Random Musings

They actually tested me for a learning disability in high school because I was consistently failing math.

They discovered that I actually scored in the 80th percentile in that sort of learning.

Problem was, in every other subject, I was in the 99.8th percentile.

I had never learned how to study because I never needed to—and then, when something proved to be even the slightest bit challenging, my brain went

“LOL nope this is impossible abort”

Meanwhile, this entire time I’m scraping by in subjects like English. The assignments I did turn in, I’d score top marks—but I’d avoid turning in projects I didn’t think were “good” enough.

Essentially, my brain had two settings: “100%” or “0%”.

but rather than go on some journey to find some true love or whatever, she decides to use her last years to travel the seas with her crew and collect treasure and drink and be merry

I sold my soul to bring you back to life after your untimely death and I only have a month left with you so  I’m trying to make it count.

You’re a ghost who’s trying to get to the after life so I’m helping you out but I fell in love and now I don’t want you to go but it’s too late.

You keep having strange dreams that turn out to be us in a past life and you’re determined to find me again but in this life I’m already dead

I’m a firefighter and you live near the station I work at and we talk/flirt with each other a lot. One day me and my team get called to put out a fire and it’s your home ablaze. You don’t make it out.

We live in a futuristic era where you’re a scientist and I’m you assistant. An experiment goes horribly wrong resulting in my death. You try to put my brain in a robot and it works but it’s not the same.  

I’m you’re guardian angel who’s been breaking the rules and keeping you alive longer than you should be and as punishment I have to watch you die.

You’re a civilian and I’m a knight. We fall in love and are the cutesy couple ever. A enemy kingdom attacks our kingdom and in the heat of a battle you’re kidnapped (or killed) right in front of me while I’m unable to do anything about it.

I’m in a gang and you’re too precious for this world but you still hang out with me. One day my gang activity gets your hurt so I completely cut off all ties to keep you safe.

I’m a vampire that has a moment of weakness when you’re near by and it doesn’t end well.

You’re secretly a spy and to keep me safe when things go downhill you have to break up with me and you do it as harshly as possible so I don’t try and follow you (optional: I do follow and your worst fear comes true)

Next Thursday, August 13, is the official starting day of William Snekspeare’s House of Reptiles!

From the artist that brought you “I may not know much” and “I ain’t scare of no things”, comes a fun, pro-reptile, and queer-friendly cartoon about a non-binary kid named Will and their adventures with their many reptile companions. This comic will be updated regularly and will not contain any foul language or sexual themes. (it’s very child friendly!) 

I hope you all will enjoy it as much as I enjoy drawing it. :)

and then I remembered the American education system

Yes, I can fucking believe I didn’t know this.

Some Leonardo facts you should tattoo on your heart:

He was actually convicted for sodomy at age 24, but the allegations were dropped for lack of testimony. The charges affected him immensely, as he was by all means, a very private person.

Da Vinci’s models for Christ are unknown. The claim that he depicted his lover as Jesus most likely arose from the bullshit about Cesare Borgia being the inspiration for White Jesus™ combined with the allegations that Leonardo and Cesare were lovers…There is little to no support for these claims. However, it’s speculated his lover Gian Giacomo Caprotti was the model for his St. John the Baptist.

He was universally beloved (minus Michelangelo lollll), like the nicest, funniest, gentlest, handsomest man you’d ever meet. He was generous beyond words, treated everyone equally, and loved to play pranks.

He was also fuckin’ ripped. It was rumored he could bend a horseshoe in half with his bare hands.

Often wore pink and other vibrant colors.

Rumored to sleep approx. 2 hours a night.

Was left-handed and ambidextrous. He was dyslexic, possibly had ADD, and suffered from frequent paranoia.

He was his own worst critic and often destroyed his work. He still left behind over 13k journal pages, filled with sketches and so many dick jokes.

His last words were: “I have offended God and mankind because my work did not reach the quality it should have.”

Would buy caged animals from the market just to set them free. He was allegedly a vegetarian.

For a time he kept a pet lizard and made him a custom set of wings and horns. He would routinely scare the shit out of people with his ‘dragon.’

I repressed my urge to sarcastically answer, and said “Nope, I just enjoy saying hi to everyone!” To which he responded, “Oh, so you weren’t flirting with me then.”

Dude, I’m not flirting with your gross 7am-on-a-Sunday-ass, trust me.

My defense mechanism when I’m uncomfortable at work is to smile, so I did that and said “Is there anything I can get you this morning?” to which he responded,

“There, you just smiled! What does that mean?”

At this point I was fed up, so I said, 

“I smile at everyone sir, its just what I do. What can I get you, coffee, a bagel?”

And he said “I’m gonna be watching to see if you smile at everyone. I don’t like it when girls lie to me” and then ordered a coffee and a muffin like he hadn’t just said something at 11 on the “Is this guy a serial rapist” scale (where 0 is ‘no’ and 10 is ‘Yes, run away as fast as you can right now.”).

Then he sat there for another hour and a half, staring at me from his table. When he got up and left he came back to the counter, and said “You do smile at everyone. That’s fucked up.” and walked out.

I can’t even be innocuously polite and pleasant to people at my job (where customer service is the number one thing we are supposed to be focusing on) for fear of this shit happening. What happens if he had decided to wait until my shift was over? 

Also, safety issues aside….

If women being kind, civil, polite human beings to men (in and out of the work place) makes them think that we must want to fuck them….What does that say about the reverse?