lo-lee-ta

Reading Lolita is like "Hi my name is Humbert Humbert and I have soft dark hair and a gloomy but all the more seductive cast of demeanor and a lot of people tell me I look like some crooner or actor chap a nymphet might have a crush on (AN: if u don’t know what that is get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to Edgar Allan Poe but I wish I was because he’s an icon. I have muscular hands, broad shoulders and a clean-cut jaw. I’m a European academic but I live in Ramsdale because my uncle died and I inherited his perfume business (I’m once-divorced). I’m a man of exceptional virility (in case you couldn’t tell) and I have the best taste. I hate all women because they’re ugly and they all want me. I was walking along the streets with my deep sonorous voice and my gloomy good looks. It was sunny so there were nymphets running around, which I was very happy about. A lot of old hags started at me. If I wasn’t such a great guy with impeccable manners I would have put up my middle finger at them."