♩ “Leaves from the vine…falling so slow…Like fragile…tiny shells, drifting in the foam…”

❝ God, what if we just fucked one day? ❞

❝ Don’t sass me in front of the internet. ❞

❝ Follow your stupid fucking dreams. ❞

❝ Come at me scrub lord, I’m ripped. ❞

❝ I just wanna have sex with space. ❞

❝ Get in the tub with me, daddy. ❞

❝ Will you just relax and let me kill for money? ❞

❝ That sounds like your problem. Fuck you. ❞

❝ Stay in school. Don’t do drugs. Eat your teeth. ❞ 

❝ Make like a tree and fucking die. ❞

❝ Dude just…just pity laugh at least. ❞

❝ Man, Club Penguin’s gotten weird. ❞

❝ We are like the Stephen Kings of stupid. ❞

❝ Why do you enjoy watching me suffer so? ❞

❝ Do I have to jerk you off to blow your mind? ❞

❝ I haven’t had so much fun since I killed my parents. ❞

❝ Unfortunately I had sex with a guy/girl over the weekend. ❞

❝ What’s a vegetarian zombie say? GRAAAAAAAINS. ❞

❝ Revenge is a best dish served fuck you. ❞

❝ Who wears pants anymore? So 2015. ❞

❝ I need an ice cream sandwich and a gentle blowjob. ❞

❝ Don’t let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya. ❞

❝ The bananas has gone bad! ❞

❝ I cared for those bananas! I raised them with my own two feet! ❞

❝ Did you know I’m a professional joke? My life is a joke. ❞

❝ What if everyone just had constant helicopter dick? ❞

❝ [ name ], does getting me wet fill you with determination? ❞

❝ I can’t prove that someone ISN’T a reptilian. ❞

❝ Wouldn’t it be funny if, like, you lost a family member? ❞

❝ These balls are coming at me fast and furious. It’s like that movie, ‘Speed’. ❞ 

❝ Call me One Direction ‘cause my relevancy is dropping by the day. ❞ 

❝ One time I killed a person and I didn’t report it to the police. ❞

❝ I wanna take a girl to the Grand Canyon, fuck her, and throw her in. ❞ 

❝ Nothing like a gunshot wound to the face to really mellow someone out. ❞ 

❝ If I can’t be the best, I sure as hell can be the worst! ❞ 

❝ [ name ], I’m on a date with a guy/girl right now and you’re embarrassing me. ❞

❝ I’ve made a decision. I’m gonna in the kitchen, gonna open the dishwasher, and I’m gonna climb inside. ❞

❝ I do apologize for my actions, even though they were totally and completely justified. ❞

❝ I could pee on this couch, right now, no problem, while looking you directly in the eyes.❞ 

❝ Look, you tell a couple jokes as a dad and suddenly everyone’s like ‘you’re making dad jokes.’ ❞

❝ All of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are blue, except for three of them. And there are four. ❞ 

❝ And Abraham said unto Moses, ‘Bro, dude, aliens.’ ❞

❝ I’m gonna throw you out the window. We don’t even have any windows in this room…I’m gonna carve out a window and throw you through it. ❞ 

❝ DO IT YOU SACK OF SHIT! – Sorry. That didn’t come out as encouraging as I meant it to. ❞

❝ [ name ], if there’s one thing I can be totally honest about, it’s that I would happily lie to your face.❞

❝ If I took pole-dancing, I would be worried that it would be too erotic for everybody else. ❞

❝ Next time we make love, [ name ], would you please refer to me as your sweet cakey treasure? ❞   

❝ I try to show at least one other human-being my butt hole every single day. ❞

❝ The only people who don’t like sluts are the people who don’t get any. ❞ 

❝ Have you ever though of a career in driving people fucking insane? Because you are already a PRO at it. ❞ 

❝ I am actively looking for ways to get you to shut the fuck up. ❞

❝ First of all, you have to stop calling it ‘Mary Jane.’ That’s the first rule of stonerdom. People will think you’re a fucking narc. ❞

❝ First of all, no one says ‘pot-eyes’, you fuckin’ narc. ❞

❝ If by OK you mean like on the inside I’m just going ‘AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!’ then yes, I’m quite OK ❞

❝ When you walk outside there are three elements of nature that you must avoid: snow, wind, and bees. ❞ 

if i like our plot - i have never feigned interest in a plot. i’d tell you if i wasn’t feeling the plot you pitched. also, i honestly do not go and make posts for plots i’m not interested in. i like being super invested in my ships and i feel like the best way to do that is to be honest about it from the get go. 

not replying fast enough - life is tough, friends. i totally get it. sometimes we don’t have the muse for a thread, sometimes we’re in a bad place mentally and we really just can’t with life, or we’re busy with school or work. shh, you don’t owe me anything. post when able, fam. i don’t drop threads without a warning!

if you think you’re bothering me with headcanons, asks and etc - STOP RIGHT THERE. you are NOT bothering me with those at all. i live for those so KEEP THEM COMING.

if you want more plots/ships - TELL ME. chances are i want them too! 

your post length - your post length really doesn’t bother me - i can get pretty wordy sometimes and honestly i don’t expect people to match me. doesn’t matter if i get a one paragraph reply to a three paragraph one, as long as there’s something to reply to, you know? substance over length any day.

if you want to drop a plot - my feelings don’t get hurt over things like this. tell me if you wanna drop a plot and let’s make a new one if you’re interested, if not then that’s fine too! 

if you have a headcanon/plot you think is too dark - tell me ANYWAY? honestly i don’t have a lot of hard limits and i’ve been on the internet so long that at this point it takes a LOT to scare me. creative freedom is also pretty great, so. 

that being said,

i’m really crap at replying to ims on tumblr! - i have the worst attention span on the planet, and sometimes tumblr hates me so sometimes i don’t get the tumblr chat im pop ups - it’s the weirdest thing ever but i could get messages and i wouldn’t know until i check tumblr on my phone? (but then sometimes three or four days have gone by and oops.) i’m always on telegram tho, so if you have it, and you’d like mine, feel free to drop me an ask and i’ll get to you on there instead!

sometimes i can be in a pretty bad place muse wise too - and it’s definitely not you. i’ll most likely still be sending headcanons and doing ask memes in a rather sad bid to get myself out of that funk but yeah. sometimes it’ll take a few days for me to reply to a thread. i’ll tell you if i want to drop it, though. 

i like making friends - so if you wanna talk about things that aren’t about our ships, that’d be pretty awesome too! 

i get super invested in my ships - and i will probably bother you with asks and headcanons A LOT and i understand this can get annoying especially on days where we’re not really feeling rp, so just tell me if you wanna talk about other things, yes? c: 

god i’m super chill and i hate fighting - rp is supposed to be fun, and though i’ve never actually really fought with anyone in rp land, i know many of my friends have, and i just can’t with that so. yeah.