Zealivus

Felix awoke with a start.

Layers of tangled blankets restricted his movement. He writhed, overcome with the uncomfortable heat of too many layers, to free his arms enough to untangle the rest of his body.

Ugh. He huffed, finally yanking an arm free and attempting to sit up— since when had his bed become so uncomfortable?— only to tumble awkwardly forward. It was only then did his annoyance shift to confusion, anxiety. 

Where was he?

This certainly was not his bed, nor his apartment. This room was incredibly dark; Felix found himself squinting to make out the faint shapes around him. Large, pointy shapes emitted a dim light— were those fairy lights?— enough for him to determine that he was not in a bed at all, but a thin hammock.

He blinked, allowing his gaze to adjust to the faint lighting from the abnormally large fairy lights strung around the room. It was impressive that the hammock could support his weight at all, considering the massive pile of pillows and blankets accompanying him inside. His lanky limbs protruded awkwardly into the fabric as he squirmed into a proper seated position, mind racing. He was certain that he had never been here before in his life.

No, no. This felt familiar.

Somehow.

Felix furrowed his brow, swallowing thickly. He had been drunk a handful of times before, but he had never blacked out enough to have such severe memory loss. Was he drunk right now? Dreaming, even? 

His attention slowly returned to the fairy lights. He swallowed, thickly, and rubbed one eye.

They were very, very large fairy lights.

———

Pepper’s knees were weak.

Panic bubbled up into his throat, escaping in trembling coughs as he caught himself against the edge of the sink, one hand on the cool counter, one hand resting over his lower neck. 

Breathe. Oh my god, breathe.

He had never seen his reflection so clearly. Dark, tangled hair, falling across his forehead and poking his eyes. Tan skin, significantly more flushed than usual. Calloused, worn hands. The mirror surpassed him by only a few inches… a dreadful, sickening realization that nearly brought Pepper to his knees again. 

“Pepper?”

He flinched, whipping his head towards the bathroom door, but no one approached. His left hand remained firm against the sink, as he was fairly certain he would collapse if he let it go.

“Pepper? Where are you? Are you okay?”

Felix. Oh god, Felix. 

Pepper had woken up in Felix’s bed. That wasn’t particularly unusual, of course; Pepper was more alarmed by the fact that he was human-sized when he woke up in Felix’s bed. 

He hadn’t spent ten minutes climbing down the edge of the comforter in order to reach the floor— he had simply set his feet down on the carpet. Like Felix would have.

Did that mean…?

“Pepper? Pepper, can you hear me?”

It took tremendous effort for Pepper to clasp his hands over his chest, furrowing his brow with focus. 

“Felix—”

“Oh, oh my god, Pepper, I think—”

“Where are you? I—”

“I just woke up, and, and—”

“I think— I’m human-sized.”

“I’m in your room.”

The chaos of telepathic words came to a halt, and Pepper heaved a breath, fingers clutched against his shirt. Rocks filled his stomach.

“My room,” Pepper repeated. Since when had he fallen to his knees? He rested his forehead against the lower bathroom cabinet, fingers squeezing into his chest. “You— you’re in my room.”

Felix was awfully quiet for a moment. 

“Felix? Are you— are you okay?”

“You’re human-sized?”

Pepper chewed his lip, struggling to make sense of the situation. He was in Felix’s apartment, notably Felix-sized, while his boyfriend was somewhere in the walls. The size of Pepper’s finger.

“Felix, you— are you okay?”

“I don’t know what to do.” Felix’s voice was timid, shaky. “I can’t— I don’t know how to find you.”

Pepper blinked rapidly, lifting his head away from the cabinet, fingers trembling. “Do you— it’s only a short walk from my room to the kitchen, I can tell you where to go—”

“I can barely see.”

Oh. 

Of course.

Felix didn’t have the acute borrower eyesight that Pepper had developed for twenty-two years. Of course he couldn’t see in the darkness. 

——

“Just keep going. You should— you should almost be there.”

Felix’s legs trembled as he walked, one hand dragging against the dusty wall. Terror clutched at his chest, restricting his breathing. He couldn’t see a thing.

“And then— ah— next turn, turn right.”

It only took a few moments for the wall to vanish, and Felix’s hand dropped away. He halted, squinting uselessly in the darkness, and managed to turn right into the next endless corridor.

A thin sliver of light approached. Felix drew in a shaky breath, hands clasping involuntarily against his chest. “I see it!”

“Oh— okay, okay, good, just…”

Felix stumbled towards the light, which revealed itself to be a narrow crack in the wall, stretching a few feet (inches?) above Felix’s head. He reached towards it.

“Felix— Felix, wait.”

Pepper’s voice brought Felix’s legs to a halt. Felix trembled, eyes locked on the exit. “What?”

Pepper remained quiet for a moment, and Felix’s stomach writhed. 

“You— you know I’m human-sized, right?”

Felix fought away a snarky response (“you’ve said that about a dozen times, Pepper”), fueled by his desperation to escape the walls. He swallowed thickly. “I know, Pepper.”

“It’s just—“ Pepper seemed terrified. “You’re not going to want to see me.”

“Yes, I…” 

Felix paused, a cold feeling settling in his chest. 

Pepper was outside, waiting for him, and Felix was currently the size of his pinky. The realization hadn’t fully set in until this very moment, and it was uncomfortably chilling.

“…Oh.”

——

Pepper had lived in the walls of Felix’s apartment for well over a year.

The day Pepper had entered and studied Felix for the first time, hidden in the shadows behind the base of a bookshelf, he had understood one thing: Felix was, without a doubt, the tallest human he had ever seen.

Felix had never held the same intimidation factor that other humans did— he wasn’t loud, or gruff, or explosive. No, there was a gentleness to the way he moved and spoke, and Pepper was lucky enough to experience that gentleness firsthand, as he befriended him months ago. Felix, in all honesty, was harmless.

Pepper just couldn’t get over the fact that Felix was the tallest human he had ever seen.

His towering form had terrified Pepper, most particularly in those first few instances months ago when Felix had first touched him, held him, in large hands that held so much power. His gentle demeanor couldn’t contain the sheer magnitude of his size, his shoulders, his presence. Pepper was always acutely aware of the power dynamic between them, even once they became boyfriends. Felix’s size overwhelmed him in every sense of the word.

It was therefore incredibly jarring to watch Felix stumble out into the kitchen floor, the size of a mouse.

Pepper’s hands twitched from where they rested on his knees. He had knelt on the kitchen floor while telepathically guiding Felix towards the exit, both because he wanted to be closer to the ground as Felix emerged, but also because seeing the kitchen counter at his waist level had made him immensely nauseous.

“Felix,” he whispered.

His boyfriend had frozen, the details on his face barely distinguishable. Pepper wasn’t used to this— Felix’s expressions were usually so easy to read, so large.

Pepper felt sick to his stomach, watching as Felix’s thin legs trembled, small face involuntarily shaking a no. 

Pepper knew that feeling.

The feeling of meeting a giant’s eyes for the first time, knowing that their hand alone could overwhelm you. 

“It— it’s okay,” Pepper forced out, hesitantly, his stomach twisting with every one of Felix’s flinches. “It’s scary, I know, just… I… I’m gonna stay right here. Okay?”

It was the unpredictability that terrified borrowers the most— Pepper understood that all too well. He desperately wanted Felix to trust that Pepper wouldn’t grab him, and he certainly wouldn’t hurt him. In fact, the thought of his abnormally massive hands touching Felix made Pepper want to vomit.

Pepper swallowed, focusing all his attention on Felix’s small frame. Felix’s expression was shifting into something more stable, small fists clenching and unclenching. “Pepper.” His voice was faint. 

The tightness around Pepper’s chest loosened. He suppressed a sharp exhale, knowing that the sound alone could make Felix startle. “Are you—” Pepper halted, taking a moment to soften his voice. “Felix, are you okay?”

——

Oh my god.

Felix could barely process Pepper’s words. He knew that his boyfriend was saying something to him; Pepper’s lips were moving, his voice hurried and soft, but Felix couldn’t pay attention.

The world was upside-down, twisted, terrifying. Felix’s knees shook, struggling to support his wobbling frame. 

“Felix, I’m not gonna touch you— I’m gonna stay right here, okay?”

Felix twitched, the numbness in his limbs slowly fading into a dull thrum of energy. His shoulders jerked back, and he lifted his chin, struggling to meet Pepper’s eyes so far above his.

“Pepper,” he repeated, voice thick and strained. He couldn’t bring himself to form many more words. He feared he would run out of oxygen and collapse.

He simply couldn’t push away the pure, primal fear, writhing deep in his stomach and screaming at him to run. Pepper’s broad shoulders enveloped Felix’s gaze— is this how he feels when he looks at me?— while enormous hands fiddled nervously with his thick denim pants, a terrifyingly short distance away. Pepper’s knees alone surpassed Felix in height. Felix felt dizzy. 

Through the cacophony of meaningless noise in Felix’s mind, he managed to pinpoint one clear thought: at least Pepper isn’t standing up.

Because, god, Felix wouldn’t be able to handle that.

“Felix? Are you okay?”

The familiarity of Pepper’s voice allowed Felix’s shoulders to loosen, some of his wayward tension slipping away. Felix let out a breath, fists clenching and unclenching. 

It’s just Pepper.

“I…” Felix drew his bottom lip between his teeth, chewing for a moment. “I… I’m okay.”

Pepper’s posture was stiff, as if he had retreated into himself. His hands remained settled over his knees, fingers absentmindedly twitching. Felix felt grateful that Pepper hadn’t moved a muscle. 

So this is how Pepper feels. Felix twitched. This is what I look like to him.

“You’re really brave,” Felix finally forced out, faintly. 

Pepper’s eyebrows lifted in surprise, concern tracing every detail of his face. His voice was nervous, hesitant. “What?”

Felix allowed a nervous laugh to escape himself, dragging a shaking hand through his blonde hair. “You— I don’t know how you do this everyday. I— wow, Pepper. This sucks.”

Pepper twitched back. He paused, seemingly frozen in terror, before finally offering a breath of nervous laughter. The familiarity of his boyfriend’s voice allowed Felix to relax further.

“Well— I— um.” Pepper seemed bewildered, amused. His gray eyes flickered anxiously over Felix’s form. “You get used to it, I guess.”

“I don’t know how you do it,” Felix admitted, voice heavy. 

They fell into tense silence. Felix swallowed, dragging a hand over his neck and chest, ensuring he was still breathing properly. He surveyed Pepper’s towering form— the trembling of his enormous hands, the stiffness of his large shoulders.

“Pepper, are… you okay?”

Guilt wormed into Felix’s chest, watching as Pepper’s lips parted, drawing in a shaky breath. Felix had never seen all of those little details of his face before, at least not this clearly. 

He should have noticed the anxiety lining Pepper’s expression, or the shrunken, rigid way he was holding himself right now. 

Felix wasn’t the only one who was terrified.

“I…” Pepper blinked rapidly, chewing his bottom lip. “I don’t know. I just— I don’t know what to do. What happened?”

Felix swallowed. “I don’t know. I— I just woke up and I was in your bed— your hammock.”

Pepper nodded slowly, fingertips drumming. The movement made Felix twitch. “Do you remember anything?”

“No— not really. I just went to bed last night like normal.”

“Me too.”

“So— why did this happen?” Felix lifted a hand to his chest, anxiety thrumming deep underneath. “What is going on?”

“I… I don’t know.” Pepper let out a heavy sigh. Felix involuntarily flinched back as Pepper’s arms lifted, an alarmingly quick movement from such large forces. Pepper closed his eyes, dark brow furrowed, and pressed the heels of his palms into his forehead. “I don’t understand what happened. Is this a soulmate thing?”

Felix found himself frozen. He hadn’t been prepared for Pepper’s massive form to unfold so rapidly in front of him. For a moment he had braced himself to be snatched up in a giant hand— a thought that sent an icy chill down his spine. “I…” he swallowed hard. “I have no idea. I’ve never heard of anything like this before.”

Pepper raked his hands back through his dark hair, then allowed them to drop into his lap. His gaze was distant, focused blankly on the kitchen wall beside him. He appeared to have almost forgotten Felix was there at all. “Do you think this has happened to anyone else?”

Pepper’s gray gaze returned to Felix, fixated, desperate. Felix, struggling to maintain eye contact, focused instead on his own small hands. “Maybe… I can call Alice, maybe, and…” 

He trailed off. His phone must still be on his nightstand.

“You might have to… um, go get my phone,” Felix admitted, shifting on his feet. 

“Oh.” Pepper twitched back, his expression changing. “Right. Is it in your bedroom?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh.” 

In a weak attempt to prepare the inevitable, Pepper drummed his fingers over his knee again, gray gaze scanning Felix. “I, uh, I’ll go get it then.”

Felix’s shoulders had tensed up, bracing for impact, although Pepper hadn’t moved. His gray eyes were soft, sad, understanding. The rocks in Felix’s stomach weighed a ton. 

Pepper seemed anxious, but finally made the executive decision to rip the band-aid off. Murmuring a comforting “sorry,” he moved to stand up.

Felix couldn’t have been prepared. Pepper’s large hand sank against the floor, each long finger no doubt surpassing Felix in length. His unfathomable weight shifted deep underneath his torso, and Felix watched, fixated, as Pepper’s massive leg bent and rose, followed immediately by the other.

His presence had already been so large, so overwhelming, but to stand up was to overpower Felix completely. Felix flinched back, body numb, as Pepper reached his full height.

He could barely make out the details of his face; the kitchen lights blurred his features, surrounding his dark hair like a halo. Pepper’s first move was to step back, and while Felix was grateful for the distance, he still startled at the massive movement from the legs towering over him.

“Are you okay?” Pepper asked warily. His voice was distant.

Unable to bring himself to speak, Felix nodded. His back bumped against the base of the kitchen counter. 

Pepper appeared just as sickened as Felix. He parted his lips again to speak, but seemed to think better of it, turning rapidly to exit the kitchen. Within seconds, his overpowering presence was gone.

Felix let out a heavy exhale, melting back against the wall. Icy rocks tumbled down from his chest to his stomach, a heavy weight bearing down on his tiny frame. His eyes squeezed shut.

It’s okay.

It’s okay.