༺♰༻

i would love it to be either chigiri or sae and they have a lovely partner (us) who is suffering from a frail heart, we are dying slowly and they know it too. they do everything they can and yet we still died, they aren't really good at grief since they never experienced it before so they just turn into a depressive state and eventually.. offs themselves.

Both died; only one stopped breathing.

sae itoshi x reader , genre: angst , warning: contains suicide, mental health issues, and death. , ooc

synopsis: sae Itoshi, a professional soccer player, is deeply affected by the loss of his girlfriend. overwhelmed by grief, he succumbs to the darkness and takes his own life.

Sae had always hated hospitals.

Not because they were loud—they were painfully quiet. Quiet in the way that made every heartbeat monitor sound like a countdown. Quiet in the way nurses avoided eye contact when they recognized him from television, then looked at you with pity instead.

˖Ი𐑼⋆ cute, cute, very cute | ft. itoshi sae

itoshi sae, whose girlfriend loves him loudly.

not in the embarrassing way. not in the clingy, overbearing way people always assume when they see you wrapped around him with your cheek pressed into his shoulder while he scrolls through his phone.

just openly.

like loving him is the easiest thing you’ve ever done.

at the beginning of your relationship, you used to ask before every touch.

“can i hold your hand?”

“is this okay?”

“do you want space?”

sae remembers the first time you asked if you could hug him.

you stood outside your apartment after your third date, fingers hooked behind your back, swaying slightly on your heels while looking at him with careful eyes.

not nervous.

considerate.

like you were trying to learn the shape of him before touching anything fragile.

“you can say no,” you told him quickly. “i just like hugging you.”

sae stared at you for a second. then said yes.

and you hugged him like it meant something.

not casually. not absentmindedly.

you wrapped your arms around him with this quiet sort of sincerity that made his chest feel oddly tight.

he remembers standing there thinking:

oh.

so this is what it feels like to be wanted gently.

months later, you’re practically melted across him on the couch while he rewatches match footage.

one of your legs thrown over his lap. your cheek against his shoulder. fingers playing lazily with the ends of his hair while he scrolls through clips on his tablet.

“you’re staring again,” he says without looking away from the screen.

“i know.”

“why.”

you hum thoughtfully, like this requires genuine analysis.

“i like your face.”

“that’s vague.”

“okay,” you murmur, shifting slightly so you can look at him properly. “you also have very delicate eyelashes.”

“. . .”

“they look soft.”

“they are eyelashes.”

“mhm. pretty ones." your thumb smooths against his temple. “they curl at the ends when you’re tired.”

sae finally glances at you then.

you’re looking at him with unbearable fondness. soft-eyed and completely serious.

like this is important information.

you smile a little when he looks back. “there you are.”

“what does that mean.”

“you disappear into your head sometimes.” another gentle stroke through his hair. “i like when you come back.”

something in his chest shifts quietly at that.

you always notice things.

small things.

the difference between his exhausted silences and his irritated ones. the way his shoulders loosen after a shower. how he taps his fingers against his leg when he’s thinking too hard about something.

you notice all of it like memorising him is instinctive.

and somehow, instead of making him feel watched, it only makes him feel known.

you’re always touching him when you’re alone together.

your hand in his hair. your face pressed into his neck. your fingers tracing slow shapes against his arm while you talk to him about whatever strange thought has crossed your mind that night.

you ask him questions at one in the morning while half asleep against his chest.

“do you think people stay the same forever underneath everything, or do they become entirely different versions of themselves every few years?”

or,

“if soccer never existed, what kind of person do you think you would’ve become?”

sometimes the conversations last for hours. sometimes they fade naturally into silence while your fingertips drift absentmindedly against his skin.

sae likes both equally.

especially because you never seem uncomfortable with quiet. you just like being near him.

and you love him so visibly.

that’s probably the part that unsettled him most in the beginning.

you never acted embarrassed by how much you adored him.

you looked happy when he walked into a room.

your entire face softened whenever you looked at him for too long.

you called him cute constantly, which had genuinely annoyed him at first.

the first time you said it, he thought you were joking.

“you’re cute when you’re irritated,” you told him one evening while he stared at you flatly from across the kitchen.

“that’s not a compliment.”

“to you maybe,” you’d replied easily.

the problem was that you always sounded so sincere.

you never called him handsome or hot. never used the kind of compliments he was used to hearing from other people.

only cute.

but when you said it, it sounded strangely precious. like you were calling attention to parts of him nobody else noticed.

sae gets home late most nights.

between training, media appearances, travel, and sponsorship obligations, exhaustion settles deep into his bones more often than not. there are days where he barely feels like speaking by the time he reaches the apartment.

and then he opens the front door.

there’s usually about two seconds of silence before he hears your voice from somewhere inside.

“sae?”

then the sound of quick footsteps.

the first time you slid around the hallway corner in socks, you nearly slammed directly into the wall trying to get to him faster. now he expects it.

“you’re going to hurt yourself one day,” he says automatically as you hurry toward him.

“probably,” you admit easily before wrapping your arms around his waist anyway.

you always hug him immediately after he gets home. like you’ve been waiting to do it all day.

your cheek presses against his chest while you mumble a quiet, “welcome home.”

it does something strange to him every time.

because nobody has ever said those words to him like they truly meant it.

like home was a person instead of a place.

his hand settles instinctively at the back of your head. “were you waiting long?”

“not really.”

he knows that’s a lie immediately.

there’s a blanket tangled on the couch and a book lying open beside it. one of the lamps is still on. you probably fell asleep trying to wait for him again.

when he points it out, you only shrug sheepishly.

“i wanted to see you first.”

you always say things like that so simply.

never expecting anything in return.

never making him feel guilty for being busy.

you have your own life. your own friends and routines and responsibilities. but somehow you still make space for him so naturally that being loved by you never feels heavy.

there are nights where you climb directly into his lap halfway through a conversation and bury your face into his shoulder without warning.

“hi,” you mumble against his neck.

“. . . hi?”

“pick me up.”

“you’re already on top of me.”

“properly.”

he sighs like you’re inconveniencing him, but his hands are already moving to your waist before he even finishes speaking.

you grin victoriously when he stands with you clinging to him like a koala.

“you’re needy.”

“and you adore me," you tell him with complete certainty.

sae looks at you for a long moment before answering.

“. . . obviously.”

your expression softens every single time he says things like that, no matter how casually.

like part of you still can’t fully believe he means it.

truthfully, sae doesn’t think he fully understands it either sometimes.

that someone can know him this well and still love him this gently.

sometimes he comes home and finds you asleep on the couch waiting for him.

those nights affect him more than he likes admitting.

he’ll walk into the apartment quietly and see you curled beneath a blanket with a book slipping from your lap, glasses slightly crooked from sleep while the lamp beside you casts warm light across your face.

you always try so hard to stay awake for him.

and always fail eventually.

he stands there for a moment just looking at you before setting his bag down.

“baby,” he murmurs softly.

you wake slowly every time, blinking at him with sleepy confusion before your entire expression changes the second you recognise him.

“sae . . .”

your voice is rough with sleep.

warm.

you sit up right away despite still looking half unconscious, reaching for him on instinct alone.

“you’re home,” you mumble, like you’d been thinking about that fact all evening.

he leans down automatically when your hands cup his face.

you stare at him for a second, eyes heavy-lidded as you look over his features carefully, thumbs brushing beneath his eyes.

“you look tired,” you whisper.

“long day.”

a small frown appears on your face for exactly two seconds before you lean forward and press a soft kiss to his forehead.

then another to his cheek.

then one to the corner of his mouth.

and then suddenly you’re kissing him everywhere with sleepy determination. gentle little kisses scattered across his face while your fingers slide into his hair.

his jaw.

his cheekbone.

the bridge of his nose.

back to his jaw again because you seem particularly attached to kissing him there.

“missed you,” you mumble between soft kisses.

sae’s hands settle around your waist as he lets you pull him closer. “you should’ve gone to bed.”

“i wanted to wait for you.”

“you fell asleep.”

“emotionally i was awake.”

he stares at you for a second while you smile sleepily against his face.

“. . . that doesn’t make any sense.”

“it does to me.”

you only continue kissing him afterward, warm and sleepy and impossibly affectionate while your fingers slide through his hair.

“you’re very clingy when you’re tired,” he murmurs quietly.

“mhm.” you admit. then you look at him carefully again, your expression softening almost painfully. “and you’re very cute when you’re tired.”

“there it is again.”

you hum sleepily against his face, smiling a little when his fingers slide beneath the blanket pooled around your legs.

“can’t help it,” you mumble. “you come home looking all worn out and pretty.”

sae gives you a look at that. “pretty?”

“very.” your thumb brushes slowly beneath his eye. “especially right now.”

your expression softens even further the longer you look at him.

it always does.

like every time you see him after being apart for a while, you still need a second to process that he’s actually there.

it used to make him uncomfortable.

now he thinks he’d notice immediately if you ever stopped.

you suddenly narrow your eyes slightly, head tilting as you study him with sleepy seriousness. “did you eat properly today?”

“yes.”

“protein and everything?”

“. . . yes.”

“good.” a tiny approving nod before you kiss his cheek again. “good boy.”

sae actually blinks.

slowly.

you don’t even realise what you’ve said at first because you’re too busy smoothing his hair back from his forehead.

then your eyes widen slightly.

“oh my god,” you groan. “pretend i didn’t say that.”

he stares at you flatly. “that’s difficult.”

you bury your face into his shoulder immediately, muffling a horrified laugh. “i didn’t mean to say that out loud.”

“. . . right.”

“that was supposed to stay in my head.”

“you have concerning thoughts.”

“you’re literally sitting here letting me kiss you forty times in a row.”

“that’s unrelated.”

you laugh into his shoulder while he feels your face heating against his neck.

the worst part was that he could tell from the immediate horror on your face that it had genuinely slipped out by accident.

you peek up at him eventually, smiling sheepishly.

“you secretly liked it.”

sae doesn’t answer straight away.

because the annoying thing is ─ you’re right again.

he likes your hands in his hair.

likes the way your face lights up when he walks through the door.

likes being loved by someone who never makes him question it.

your fingers drift lazily along the back of his neck while your eyelids begin drooping again.

“sorry,” you mumble suddenly. “i know you’re probably exhausted.”

“i’m fine.”

“still.” your gaze flickers over his face carefully. “you work so hard.”

something in his chest twists quietly at the softness in your voice.

you say things so gently sometimes it catches him completely off guard.

before he can respond, you lean in again and press three tiny kisses to his jaw in quick succession.

it was affectionate enough to make his chest ache with it.

“cute,” you whisper against his skin.

another kiss.

“cute.”

another.

“very cute.”

sae exhales quietly through his nose while you smile against him. “you’re obsessed with me.”

“why wouldn't i be?”

sae looks at you for a long second after that.

then he finally sits properly beside you, letting you curl against his chest beneath the blanket. the moment he settles, you tuck yourself into him with a sleepy sigh, arms wrapping loosely around his middle.

comfortable. instinctive.

like your body already knows exactly where it belongs.

“there,” you mumble contently. “better.”

his hand moves instinctively to the back of your head, fingers threading through your hair carefully as you tug lightly on his sleeve.

“sorry again,” you mumble drowsily. “you want quiet after practice.”

sae’s hand moves to the back of your head automatically, smoothing your hair down.

“this is quiet.”

you smile against him at that.

a few minutes later your breathing evens out again, sleep finally pulling you under for real this time.

the room falls quiet for a while.

just the soft sound of your breathing and the occasional sleepy kiss you press against whatever part of him is closest.

but right before you drift off completely, sae hears one last sleepy mumble against his shoulder.

“pretty cute . . .”

and despite himself, despite everything ─

his mouth curves slightly into your hair.

a/n (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧ based on this lovely request.

݁ ꒰No Angel — bllk boys x bratty!reader texts꒱ ⸝⸝ .ᐟ .

starring — Michael Kaiser, Bunny Iglesias, Vivien Hugo, Sae Itoshi content + warnings — smau. suggestive. reader is ragebaiting them basically. hugo slander (i still love you baba im sorry). this is givin...yn x ceo a little bit...but its okay, right? an — this was requested! (and twice lol)! my twin jurisnow made a bratty reader smau first, so go check it out if u like this typa stuff!

DON’T BE SOBER — i . sae : he only loves when he’s drunk .

being with sae isn’t loud, it isn’t obvious. there’s no soft glances across rooms, no accidental but casual touches. if anything, it’s quiet to the point of doubt. he doesn’t say much. not about you, not about this. he says i love you but only during arguments, he mentions you in camera but never gives out details, he lays in the same bed as you but he never holds you. it wasn’t that he needed this to stay private, his love was more than private, enough to make you question why you were with him in the first place.

you sit beside him, walk beside him, exist next to him—and it’s real, you know it is. but it never feels like something he shows. not in the way you thought it would be. no random affection, no easy “i love you,” no reaching for your hand just because he can. sometimes, you catch yourself wondering if you made it all up.

but then there are the small things. he always notices when you’re tired, even when you try to hide it. his hand lingers for a second when he passes you something, like he almost forgets to let go. he listens—really listens. even if he doesn’t respond the way you want.

but it’s not enough. because love like this feels fake.

“do you even love me?” you asked in a joking manner, but the way you fiddled with your fingers showed fear and seriousness.

but he only looked at you like the question didn’t make sense, “i’m with you, aren’t i?” and that was that. no elaboration, no reassurance, but a fact stated simply, like it should answer everything.

you learn to live in the in-between of everything in your relationships, the uncertainty of it all while hoping for the best every night.

but doubt disappears when there’s nights like this.

sae doesn’t even drink much. it’s never enough to excuse anything, never enough to blame it on being completely out of it, but it’s just enough to loosen him. just enough to make him different.

you notice it in the way he looks at you first, it’s subtle, but it hits you immediately. his gaze lingers like he’s actually letting himself see you without pulling back.

“what?” you ask, a little guarded.

he steps closer, throwing you off. sae doesn’t close distance like this. not without reason, not without purpose. he’s always been careful with space, with boundaries, but now, he’s right there.

“you’re here,” he says quietly, like it’s something he just realized

you blink at him. “yeah…?”

his hand finds yours before you can react. not brushing, not accidental—he holds it.

your breath catches “sae,” you start, “what are you—”

“mh. shut up.. come closer,” he interrupts. it’s not a command but a request.

he pulls you a little closer, his grip not harsh but insistent. his other hand comes up to your sleeve, fingers curling into the fabric like he doesn’t trust himself not to lose you.

this isn’t him, or maybe it is. it’s just not the version of him you’re used to

“you’re always leaving,” he murmurs

you frown. “i’m not—”

“you probably want to though.” you still at his words.

he’s looking at you in a way that makes it hard to breathe. open, unguarded, like every wall he keeps up is just gone.

“..don’t leave me..” he adds, quieter this time.

you don’t know what to say to that. he leans in, resting his forehead against yours like it’s something he’s done a hundred times before. like this is normal for him. like loving you is something he knows how to do.

his fingers tighten slightly around yours “so.. stay.” he repeats, softer,

and you stay, because this is everything you’ve been waiting for without realizing it.

he’s close the entire time after that. he doesn’t let go of you, doesn’t move away. if anything, he gets closer, like he’s trying to make up for every inch of distance he’s ever kept. he talks more, not a lot, but enough. small things, quiet things, things he’d never usually say. and every single one of them feels like proof that this is real. that somewhere beneath all that restraint, he feels just as much as you do.

it’s overwhelming in the best way, and you let yourself have it. you let yourself lean into him, let yourself believe that this is who he really is, that this is what loving him is supposed to feel like.

you let yourself forget what comes after, because morning always comes. and when it does, he’s gone again.

his hand isn’t in yours anymore. there’s space between you again, careful and deliberate like it always is. when you look at him, he doesn’t hold your gaze for long like last night never happened, like that version of him never existed. you stare at him for a second too long.

“what?” he asks

just one word, neutral, unreadable, yet it hurts more than it should. “…nothing,” you say.

he just nods, accepting it easily. and just like that, you’re back where you started, standing beside your boyfriend and feeling like you’re the only one in love.

it was probably bad to wish that your boyfriend would no longer stay sober, but you catch hoping that he’d call you, asking you to pick him up cause he’s drunk. because sae can love you, he just doesn’t know how.