wish you'd cry

to say that skyler was a bit of a neurotic leader was something of an understatement, as much as he'd try to ignore it. over the years he's gotten to know the other wonder members better—as well as getting more and more used to being in the media, being in a huge company—he'd began to do as much in his power to be the group's shield, to be able to handle the blows they shouldn't have to or any issues that could come from any higher-ups they need to listen to or so-called gossip 'reporters'.

tonight's enemy however… was multiple suitcases between five men, and making sure they all made it from seoul to los angeles in one piece.

"gyu," skyler waves the younger man over with his hand, proudly showcasing the detailed list neatly written out on his ipad. "i think... i've finally came up with the perfect packing list. i'm going to send over a copy to you, and everyone else, alright?"

gone be the days of someone leaving behind their very specific charger for a handheld game console, or—even worse, expensive jewelry given to them as a brand deal gift. he was determined to minimize any incidents that could happen to them during this trip, especially since it was technically a work trip and not an actual vacation. regardless, he was excited to head to the states anyway; there weren't many often opportunities to head back to home with their schedules, so events in north america were the closest he could get sometimes.

his eyes fall back onto wonder’s hardworking leader when he hears the sound of his nickname, mostly prepared and ready. hyeongyu blinks, nodding as he takes his phone from the depths of his stack of pillows, waiting for that sound of a ping signifying skyler’s message. “okaaaaay,” he says obediently, enunciating the single syllable with a slight tilt to his tone.

“i know there’s that aquarium, but for once, i kinda wanna do something different… like, an la only activity.” he muses as he scrambles to get up, scrolling through his recent browser history to check his references. “how far is the walk of fame from our hotel? do you think we can make that trip, hyung?” he questions, hope glimmering in his eyes.

“also, can we bring some beef jerky back home with us? if they’re good, i wanna stock up!” he grins, imagining the taste of the snack on his tongue already — that’s not good, he should come back down to reality. “actually, food should be top priority! what are your recommendations?”

as he breeze down the exhibition aisle, making notes of how there were a couple of signature on the wall from those who had visited, he takes the marker given by the staff and signs his own autograph on it as well at the designated spot. the signature comes off as big as he could sign, earning him a laugh at his own antics and it's also signed on top where his height had an advantage for.

once he's done, he continues strolling down the exhibition until he finds himself by the ones displaying hiraeth and takes his time appreciating it. as he almost finds himself sinking into it, an unfamiliar voice greeting him snaps his attention to the caller, coming to face a face he isn't personally familiar with but have seen on screen every now and then.

it's clear that the man is filled with excitement, or that he had rather have a very excitable personality which contrast heavily to junseo's more calming demeanor. the mentions of hiraeth's old predebut content almost brings a burn to his ears but it ignites with warmth under a completely different reason of being told that he's someone the idol look up to. there's a tiny bit of swell in his heart; his heartstrings pulled even but he does not verbalize it and lets the reaction of his body 'fail' him.

finally recovering the postcard — one of junseo’s face, might he add — he unearths the item from his bag and lets it breathe, allowing the other boy to witness it in all its glory. hyeongyu pauses when he hears his name tumble out of junseo’s lips though, blinking a few times as if to confirm he is still in the same realm of reality as is. “you know who i am?” hyeongyu questions, slowly drawling out every syllable, like he’s struggling to confirm what he’s hearing. “y-yes!” he nods after the surprise has worn off. “that’s me. i’m hyeongyu — or hyeon — from wonder.”

who would have thought the man he watched on tv would recognize him? “wow… i can’t believe you actually know me.” perhaps hyeongyu should have more confidence in himself after all. he’s making a name for himself, little-by-little. hard work pays off and whatnot.

“oh, right — my postcard!” hyeongyu reminds himself, he shouldn’t be dilly-dallying and wasting junseo’s precious time like this. he grabs a marker that he used for the autograph wall earlier, then hands both the postcard and the marker to junseo. “could i bother you for an autograph? and… if you allow special requests… can you write down your infamous winning speech?”

kageya's unbound by the constraint of jetlag thanks to the sheer amount of excitement coursing through his veins. given it was practically his first time properly in the states, he'd been a bundle of nerves and energy unable to sit still, from the dorm the night before, to the airport, and even the plane. it was only when he reached his shared room with hyeongyu that he had fallen back onto the bed and finally breathed deep.

like life with kageya always, the quiet doesn't last long. he turns to the maknae with a beaming smile, all the while stretching almost like a cat. his shirt rides up with the action and exposes a sliver of tanned skin; it also earns a quiet groan alongside it, thanks to the soreness of his everything from travel. the sunlight trickles in with the crack in polyester curtain. if kageya was doing the math correct, it was probably around eleven or so in the morning, given the time difference — a cool 3am back in korea.

"what're we gonna do first?" the older hums with a voice sing-songy around korean syllables. "i've read that there's a really cool aquarium around here, if you wanna see it. there's the pier, too, and obviously the walk of fame, and all of that, and hanson recommended some really good restaurants and museums and shops, there's apparently a little tokyo.." he prattles off, gaze shifting on occasion between the ceiling, the blue-sky view out the window, and hyeongyu's endearing side profile.

secretly, he's grateful he's been assigned the xroom with their group's maknae — there's something in his presence that's grounding; it always had been. when they had worked on choreographies together, he'd always been the one to reign kageya back in when it all seemed too overwhelming. if anything, he'd behaved more like a hyung than kage had to him in the moment. ever since, he'd felt fiercely protective. that, and like he owed him the world.

it was extra helpful now, when nerves about running into a certain someone had left kageya particularly wired.

every bit of rehearsal and practice he went through had basically taken over the depths of his bones when they check into the hotel, unceremoniously dropping his entire body into the soft mattress of the bed — allowing the object to just engulf him for the moment. hyeongyu takes a deep breath, shifting around on top of the white fabric with a muffled huff. he remembers the company he’s with though, finally peeking up at the older boy with a smile — looks like they both needed the quick respite before continuing on with their plans.

“it’s such a shame we barely have any time to look around!” hyeongyu expresses with a pout, never one to hide his thoughts when it’s just the two of them. “we have to fly back to korea for promotions, like, right after kcon… so i doubt we can check everything out.” finishing his sentence with a childish whine, hyeongyu kicks himself upwards and sits at the edge of the bed, digging through his pockets for his phone and bringing forth his checklist.

“i do wanna see the aquarium, but i’ve been to a lot of aquariums back home… we should probably go somewhere that we can only find here, right?” as much as he’d regret skipping out on the aquatic life of los angeles, they have to be smart about their itinerary; some things must be sacrificed. “we should totally go to hanson’s restaurant recommendations though! does he not wanna come along? i mean, i’m more than happy to just check them out with you, obviously!” hyeongyu stresses. “if they’re no good, we’ll give him a one-star yelp review and ask him to reimburse you,” he laughs.

“let’s mark down the walk of fame as one of our destinations! that’s definitely something we shouldn’t miss,” hyeongyu suggests, blinking down as his phone as he weighs the pros and cons of each attraction.

if he had to be honest, he was pretty stoked for riiot's future schedule and that wasn't just because of kcon la and also preparations for their comeback, but also with lynk con here in korea! besides interactions with the riiders and performing with his members, he was excited to interact with other idols! especially if it came to idols who he wanted to know more about.

he does have to run some quick little errands before the day of the con, however. though it wasn't as boring as he thought it'd be! he was having fun just exploring and looking around the exhibition with a camera following him. internally, he thinks it's a bit funny that he has to speak his thoughts aloud as he walks by. he wonders what kind of view the fans would get when they open this up on the lynk app. he's glad he was styled for this, though he was never really insecure of his own fashion style to begin with. he just knew that his stylists knew how to make him look like good eye candy for content.

when being told they were approaching the end of the schedule and that all he needed to do now was just sign on the autograph wall, he smiles and bows politely at the staff for being so patient and accomadating. he's a bit relieved that after this, he can go back to the dorm and.... probably play some video games before preparing for the big day starting tomorrow!!!

he takes one more look at the memory wall, eyes searching for three groups: rush, riiot, and wonder. when his eyes spot the seniors that inspired him to audition for dsn, he feels a sense of pride bloom in his chest from how far he's gotten. perhaps, in the future, he'll be able to cover a song from them with his members onstage. when he spots their debut picture, he can't help but chuckle to himself at the sight. they looked so... young at the time. and he's sure that the older he gets, he'll look at photos of him at twenty-one and feel the same sentiment. when he finds the picture of wonder, he looks at each of the members who smile so brightly... his eyes lingering on one smile in particular...

he gets out of his thoughts when called out by the staff, to which he rushes over to the other side where the autograph wall is. he lets out a silent "whoaaa" at all the signatures that are on the walls already before he mentally tells himself to lock in. the quicker he gets through this, the more time he has to spend on his nintendo switch!

he grabs a permanent marker that the exhibit staff were offering to the other idols who were here today and looks around to try and find a blank spot on the wall... when his eyes land on a familiar head shape. yes, not hair color... head shape. and as he's compelled to shout out a "hey, gyu-hyung!" out loud to him, he notices that the other was holding a notebook while in front of the wall. it confuses him, at first... but then... when he gets closer, he can't help but smile in amusement.

carrying the weight of a set of hiraeth photocards in his bag, he walks through the neatly-arranged displays of each group with a giant smile on his face. he remembers to take out his phone and snap a few pictures, both of the surroundings and a couple of selfies that he can submit to his manager. technically, hyeongyu is already being followed around by staff and recorded for the promotional content — but fans would never say no to something a little bit more personal.

hyeongyu spots his younger self, all starry-eyed and hopeful for the future, hiding the eye bags he’s sporting under layers of concealers the make-up artists expertly painted over his skin. the darker days accumulated with every bit of hard work he and the rest of wonder put in, culminating in their long-awaited debut date. what a journey it had been, despite the sacrifices he made behind the scenes — the things that younite will never be able to see. they can’t; they’re not allowed to.

the trip through nostalgia lane ends on a rather somber note when he remembers what he let go of on the path of being an idol. it’s time for a brain reset, hyeongyu chastises himself, heading over to the autograph wall instead and picking up a marker. “i should write a small message, right…?” he questions into the air, lips pursed as he ponders over his predicament and decisions.

rummaging through his bag, he pulls out a mini notebook and flips it open, turning to a blank page to practice. it doesn’t take long for a familiar voice to chime in though, breaking hyeongyu’s concentration.

“hanson?” hyeongyu peeks out from the pages of his chicken scratch to look at the other boy. when he finally register’s hanson’s comment though, he only pouts. “don’t make fun of me, do you know how often younite tease me for my bad handwriting?” that doesn’t really help his case, but it is what it is.

it was basically second nature to chaeri at this point, walking through the familiar walls of kh on her way back to the studio room she was currently using to work on some songs, a sweetened iced latte in hand that she had picked up as a much-needed sugar break. bowing or nodding her head in greeting to those she passed, a pleasant smile on her face each time, she re-takes the path she had long grown used to, passing by multiple doors and a stairwell exit along the way - until she smells something while passing by.

the scent--or rather, the stench--makes her stop in her tracks and she tilts her head at the exit door, wondering if she should follow her instincts or not. experience tells her it's obviously someone smoking which isn't something out of the ordinary, and her principles remind herself that it's definitely not something she'd bother sticking her nose into when it doesn't concern her (as far as she knows, anyways).

yet something keeps her rooted in that spot, staring at the door like it was telling her to just check; see if really was nothing for her to be concerned about.

with a sigh, chaeri uses her free hand to grab the door handle and after a moment of decision, pushes it open-- only to see it really is someone she knows; a junior she's become quite fond of over time, to the point that she might as well adopt him as her own. "hyeongyu?" she asks first, surprised to see the younger here. then, her eyes flick down to the thin object held between his fingers before widening. returning her gaze to the other, she arches a brow next as all the pieces fall into place and gives him a disbelieving look. "are you seriously smoking?"

other days, he stuffs his lanky body into the supplies closet of the kh entertainment building, cigarette between his lips as he inhales the smoke of his own demise — consequences creeping up at him in little doses. hyeongyu has no excuse; call it a spark of immaturity amongst in his awfully tight-knit image. the smell of bleach and disinfectants does little to conceal his crime, but the disorganized display of cleaning tools provide a sort of comfort he can't seem to find in the confines of his own dorm. he shouldn't stay, but he's procrastinating his inevitable exit — until all too suddenly, it's much too late.

the door hiding his transgression swings open, and while his reflex quickly pulls the cigarette out of his mouth, it's still visible between his fingers.

"noona...!" hyeongyu exclaims in a hushed tone, blinking blankly, unprepared for this exact situation. there's no defending himself — hyeongyu had been caught red-handed just like that. "oh, this, this is — well, yeah, it's exactly what it looks like."

it almost feels like a trick – like someone had snuck into the headquarters of the planning team, and made it so that wooju would be paired with none other than hyeongyu. their history together isn't completely unknown to the public; they'd gone to the same middle and high school, and for those that truly followed the idols, it wouldn't be too hard to find anecdotes or photos of the both of them together from back then ( though wooju had tried hard, years ago, to bury that memory ).

looking at hyeongyu back then was like looking at the sun, bright smile and warm personality, engulfing wooju into a tight hug. but now – now, looking at hyeongyu felt as though he was being burnt by the very thing that was supposed to be his solace. and the fact was that wooju would allow himself to burned by hyeongyu over and over again if kept within close proximity.

memories of their brief encounter on wooju's couch flood his mind. what was supposed to be a harmless ( mostly ) catch up between friends turned into something devious. and then again in his bed, a few nights later and then again – he sighs. his lips feel dry, being close to your ex does that, he guesses.

he'd thought that the answer to this was distance, that as long as he kept an emotional distance from hyeongyu that his heart would learn to settle again, the way it had been settling during the years they were apart. not forcefully, but because hyeongyu had asked for it, begged even in wooju's memory, to end things.

that of course, turned out to be the wrong answer – just like with everything else wooju had done in the course of his life. ( “we can… i think we can… be more mature now, right? i was being childish too… by being so cold.” he'd said, voice raspy and low on the other end of the line, his brain slowly digesting everything hyeongyu had shared ).

still, to be suddenly thrusted into something like this with hyeongyu, so soon after that conversation, makes it a little hard for wooju to focus. no matter how professional he was. "did you get enough rest?" he asks, "or were you too nervous because you're filming with a sunbae?" his voice is teasing, and he's suddenly hyperaware of the bangs in front of his face, his stylist had decided to style him as such – and for some reason the company thought that fans would like the contrasting visuals of hyeongyu and wooju side by side. i also like...d the contrasting visual of hyeongyu and i side by side, he'd thought to himself stubbornly.

there’s a selfishness he tries to bury deep within him though, the way his eyes greedily search for another man he shouldn’t be keeping such close contact with — the same one he’d be facing for today’s schedule; lady luck firmly ripped from his side. this is far from the first professional encounter he had with wooju, his senior’s instructions in the recording booth still as clear as day to him. it certainly wouldn’t be the last, with the lynk con festival looming over his head.

but what sticks out like a sore thumb amidst his accumulated memories with wooju are the inappropriate ones — the glimpses of time he shouldn’t playback, not with cameras surrounding them from every angle. they could pick out the red flushing the tips of his ears, the stifling method in which he holds his own breath. what the lenses of these cameras should pick up is the smile across his face, the sparkling flicker of his eyes as he looks up at a senior idol; someone he clearly respects ( and he does, truly ). hyeongyu ignores the loud pitter-patter of his heart and the tingling of his skin — just waiting for wooju’s warm touch.

so selfish, hyeongyu chastises himself. so greedy.

upon the blessings of a willow tree, hyeongyu’s wish is granted. wooju’s fingers caress the unruly strands of hyeongyu’s hair — a simple touch, but hyeongyu draws a breath nonetheless, praying he could lean closer. he can’t; he doesn’t. he chews on his lip, forbidding himself.

“kind of, i got distracted on the way here.” he explains, allowing wooju to enter his own personal space. “i thought i saw a mandarin duck bird on the way here! they’re rare to spot outside of bird parks. i had my face pressed against the window for a solid ten minutes before coming to terms with how that was probably just my eyes playing tricks on me.” he juts out his bottom lip, pouting; genuinely a little upset by the whole ordeal — who told his brain to give him false scenarios like that?

“i’m not nervous, sunbae-nim,” hyeongyu retaliates, taking an argumentative tone in jest — before his features quickly break into a smile; bright as can be. “i’m glad to see you, and to be doing this with you. i guess it’s a long time coming, huh?” it doesn’t take a genius to figure out where the two of them might have crossed paths, seeing as they both share the same middle school and high school — that’s only scratching the surface though, not that anyone else knew but the two of them.

“was there someone else you’d rather pair up with?” hyeongyu asks. just as quickly as the question stumbles out of his mouth does the regret seeps in. he doesn’t wait for an answer, doesn’t want to know, backing out into the corner of the room just to set his bags down — an excuse. a convenient one that works in his favour, since a staff member quickly approaches him to hand him the flashcards they’ll be using to break the ice. how pathetic.

he wonders if that’ll work. it’s hyeongyu’s fault there’s a barrier of ice between them anyway.

returning to wooju’s side, hyeongyu continues the charade — he has to. “remind me to ask you to sign my postcard later on. i’m gonna get every hiraeth member, just watch.”