'hidden' verses

denial

anger [tbc.]

bargaining [tbc.]

depression [tbc.]

gouged out

my eyes

preserved them

in saline solution

so what they perceived

may also be

immortalised.

embrace me in my sleep

comforting, cold

so for a few hours

i am able to pretend

that five hundred days

ago is the present

and right now

you’re here.

i still reach

to old memories

for familiarity. all

tinted in our blood.

the red diluted with

tears. iron and salt mix,

congeal on my face.

a bitter taste

washed away for

another

tomorrow.

with no messages again

in my phone.

a quiet morning.

suffocating.

choking.

i wake up slowly.

that what you did hurt

me. the claw marks you

left in my arms sting like

ghosts.

other days i tell myself

that it didn’t matter;

at least it left your

hands with pristine

vitality.

match the discoloured

shades in yours.

it will not heal.

i’ll twist and pinch

at the thin frail skin

as red fades to purple

fades to green

fades back into

my flesh.

i'm just tired

love is a sacrifice

cycles

rose-coloured glasses

intimacy

his heart was too large for this world.

is what the person holding the balloons

said before sending them after you.

we pray and beseech that the lord

above brings him eternal peace.

(i only hoped He brought you

your favourite snacks forever.)

i wonder if the sky is treating

you with the kindness you deserve.

are you playing with the balloons we

sent? did you like the colours we chose?

you mentioned your favourite colour

to me once. i laughed and naively let the

memory float away into the air. do you think

you could send the memory back to me

on the tear of an unformed cloud?

you asked me what i thought

about the text we were reading in class.

i told you it was too sunny to wonder

what silly words from people i didn’t know

meant that afternoon. you wondered anyways.

now i wonder because

to love is to forgive cries the

door mat by the front door.

to forgive is to succumb snaps the

knife in the kitchen drawer.

to succumb is to love murmurs the

fragile heart of the house.

love holds a brittle sword to

the throat of obsession.

a deathly kiss is shared

between the two sides,

as love melts into loss

melts into memory

melts into the stolen air

in my lungs

immorality, hatred, bitterness

have consumed you, integrity

unrecognisable from the cuts and

burns you lashed out. all in vain.

paranoia, obsession, rumination

are your acclaimed friends. whisper

lies into my ears, see what comes out

the other end. no more amends.

self centred thought triumphs over

logic, harassing unrelated people,

you have only turned more eyes

against you. pay your dues.

i’m sick of your twisted games.

i’m sick of your self-righteous claims.

i’m sick of your mindset, your complex, your harassment, the nature you nurture.