sometimes im just blow away by how little self worth neil has
i mean we talk in the fandom about neil being oblivious
but it’s more that he doesn’t really feel deserving of friendship or a relationship isn’t it?
all the times andrew has done things for neil, because of neil, simply because neil asked
and neil is still in shock that andrew would fight for him???
it’s not just that neil is oblivious, it’s that he simply thinks “why would anyone ever fight for me?”
god this kid has been through so much
he’s been abused literally his entire life, looked down on and talked down to
he’s never even been allowed to be himself, always someone else, something else
and now he’s at a hard stop at psu and people actually talk to him and listen to him
and they look at this kid and have no idea who he is or where he’s from but they know he’s their teammate and they want to take care of him
and neil being confused about that, having to explicitly ask if these people are his friends, just breaks my heart
because it’s something neil has never had and doesn’t recognize and “why would anyone want to be friends with me they don’t even know me?”
and fuck this boy goes to evermore and gets the shit beat out of him for two weeks and comes back and he doesn’t understand why his team cares so much????
how much do you hate yourself that you can’t recognize affection i am
and again after baltimore he’s so amazed that the foxes want him to stay and i just
he’s literally been the uniting force on their team
he looks at a place that he’s only going to be at for a year and thinks “i want to fix this”
he looks at andrew knowing he’s only going to live a few more months and thinks “i want to fix his relationship with his brother”
what kind of absolute selflessness????
neil is such a kind and good person it hurts me to think he doesn’t know how good he is, why he’s worth so much to his family, it honestly kills me
prguitarman
