You’ll be fine one day, but then you’ll be driving home and you see a bat flying in the sky. Suddenly, you’re transported back to that day. Walking the puppy, hand in hand, throwing rocks just trying to get the bat to catch it. You remember feeling so much love in your heart for him, thinking that he’ll be a great father. You remember his chestnut colored eyes looking back at you full of love, his smile making you smile. But then reality hits and you realize that he’s gone forever and you’re simply driving to a home that isn’t him.

What it like being heartbroken?

“It was as if he turned into a door.” she quietly laughs although you can see the hurt in her eyes.

He was the honey, and I was the bee, little did I know that honey turned out to be poison.

Are you over him?” He suddenly asks with curiosity laced in his blue eyes. I take a deep breath before answering. “You can’t ask me that. I honesty don’t know. Some days the pain isn’t quite as bad, but then other days are pure hell without him. Some days I sob endlessly over him, while other days I hardly shed a tear. I’m just a roller coaster full of emotions. I’m a paradox. I want him happy but sometimes I wish I was still the reason. I get upset that I still think about him, when I don’t even cross his mind. I want to scream at him for making me feel pathetic, I want to tell him I miss him more than he could ever imagine, I want to ask him why I was never good enough when I tried my hardest. I want to ask him how life is so easy without me. I want to scream at him for leaving me. I want to tell him to come back to me. I want to tell him to stop running away. That everything hurtful he’s done is nothing compared to the heartache of not having him in my life anymore. And then I have days that I truly convince myself that I’m over him. When I convince myself that he lost me - a girl who loved him more than anything.” I say as I try to smile at the boy in front of me. “To be quite honest, I have no idea if I’m over him. Maybe I am … maybe I’m not. Who knows?

How did you get over him? ”She asked me while holding back tears, “It hurts so much. I don’t think I’ll ever get over this.” I gently wipe the few tears that escaped from her eyes. “Oh honey, believe me. I’ve been exactly where you are right now. I was in that phase for almost seven months. You feel like dying, like your heart is being ripped out of your chest. You’ll cry so much that even makeup can’t hide the dark circles under your eyes. You become depressed. And when he gets a new girlfriend every week, it will be the most agonizing pain you’ve ever experienced. You’ll be on the bathroom floor sobbing for hours and hours wondering why you weren’t good enough. I’m not going to lie to you. Its going to be absolute hell without him. But to answer your question, I think I moved on when I decided that it was enough. The constant tears, the overwhelming misery, the fake smiles, I got so tired of being in constant pain. The pain was too much for me to handle anymore. Especially when he had already moved on from me a long time ago. But I couldn’t live like that any longer. I had to stop checking on him, I had to let go of all the hurt and pain he caused me, I had to stop thinking about him. I needed to move on and I finally did. And truthfully, I’ve never felt better.” I say as I tuck of piece of hair behind her ear. “There is no key to moving on. There is no time frame. And unfortunately, there is no guide to tell you how to do it. It could take weeks or months or even years. But I do know one thing. You will eventually move on, no matter how long it takes you. No matter how many sleepless nights you have crying on your pillow, you will get through this. I know because I was you. One day, you will find someone so much better who will actually treat you right and love you in all the ways that he never did. And when that day comes, you will be happy. You will finally feel free. Although you lost him, you will find yourself. And perhaps that’s the best lesson of all.

Let’s play a game. You don’t fall in love with me, I won’t fall in love with you.” The boy with a mischievous look in his blue eyes said to me. I smirk. “ Oh believe me, love, I won’t… Although..” I lean closer to his lips, “ I think you’re about to lose.

His eyes are a sea of blue that I can’t help but drown in.

Do you miss him?” I run my hands through my hair before answering such a difficult question. “Ah, in a way I do. I miss the boy who stayed up all night on the phone with me, but not the boy who kept asking on when he could get off the phone. I miss the boy who once told me he loved me with all of his heart, not the boy who doesn’t ever want to talk to me again.” I tearfully laugh. “And for the longest time, I had this idea that the person I fell in love with, was still inside the boy who he is now…I thought that maybe … maybe he was still there and that the way he was acting now was a defense mechanism… But it’s clearly not and I was foolish of thinking differently. Do I miss the boy I fell in love with? Absolutely. I miss his voice, his soft kisses, the way he always cared.. I can’t explain how much I miss him because it’s an impossible amount to describe. I just desperately miss him.” I say as I wipe the few tears off my cheeks. “But do I miss the boy who he is now? I don’t know anymore … All I know is that I don’t miss the boy who moved on so damn quickly. I don’t miss the boy who doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore. I don’t miss the boy who tore me apart without putting me back together.

Are you okay?“ He quietly asks. I softly smile. “Honestly? I don’t think so. Sometimes, I’ll have these days when I think I’m over him, days where I will be angry at him for leaving me, days when I think I’m better without him. But those days don’t last long. ” I painfully laugh. “I think the worst days are when I think I’m getting better, but the moment I walk through my bedroom door… I fall completely apart. The pain of him leaving hits me full force. The tears will fall unexpectedly and I’ll begin to uncontrollably miss him. I’ll remember his laugh, his smile, his arms around me, and I can’t stop crying. And God, I want to talk to him… But I can’t risk another hello without him inevitably saying goodbye again. ” I say as my cheeks are wet with never-ending tears. “I just don’t understand. He probably never missed me, he’s completely moved on. So why the hell can’t it be that easy for me?