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OH SHIT. I haven't been able to find these anywhere for any amount that I'm actually willing to pay. There was only one pair left and THEY WERE IN MY SIZE. Fuck, I'm really excited about these. But I really need to stop spending money.
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This week started off awesome and it's just getting worse and worse. My boss is literally making up rules as the weeks go by. I set things aside that I was going to buy, and I paid for like 5/7 of the things I picked out on Saturday, and decided to put the other things back because I can't afford them right now. Then she called me today to say that I can't just put things back on the floor after I've set them aside, so she's sticking the expensive things back in the back and I have to pay for them within a week. What the actual fuck. Her argument was "that dress was really popular, it probably would have sold, there's only one left." Then why the fuck can't it be put back on the floor? She would make money off of it? Whatever. And then the things I DID buy she said she's going to charge me extra for for "shipping." Uh, last time I checked she didn't charge my coworkers extra for "shipping." That I understand, though. The other thing... Not so much. I changed my mind, so what? I don't think it's fair for her to force me to pay for it when she didn't warn me that I was bound to it when I stuck it aside. Jesus Christ. I'm almost considering looking for another job. Maybe retail just isn't my thing. I'm spending my money just as quick as I'm making it, if not quicker. Plus I have a bad feeling that the store isn't making the money it needs to, which doesn't give me a terrific sense of job security. I hate this feeling of material and monetary need. I'm incredibly scared into turning into one of those people that feels empty without money.
I think for right now I'm just going to stop carrying my debit card on me. I'll just carry like $20 of cash, but honestly I just need to stop spending money. Also when my mom gets home I'll have her change my password for me on my Paypal account, because online spending is killing me. Advice? Opinions?
I just have this overwhelming feeling of loneliness and inadequacy and basically it sucks.
Oh man. A gentleman always wins in my book.
I've been contemplating it for a while...
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Fuck my fucking mom.
Things I pay for myself:
My gas ($4.90/gallon)
My car insurance
My car servicing (oil changes, new tires - $600 fucking dollars, brakes, etc.)
My clothes (For school, and pleasure)
Any events I go to (Concerts, admission to theaters, sporting events, etc.)
MY FOOD
My tutoring
And I was $6 short of my gas bill and I told her I was getting my hair cut tomorrow so I'd pay for it and we'd be even, and she FLIPPED OUT. Hey, okay, NEWSFLASH, a haircut costs more than fucking $6. She was like "I don't pay for you to get your hair cut." Jesus fucking christ I'm 16 year old high school student, not 22. FUCK.
Sometimes my non-friends are kinder and more interactive than my friend-friends.
Hydroxycut Pro Clinical
...Is basically a miracle in a pill. I've only been on it for three days, but I loooove it. I never feel hungry, and if I do, I just take another pill and it's gone within minutes. I'm also not feeling the excessive energy and heart-racing side effects that some seem to be having, although I do feel more alert and like I can do more on less sleep. I went to the gym yesterday after a 7 hour school day and 5 hours of work, and I definitely noticed that I ran faster (6.0 vs my 5.5) for longer. I also could have ran longer than I actually did, but the power went out, so. ANYWAY, to recap:
I've only been taking one pill (not two) before my meals
I feel more alert than usual
I'm NOT having gross side effects, stomach aches, headaches, really fast heart racing, or anything of the sort
I'm able to burn more calories on less sleep and get more of my work done as well
It IS suppressing my appetite
Now, part of the lack of side effects may be because I usually am a large coffee drinker to begin with (3-4 cups a day). I also drink a lot of water to begin with in order to keep my voice hydrated, so that's probably why I'm not experiencing the headaches. I looove it, but in no way am I telling you to buy the product or trying to promote it or whatever. If you have any questions or whatever, ask on my other blog, and I'll answer them privately, simply because I check it more often.
Amazon is taunting me.
You guys. What if I got to travel to Iceland and trade places with a well known Icelandic Indie band. WHAT IF.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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My partial to-do list for this week. HELP.
Honest to Satan, the amount of money I've spent and carbs I've eaten over spring break should be illegal, but, well... I couldn't resist, really. This Etsy shop just has the most outrageously adorable things out there. I was lusting after the Burgundy Slouchy Hat for months but refused to pay that amount of money for it, but then I saw this one and I justhadto have it.
As much as I hate the 'grunge' connotation Docs tend to have attached to them, I just bought the last pair of these available in my size anywhere on the internet. And oh man, I don't feel the least bit guilty, I mean, look at them. I've never wanted a pair of shoes as much as I wanted these. (Just a side note - they're actually black, not brown, I don't know why the exterior looks so brown-ish in this picture.) I've also always been kind of intimidated by the whole floral thing, because it can be horrendous if you don't pull it off well, so I like that these can be folded down, or worn as boots with pretty ribbons. Anyway, I can't wait to get them. The seller on ebay wouldn't ship to Hawai'i, so they have to take a detour to California to my cousin before she sends them out to me. STOKED.
Jeepers it's been forever since I've logged on to this account. Anyway, today was a much needed Retail Therapy day.
My keys to survival include (but are not limited to): 1984 - George Orwell, On the Road - Jack Kerouac, Invisible Monsters - Chuck Palahniuk (which I've already read but really need a copy of), "Sephora" nail polish by OPI which is this gorgeous olive green with flecks of gold, the last Calvin and Hobbes book I needed to complete my collection, some Caca Rouge henna hair dye from LUSH, "Daisy" perfume by Marc Jacobs, and some awesome rose-mint lip balm. So excited to read all of these books and use my pretty nail polish and UGH yes.
Cried
Went for a run
Listened to The Airborne Toxic Event and relived last night
Listened to Sing the Body and brainstormed ways to do covers
Wished I could sing harmonies with myself
Ate unhealthily (Breakfast - Venti Coconut latté and a reduced fat breakfast sandwich, Lunch- BLT on toasted wheat bread with ceasar salad, Dinner - Broccoli dip)
Wrote Ashley a letter (to be mailed on Monday!)
Worked
Worked
Worked
Got asked by a customer at work if I "ever had a day off" because they "see me there all the time"
Watched Crazy, Stupid, Love
Yearned for a relationship
Suffered from rock fever
Avoided homework
Acknowledged that I'd be up forever tomorrow night finishing said homework
Cursed my physics teacher
Cleaned my room and purged my clothes
Browsed online.
Checked the shipping status of things I'm waiting for.
Got increasingly annoyed with all the politics in the news
Calculated the cost of colleges I'm applying to
Momentarily got more depressed than usual
Made this list
Goodnight, tumblr.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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"Into a strange room you must empty yourself for sleep. And before you are emptied for sleep, what are you. And when you are emptied for sleep, you are not. And when you are filled with sleep, you never were. I dont know what I am. I dont know if I am or not. Jewel knows he is, because he does not know that he does not know whether he is or not. He cannot empty himself for sleep because he is not what he is and he is what he is not. Beyond the unlamped wall I can hear the rain shaping the wagon that is ours, the load that is no longer theirs that felled and sawed it nor yet theirs that bought it and which is not ours either, lie on our wagon though it does, since only the wind and the rain shape it only to Jewel and me, that are not asleep. And since sleep is is-not and rain and wind are was, it is not. Yet the wagon is, because when the wagon is was, Addie Bundren will not be. And Jewel is, so Addie Bundren must be. And then I must be, or I could not empty myself for sleep in a strange room. And so if I am not emptied yet, I am is.
How often have I lain beneath rain of a strange roof, thinking of home."
-Darl Bundren
Currently in my American Lit class, we're reading William Faulkner's As I Lay Dying. Not gonna lie - when we first started it I thought I was going to despise it, but since then I've done a complete 180. Not only am I enjoying the book, but I can't put it down. I've even read ahead of what we've been assigned. Anyway, I've completely fell in love with Darl. He's so lost and captivating and he has this crazy intuition thing going on, I just completely relate with him, so I wanted to share some of my notes on one of the most profound passages in the book so far.
"empty yourself of consciousness to sleep. but consciousness is YOU, you are not you when you sleep."
"you are your consciousness, separation of mind and body"
"overthinking --> Darl struggles to empty himself of thoughts"
"I exist through and in other peoples consciousness"
"like Jewel exists through Darls consciousness"
"Darl doesn't exist in Addies conscience, therefore according to Darls definition of existence, Darl DOES NOT EXIST"
"to be or not to be. All people share the same thoughts. Hamlet vs. Darl, Rich vs. Poor"
"Faulkners way of saying WE ARE GREATER THAN THE SUM OF OUR PARTS"
Sorry I had to make the contrast in the photos so great, my scanner is a piece of shit and I wanted you to be able to see my annotations. Anyway, I doubt you'll be able to gather some of this stuff on your own reading, because I didn't understand any of this until we discussed it in class, but it is life-changing. I highly recommend it.
I'm only about 90 pages into the book, so I'll keep you all updated. Wow. Okay. I need to go do homework.
I got my Hawai'i All State Marching Band hoodie in the mail today. Oh my god I miss the bus trips so much and I just want to go back, my God. They designed to logo specifically for the 2011 marching band and these were all special ordered between November and December and omg I feel so proud it's ridiculous.
Also, you can't see it in this picture, but it has all the places we toured - D.C., Philadelphia, and NYC. It also says "Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade 2011 Tour". Maybe I should post a better picture, but anyway, it was only like $25 and it's something I'll keep for foreeevvver.
