it’s quiet. that kind of overwhelming quiet that’s deafening, thick, a wall that makes you feel like you’re drowning in it. taehyun never expected tonight to be easy. he’s still trying to worm his way back into his father’s good graces for some fucking reason and of course he had to go and open his big, dumb mouth and ruin it all. had to talk back in a way that has become second nature to him. a way taehyun from years past would have never thought he’d have the guts to do.
the garage is so far from everyone and the few stars he can magically see from the side are twinkling in the distance and all he wants to do is reach as far up as he can to grab one and put it in his pocket for safe keeping. if he let himself think about it for long enough, he’ll think up some metaphor about how like a star he is: burning too bright and just out of reach and only to able to really be seen when all the noise and fog and clouds clear up just enough. but he doesn’t let himself think about it right now. now, he just looks. lets himself get swallowed up by the silence that’s ringing in his ears and think only of the cigarette that’s burning down to a nub in between his knuckles and the drink leaving condensation marks on the concrete ground.
he’s ignoring his responsibilities, he knows he is. knows that the second he goes back to that godforsaken party that he’ll get drawn in to yet another conversation he doesn’t want to have. pulled aside by his mother, asking him to apologize for speaking out of turn. confronted by yet another person he hasn’t seen in years who doesn’t understand who this taehyun is and why he’s so goddamn angry all the time. taehyun isn’t ready for those conversations. all he wants right now is to bask in the peaceful silence that surrounds him.
hong haseok, of course, had to go and ruin that.
taehyun sighs, scrubbing his hand across his face, wonders when he got to a point in his night that seeing haseok would be a burden more than a gift. he flicks the butt away, adding it to his growing pile before pulling out another from his pack. he smiles up at haseok, a cheesy grin that they both know is nowhere near real before steeling his face back again. “ahh, so that’s where i left it.” taehyun pats at the end of the cigarette, watching as ash trickles down slowly to the ground before picking up his drink and sipping at the watered down concoction. “did you bring it all the way here for me, honey?”
he’s being condescending to the wrong person. taehyun knows there’s only so much push he can give to haseok without being left with nothing to pull back, knows that the other man can only take so much from him without giving up and going back to whatever was easier than everything they had going on. taehyun pulls his knee up, bumps it against haseok’s leg where it will reach before turning to try and give him a more real smile. it’s not much, just a slight upturn of his lips, but it’s better than nothing. “a while, i guess.” his pile of cigarette butts would be a better measure of time than his watch would be.
they dance around each other more than tae would like. hidden stares and soft touches where no one can see, wrapped up around each other in the security of a dark room under a pile of blankets. they’re both too chicken to do anything about it, too scared to change whatever they have going on. why rock the boat when it’s floating by perfectly fine? even if it pulls at his heart just to see the other man and know he can’t do anything to have him. “were you worried about me, haseok?” taehyun asks, a little too smug and a lot too expectant of the answer.
it’s not that everything always has to be about haseok, but — it is true that everything has to revolve around haseok. between himself and taehyun, at least. “what are you sighing for?” he asks in a way that he means to sound only mildly accusatory, because even if taehyun is clearly stressed and distancing himself from others, haseok won’t have it. when he wants taehyun, that’s what he’s going to get, no questions asked. the word burden doesn’t exist in the hong son’s vocabulary even if that is what he is clearly being right now.
he’s visibly frowning at the growing pile of cigarettes that taehyun is accumulating, wants to make a comment about how unsexy it is of him to be smoking so many cigarettes alone. it’s not haseok’s favorite taste whenever he kisses taehyun after he’s been chain smoking, but the unspoken fact that haseok makes exceptions for the eldest kang leaves room for excuses. haseok looks down at taehyun with an expression equally stoic, unamused and unbothered by the pet name coming from lips that clearly care more for nicotine than they do for his own. “i didn’t say that was yours,” his whiny tone returns as he reaches to snatch the dripping, watered glass from taehyun’s hand.
it’s all an act to get his attention. haseok doesn’t give a shit about his drink or if taehyun smokes two hundred cigarettes; he wants him to look at him like he’s the last remaining human being on earth, like haseok’s last breath will dictate how much oxygen taehyun has left. he doesn’t smile even when taehyun tries, because he’s immature and functions only of his own agenda that everybody else should follow, too.
he lets out an exasperated huff of air when their legs and knees collide, audibly dissatisfied but physically rooted to the spot next to him. he wants to tell taehyun he wasn’t worried about him, that’s bullshit. why would he be worried? what is there to worry about between the two of them? nothing about haseok indicated he was worried — more so that he was pining for what he wouldn’t admit to wanting the most.
“no,” he retorts far too quickly. if haseok was a criminal, he’d be far too inconspicuous about his crime of missing the male beside him. it’s all one big unspoken yes, but don’t bring fucking attention to this or i’ll ignore you for the next week just like how you abandoned your phone at this party and made me come looking for you. his body language speaks volumes, leaning closer to the man even if he reeks of smoke. just another minor detail haseok is willing to forgo. “there’s nothing going on upstairs — i called my chauffeur to come get me.” code for: you weren’t around so i lost interest in talking to everybody else. he meets taehyun’s gaze and holds it.
“i’m guessing you don’t want a ride, do you?” speaking in code again: do you want to come home with me?
