Hi. My name is Rebecca, and I suffer from Mental Illness. For well over 20 years, I’ve not been what I used to be. Until 94, I was a good kid with okay grades, but I never felt like I didn’t belong. That all changed. There’s just too much history behind my illness, and no one seems to want to talk about it. Well, I need to. If you don’t want to hear about it, or are just getting tired of my posting stuff, you don’t have to look. Seventh grade, because of how things felt, was my first time cutting. I was pretty good at hiding it from everyone. It would continue until high school where I tried to hang myself 4 times my senior year. Things did get better... for the better part of a decade. Then, shit happened again and the suicidal thoughts came back. I’m not sure why I felt the way I did, but it’s how I felt: worthless. So, I tried to hang myself 6 more times in the following 5 years. Then, when a major life event happened, I cut myself again. I sought help from those I considered friends. One told me not to contact her again. Two were able to talk me down. Then, the big thing: I tried to shoot myself twice. Both times, the gun didn’t go off. After the holidays, and losing my job, I slunk around the house until I got tired of being stuck at home. I went to an armor party in Austin. Now, that’s a 4-hour drive for non-Texans info. I went, I had fun, enjoyed just being around people who saw me and understood my outward issue. Last night was a really bad night in terms of my health. I felt I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t, and shouldn’t, live. I had thoughts of driving into a nearby lake and just crashing into the guardrail on the highway. The ONLY thing that made me go home safely was the fact that my animals would be upset. No one would have known if I made it home or not. I can’t give up, no matter how easy it seems. I’m doing my best to keep fighting, but it’s so damn hard. I’m hoping for a better day. #selflove #selfcare #alwayskeepfighting #alwayskeepfightingjared
