A collection of observations from My personal experience in having been involved in both D/s and vanilla relationships or having observed the behavior of others. As a disclaimer, I am in no way “defining” right or wrong behavior. All relationships are unique. All Dominants and submissives are different. Your experience(s) and observation(s) may be different from Mine.
Leaves for work in the morning…
Vanilla: (Light peck on the cheek) “Have a nice day, Hon.”
D/s: (Passionate embrace, perhaps even tongue exploring) “Meet you back here at 6pm, Babe!”
Walking down the sidewalk…
Vanilla: Anyone’s guess who takes the curb side.
D/s: Dominant takes the curb; submissive takes the wall. Always!
Walking together anywhere…
Vanilla: Maybe hand holding… but not likely.
D/s: Dominant holds submissive’s hand (with his on top and hers underneath), or places hand in the small of her back or on the nape of her neck. Alternatively, submissive locks arms at the elbow. Or dual arm around waist embrace.
Vanilla: “I’ll get around to it.”
D/s: “It will be done today.”
Vanilla : “What’s wrong with you?”
D/s: “Have I made you upset?”
Deciding where to go for dinner…
Vanilla: “Where would you like to go?”
D/s: “We are going (here) tonight.”
Having dinner in a restaurant…
Vanilla: Your phone has your undivided attention.
D/s: Your partner has your undivided attention.
Clearing the dinner table of stacked dirty dishes…
Vanilla: Everyone fends for himself or herself.
D/s: Stacked dishes are heavy. Dominant carries dirty dishes from table to kitchen.
Expressing disappointment…
Vanilla: … … … … (withdraw with silent treatment).
D/s: “I am unhappy with you and here is why.”
Vanilla: “You look nice tonight.”
D/s: (Grabs her ass and pulls her in close). “You are so Mine!”
Vanilla: Parties walk side by side or random determination who leads.
D/s: Dominant walks behind submissive so that He can help her if she trips and stumbles.
Vanilla: Parties walk side by side or random determination who leads.
D/s: Dominant walks in front of submissive so that she can brace herself on Him if she trips and falls.
Approaching a building door…
Vanilla: Whoever gets there first opens the door.
D/s: submissive waits for Dominant to open all doors. Always!
Entering of exiting a vehicle…
Vanilla: Everyone fends for himself or herself
D/s: submissive sits patiently in vehicle and waits for Dominant to exit vehicle and walk around to open her door.
Investment in the relationship…
Vanilla : Both partners give 50-50, at best. More likely it is 75-25.
D/s: Both partners give 100-100; otherwise D/s doesn’t work.
Vanilla : “Honey, can we have sex tonight?”
D/s: “I want you now. Get undressed and go wait for me. Now!”
Vanilla: She fakes them half the time.
D/s: She climaxes at Dominant’s discretion.
Vanilla: “Good night, Hon.” (rolls over and goes to sleep)
D/s: “I am so in love with you. Come here; I want to feel you next to me as I sleep.”
Vanilla: Get out of bed immediately upon waking.
D/s: Take in your partner as they sleep. Plan your day while in bed together.
Accountability for personal behavior…
Vanilla: Little to none, particularly over time.
D/s: An absolutely requisite all the time.
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