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i love poison omelette

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got some kick to it i tell you what

That's absolutely insane.

this girl was showing all the signs of being a secret mermaid so i pushed her into the pool and she turned into a forty foot long mosasaurus which is tbh way cooler

not really sure how to get her out though

for those of you asking why i pushed her into the pool in the first place: i work for a duplicitous small town aquarium and i'm trying to kidnap mermaids to jump through hoops and shit to entertain tourists and make money. fucking obviously. now that i know she's actually a mosasaurus though i Have fallen in pure-hearted love with her

One of the best stories humanity ever produced was a draft of a rewrite of the Epic of Gilgamesh written by a Ecuadorian poet in 1935. It was tossed into a fireplace by an angry boy and lost forever. Another of humanity's best was told 65,000 years ago and was overheard by a small tribe of embarked Neanderthals boating down a river in what is now northern Georgia. A short woman at the bank scrubbed a wooden idol in the water and sang an ancient tale in an unknown language. These two are eclipsed by everything produced by two brothers at the coast of what is now Cameroon between 503 BC and 490 BC, which they shared with some family and friends, and were beloved by everyone except a sour uncle.

Asunder is basically the most classic way to be torn, and if you're looking to be cleft, in twain is a vintage but stunning choice

Yuup Thats me. Youre probsbky wondering how i got my self into this situation . Welll, im a drainfly . We eat sludge and stagnnant water out of drains . (RECORD SCRATHCH) "ewwww! " What ! Are you kidding ! this stuff is the tastest EVER ! Come on , Ill Show you. MY LIFE AS A TEENAGE DRAINFLY

being an executioner used to be an inherited job. imagine dealing with teen angst and also job shadowing your dad the town’s torturer

infinity train is kinda like my dead wife