hardwareblair

For as long as I can remember I’ve been a self-conscious person. Eternally jealous of those who are self proclaimed confident and proud. It oozes out of them – not in a gloating way but a beautiful, inspiring way. I don’t know if this is a genetic predisposition or due to my environment during my upbringing but from my understanding, it’s probably a mixture of both. Science’s way of saying, “you know, we’re not really sure but it’s a safe bet to say a little bit of both have made you the way you are.” And as so, self-conscious that is, I’m hyperaware of the way people perceive me or make up the way people perceive me in my head. Logically, I know that people are most likely not thinking about me at all and it’s egotistical to think that they are but alas it’s a thing that I do. I’ve realized that no matter how hard you try, you will never be able to control the way that someone perceives you. You will never be able to control anything except the way you perceive yourself. This is one of the most liberating lessons of all. And of course, I’m not cured, it’s not like this realization has changed my life but it has changed my perspective. Don’t let other people, even the people who you love and respect, decide your happiness and your peace. The only person who can do that is you. If someone doesn’t value you or your friendship, his or her judgement is not a reflection of your worth.