I'll never look like those girls, the beautiful ones with the perfect bodies. The ones that are so tiny their boyfriends can actually pick them up. The ones that even without makeup are stunning........ but even if I did, I don't think that could make me love myself...because it's what's inside that I hate. I hate my obnoxious personality and my stupid laugh. I hate my inappropriate sense of humor that no one understands. I hate feeling constantly judged. I hate being the outcast everywhere I go. I hate having to act like I'm this prim and proper young lady when all I want to do is tell everyone to fuck off. I hate that I'm on this earth, when it's so clear I don't belong here. I fall into these deep funks where I can't get out of bed for days or even see anyone, and then when I get my groove back and I'm working everyday things seem to get better; temporarily. And then the darkness finds its way back to me. It always does. Because there's no escaping it. I long for peace. Peace in my head. I long for companionship. Someone to share my struggles with, someone to care. I fear that I will never find happiness. That my life will always be an endless struggle, swimming against the current of my own mind forever.