knockin' on

on my birthday, the boy i’ve loved since i was probably 9 years old had a baby to his fiance, i knew about it, but then he was born on my birthday - making it the second ex to have a baby on my birthday in the past two years.

i got a ‘job’, it was supposed to be all of january, i’ve done 3 days and i spend my wednesday’s constantly checking my phone to see if the rosters come out to see if i actually got any fucking shifts. i didn’t last week, lets hope for this week lmao.

both of which are fucking with my mental state, i’ve always had this feeling of second best and neither of these things are helping and i feel like i’m losing my goddamn mind. 

i went to see a star is born with my mum the other day, no one warned me about the ending, my uncle hung himself nearly 6 years ago now and i cant watch that shit without having a mental breakdown

my best friend is moving to a town 3 hours away and its gonna be so shitty too

i kinda wanna die

eli: baby

eli: i'm sorry

eli: in my defense i did a lot of much stupider shit that tour

eli: are you mad

eli: i may have hired some people to rough up your brother

eli: shit should i say that over text

eli: probably not

izzy: right

eli: well i may have

eli: kind of

eli: maybe

eli: done something after you first told me

eli: i don't wanna say anything about it

eli: it's not my place

eli: just feel like it'd be better for you to talk about it

izzy: its bothering you though

eli: like you said

eli: i own the place anyways

izzy: you get cranky when you're tired

eli: okay

eli: okay i'm sorry

izzy: you have work in the morning

eli: i know there is

eli: because there's more to you than that