terminally chill

at da club

The year is 2022. You and your gang shoot down Amazon delivery drones and sell their contents for a living.

Is this a prompt or a prophesy

Its an instruction

being vegan is so emotionally draining like i can’t even look at someone drinking a milkshake without wanting to cry this is ridiculous if your ‘food’ makes me emotionally distressed that might be a sign that it’s not good 

i have been sitting in this burger king for 4 hours

they don’t come to take your order you have to go to the counter

just learned that my “pupil” is a muscle and that means that fact about your eyes dialiting when you see someone you like actually means that you’re subconsciously and uncontrollablely flexing at your crushes whenever you’re seeing them

Kind of like a butthole!

thanks

shoutout to my coworker for thinking that “illuminati” and “alumnae” meant the same thing and absolutely destroying everyone in the room when he casually dropped the sentence “i get a discount there because i’m an illuminati” into the conversation

lets have phone sex over walkie talkies

“bend over” “bend what? over”

why is this a screenshot

The original post will kill if you look at it directly

“I was in Wisconsin and 12 when Princess Diana and her lover Dodi Al-Fayed were killed in Paris. You can feel the T.V., it’s warm.”

Sometimes it blows my mind that there are people that don’t wear glasses/contacts. Like they can literally see with no aid. Like they wake up and just be out here seeing. What a wild concept.

And people say stuff like ‘lol don’t you hate it when you look up in the middle of the night and see a spider on your ceiling’ like bitch (!!) i could have Nicholas II last czar of Russia hangin from my ceiling fan and i would be none the wiser