One of the most common questions we get, and indeed the hardest one to answer is the most general one of all.
There are many different paths to healing but I wanted to have a post with the method I have personally found most effective. While Step One is always Step One, after that what order you do the steps is up to you. In fact, multiple steps can be done at one time, though I do advise to sticking to one Self Care and one Symptom Management at most at first.
Recognize that healing or ‘getting over’ trauma isn’t all about one thing. SCaR supports a three pronged approached.
Processing. Self Care. Symptom Management.
At different points in the process, you’ll need more of one than the other, but in general, SCaR suggests starting with Symptom Management.
One of the reasons why it is so important to break the problem down is because if you don’t, you’ll continue to feel overwhelmed and as if there is nothing you can do to make a change.
Above all else, SCaR believes in our abilities to help ourselves. This doesn’t mean that we can’t use tools and that we can’t rely on others from time to time, but rather that SCaR believes in leaving control in the hands of the survivor. Other people cannot save us, they can help us, but they cannot save us.
STEP TWO: Symptom Management- Isolate your problem.
Open up a word document, grab a piece of paper- something. Now write down your symptoms.
Maybe you have hyper vigilance. Maybe you dissociate. Maybe you’re struggling to eat. Write down the various symptoms in your life right now.
Now pick one. maybe two tops. Don’t pick three. Don’t
STEP THREE: Symptom Management- Research.
So now you have a list of your symptoms, but more importantly you’ve selected one, maybe two of these symptoms to focus on.
Now you’re going to research. Maybe you’ll reach out to other survivors and ask how they handle dissociation. Maybe you’ll go to a library and check out a book. Maybe you’ll just google it.
But you’re going to research it and write down all the various coping mechanisms people mention- that you don’t immediately scoff at.
This doesn’t mean that if you scoff at it it wouldn’t work- but chances are you aren’t going to give it a fair shot, and there’s no point in trying it if you go in believing it isn’t going to work.
STEP FOUR: Symptom Management- Action Plan.
Now you have one, maybe two symptoms picked out that you’re going to focus on and you hopefully have a decent sized list of coping skills/mechanisms that others have tried.
You’re going to pick three.
And you’re going to give them an honest shot for at least a week. An honest shot. If you aren’t going to give the method a fair chance, don’t bother. If you honestly believe something isn’t going to work, it could be the most helpful thing in the world- but it still won’t help.
Only focus on the symptoms you’ve selected. One of the things people get overwhelmed with is they try to find one thing that helps everything- and that isn’t how it works. If you’re focusing on all your symptoms, you aren’t going to notice small changes in any individual one.
There is no one cure for most symptoms, you’re going to want to find 3-5 different coping skills that make a difference, and then layer them.
Once you’ve gone through your first week, make note of which ones helped and which ones didn’t- and then select a new group of coping skills to try. Do this until you have the 3-5 ones that do work at minimum.
Once you feel that you have a decent grasp on coping skills for a specific symptom, go back to your original list of symptoms and choose another one.
STEP FIVE: Self Care- Reactive Self Care.
Reactive Self Care is self care you do in reaction to something. So you’re distressed? What do you do? So you’re angry? What do you do? So you’re sad? What do you do?
A lot of these fall under what is called Self Soothing. They’re things that calm you down, not necessarily ones that make you happy. The idea is to help you return to a neutral state- not have you swinging from one end of the spectrum to the other.
Much like you did with Symptom Management- you’re going to make lists. It’s probably best to group them by emotion or by location.
For instance- when I get upset at school here are things I can do:
When I get upset at home I can:
STEP SIX: Preventative Self Care
Preventative Self Care is the self care you do to prevent something bad from happening. This is your ‘I know I’m going to have a really bad week so here’s what I’m going to do.’ your ‘I’m going to rest this weekend so that I’m not battling exhaustion and _________’
One good idea for preventative self care is to create an ‘oh shit box’ or a ‘just in case’ one. Here is where you’ll store things you can use to cope in the case of emergency.
When you know that you’re going to be having a tough time, it’s also a good idea to do as much ahead of time as possible. Things like laying out outfits and prepreparing meals can go a long way in terms of making break downs easier.
STEP SEVEN: Maintenance Self Care.
While both preventative and reactive self care have their place, one of the things that we can do to better increase our quality of life over all is maintenance self care. This is neither ‘a disaster just happened what do I do’ or ‘I forsee a disaster coming’ it is merely ‘I am taking care of myself because I am a person and it helps me function.’
Really look into what Self Care means. There are a couple of things on the masterlist that cover various bits- but it’s important to recognize that self care is a very broad term. There is physical self care, emotional self care, spiritual self care, all of these things. It’s important that when you have the energy to invest in those things, that you do. It can be a higher upfront cost in terms of energy, but often times once you get the initial bit out of the way- the return is much greater and much more easily sustained.
STEP EIGHT: Processing- your history.
I always mention processing first but say to do it last. You’ll need the skills you’ve learned from Symptom Management and the buffer from doing self care in order to process in a healthy way.
There are different kinds of processing, but the one people tend to focus most on is just telling their story.
Talking about your trauma can help, but don’t push yourself to do it too soon. It can be just as traumatizing in the end if you’re merely forcing yourself to do it because you think that you have to. Take it one step at a time in terms of talking about.
One of the things I’ve found helps more is to start talking about how it effected you first. Recognizing the pain that trauma has caused in your life, and your right to feel that pain.
STEP NINE: Processing- General Trends/Community
Another part of processing isn’t so much about your own history, but in how your history interacts with others. It is when you reach out and talk to other survivors, or in your interactions with the media and other day to day life events.
Processing is one of those things that is a continuous event, it is something you will be doing for the rest of your life. It’s something that can be done in therapy, can be done by going to poetry events, done by doing support groups, talking with friends, doing art, through reclaiming things that once triggered you. Anything that exposes you to either the trauma, or the trauma after effects is a chance to process what happened.
It’s important to remember that healing is an extremely personal journey. No one can tell you the exact right path for you. One of the absolute best things that you can do is to expose yourself to many different choices, many different journeys, and pick and choose the bits and pieces that seem like they’d work best for you.
Don’t shame yourself for where you think you should be. Shaming yourself accomplishes nothing. Everyone has a different pace, everyone has a different path and the best thing you can do is keep your eyes a head and do what’s best for you.
Things do get better. But it takes work, and the right resources, and a good amount of luck too. But it is possible, I promise.
Take care of yourself today, okay?
romaincrisis
