Β Β Β Β john mulaney: kid gorgeousΒ Β β sentence starters
slightly edited in some cases to work for rp purposes.
feel free to change phrasing or pronouns to fit your muse(s)!
β Letβs change the subject! β
β This is a weird conversation and I want to talk about a book I read about World War II.β
β Whoever did kill her only did it to protect her from this world. β
β Ah, none of us really know their fathers. β
β I was sitting over on the bench. β
β You saw what happened and did nothing! β
β Sometimes, he was gay. β
β When he was holding back the gay part, he did some of his best work. β
β I never talked to my dad about that but I figured Iβd tell you. β
β Freebasing is the greatest orgasm known to man. β
β Iβve been sober now two weeks. Well, weekdays, not weekends. β
β What was so funny? I wanna know. β
β None of that matters but itβs important to me that you know that.Β β
β Phonebooks donβt leave bruises. β
β Give us some money! As a gift! We want a gift! But only if itβs money! β
β I thought Iβd be dead in a trunk by now. β
β You spent it already?! β
β Whereβs the money? β
β I lived on cigarettes and alcohol and adderall. β
β Do my friends hate me or do I just need to go to sleep? β
β Thatβs illegal! They tricked me! β
β I paid 120,000 dollars for someone to tell me to go read Jane Austen and then I didnβt!β
β If itβs too big you can just wear it as a sleep-shirt. β
β Hey, do you want me to kill that guy for you? β
β Jokes donβt do well in court. β
β Iβm in the phase right before Old. β
β I am damp all the time. β
β UGHHHHH β you know, life. β
β I donβt know what my body is for, other than just taking my head from room to room. β
β I get super hot in the middle of the afternoon for no reason. β
β Letβs just not see each other for eight months and it doesnβt matter at all. β
β I was raised to be nice to everyone in every situation because you never know their story. β
β A lot of people donβt seem that nice and they seem to be doing fine in the world. β
β Not everyone thinks the same things are nice. β
β Famous people are weird as shit. β
β Your suspicions are correct. β
β I say βknock-knockβ out loud.β
β The world is run by robots and we spend most of our time telling them weβre not a robot. β
β Think about that for two minutes and tell me that you donβt want to walk into the ocean.β
β It seems like everyone everywhere is super mad about everything all the time. β
β I try to stay optimistic even though things seem to be getting a little sticky. β
β I donβt remember that in Hamilton. β
β I need everybody, all day long, to like me so much. Itβs exhausting. β
β What do you think theyβre celebrating? β
β I wasnβt raised catholic and Iβm fucking glad I wasnβt because itβs a fucked up organization. β
β That should be the slogan of the catholic church: Itβs an hour! β
β God canβt hear you. β
β First of all, get out of here with your facts. Just βcause youβre accurate doesnβt mean youβre interesting. β
β A charming anecdote that was fake and never happened. β
β These meaningless politeness rules! β
β I would never say that, not even as a joke, that my wife is a bitch and I donβt like her. β
β My wife is a bitch and I like her so much. βΒ
β I smoked cocaine the night before my college graduation. Now Iβm afraid to get a flu shot. People change. β
β I was in Connecticut recently, doing white people stuff. β
β Brush your teeth! Now boom, orange juice! Thatβs life. β
β College is a $120,000 hooker and youβre the idiot who fell in love with her.β
β He could look at a child and guess the price of their coffin. β
baratheonpilled
dailybridgerton
titsay
theartofmadeline
yousharknotpass
