Grit Like Gabrielle

- CrossFit is uninspiring because I can’t afford a gym, and my knee makes me so limited with what I can do. Plus I’m so grossly jealous of everyone there, it makes me not like myself as a person. 

- my driving PTSD came back. I thought it was anxiety because my jaw tension won’t release but I really think it’s just emotional flashes of flashbacks (is that a thing?) to shitty accidents

- I can’t even drive though lol because of my swollen/buckling/gross knee and my mom doesn’t seem to understand? which makes me physically isolated and lonely and sad

- all of my plans were in minnesota revolving around my ex and they got screwed up so I should be abroad on a fancy fellowship right now and instead I’m here

- I had a temp position which was fine, and then a full time job that didn’t work out (between the commute, the actual work and my physical inability to stand for hours), and I’ve sent in 80 applications and heard back from 0

- my mom told me today they had to use the rest of my med school fund (that I’ve been contributing to forever) to pay off the last undergrad tuition deposit, so I have crumbs for getting by rent/food-wise in med school

and on a smaller note

- I’m breaking out everywhere because I keep getting gluttened

- I just had takeout from the best Indian place ever and it was contaminated with cream, so I’m still having a super super super hard time breathing and it’s been hours