T R A S H

anybody else here not good at anything

I wanna b the girl that Knows

What that mean

i wish i knew :/

So i almost hit a kid with my car. I was driving through a mall parking lot and I guess the nearby school had just let out. Anyways this kid darts in front of my car and i slam on my breaks. And he dabs. This fucking kids automatic response to almost getting hit by my car was to just fucking dab. His last moments would have been a sick ass dab. It was an out of body experience.

I don’t know jack shit about pokemon but it looks like I found my favorite one.

spheal rolls now…2016 is saved

im the weird dad, wine mom, vodka aunt, and gay emo cousin all in one person

it’s so cute when you talk to someone a lot and you notice your phrases slowly slipping into their vocabulary

@ember–dawn

Incorporating the phrase “beset by feels” into my vocabulary as of now.

if your boyfriend isn’t strong enough to pick you up and pin you against the wall, you have a girlfriend.

……..what

if your boyfriend doesn’t suplex you on sight he aint a man

if your boyfriend can’t catapult you across the room like a boomerang he a cactus

if he don’t powerslam you for breakfast he a herb

if your boyfriend can launch a 90 kg stone over 300 meters you have a trebuchet 

Everyone asked 2016 to be soft and forgiving well guess what she wasn’t. So now everyone’s asking for a nice soft 2017 but I’m not. come fuck me up bitch I’ll be in the alley behind Macy’s @ 7 let’s go

Dude it works also in Italian! ‘Dove vanno i gatti quando muoiono? Nel purGATTOrio’

could also work in french: “où vont les chats quand ils meurent? Au purCHATtoire”

The ultimate pun

WE HAVE ACHIEVED PEAK PUN

The pun heard ‘round the world. 

@dftba99

Yaaas