Kindhearted Bravery

-In every part of the video the DDs are all dragging in some sort of kill and things are pictured to be going well despite the doors preventing them from getting to the rest of the workers.  This is likely another example of J not telling the entire truth.  They’re each only eating one arm a day.  They are starving, but J doesn’t acknowledge that for the video at least.  She also tells Cyn everything is going well despite telling V and N that there’s a major issue (the doors).

J occasionally lies to the audience for the same reason she lies to Cyn and to herself — wanting others, as well as herself, to believe that she has everything under control.  That she’s doing the right thing.  Even when she starts to doubt it.

-When V is shown playing with severed heads, J seems to be concerned and almost unnerved by her behavior.  If J really does remember everything or close to everything, it’s no wonder she’s unnerved by it.  V seemed nearly the opposite of herself in the present than her past manor self.  It’s still her, and J clearly favors V over N, but it must’ve been difficult for J to adjust to V’s new personality.  By the look on her face in that scene she might still be adjusting to seeing her act like that.

-J really really doesn’t want them to fix the ship or consider leaving the planet even as a decoy.  It probably has to do with some of Cyn’s plan she’s only told J.  Maybe the pod leaving the planet will trigger something Cyn’s put in place to prevent them from trying to escape.

Whatever the case, V seems suspicious of J for her outright refusal to do anything remotely related to leaving the planet.  It could be because she’s acting extremely suspicious, but it could also be because she remembers enough to know something’s off.  Unlike N, who just immediately went along with her refusal.

-While an extremely drunk J full of energy and having fun is something I don’t think anyone expected, having to deal with all of the above — keeping up her corporate mask, protecting her secrets, the trio’s potential starvation — of course she needs some sort of outlet for all that stress.  She drinks to relieve herself of those worries, if only for a little bit late into the night while the others are asleep.

J has far less control over the situation than she’s willing to admit, to herself or others.  We see this in the next scene when Cyn calls.  She sobers instantly when the phone rings and lies her ass off to Cyn about how well they’re doing on Copper 9.  I don’t think Cyn believed her for a second because she picked up on the anxiety in J’s voice.  Maybe that’s the real reason she decided to come to Copper 9, because the DDs were failing at their job and J was poorly trying to cover it up.

-Cyn reiterating that J chose the right side and did the right thing is likely how she’s kept her under her thumb for so long.  She’s convinced her that every awful thing she’s done is for a good reason.  Whether that reason is to protect the others and herself, or just because the alternative is so much worse.  

It’s very painfully clear J is scared of things spiraling out of control, of Cyn finding out about how poor of a job they’re doing, of the others seeing Cyn and knowing J lied about who they’re all really working for, of being punished both for things that aren’t her fault and for things that entirely are.

That fear is what will keep her on Cyn’s side.  Perhaps there’s more, Cyn could've lied to her and promised her anything — especially between when she dies in episode 1 and when she leaves Cyn in episode 6, but now we know for certain she chose Cyn’s side at least partially out of fear.  I believe there’s also a mix of wanting to protect the others, as well as desperation for autonomy and control in there as well.  That final reason being why she likes to view herself (and have others view her) as the boss and the deciding voice of the team.

-Towards the end, V gives J the branded pen she’s been hoping for.  It’s a very sweet moment; despite V being suspicious of her behavior, she’s also genuinely worried for J and is trying to cheer her up.  I swear she even gives her the same softer look she gives Lizzy later on in episode 4.

However, J doesn’t seem at all thrilled about it like she had been before.  Look at the difference in these shots:

J thinking about receiving a branded pen is shot from the ceiling downward with brilliant white light shining down on her from above, and J looking rather pleased with herself.

J actually receiving a branded pen is shot from the ground upward (opposite of before because she’s looking downwards instead of upwards into the light).  The lighting itself, despite having clear rays of white moonlight in the background, is blue and dark and sad.  J looks like she doesn’t even want it.  The parallels between these two shots are so very good!  There’s a lot of good shots in this video actually.

I think this near-opposite change in tone is because, to J, earning the pen meant she did something good and worthwhile — a big accomplishment like getting past the doors.  It’s a symbol of achieving something great.  Being handed the pen so casually is like being handed a first place trophy despite doing nothing to compete for it.  Having it to symbolize your victory means nothing when you didn’t actually win.

And J certainly doesn’t feel like she’s winning right then.  The opposite, actually.  Nothing changed, she just.. has a pen now.  In the pilot J chucks the pen at N like she doesn’t even want it because he broke into the bunker, not her.  That’s his trophy for winning.

-“Every team will face a moment when they have to choose which path will carry them forward.  That choice is.. never easy.  But what matters is that they remain united.  And as a leader, it falls on you to make sure that happens.”

^J almost directly telling us the decision to side with Cyn fell to her, and she chose it to keep everyone together and safe. If I’m right and she was the ‘leader’ even in the manor, then the decision always would’ve fallen to her, because like it or not everyone listens to J.  At least, until V and N switch sides without her in the finale.

In J’s eyes, when V and N take up arms against Cyn, her two younger siblings are so eager to win they aren’t considering what will happen if they lose.  Of course J wants freedom from Cyn just as badly as they do.  Look at how terrified she is of her!  But someone has to stay behind and be the responsible one.  Someone has to be the adult and plan for what will happen if something goes wrong, and it’s so likely something will go wrong.  She might be fighting against them then, but they’ll thank her later when Cyn spares them on her behalf because at least she behaved.  We all know J stayed on Cyn’s side because she thought escape was impossible, but I think in her eyes she was doing the reasonable responsible thing while the others chased some impossible fantasy of freedom.

-Her last remark about the team being family and families don’t lie to eachother makes me think she might’ve caved and told the others what she knew if things kept going the way they were — stuck at a standstill with no way past the doors, waiting like sitting ducks for Cyn to come for them.  

Once N got past the doors, J doubled down on her corporate manager facade and killed him the moment he thought about rebelling.  Which also makes me think J was desperately trying to right things and make it look like she had everything in order the whole time before Cyn’s arrival to avoid punishment or whatever she was so afraid of when Cyn told her she was coming in person.

A lot of what we see from J in the show is unfortunately some of her worst moments.  She’s worried about Cyn’s arrival and too focused on fixing things to her and the others’ benefits to really think her actions through in ep 1. From then on Cyn is right there over her shoulder to convince her to do the ‘right’ thing and make the ‘right’ choice.  We see much more of the side of her she leaves out of her little presentation. The one where she’s openly aggressive to the others and very stressed — overcompensating by being the most businesslike she can, forcing the others into submission, and heavily relying on that mask she made.