I remember vividly when this photo was taken i almost did not post it. I thought people would see my hand placement and realize i was trying to make myself look thinner (i was 97lbs at the time) and thought people would call me a liar and that i was "photoshopping" or "catfishing". I remember being this tiny and thinking i needed to lose more weight, or tone up or be better. I was 21, lost my cousin my rock, was in the middle of a toxic relationship that at the time i didnt know how to get out of. I showed a happy face to the world but was numb inside. The only thing i could conteol was my weight i controlled it hard. So hard it became a sick obsession and i was never tiny enough. People thought i was on drugs, or anorexic, but really I was working out 5x a day and eating less than 900 calories (including drinks) to do what i thought was being perfect. Took a lot of good friends and good food to get me out of that and realize that everyone has their own perfect, but that it starts with you. Years later i still struggle with acceptance of my body. My weight flucates, and im not very great at keeping to meal plans or work outs so there is room for improvement but im comfortable with where i am at. Again, do i have those days where i hate myself? Yes of corse. But do i feel like its because of an outside source or lack of conteol that im iver compensating for anymore? No. Sometimes you have to give up some control to be more in control of your own happiness. And as much as i look at that picture and say "damn, wish i looked like that again" i would never want to be in the position of myself when that picture was taken.
