i can't even begin to be articulate about it right now but the way in the last scene tanrak is hiding from barth because he (and by extension the audience) knows he has been found out only for barth to turn around and reveal just how much he's also suffering and scared and struggling with his 'you know everything, don't you? [...] that i'm not god's favourite son.' and the way he sounds like he's almost on the verge of tears when he says that he likes men, and that he likes tanrak, and the way, after he kisses tanrak, he asks 'are you mad at me?' of all things..... like he's just a boy. sent away by his own father because he likes boys. abandoned and lonely and frightened. feeling like he's let down his Father too.... bartholomew you have ruined me so profoundly

The thing that drives me crazy this ep is that Barth knows. He knows. But he can't trust what he knows. Is he seeing something that isn't there, just because he wants it to be? If it is there, is Tanrak aware of it? Would he admit it? Would he act on it? How would he respond to Barth acting on it? Is Tanrak a safe person to know his secret? Is he keeping a secret of his own? He's testing Tanrak the entire ep, trying to confirm what he already knows, and more besides. He's touching him every chance he gets. He's constantly seeking him out. He's looking for reassurance every time he talks to him. Tanrak are you mad at me? Tanrak are we friends? Tanrak please talk to me. Tanrak you can tell me anything. Until he finally says the words: Tanrak I like you. Tanrak's quiet gay panic and his seething, miserable jealousy might be the headline of this ep, but Barth's persistence is the consistent background hum.

the perverts on my blog understand my vision

Someone pointed out that they finally have Godji playing a character that is undoubtedly trans and who has known Niran since they were kids and there are photos and flashbacks and such that don't shy away from the fact that Fei IS TRANS and isn't that beautiful?

i love polyamory i love aromanticism i love QPRs i love communal child rearing let’s all get weirder forever