Times Richard Ayoade’s Tweets Were Actually Genius

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shark vs the universe
$LAYYYTER
Monterey Bay Aquarium
hello vonnie
noise dept.
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
styofa doing anything
taylor price
KIROKAZE

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if i look back, i am lost
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oozey mess

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@hawke-s
Times Richard Ayoade’s Tweets Were Actually Genius

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Me: I love strategy/tactical RPGs!
Me, playing such a video game: My strategy is to be physically stronger than my enemy. My tactic is to hit them really really hard.
medusa, trying to turn you to stone, but you accidentally called her “melissa” when you first walked in and now you’re too embarrassed to look at her. “it’s alright” she keeps saying “i get it all the time” but you still won’t look. u don’t even remember the stone thing until later

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john mulaney and pancakes
ok SO john mulaney has a new live show on the netflicks (the comeback kid) and i was lucky enough to see him do this act live in milwaukee this summer!!! but the recorded show is missing something special
so summer in milwaukee is known for being like. comically humid. disgustingly, oppressively humid. ‘can’t tell the difference between being downtown and being literally submerged in lake michigan’ humid
and poor john mulaney was wearing a nice-looking but also very warm suit. so once about every 10-20 minutes he would pause whatever spiel he was on, wipe his forehead, flutter his jacket about, regret his fashion choices and ask what was wrong with us that we don’t properly air condition our venues
about halfway through the show, a woman in one of the front rows stood up and started to walk out so in classic mulaney fashion he razzed her that she couldn’t take the heat either and asked her to bring him a pepsi - she didn’t break stride (i would try to play it cool too if over a thousand people were suddenly watching me get razzed by mulaney)
as soon as she was out of the theatre, he turned his mic off and started yelling to those of us who were still in there
“okay guys, we’re going to play a little prank on her! can everyone hear me? WE’RE GOING TO PLAY A PRANK! at some point later in the show i’m going to say ‘you know what they say in milwaukee!!’ and you’re all going to wave your arm around like this’ - he jauntily waved his arm with his first finger outstretched, like an 80 year old man doing the charleston - ‘and you will all shout ‘gimme some PANcakes!!!’’
we did a few rehearsals of this until he was satisfied, and he turned his mic back on and continued with his act
a few minutes later the woman walked back through the theatre but passed her row, walked all the way up to the stage, and set a can of pepsi at mulaney’s feet. he stopped, mouth agape for a moment and touched his chest. ‘is this really for me?’ he asked. ‘did i ask you for pepsi? i have no idea why i would do that, i hate pepsi.’ he thanked her sincerely several times, and when she turned his back to him to return to her seat, he made frantic ‘kill’ motions across his throat to signal to us that the prank was off
he continued to lament the heat for the rest of his act, eventually lost the jacket and drank the gifted pepsi, grimacing cartoonishly every time. at the very end of the night he thanked us for being a great audience, thanked the woman in particular for her kindness, and triumphantly said ‘BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY IN MILWAUKEE!!!’ and 1 very generous women was hopelessly confused when 1299 people shouted ‘GIMME SOME PANCAKES!!!!!’
blackpink + purple
> Mirror’s Edge Catalyst [15/∞] <

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if you’re still unlearning internalized problematic shit clap your hands
#if i ever think i’m finished poke me with a stick
ok tom holland is cute and all but he constantly looks like he’s hiding a frog in his mouth and it’s uncomfortably hopping around in there but he can’t open his mouth or the frogs gonna escape
Me: this Starbucks drink is nasty
Me: *remembers I paid $6 for it*
Me: My... I've never tasted such an exquisite creation.....
okay so i was bored and press without any reason ctrl+shift+K and
this is what appeared
and i couldnt resist to click this cute little
‘3D view’ button and
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN
INTRODUCING
3D TUMBLR
in which you can see all the versions the code editors stacked update after update
look at just how many times the tumblr logo changed
ALSO THE INFINITE SCROLL… IN 3 DIMENSIONS
THIS LOOKS LIKE FUCKING TIMES SQUARE SCREENS
IM EXPERIENCING THE BEST THING EVER
hacker voice: I’M IN
theres context to this i promise

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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me: i've been awake for 36 hours please let me sleep
my brain: mr sandman, man me a sand. make it the cutest man car door hook hand
I only accept anon hate through a ouija board and in outdated English
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