𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙥𝙡𝙖𝙣𝙚 𝙢𝙤𝙙𝙚

he takes in all the advice that has been offered so graciously by chaeri and digesting the comforting words. part of him knows that he should not be too harsh on himself particularly and that trust is earned over time with time and communication. if anyone knew better, it's the voices in his head that pours doubt all over his soul and just overall, junseo tends to overthink of the concerns he has for others more. there's a sort of underlaying layer in his relationships with the members but none that can't be fostered into a proper direction if given time.

"you're right, they might just be... unready to share things out." and he really does when the man himself isn't one to share his concerns out, thinking he could shoulder everything on his own. feeling a slight sense of burdened being lifted off his shoulder, he offers back a rather sincere smile for once in comparison to his dull and worrisome expression from before.

"don't worry, this talk was helpful for me too," she laughs lightly and nods, while her hands fiddle with the phone she's still holding on to. as reluctant as she was in the beginning, talking to junseo ended up better than she thought it would and thankfully, was quite peaceful too. with everyone busy with their own things to do, her paranoia that someone might overhear them or create misunderstandings about them meeting like this lessened and she felt more at ease.

it's junseo's next words that make her pause, chaeri's eyes flicking from his face to read his expression then to her phone, a thought forming in her mind: should they exchange numbers? admittedly, it was nice talking to someone she could share her worries and concerns as a leader with and who would understand because they're in the same position but at the same time, she feels hesitant about openly trading contact info with a male idol.

sure, they know it's not for romantic purposes but if they were spotted or got caught, wouldn't others think suspiciously first? the earlier paranoia chaeri thought had weakened, slips back in so she takes a good look at their surroundings just to confirm no one's looking at them right now before turning her attention back to junseo, a look on her face as if she's made a serious decision.

whatever these thoughts roaming around her head are, chaeri just feels like the other would understand her the best and trusted in that feeling when deciding to speak up.

𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄  𝐀  𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐋𝐋  𝐈𝐍  𝐓𝐇𝐄  𝐎𝐂𝐄𝐀𝐍,  𝐄𝐗𝐂𝐈𝐓𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓  𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐃  𝐁𝐄  𝐁𝐔𝐈𝐋𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐆  𝐈𝐍  𝐇𝐄𝐑  𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐒𝐓,  sweeping  through  her  veins  and  washing  over  the  uneasiness  and  uncertainties  that  had  been  knotted  in  her  stomach  for  the  last  several  months.  there  should  be  relief,  something  like  joy,  optimism,  and  anticipation  fluttering  like  butterflies  against  her  ribcage  now  that  the  wave  of  silence  that  had  plagued  the  girls  about  future  schedules  had  finally  broken,  giving  way  to  the  tide  and  bringing  forth  a  new  comeback.  it  should  be  celebrated,  it  should  be  reassuring,  it  should  be  dispelling  the  fears  that  had  been  gripping  at  her  chest,  and  yet,  there's  not  much  comfort  that  comes  with  their  recording  sessions,  and  even  less  when  their  concept  for  it  comes  to  the  forefront.

for  the  first  time  since  their  debut,  yeona  can't  find  reassurance  in  their  sound,  and  maybe  it's  because  this  somehow  doesn't  sound  like  i:ris  at  all.  long  gone  was  the  bubblegum  synth-pop  she  had  come  to  love,  and  instead  the  girls  were  leaning  into  something  more  like  spoken-word,  a  "talk-singing"  approach  compared  to  a  melodic  climax.  it  was  so  different  compared  to  their  usual  discography  that  she  couldn't  help  but  feel  anxious  about  it's  reception  —  would  to:u  enjoy  something  so  different?  would  she  be  able  to  carry  her  lines  well  enough?  could  she  keep  up  with  the  choreography  if  it  were  changing  to  something  that  leaned  more  hip-hopish?  where  would  they  go  from  here  if  this  comeback  didn't  do  well?  how  could  she  reassure  her  members  when  she  was  feeling  so  unsure  herself?

in  the  midst  of  her  thoughts,  the  music  blaring  from  the  speakers  suddenly  comes  to  an  abrupt  stop,  and  the  lead  vocalist  hears  her  sneakers  skid  across  the  practice  room  as  she  comes  to  an  immediate  halt.  the  heavy,  synthetic  bass  that  she  had  been  trying  to  adjust  to  rings  in  her  ears,  and  she  glances  over  to  see  their  choreographer  suddenly  excuse  herself  to  answer  a  phone  call,  scurrying  out  of  the  room  with  the  device  wedged  between  her  ear  and  shoulder.

"good  work,  unnie,"  comes  yeona's  praise,  genuine,  soft,  trying  to  be  reassuring  even  when  her  own  mind  is  swimming  in  a  sea  of  doubt.  for  the  first  time  in  about  an  hour,  yeona  slowly  comes  back  to  reality  —  she  blinks,  forcing  herself  from  her  daze,  and  turns  to  chaeri  nearby,  the  other  taking  advantage  of  the  impromptu  phone  call  to  hydrate  and  take  a  quick  break.  she  follows  chaeri's  lead  and  takes  a  seat  to  her  right,  trying  to  control  the  heaving  of  her  chest  as  she  toys  with  the  cap  of  her  water  bottle.  the  mirror  feels  cool  against  her  flushed  skin,  and  she  leans  back,  closing  her  eyes  for  a  moment  just  before  her  leader's  voice  fills  the  space  between  them,  hesitant,  unsure,  but  echoing  everything  that  yeona  felt  weighing  on  her  own  chest.

"you  read  my  mind,"  comes  the  quiet  admission  a  second  later,  the  brunette  pitching  forward  to  drape  her  arms  over  her  knees  as  she  glances  towards  the  other  female.  "it  feels...  a  little  off,"  she  tries,  like  she  isn't  exactly  sure  how  to  give  a  name  to  the  uncomfortable  feeling  settling  in  her  chest.  it  feels  ungrateful  to  not  be  excited  about  this  comeback,  and  even  more  selfish  to  have  doubts  about  it,  but  she  can't  shake  this  unease  weighing  down  on  her.

"right?! the heat must be frying our brains." she attempts to say it playfully but the words end up sounding more grave than intended. to be honest, her brain does feel fried with how crazy her mind has been lately so maybe her so-called-joke has more gravity than she thought.

chaeri's eyes drift off to the side, away from yeona as if guilty because she also felt like something bad might happen but didn't want to say it out loud - like if she did, it would come true. or what if they were over exaggerating? comebacks led by yoon sunyoung hadn't failed them yet so there shouldn't be that much to worry about... and yet. chaeri still felt a disturbance unlike before. she falls silent as she tries to better express what she's feeling right now since yeona was in the same boat as her, and she didn't want to miss this chance to try talking things out if it could help clear some of the doubts for both of them.

"this song just feels like... it's kind of like some of our recent songs but at the same time, not-- and i don't know if this different direction is... right? good?" although she really is trying to explain what she's been thinking lately as clearly as she can, chaeri frowns as her words fail her; for all the scripts and prepared lines the company feeds her to repeat to others, she sure feels like a lousy speaker now. "i mean, i hope people like this comeback too of course but if it does well... will we continue with this kind of sound?"

he's somewhat glad he still had makeup on; 'least it hides away the stress that eats part of his soul away and his reason of having nights where he stays awake almost pointlessly. he does however flinch briefly when he hears the unfamiliar voice that did not belong to his members or the manager and only when he turns around did he realise that it had been chaeri whom had approached him. he's thankful, of course since he had been debating whether or not if he should be approaching the former though another part of him felt apologetic that he has yet to concern someone else into his business.

listening to junseo's thoughts pour out has chaeri slightly grimacing, understanding exactly how he feels and relating a bit too much. truthfully, when she was first named i:ris' leader, she had wondered if they just gave her the role because she was the oldest and had been in the company for a while - but part of her also figured that her being so willing to do what they told her to do most likely played a part too. so while in hindsight she knew it made sense for her to be leader considering those factors, at the time, she felt unprepared and worried if she could lead well. even now, there are days when chaeri doesn't know if she's being a good leader or not but since it's something she takes seriously, she' won't half-ass it and will face it sincerely even if she fumbles and makes mistakes along the way.

when she feels a decent pause in junseo's words, she lets out a hum and mulls over her own thoughts. "it's not easy being a leader, right?" chaeri starts off with first, agreeing with what he said having shared many of the same concerns herself. "communicating with others is already challenging enough as it is but when you're the leader, there's a whole new added layer to consider... and more responsibilities," she throws in a light joke, chuckling a bit to herself as she says it.

"if i can be honest..." chaeri's tone grows a bit more serious, pausing to take a quick glance at junseo's expression before continuing, "it's possible they might not trust you... but it's also possible that they just believe they can handle things on their own or don't want to burden you with them." her gaze lingers on him, watching his face as she speaks. "if they're stubborn, it'll take even more time for them to want to open up but i think if you show them you care and are there to help them if they want it, then they may take that hand one day. and if not, i don't think that makes you less of a leader-- they're just not ready to ask for help and there's only so much we can do if the other person doesn't want to try too, you know?"

Sunny hadn't expected to run into anyone in the hallway outside the waiting rooms, let alone her. He clocked the blonde hair first, then the face, and his stomach did something embarrassing before his brain caught up to who exactly he was looking at. Cherry. Han Chaeri. The girl whose group's comeback he'd had on loop in his earbuds for the better part of a month earlier this year. He kept walking, because stopping dead like a fanboy wasn't the vibe he'd built for the cameras, but he made sure his path crossed close enough to hers that a nod wouldn't look forced.

"Hey," he said, easy, like his pulse wasn't doing something ridiculous, "Sunny. RIIOT."

she takes this time to get a better look at the other's face and mentally goes through the faces she's filed away in her brain for interactions. obviously, she doesn't know everyone in the business but she's at least aware of those active and anyone with some kind of fame or presence - and riiot is definitely a group she knows of. perhaps unsurprisingly though, she's not too connected to them so she can really only recognize faces and match a name to them.

"thank you, riiot was great today too," she smiles, appreciative of the comment but not forgetting to say something nice back. to be honest, chaeri only caught a glimpse of riiot's stage because she was called away for something else shortly after they had started performing but it wasn't her first time seeing them perform anyways so she was familiar with their stages.

other days, he stuffs his lanky body into the supplies closet of the kh entertainment building, cigarette between his lips as he inhales the smoke of his own demise — consequences creeping up at him in little doses. hyeongyu has no excuse; call it a spark of immaturity amongst in his awfully tight-knit image. the smell of bleach and disinfectants does little to conceal his crime, but the disorganized display of cleaning tools provide a sort of comfort he can't seem to find in the confines of his own dorm. he shouldn't stay, but he's procrastinating his inevitable exit — until all too suddenly, it's much too late.

the door hiding his transgression swings open, and while his reflex quickly pulls the cigarette out of his mouth, it's still visible between his fingers.

"noona...!" hyeongyu exclaims in a hushed tone, blinking blankly, unprepared for this exact situation. there's no defending himself — hyeongyu had been caught red-handed just like that. "oh, this, this is — well, yeah, it's exactly what it looks like."

chaeri's lips press into a line, disapproval clear on her face, although she doesn't say anything else as she waits to see what he says-- or does. however, hyeongyu doesn't even try to defend himself and instead accepts being caught which somehow has her deflating a bit. was he going through something serious enough that he needed to smoke? or was he doing it just because? but if there is some kind of underlying reason then that was a more pressing issue to her than the act of smoking itself. while she may not like it herself and won't ever try either, it doesn't mean she should force others to be the same; it's their life and it wasn't impacting hers (for now, anyways - who knew what might happen in the future but she would cross that bridge if she got there).

still, she cares about hyeongyu and if there's something more here and smoking is just the surface, well...

she lets out a sigh, unfortunately a little too lenient with the other, and closes the door behind her before immediately plopping herself next to him. "you're a handful, really," she says without any real bite. "and you don't need to apologize to me-- but maybe you should say sorry to your lungs." chaeri gives him a flat look while taking a noisy sip of the drink still in her hands that was now collecting condensation on the outside of the cup.

he finds himself snapping out before he spirals for the worst especially when the female idol before him had so earnestly offer a sort of piece of thoughts to him. the leader of hiraeth need not embarrass himself further in front of a complete stranger. not more than he's already done so. "i.." he draws out a response and lets it drag and now he starts wondering if he's just being selfish for taking up someone else's time. he glances around, as if he had been all too mindful in that very moment. for most, he's thankful no one seem to particularly pay attention to two opposite gender idols conversing, given that they probably work on an nda and nothing's worth sharing out to the public for any sort of discourse, or for the fact that the two leaders of the group are of the same age and had assumed that they were just really good friends when in reality, this had been junseo's very first conversation with chaeri.

"forget i say anythingー" he mumbles, and as just as he starts thinking of the prayers he learned from his father and sunday classes he attends in his earlier youth back in jeju; he prayed deeply that the ground would open up and swallow him whole. "i'm sorry to have taken up your time" junseo strings out an apology and is saved by the bell that comes in the form of their equivalent manager calling them to get ready.

"...?"

but the longer she waits, the more drawn out the silence becomes - and at this point, chaeri is more confused than ever. when she hears junseo say to forget it, she tilts her head, unsure of what just happened, then straightens up and slightly opens her mouth as if to say something before quickly closing it upon hearing his apology. "oh, no, it's--" she cuts herself off as she hears his manager calling for him, returning to a polite smile afterwards and nods her head. "don't worry about it, have a good performance," she smiles a bit more despite how unsettled she feels about how this first conversation had gone - if you could even call it that.

still, they were both busy so chaeri pushed the interaction out of her thoughts to focus on i:ris' upcoming performance instead and soon forgot it even happened until much later, when they had finished on stage and were heading back to grab their belongings. while bowing to the other artists and staff she passes by along the way, she spots junseo and their earlier meeting flooded into her mind instantly, causing her to slow down.

should she be the one to bother him this time?

logically, chaeri understood that she should just let him be; there was no good reason for her to get involved if he truly wanted her to forget it like he said so. but her thoughts circled back to wondering if he genuinely wanted advice or maybe someone to just talk to, and that was something she could understand having been in that position many times. when you're a leader, you very rarely have someone else to rely on within your own group when you're supposed to be the one looking after them so it seemed natural to go looking for help outside - and who better than another leader?

if anyone had to ask what moon junseo's first impression of han chaeri is, he would admit with his whole heart that he finds the leader of i:ris to be rather... intimidating. and before anyone tries laughing at him because simply how could such sweetheart come off scary when and in fact, not to mention as well, that junseo easily towers over her by height itself which should normally come off menacing if ever. anyone in the industry as well would agree wholeheartedly that chaeri would do no harm physically, sure, but verbally..? junseo could think of scenarios where her words could hurt.

he swears he had no beef against her for whatsoever reason for the way he thinks of her as a threat. not by competition, but under one past circumstances had led the leader of hiraeth coming across the other leader counterpart in her stern moments. it's scary, he thinks. but also respectable with how easily the other members of her group fall in line with her words. perhaps it had been her aura; an unmovable amount of charisma despite junseo knowing that i:ris had debuted the same year hiraeth did. though if they were to count by months, his group would be leading by seniority.

could it be that chaeri had more leadership skills honed from years during predebut and that unlike himself, she had earned the title whereas junseo had been given the responsibility of it? ( he doesn't think much of it, or rather tries not to doubt his own capabilities but his lack of self esteem builds heavy on his shoulder. )

"how do you do it?" junseo asks out of the blue on one fine evening where their groups had been waiting backstage for their turn to perform for the rookie stage for a year end show. "i mean, the whole... leadership thing." he adds, knowing that if he had been asked a question so out of context, it would earn him a questioning look.

it's an odd question to ask of course, considering the fact that they are basically waiting to get on stage and that this had been their first conversation aside from regular exchanged greetings between groups and junseo isn't quite sure what's gotten into him. perhaps the differences of handling their respective teams has made the leader of hiraeth rather hyperaware that he isn't as great of a leader as he thought he would be. ( and he thinks about this... rather much for it to be unhealthy. )

still, as i:ris' leader, she had to act like she had everything together and that she was a presence her members could rely on in the midst of all the hustle and bustle. by now, head counts were inevitable, even if there were only six of them in the group; with how many people there were, it was easy to lose track of someone and chaeri wasn't the type to force the members to stay in the waiting room the entire time or anything. right now though, they should all be here as they're waiting for their turn on stage, so chaeri can't help but do another review to make sure everyone's present and nothing is out of place, even going as far as to go over the stage directions and set up one more time then double checking all their sound packs and mics are secure too.

she's so in the zone of ensuring they have every step prepared for a successful stage that she almost misses a question that she only realizes a moment later was directed at her. with a confused look on her face, chaeri turns around to where she heard the voice coming from and is surprised - not only to see who asked the question, but why. it was quite out of the blue and there were many other groups and staff milling around who could overhear anything yet he decided to speak up now? so suddenly?

"oh, um--?" she starts first before pausing, tilting her head as she considers her words. chaeri had no idea what to say but even if she wasn't caught off guard like this and had more time to think things over, she's not sure she would have a better answer anyways. "it helps that my members are kind and listen well," she finally settles on saying, not wanting to go into detail with someone she's not close with but also because there wasn't much to say really. truthfully, it's not that difficult being i:ris' leader when it comes to managing her members since they don't really cause trouble in a way where she needs to step in. as for the other issues that come with leadership, well...

"being a leader isn't always a walk in the park but keeping them in line is one of the easier parts." chaeri does her best to answer without saying too much since junseo is technically a sunbae to her and the last thing she wants is a rumor that she's not respecting her seniors or brushing them off with disinterest.