morning; the weekend had finally arrived, no screaming timelines to adhere to, I had rocked my workout and my new shampoo was creating a fresh aroma in the car that made me want to breathe deeper. Singing along to my Josh Radin Pandora channel and lavishing the moment, there was no doubt that life just couldn’t get much better.

I didn’t see it coming. I swear I was paying attention, but he darted out in front of me from nowhere! His little feet were moving as fast as they could go and his bushy little tail lifted high into the air as if it could, or would somehow protect him. Dropping his acorn, his fight or flight instinct was fully engaged.

He was heading to my right, so I swerved left. Prematurely relieved by my quick reaction, he suddenly ran back the opposite way heading directly into my diverted path. I swerved again and began to brake. Now utterly confused, he darted back again in the same direction he was going when we first met. I could feel my heart race as I finally came to a stop. I could no longer see him, and it pained me to think about the little ball of fluff that lie under my tire. Ugh!

All of a sudden, he reappeared in front of me. I could almost feel his little heart racing when his eyes caught my stare. He quickly dashed left, stopped, dashed right again, and repeated the pattern a few times over. As I was watching his panic and indecision, I could not help but reflect on how many times I had done the same. How many times did I zig and zag without direction simply because I did not trust myself? How many times did I act without assessing or seeking a fuller view?

With fur still raised, he remained in the center of the road, caught between barriers that existed only in his mind. I knew he was going to be okay, my view from above was clear and I had a plan for his safety. Hoping to scare him one way or the other, I rolled down my window and shouted “run little guy, run”. ( insert a Forrest Gump visual here) He remained frozen; unable to hear or understand my guidance. Another ah-ha moment…I’m sure there were many times that God whispered or perhaps even shouted direction into my life that I was too fraught to hear. I’m sure I have remained stuck in myopic perspective and self doubt when just a moment of surrender and pause would have lifted me to a better place.

Feeling pretty philosophical at this point, I decided to practice being like God and I waited patiently. I know it sounds silly, but I think the furry little guy felt my presence and my resolve to allow him the time he needed to figure it all out, as within seconds of my decision, he looked straight ahead, picked up his acorn, and made a choice.

SISTERS, BROTHERS, AND LIFE, OH MY!

I talk with my sister almost everyday. I confess, there have been times when anger masking the hurt of an unintentional - and at times, an intentional act - has broken the lovely cadence of our relationship and our daily chats; but, geeeeze, we’re sisters! Luckily for us, we always seek, and succeed at finding our way back to center.

At the end of our call yesterday, my sister shared that she was going to start a journal to record the memories of her childhood. I was very excited for her, and with my big sister heart, I immediately wanted to recount how I remembered her as a child.

During breaks in my day I started to record an outline of my memories. Moment after moment I found myself smiling as I recalled this free spirited little girl that I envied so. Not wanting to rob the joy of her own self reflection, I decided to hold my recollections for a time that is right for her. But, in the meanwhile I could not help but reflect on my own learning surfaced by this exploration.

Digging deep into my memories and feelings about my siblings (brother and sister), I realized that I felt a profound gratefulness, and a slight sense of shame. With our parents long gone, my siblings were my cornerstones; the two people who have walked with me and witnessed my life from beginning to end. They know the best of me, and yes, the worst of me…and they’re still present in my life. Amazing! Little did my parents know when the idea of a baby gleaned in their eyes, fifty years into the future, that dream would be one of the greatest gifts they gave to us, their children.

And then, there is the shame. Ugh! How many times have I allowed petty differences or hurts to take from us, moments, laughter, comfort, and memories? Too many times, I’m sure. Perhaps it’s not so much shame, as life is about constant growth; but it is definitely a feeling of regret.

Life is ultimately about choosing love or choosing fear. My siblings; the historians and my guiding lights to dreams not yet birthed have proven their love over and over again. How can I then choose fear? Moving forward, we cannot - I will not - allow anger born of ego or fear of being rejected, offended, or not heard, to take from us the love we share….to steal, our moments yet to come. It is my decision to cherish these two amazing people, to live in love and grace, and to give them the benefit of the doubt…even when I think (and know) I am right! Stolen moments are far more valuable than any pride or pity I may allow myself. I am far from perfect, and I may need to be reminded of this promise from time to time, but that’s what sisters are for. Right?!

FACEBOOK PAGES, COFFEE, AND REAL LIFE

I caress my coffee 
in both hands 
as steam rises, 
dusting over my face with 
pleasure aromas of nutty and chocolate note. 
In the early afternoon, 
with morning hair 
and Snoopy pajamas that have worn thin from love, 
I flip through Facebook posts
 as if drawn to the reveal of something unexpected. 
Wow, lives so full; 
friendships, 
children, 
celebrations. 
blurred photos 
of little girls in floral dresses 
that lift and touch extended arms 
as shiny patent leather shoes 
whirl in circular motion.
Little boys with mischievous eyes 
and crooked tie, 
laughter and smiles 
shoring the perimeter of tables 
boasting heavy with food and drink 
and red wine stain on linens of white. 
Oh, the envy of exotic places, 
sun tanned bodies 
and little umbrella drinks. 


I sip my coffee 
which has grown as cold 
as my longing has grown large, 
and I allow heaviness to befall me. My pages are blank…
children grown and 
pursuing dreams of their own - 
gone are my pages a mother proudly boasts.
   A new home in a new town 
assures room for adventure, 
but friendships fresh and shallow 
are busy with friends of old. 
My skin of paper white boasts goosebumps of cold 
and the umbrella I hold 
shelters me from rain. 
My life feels empty 
in comparison to theirs. Sigh.

It's never too late to practice self-care. This 15 minute watch will make you think twice about how we treat ourselves. Also great for Mom’s of kiddos!

FRIENDS

Like the slow and steady slugs that populate your garden seemingly overnight, so too have the extra pounds been creeping upon my body…and with the same type of disgusting affects! I’ve changed my diet to minimal sugar and carbs and I’ve increased my work out, but progress is slow and so very disappointing. Truth be told, despite my best efforts, I’ve come to realize that I’m simply not strong enough to stay in this battle alone. So, what do you do when your war is simply too large to fight on you’re own? Yes, you solicit the help of friends. You know, the ones who are ever faithful. The ones you know with all certainty that you could call in the middle of the night and not only would they answer, but they would come running, salt shakers in hand!

The same message was sent to all three of them, “Hey, are you up for a health and fitness challenge?” Within seconds my first friend responded, “Bring it on Sista, I can already feel the pounds melting away!” A few hours later my second friend responded, “Yes, I’d really like to do that but I can’t run. Otherwise, I’m in!” And then as the day came to a close, my last and most golden friend (also my sister) responded. “Possibly, but can you explain what that looks like? How will we measure and what is the expectation?”

As I prepared myself for bed, my mind tumbled back to all three responses and my lips turned up in a heart-warming smile. Three amazing woman, three steadfast friends, three completely different responses. It was the first time, perhaps in a long while, that I was reminded how wonderful it is that we are all unique. Each of these friends responded in a way that revealed what I loved most about each of them.

Friend #1, the cheerleader and the one always ready to try a new adventure. I love her spontaneity and lust for life. She’s the first one at your doorstep, and she’ll hold your hand if she thinks you need it. I suspect she’ll be the one rooting the loudest and possibly the one least likely to engage fully. Let’s face it, there are other adventures awaiting!

Friend #2 is the loyal Golden Retriever who will walk beside you until the bitter end. She will undoubtedly be the one who will make a true effort because in part, she wants to try something new, but in truth she will stay committed because she wouldn’t want to fail me. She’s the ever-giver and the type of person who believes in others far more than herself - if only she could see herself through my eyes!

Friend #3, my sister and my friend; the one who has known and nurtured me all of my life. She is cautious to engage until she knows what the effect will be not only for herself, but for me. She’s wonderfully logical and protective, and when she has determined that the rules and the game are worthy, fair…and, will not adversely set anyone up for failure, she’s all in and great fun!

Now fortified by the help of my friends and moving forward with new zest and hope, I know success is ahead. How blessed I am to have these amazing women in my life and how rich is life when we can each live authentically and celebrate the beauty of our diversity. Each of these friends holds a special place in my heart; they are my touchstones and my cornerstones. I hope I am the same for them.