It’s very likely that at some point in the future, another child will grow up in your childhood home, and will end up having many of the same sorts of memories in the same place that you had them.

bitter-sweet

relishing the thought of a young child being stung by wasps in the weird storage space behind the couch

If I can’t be weird with you then wtf

Is it “Happy Impeachment” or “Merry Impeachment”? I don’t wanna offend anyone.

Treason’s Greetings

This is not ok

Cyborg

octopus

Being alone is just like: *makes a weird noise* *talks to myself* *makes a weird noise* *makes a weird noise* *talks to myself* *doesn’t talk to myself but does the hand gestures to what I’m saying in my head* *makes a weird noise* *makes a weir

 I’m a huge supporter of things which annoy misogynistic rich white men

It’s true. It’s not the fire suppression system that kills you. The Librarians come and personally murder you for starting a fire in a library. But you didn’t start a fire you say? No matter. You are collateral damage. Everybody gets killed to show that arsonists have no chance of escaping justice

an orangutan traveling at non-euclidean speeds erupts from the aether to clothesline you into another dimension

You weren’t ugly 10 years ago, you were a kid, or a teenager, or just a human person. 10 years ago cameras weren’t that good. We still used CDs. People had flip phones. 10 years ago Instagram wasn’t a thing. I hate to say it but every year we spent perfecting our social media presence is not a glow up. A grainy picture of you just existing in the era before curated existence next to a perfectly lit and framed “candid” is not an accurate comparison… Be nicer to your younger self, man. Think about what it’s telling the kids.