share your last piece of gum

the final rule of chess is that u can make the pieces kiss

but you need several mushrooms to make a pizza, right? what happens if, somehow, you manage to eat the whole pizza?

Hm... Maybe I’a outta test this out myself! Just a moment!

I’a got my head stuck in the ceiling.

linguists be like “wow this blew up here’s my soundcloud” and drop their entire phonology dissertation

I understand why banshees just drift around sobbing and screaming inconsolably at all times, I get it now

nikola tesla was like “you will live to see man made horrors beyond your comprehension” yeah dude and they’ll prolly be branded with your last name. how does that make you feel

Every day my joints are shocked and disgusted that I would use them for their intended purpose.

u ever look at girls and think how the fuck u that pretty

Me in the span of approximately two seconds

You want my phone number? It’s useless. The best way to contact me is to fill a human skull with acorns and vigorously shake it into the night. I will hear you eventually.