Jack's Complete Lack of Surprise

Aha, so we're picking up RIGHT where we left off? Okay then ... good sign, then ... no faffing about, clearly ...

The wool business is actually A LOT more cutthroat than you might THINK it is ...

Arcana checks for both Occtis AND Murray ... yes Marisha, your Proficiency Bonus DOES go up at level 5 ... how long have you been playing this game now?

Oh gods yes, Gus really is completely smitten, isn't he? XD ... and she's also quite the education for him too, apparently ...

Insight checks, then ... wow, that's some big rolls, guys ...

A racket! Yes, exactly ... the Sundered Houses are basically becoming the magical Mafia in this world ... and something really SHOULD be done ...

Yeah, he really is trying to poach her ... but at least he's being polite and respectful about it ...

That's smart, yeah ... get Demodus out of the city and out to Timmony. He's definitely na good starting place. And maybe if Murray finds more to send on in future, maybe ... ?

Come on, Murray ... he's so sweet ... a little forward, but still ... LOL

Wow, that's quick ... that was indeed a VERY generous gift ...

Please do send our regards to Morgaine ... :3

Nice to have friends in high places, especially in dangerous enterprises like this ... and also nice for Vaelus to meet a more inherently friendly druid, too ...

Oh boy ... Thimble's so cute in the way she dances around responsibility in the more nefarous situations ... XD ... come on Laura, get your notes together ... and please throw her a bone, Brennan, she's definitely drowning in the mmost adorable way ... LOL ... Dame Cosgrove, yes! The new Baroness of Sloak ... I trust Gus will help out as much as he can there ...

Uh-oh ... the Met gala? Oh no, the MATT Gala ... weird ... oh sweet fuck, this is gonna be a weird one, and definite;ly a bit crigey for Mercer ... yeah, he's got them all really digging it in with this one, isn't he? INCLUDING HIS WIFE, that's so mean and it's beautiful ... LOL

Matt is STUNNED ... it's perfect ...I don't doubt if he was still DMing this Campaign he'd make Sam suffer extra badly for that one in some not so subtle way ... XD

Marisha does look FANTASTIC, not gonna lie ...

Which one IS the real matt Mercer? O.O

Oh yeah, Thaisha's snake ... what's going on there? Stealth check! Crap ... that's not great ... and so she's ABANDONING her animal spirit ... oof ...

As for the business at hand ... yeah, decisions must be made, and people peel off accordingly ...

She didn't so much CHANGE things as just give them a little NUDGE ... but yeah, Occtis really is a sharp one ... and yeah, he has a point, if HE can spot it, some others might be able to as well ...

Wizard flirting ... yes, it is awkward ... LOL

Using the Stone to go have a conversation with THJAZI?!!! Sreiously? That's A LOT, surely ... would that really be a good idea? But hell yeah, if they ARE gonna do it, then Thimble SHOULD be there ...

Profession checks? Oh yeah, that's right ... the non-Schemers at the table are gonna be, like ... "What?"

Oh yeah, this guy is A LOT ... O.O ... no wonder Hal chose HIM as the director ... LOL

Yeah ... Hal having to drop the bad news about the "suits" starting to interfere with their work ... and OF COURSE he;s going to tell them to god FUCK that shit ... but still he has to get them to BULLSHIT to the best of their abilities first ... yeah, definitely FUCK the Candescent Creed! Persuasion check? I mean of course ... oh nice, that's it, spot on ... YEAH!!! Go off, Shadia!

He really couldn't ask for a better cast and crew than this, I love it ... they all make me SO HAPPY ...

And also Kattigan is here too ... LOL ... "You can CHOREOGRAPH a fight?" Oh wow, he is going to learn SO MUCH fascinating shit here ... oh my gods, is Kattigan going to be IN THE PLAY now? O,O

Thjazi definitely lies in very good company ...

That is really beautiful, though ... sounds like it may not go quite how they might want it to, but there will still be SOMETHING ... just managing expectations, then ...

Thank fuck they don't have to DIG HIM UP ...

Speak With the Dead, then ... with Guidance ... here we go ...

Something's wrong? What's happening? Is this a problem? Is something ELSE happening here? Should we be worried?

Religion or Nature check ... hmmmmmmm ... and an Arcana for Occtis ...

There IS no Path? Oh, that can't be good ...

Damn it, it's the Tachonis ... I thought it might be ...

Thaisha is LEVELLING UP ... O.O ... she's jumping TWO levels? Fascinating ... the full FIFTH level, then ...

Fuck ... this DEFINITELY can't be good ... Nullus Tachonis? Occtis' grandfather? Shit! Get her out of this, Thimble! FUCK!!! This is getting SO BAD!!! Thaisha has to make a WISDOME SAVING THROW!!! Thatnks for that, Occtis ... she gets ADVANTAGE ... O.O

Thank fuck ... that almost became SO BAD ...

But Thjazi's soul is GONE from this place ... his soul is HIDING? That's both a relief and extremely worrying ...

So this was sort of a bust ... but they did still at least learn something ELSE very valuable, if a lot more worrying ...

Checking in with Demodus, then ... oh boy, this is going to be really tough, this kid has already been through SO MUCH ...

Meanwhile Azune and Murray are working VERY HARD to maintain their friendship in the face of what's about to happen ... but that's a start, I guess ...

Yeah, no, that is NOT Bolaire, but it's a pretty good rendition ... oh yeah, this kid is GOING NUTS through cabin fever right now, clearly ... but at least he's gotten a handle on what he needed to ...

The hard truth ... yeah ... best to just rip off the band-aid, Murray ...

Persuasion or Intimidation for VERY DIFFERENT RESULTS ... oh boy ... Azune's doing this with Luck ... hmmmm ...

This sweet kid is SO self-aware, I love it ... he's so precious ... and he STILL wants to finish his Thesis ... this kid ... I love him so much ... :3

Illusionists,. man ... LOL

Going over the notes, then ... Investigation? Hmmmm ... I mean this kid heard and saw SO MUCH, this is going to cover SO MUCH GROUND if it''s actually allowed to go on record ...

Swapping tables? Interesting ...

I really need Julien and Tyranny to actually spend some time together, I think that would be a VERY interesting relationship to see develop ...

Honestly, Julien's EXPLOSIVE reaction is very correct ...

Well THAT was inevitable ... Julien punches Wick in the face ... and threatens him ... and DEFINITELY puts him in his place ... which needed to be done ...

Wait ... that BOOSTS her hit points? Fascinating ...

Yes, they need to get back to Cyd ...

Nick Falcon ... oh boy ... and he STILL heals himself ... LOL

Hero! Hi! Oh, and she has the serum! Perfect ...

Hmmmmm ... not sure how I feel about that interaction between Julien and Teor ...

Tyranny does have a very dry sense of humour, yes ... not entirely sure if she WAS actually joking, though ...

Bolaire: "Magic can be temperamental." Yeah, that feels like a severe understatement ... but this seems like a suitably apt precaution ... and taking OTHER precautions regarding Cyd, too ... Divine Sense? Oh, so Teor is also trying to get a read on BOLAIRE ... hmmmmmm ... but then of course he DOESN'T know about the Professor's ACTUAL condition ...

So ... Cyd could ... EXPLODE?!!! O.O

"Uncle" Bolaire? Oh, I love her so much ... :3

Oh shit we're doing it ... O.O

Brothers reunited ... right?

Oh, that's interesting ... what's he saying about Bolaire right now?

Okay, this looks promising ... seems like it really IS Cyd, then ...

Catching up ... and finding out what Cyd's been up to, what he went through ... and of course he DIDN'T know, not for sure, what happened to Thjazi ...

Oh yeah, definitely heal that ... Cure Wounds? Thank you, Wick ...

Persuasion? With Advantage? Hmmmmm ... I mean it's tough to get him to trust Julian, but ...

Filling in some of the blanks, then ...

The Hall of Mercy? Or the Fora Crucialma ... interesting ... "Two-score and seven lords" ... a sarcophagus that just got DUMPED because it wasn't old enough? Weird ... "the end of the Path" ... the Arx Nocturnis ... and a battle at the Orchard ... and a "bound Celestial" ... and Koral escaping with a gem ...

It's kind of fascinating how loose-lipped bad people can get around other people they think aren't going to survive ...

Divine Sense? Hmmmmmm ...

So that officially lays that to rest, then ... Teo and Cyd officially DON'T know anything about where their powers come from ...

PLEASE feed the poor boy ... oh yeah, we can DEFINITELY trust Hero in this, but she is definitely being put at great risk because of it too ...

Yeah, give your brother SOMETHING to proptect himself ...

Oh so THIS is where we take a break ...

Holy shit ... FULL table again ... this should be interesting ...

And now Aabria's rolling her new Hit Points, then ... and making other choices accordingly too ... Mageslayer? Oh hello ... nice choice there, luv ...

the remaining pariah Blade still in the Archanade? Fascinating ... and looks like it's a full house again ...

Hero is definitely enjoying getting to be REALLY AWESOME and I love her so much ... :3

Thimble and Cyd reunited! Awwwwwwww ... and Kattigan! Nice ... AND Azune ... to be honest it's just a full-on Falconers' reunion ...

I swear listening to Brennan do the accent there's always a part in the back of my mind that's just hearing: "I am Bolo." XD

A LOT OF STUFF has been going on ... so there's got to be A LOT of catching up ...

History check for Thimble about the Cloak ... yes, we were wondering about that ...

I love that Tyranny just calls Occtis "snack" ... XD

Bolaire is going to some GREAT lengths to get a very particular answer out of Wick ... Not sure if this is REALLY useful right now ...

The Play's the thing ...

Thaisha looks through her snake's senses ... who is just hiding in a dark quiet place ... so she gives Haala new orders ... Stealth check with Advantage ... and Guidance from Vaelus ... it's not bad ... ah, but wait ... shit ... yeah, she just got spotted ... damn it, Mulligan ...

Wait ... you're going to EAT this poor random innocent woman? Not only kill but EAT her, apparently ... okay, seriously, what are you doing right now? Fuck, she really is ... yeah, the massive snake is EATING her ...

Boy, this got pretty dark all of a sudden ... genuinely curious who that even WAS ... and now she's making another Stealth check ... hmmmmm ... this massive magical anaconda is now SLEEPING in the sacred tree ...

we are now VERY curious to see what's going to happen shen she goes to sleep ... O.O

Azune is right, no more petty squabbles ...

Working out what needs to be done next and considering what they're up against ... and now Cyd's here they have some fresh information to go on, but still more questions than real answers ...

The nearest window? Hmmmmm ... summoning a magpie, then ... nice ... how well will this actually work? I know magpies are corvids and that means they're SMART, but that's still taking a bit of a gamble ...

That definitely is A LOT of seats ... 47 Lords? Might be a lot MORE than that in here ...

Making dangerous plans, then ...

"The drunk man"? I like that ... XD

Three important locations ...

Thimble: "He gave us his seed!" LOL

MORE plans within plans, then ... it's all getting complicated, buty at least it means they're hammering out the important details ... it's still an awful lot of risky moving parts ...

O.O ... HOLY SHIT Wick just went off there ... and now he PUNCHES JULIEN ... and ACTUALLY HURTS HIM ... wow ... it's a TINY amount of damage, but it definitely does actually make an impression ... and I like thsat Julien RESPECTS it ...

Occtis: "I'm starting to think you think we're both important just because we're a little weird."

Hero once again coming through in clutch ... Hal. you should be SO PROUD of your little girl ...

Vaelus has never heard of chalk ... LOL

Team Theatre ... Team Bird Rescue ... Team Spy ...

Alex: "Come back from the meta!"

Good point ... they need to work out what they're actually going to say about WHY Wick and Tyranny have been gone all this time ... that is going to be a very complicated and extremely dangerous bluff ... and don't forget that Wick is NOT good at lying ...

A dress rehearsal for bullshitting? Hmmmm ... not sure I'm super confident about this ...

Faerie reinforcements? Could be handy ...

I love how Hero's trying to wrangle all of this and actually mostly SUCCEEDING ... I want to give her such a big hug ...

Bring Teor in as a prisoner? Sounds like a MASSIVE risk that only MIGHT pay off, but just as likely could turn him into a major burden ...

I take it there will be FAR too many volunteers to "rough Wick up" ...

The first team switch ... I love how Hero just PIVOTS ... you're doing great, sweety!

Yeah, Occtis is right ... Julien needs to get a handle on WHY he's making the choice he is ... he can't just GO OFF and start butchering Tachonis and cause a fuss before it's time ...

Vaelus probably WOULD be the most help at the Villa Aurora ... Team Spy, then ...

Good point about the seed and the Miller's Road ... how much use WILL that actually be inj this? In the time frame available, that is ...

Are we locked on the teams, then?

Still stuff to work out, then ... something tells me they're gonna end up having to do a lot of this on the fly no matter what ...

Yes, looks like you ALL need to get some sleep tonight. SERIOUSLY, this is not the time for playing silly buggers ... and yet Thaisha is taking the risk? Oof ... that's NOT going to be a good plan ... great ... and now MORE OF THEM are going to do it too ... I hate this ...

Breaking the tables again, then ...

Damn Hero ... that was REALLY smart ... but also pretty EXTRA ... but pretty sweet use of a Firebolt cantrip all the same ... XD

She's doing it, then ... Thaisha's staying up ... grrrrr ...

Kattigan's being a good tactician and checking the Hallowed Ground's plans over for potential weaknesses ... of which there are MANY ... Brennan: "The theatre is essentially a killbox." Shit ... O.O

No Pariah Blades? FUCK ... that's not good at all ...

Insight check! On Misha? Come on, guys ...

Thaisha: "Are we worried about where Shadia is?" Um, YEAH, I should think so ... O.O

A bouquet of flowers? Oh, okay ... she brought the blades back home to ELODIES' rather than Hal's ... shit ... the complexities of modern families ... might be problematic ...

It's a complication, but it might work ... so Occtis is going to fetch them ... okay then ...

Hal and Thaisha really are still SO MUCH in love after all this time ... and he casts Enhance Ability on her ... that's really sweet ... :3

Elodie is WAY more understanding than I expected her to be ...

Constitution check for Thaisha ... which she fails ... FUCK ... not great ... so she's now EXHAUSTED while she has to do something SO IMPORTANT ... a Smith's Tools proficiency check ... at Disadvantage ... oof ... SOMEHOW she manages to land a Dirty 20 ... and Aabria getys HER VERY FIRST WHISPER ... O.O ...

Sam has NOTHING TO PLUG while this is going on ... I pity the poor boy ... LOL

She DOESN'T NEED to do any forging? Are you kidding me? That's really beautiful actually ...

He was reborn in the Lloy home ... does that technically make him a Lloy now? That would be kind of sweet ...

Intention and Clay ... hmmmmm ... it's very profound ...

So Thaisha DOES go to sleep after all ... okay, then ...

TSwitching out some of the table, then ... the following morning dawns ...

Approaching the Villa Aurora ... they NEED to get all their shit on the same page ... Tyranny's doing a REALLY GREAT job of bigging Wick up in his own head right now ... I hop it's enough for this to work ... and now she's biting his face ... oh boy ...

Oh, so Tal's jumpoing in after all, then ... this plan sounds REALLY complicated and esoteric ... and it's A WHOLE HELL OF A LOT of trust too ...

There's an actual book ON AASIMARS here? O.O

Gods, Filonius is A LOT!!! There's no wrath! Come on, you nutjob!

Protection From Good & Evil? Okay ...

Come on, Wick! It's time to lie your dumb little arse off! Oh okay, that might work ... he's using THE TRUTH to tell a lie ... that's really smart ...

That is SO profound ... Sam Riegel just scored a Nat20 without ever rolling a die ... O.O

Fucking hell she really is a total psychopath ...

Okay, here we go then, so they've wormed their way back in and now they're gaining their information as a reward ... yeah, here we go ... finding out what's happening tonight, then ...

NO SHIT he vomits ... that was incredible ...

Swapping out the players again accordingly ...

New day, new Portents ...

Oh, so Sam comes back JUST to level up ... nice ...

Going into the Einfasen estate for that bloody meeting ... I really do hope this doesn't go HORRIBLY wrong ...

Reviewing the case, then ... and they got Occtis' letter too! That's VERY helpful ... and there's more evidence that Azune can put in now ... INCLUDING the candle ... nice ...

Demodus' signature flame effect? Yeah, that's it. And Azune subtly Guides him while he's at it ...

Persuasion check! Adding an extra d8 for all the big swings they went through ... and Azune is rolling with Advantage ... and he Guidances himself too ... holy shit, that's a NAT20?!!! O.O ... fuck me ...

Okay then, Murray, you get demodus THE FUCK OUT OF THERE ... yeah, she really is SO PROUD of him ... he's a mage now ... a real Diploma? Awwwww ... :3 ... that's so sweet ... I love them both so much ... she really is just totalling MOMMING him right now and it's beautiful ... now get out of here, Demodus!

The Einfasen think maybe Azune could be one of THEIRS? Fascinating ...

Oh hell ... are they asking him to turn double agent inside the Creed? That could be extremely useful, but I worry it might just as easily backfire on them ...

CAPTAIN Nayar ... AND he gets a fancy new hammer too ... that's FUCKING COOL ... and OF COURSE Azune walks out of that meeting at Level 5 ...

More swapping out players, then ...

Here we go, time for that fake dress rehearsal, then ... roll for Persuasion, Hal! Holy shit ... he's going to just KILL THIS ...

It goes MAGNIFICENTLY ... she is IN TEARS over the performance ...

It worked to perfection. Now they can roget all of that bollocks and do the play the way it's SUPPOSED to be ...

Meanwhile Thimble's out gathering as many faeiries as she can to help ... Investigation! Nice on, Laura ... yeah, they're REALLY uncomfortable with all the bullshit that's been going on so OF COURSE they're game to help ...

Oh hello, a possible lead on the lizardman? Great ...

Wait ... is this THE FIRST TIME that Julien and Teor have actually properly interacted?

I'm glad he's just LOANING the greataxe to Teor ... yeah, that was a VERY valuable favour, after all ...

Dame Seremai's body ... yeah ... sounds like the proper thing to do there ...

Meeting with Hannan ... I hope this continues to be civil ...

And now he's a bear ... you're an idiot, Kattigan ... XD

Asking Hannan to investigate the Sprig ... well that's interesting ... awkward sexual tension? I really don't think so, Kattigan ... yeah, he is SUCH a third wheel ...

The truth and beliefs at the core of their big misunderstanding ... and what he meant by "flower doll" ... he doesn't hate her, he just feels sorry for her ...

This is good ... something of a reconciliation ... or at least the beginning of one ... and they're letting Kattigan be a part of this too even though he's basically stumbled his way into it ... :3

Hal gives his big producer's speech to buck up the cast and crew ... this really does mean a whole hell of a lot to him personally ... it's a powerful thing so OF COURSE he's putting all of himself into it ... it's beautiful ...

The Ritual's already starting ... and Vaelus Levels Up too ...

And THIS is where we call it a night, then ... gods, this was a long and bloody EXHAUSTING episode ... I really hope they take it a little easier on us next time ...

Starting with the Soldiers again, then ... oh wait, so we're pretty much just picking up RIGHT where we left off this time? Cool ... so no cold open ... nice ... I could get used to this ...

Wicander is completely clueless ... and yet somehow Sam still rolls a NAT20 ... O.O ... impressive ...

The Pariah Blades are GONE ... oh shit ... this can't be good ... tha BARKING CREWS have them? So you mean Shadia and hers are out there right now waving them around in public ...

Oh shit and the lice wig box too ... hmmmmmm ... this is getting complicated ... perhaps you guys should HANDLE THIS SHIT right now ...

So the broken ones are in hand, at least ... but still ... oof ...

Maybe not exactly PRIME seating ...

Making arrangements ... and heading out again ...

Oh yeah, that's right ... the Crowkeepers were definitely comprehensively sorted out by EVERYBODY in their own ways ... nice ...

Sam's doing Accessibility ads, then? Hmmmmm ... how's this gonna go? Oh, I think I see where this is going ... let's see how uncomfortable Liam can make him ... this should be fun ... yeah, here we go ... wor Liam, you are WAY too good at this ... XD ... "Uh ... Sam's eyes ... make me want to be a better man." LOL ... oh, he's getting touchy now ... and now it's getting a bit ... WEIRD ... holy shit this is BRILLIANT ... this is one of THE VERY BEST ONES we've had so far ... so perfect ... I loved this one ...

HOLY SHIT ... look at this ... EVERBODY is here all at once, fully crammed in all at one table ... tghis is a FASCINATING scenes and I'm already in love even though it's going to be CHAOS trying to make this actually WORK ... ESPECIALLY if they have to try and actually ROLL for anything ... O.O

Back with Hal and Thaisha, then ... and Azune ... reunions continue to abound ...

Oh and Thaisha is just going STRAIGHT into mother-mode ... I love it ... :3

Yeah, it's all just happening all at once ... and here comes Thimble! A reunion with Occtis! This is going to be ... PAINFUL, I'm sure ... these two care SO MUCH about each other ... oh man ... yeah, I was right ... is gonna hurt ...

Term papers? really, Murray?

Okay ... here comes Wick and Tyranny ... I don't know HOW this is gonna go ... O.O

Yeah, Tyranny is TOTALLY going to use Wick as a dress-up doll ... and she is VERY drawn to Occtis right now ... oh shit ... this could be a problem ...

Yes, they DID meet your sisters, Tyranny ... it was a BIG mess ...

VERY complicated ...

Perception check for julien? Hmmmm ... and he CRITS it ... fucking hell, Matt ... ah yeah, the bracers ... yeah, don't go off on one right now, Julien, they DIDN'T kill one of YOUR kinsmen for those ...

Yes, that's right, the Orchard is indeed GONE ... this one is gonna hit Thimble SO HARD ... poor wee pixie ... I just wanna give her a very careful hug ...

The true, uncomfortable truth of how it looks right now ... and the fact that Thjazi MIGHT actually have been in on this on the WRONG side ... it's VERY complicated right now ... something tells me this will be a running theme of this episode ...

Something tells me getting EVERYTHING straighty and into order altogether is going to be a hell of a task ...

"The liquid light of the universe is actually just the drainings of a giant angel man ..." Oh boy yes ... THAT LINE is going to live in Critical Role infamy for A VERY LONG TIME, methinks ... LOL

And how this all pertains to WHY Occtis' family murdered him ...

The Loose End Club ...

Insight Versus Persuasion check for the Nonce & Ninny ... holy shit, they actually have to ROLLIES for this ... no, apparently Meats It Beats it ... okay then ... oh yeah, I think we're ALL wondering that ... there's no way that Wick is ACTUALLY the ultimate product of THOSE loins ...

Tasty treats? Really?

Oh, so maybe the paints were Thjazi trying to THWART all of this evil nonsense? We can only hope ... O.O

MARA!!! Yes! That's it!

Occtis produces his cousin's head ... Micha nopes out for more tea ... yeah, that's about right ...

Tyranny meets Vaelus ... and they are already FASCINATING to each other ...

The Falcon's Rest was cleared out SPECIFICALLY for them to try and find Mara? NOT as the symbol?

YES!!! The letter! What a clue!

The Wings across The Border ... OF COURSE ...

Bolaire: "We ruined something that deserved to be ruined."

Please give Kattigan some tea to pep him up ...

In other words FUCK THE TACHONIS ... they must be stopped ... because they're about to do something HORRIBLE ...

We do indeed now have 350 mercenary soldiers on our side, too ... and the magpies are now spies for the resistance ...

YES!!! The Hounds! We love the Hounds!

Shit ... the Candle ... yeah ... not a pleasant thing ... no, please DO NOT touch it ... DEFINITELY please do not EAT IT, Tyranny! O.O

Cancel the play? I mean, it IS a potential option that might actually work ...

I was right, this is A LOT right now ... O.O

That's right ... the thinking of a soldier to try and err on the side of the greater good at the expense of the smaller one ...

What IS a Sea Door?

History check for the Schemers!

What DO we do about this NOW?!!!

Kattigan is NOT into all of this shit right now ... he is NOT a man of words, he is purely a man of ACTION ...

It is all starting to come together ... but now we're worrying that maybe what they're doing right now might ACTUALLY accidentally make this all go off after all ...

Yeah ... Lady Cormoray got sucked into the Casket ... that happened too ... XD

Wick: "Someone should make a list." LOL

Insight rolls for Thimble AND Occtis ...

Intention can be a powerful vehicle to change the intent of something that's normally extremely rigid ...

No, Vaelu IS NOT going to give up the Stone, and I do not blame her in the slightest ... yeah, I don't see why she WOULD trust Bolaire ...

The unpronouncable book! Yeah! That's right Murray, he did indeed get you a souvenir! LOL ... and a bunch more goodies besides ... ROLL ARCANA!!! With advantage! NAT20!!!

HOLY SHIT MURRAY JUST LEVELED UP!!! O.O

So if they ARE going to let this go forward it's definitely best to be FULLY forearmed against it ... yes, have ALL of their hired blades ready to fight just in case ...

Varen: "We're hired, but we ain't doing it for the money." I love this man ... :3

"Any good tidings?" "Always for a friend."

Definitely send someone with Wick, he WILL ask the dumbest shit ... but yes, Tyranny's ALSO right, he does still deserve a lot more respect ...

Preparing to split the party again, then? Hmmmmm ... I hope this won't be a bad thing ...

DO THEY call the play off or let it happen after all?

YES!!! Kattigan would defintely be a great choice for MUSCLE if they need it ...

Ashley ALWAYS gets Whispers ... LOL

Wow, the Tables really are getting mixed up right now, aren't they? Are they all just going to be fully reordered moving forward? Is that what's happening?

Is this going to be a possible olive branch for Julien and Thimble? Gods, I hope so ... he's being unusually kind right now ... yes, that was very well handled there, Davinos ...

It's Dr TALTER ...

Damn, Teor and Kattigan really are flirting now, aren't they? It's quite cute, really ... :3

The road ahead for the new groups ... hmmmmm ... this should all be very interesting ... but what IS Vaelus doing? Yeah, it's what I thought, she IS sticking with Occtis ... even if just from a distance ...

Ashley: "Oh ... why are you doing this to me?" Brennan: "Well, we're recording this, so ..." LOL

And THIS is where he chooses to call it a break ...

Are we feeling abit overwhelmed there, Mulligan? Is that what this is? LOL

Good point ... most of them don't really know Kattigan very well ... this should be interesting ...

Aid! Nice ...

Wick IS painfully annoying, yes ... but he IS also a good kid at his core ... and he IS soft, but not in a BAD way ...

Thaisha casts Guidance on HIM too ... that's sweet ...

Pin is cute, be he can be a bit spooky to the uninitiated, too ... :3 ... oh hello, nice ... yeah, the anti-Petrification stuff is VERY useful right now ... meanwhile Teor gives occtis one of his family's vassal blades too ... ALSO nice ... something tells me Teo might develop an even stronger connection to him that he did with Wick ...

Swapping people ALREADY? This is going to get confusing VERY quickly ... and we're ALREADY rolling for new hit points for Level 5 for Murray ... hmmmmmm ... yes, don't forget Dwarven Toughness ...

Azune is REALLY going through it right now ... buck the poor lad up, Murray ... oh dear ... yeah, Demodus really shouldn't go to THAT meeting ... but yeah, he really does make a very good case for that right now ... oh boy, this really is basically a total Sophie's Choice ...

How do you suck your balls in through your arsecheeks? I don't know how one could actually DO that ... O.O

Fuck, he's having a full-on PANIC ATTACK ... holy shit, Luis is absolutely KILLING IT right now, give the man a fucking OSCAR for this performance ...

Sunset eyes ... hmmmmmm ... and then Brennan tears our hearts out reminding us of Azune's sister ...

You really do forget just how fucking YOUNG Azune actually is ...

Big rolls across the board ...

A proper introduction between Azune and Vaelus ... hmmmm ...

So they ARE putting Demodus into the room, then ... but Murray INSISTS on being with him ... yeah ... I don't blame her in the slightest ... and Occtis gives Azune back the letter ...

Yeah, best to defer that until tomorrow morning ...

Yeah, this kid reaslly does mean THE WORLD to Murray ...they're so sweet ... :3

Yeah, King Gus is very much hot for Murray ... XD

Wow ... just THREE at the tabel now ... O.O

Okay ... so this is VERY MUCH Creed central aroun dhere, then ... potentially this could be VERY HOSTILE territory for them if something went really wrong ...

Double Dog? And a Country Mouse Guest ...

Yeah, these two are still VERY MUCH in love with each other and I love that Kattigan's just watching this with a wry smile on his face right now ... :3

Enhance Ability!

Oh my ... a beautiful antlered demon? Fascinating ... ah, yes ... it IS Cruelty ... this should be interesting ... oh wow, she is STO petty ... and they're both being wuite juvenile right now ... I'm loving it ... a Wisdom check? Oh, this BITCH ... but Thaisha's MORE than equal to the task ... oh, that was BEAUTIFUL ... XD

Phelonius ... oh boy ...

Oh yeah, he's TOTALLY digging for info on Wick right now ... oh hello, Wrath and Judgement ... Celestial Hounds? Fascinating ...

Arcana check? Versus a Deception check ... roll well , Hal ...

Speak With Animals ... oh THIS should be fun ... with a Persuasion check ... oh boy ... that's noit gonna do it, is it?

"Don't be down on yourself, I'm sure it's a magic snake!" Wow ... LOL

Yanessa fucking Halovar ... THIS bitch ... I really don't like her ... and Enmity ... this could be ... tricky ...

Sisters of different faiths ... oh wait ... was that A THREAT?

Luminous cookies? Sounds lovely ... I wouldn't say no ...

Persuasion check! Holy shit, Liam! O.O

I have the worst feeling Kattigan just painted a target on his own back right here ... oh no, of course ... looks like they're trying to RECRUIT him instead ... yeah ... fucking religious zealots ... you can never trust them in this kind of situation ...

Aha ... so she's trying to create a narrative regarding her wayward son ... oh wow ... and she's spotlighting TEOR as a rebel? That's actually HILARIOUS ... and trying to use Thjazi as a scapegoat for everything while they're at it ... I repeat, THIS BITCH ...

You are an EXCEPTIONAL actor, Halandil Fang ... Kattigan, on the other hand ... oh boy ... Deception check? FUCK ... oh shit, that's a NATURAL FUCKING ONE ... O.O

Oh fuck we are SO FUCKING DEAD RIGHT NOW ...

Stop talking, Kattigan. PLEASE. You are just DIGGING A HOLE right now!

Persuasion or Perception? Hal should do MUCH better at this ...

Nice deflection, Thaisha ... and a little nod at the Einfassen while you're at it? PERFECT ...

Oh my gods, this fucking demon is just SQUIRMING right now ... this is BEAUTIFUL ... Aabria: "Roll for Persuasion!" Brennan: "I'm just taking Whitney's lead for how demons act here!"

Wow ... the Church interfering in the Arts ... this is gettign a bit ON THE NOSE but it's too beautiful for me to complain ... XD ... but IN GAME it's also very worrying besides ... I do not trust this bitch as far as i coudl throw her ...

Delay opening? SHE'S pushing for that? That's very suspicious indeed ...

Perception check for Thaisha! Crap ...

She's NOT COMING? Hmmmmm ... now THAT is even MORE suspicious ...

So that's it? Hmmmmmm ... yeah, get the fuck OUT OF THERE, guys!

Insight rolls, guys? HOLY SHIT, Robbie! That's a fucking CRIT ...

Oh yeah, I was thinking the EXACT same think ... she is DEFINITELY watching him like a pure fucking PREDATOR right now ... he is in DEEP SHIT right now ...

Oh my ... so Thaisha's just gonna have her Familiar go ALL OUT on a whgole bunch of snooping for the angel in the basement ... that is AWESOME ...

Off to the Hallowed round to do a dress rehearsal for some bullshit that will NOT be played out opening night ... beautiful ...

ANOTHER table swap ...

Bolaire's having fun just MESSING with Wick right now ... XD

DOES Tyranny know Julien? LOL ... meanwhile Bolaire just continues to make fun of her too ...

Divine Sense! Oh, the place is RADIATING Fiendish energy? Fuck ... that's DEFINITELY not a good sign ... and ESPECIALLY a seriously scary one ... yeah, I'm with Teor, this is a BAD SIGN ...

Bolaire: "Being underestimated is an extremely valuable weapon if you're willing to use it."

I love Hollis ... he's a riot ... LOL

Where is this going? O.O

Arcana check with a VERY high DC ... hmmmmm ... not good enough, Tyranny ...

Hollis is SO sarcastic and it's FANTASTIC ... LOL

It's true, Teor and Julien are most definitely an ODD COUPLE ...

So we're SURROUNDED by demons right now? All of them very much in disguise ... fascinating ...

This place is a goth's wet dream, I love it ...

Oh hello ... full bore FIEND ... yeah ... here we are ... oh fuck and she's GROWING ... wow ... she is TERRIFYING ... Brennan: "She is a fucking MESS." Indeed ...

Tsul'rekshi ... sweet jesus, please don't make me write THAT out again ... O.O

This is a "token"? Bloody hell ...

The knife? It's reacting? Intriguing ... oh, hello ... an intriguing introduction ... and she drops her dad's name just like that ... Insight check! Oh dear ...

Tsul'rekshi: "Yes, we all have bods that rock differently." Wow ...

Another Insight check! And Wick too ... awwww ... poor Araq ... she's A FAN, apparently ...

Yeah, she really DOESN'T like Teor, clearly ...

Working out the specifics in the arrangement, then ... Bolaire is earning his keep in this situation, definitely ...

Be as honest as you can under the circumstances, Wicander ...

Insight check! Wow, she really IS shocked by this information ... that is HILARIOUS ... XD

Elipses ... oh boy ... you really shouldn't be making dumb mistakes like this with a fucking DEMON, kids ...

A drop of blood for THAT? Fascinating ... O.O

I fucking KNEW IT ... Wick really IS a bloody Aasimar ... born of mortal but the progeny of an angel somewhere in his familial past ... this is a big revelation to HIM but not to us ...

Sidebars ... wow ... this is getting complicated and it's hilarious ... LOL

The blood of the River Gavzidra? Hmmmmmm ... so that's some proper River Styx shit ... she intended the paint to free the souls of the Rungiani ... wow ...

Transmutation of Celestial powers ... yes indeed ...

Where ARE they getting their power from? Is THIS the secret behind those "holy orders"? Is every Lux in the realm a fucking WARLOCK?

Maybe you should juet leave the questions to Bolaire, he's clearly the most on the ball among you right now ...

The Cloak? A sort of clandestine arcane group? Interesting ... and clearly amateurs in the field ... MARA!!! Yes! There it is!

Now if you're smart, you'll use that query about the cuckoo as her next question ... YES!!! There you are, Wick ... you're perfect ... XD

Specifically an Asimar of Tansul ... intriguing ... Aethion ... okay ...

Wow ... for a tricksy demon she's really not very good at this game is she?

Fuck me, Julien, that is a FANTASTIC question ...

Destroy the order of Azgra ... hmmmmmm ...

Tyranny asks in Demonic ... and Brennan RESPONDS ... oh, so she's really getting personal ... and casts identify on her knife while she's at it ... wait ... is this something of a KINDNESS that this nightmarish bitch is paying her? Wow ... that really was ... this is actually rather SWEET ...

Oh, so Tyranny's now Attuned to her knife? AND she Levels Up while she's at it! Nice ... meanwhile she's having some confusion over her parentage ... LOL

Game of three, then ... and it's DEFINITELY time to get the fuck out of here ...

Yes, please tyranny, help this poor wretched child ...

Switching out the tables one more time ... yeah, this is a MARATHON tonight ...

Oh, this place is FANCY and very CLEVER too ...

Hello, is this Gus' sister, perhaps?

Formality, yeah ... but introductions are necessary ... and polite ... but honestly it's mostly just friendly ... and I love how cute thimble and Gus' first meeting immediately is ...

Oh my, this is a sharp hound, aren't they ... yeah, l reckon the jig's up ... oh hello ... so Brennan cocked that one up ... RETCON!!! Thank you, Walker's Ward ...

Hello ... are we inviting Gus to be part of the coming revolution? even if only in the form of affirmation?

Persuasion check! Please roll well, Murray ... Guidance! Thank you, Vaelus ... that was almost SO BAD but that all turned it around ... also it probably helps that Gus is clearly into her ...

Awwww ... it's cute that he appreciated Thimble snickering at a little slip of the tongue ... XD

I absolutely LOVE Gus, he really is a REAL ONE ...

Yeah, I thought she was his sister, but I also love that Thimble out loud exclaims that she though she was his wife ...

Gus: "Y'know they make you a king if you win a revolution? It's the worst part of a revolution." I keep loving him more and more, he's too precious. :3

Azune loves a good list ... LOL

Big rewind, Vaelus doesn't say THAT ...

Letting Gus in on the fate of House Royce ... AND the Golden Orchard ...

A seed? Hmmmmm ... oh hello ... a seed from the cherry tree by the waterwheel on the Millers' Road ... that is AMAZING ... that's pretty awesome ... and he offers a place in Timmony for those displaced by the Orchard's fall ... I continue to be AWED by how awesome this guy is ... and then he says "Yeah, sure" to the prospect of refugees from Dol'Majar too if it comes to it ... proper gent, he is ... but is he willing to get actually INVOLVED in another rebellion?

Persuasion check ... and Azune Guides himself ... AND he spends a Luck point ... shit ... oh wait, can Murray help with a Portent?

Marisha (going off on a bit of rant on Murray's behalf): "Fine! You roll a 19!" XD ... I LOVE HER!!!

Yeah, Murray looks into the timelines with her Portent and just gives Gus a subtle little nudge ...

Oh my gods, who mwas that sweet young man? Gus lost a love, it seems ... that's a powerful reminder for him, clearly ... and clearly that's just the nudge he needed, then ... and THAT'S where Brennan calls it a night!

LONG episode, this one ... how's this all gon na go? So ... we're back with the Soldiers' Table ... the FULL table ... fascinating ... does that mean something in particular here?

Wwo, just STRAIGHT into a roll ... Investigation or Perception with advantage ... looking for a way back into the city, then ...

So they're going to go through a lot of difficulty to make it EASY on themselves ... interesting ...

Oh gods yeah, the Holy Orders ... oh boy ... aRETROACTIVE Insight check? And she CRITS it ... while Sam rolls BALLS ... that's PERFECT ... XD

Shadow is Thjazi? Hmmmmm ... DOES Thimble know what all this means? O.O ... does she know a Professor? NO ... bah ...

That's right, I don't think Tyranny DID meet Murray ...

Investigation check! Fuycking hell, Laura ... she CRITTED that ... and Brennan is NOT prepared ... wow ... oh, he's pivotting HARD now ... this really is the DM's worst nightmare ... O.O

Robbie: "This is what a healthy marriage looks like." Yes indeed!

He only gave her THREE words ... this is tricky to decide ...

Brennan has a very good point there but he definitely DID THIS TO HIMSELF ... LOL

Wow, I really didn't expect we'd be getting a loredump THIS early ... it's all very intriguing and more than a little cryptic even though it's giving us fresh clues ... O.O ... hmmmmmmm ...

Well yeah, reckon I could go for some noodles, definitely ...

Oh, so they're coming back tonight? Fascinating ... so it's all up in the air again ...

Okay, what fresh hell are you gonna unleash on us this time, Riegel? Creating cinema? Oh dear ... yeah, I can see where this is going ... YEAH ... here comes the cheese ... and he's forcing Travis to do a FRENCH ACCENT ... but it's a GOOD ONE ... interesting ... it's better than any French accent YOU could ever do, Sam ... "Science"? Where are we going with this, Travis? Wow ... yeah, that really is BAD ACTING, Riegel ... but Travis is KILLING IT ... wow ... what the fuck was THAT last effort, Sam? That was some WEIRD SHIT ... yeah, this was a MAD one ... and sorry about your wife, too ...

"Age of MUMBRA", Travis? XD ... and who's Robbie DRAYMOND?

Ah, back with the Schemers ... as it should be ... because we NEED to resolve THAT cliffhanger ... this is RIGHT AFTER some seriously FUCKED UP SHIT just went down ... O.O

And thus the bullshit begins IMMEDIATELY ...

PLEASE tell me Gus ain't buying this crap ...

Sir Carbrady? Yeah ... he was a good man ...

Insight check ... yeah, the King is still WARY right now ... I hope that's a GOOD sign right now ...

Oh for fuck's sake ... she's getting STRAIGHT to milking it ...

Deception or Stealth check for Hal, then ...

Go Azune! Pivot HARD to get this shit under control ... roll ofr Persuasion! And use your Heroic Inspiration because that was SHITE ... yeah, much better ...

I really hope this doesn't go south right now ...

Yeah, I'm with Murray ... NOW what's she gonna do? Okay ... yeah, I didn't think she would've tried to just Resurrect her, that would've been TOO MUCH in the moment ...

Bolaire should INDEED have been making a bunch of Insight checks on all THAT bad acting ...

Minor Illusion ... nice one, Hal ... so subtle but smart ... he's literally Clark Kenting it ... Deception! Yup, that woiked out BEAUTIFULLY ...

Murray's just making a bunch of Messages ...

It's all a real chaotic aftermath now ...

Trying to keep King Gus in hand with patience right now ... yeah, that's not too great ... oh hello ... he recognises Murray ... I guess SHE makes him feel safer than anything else ... nice ...

Oh my ... is he FLIRTING with our dwarf right now? O.O ... is THAT what this is? Oh wow, i think this might well be ... he's in a rough place right now, but still ... yeah ... he's definitely very IMPRESSED with her ...

I think she might be reciprocating, too ...

King Gus really is a FANTASTIC guy and he walks with NO FEAR considering what's just happened to him ...

Just the four of them now, then ... yeah, something tells me they all need to meet in privacy RIGHT NOW ...

This whole scene is going to look BAD, clearly ...

Back at Bolaire's office, then ...

Yes, Murray ... PLEASE make it clear RIGHT AWAY that the Photarch is absolute BULLSHIT right now ...

Bolaire uses Telepathy to make ABSOLUTELY SURE Murray hasn't been fooled and she allows it ... that's trust right there ... Detect Thoughts ... yeah, that all seems pretty fucking DEFINITIVE ...

Azune's sister ... yeah ... that's a very loaded topic right now ... okay, so here we go then, more of Azune's extremely DARK backstory ...

History check! And an In sight for Azune with his particular personal experience and expertise on mercenaries ...

Somebody's shouting upstairs? That can't be good ...

Investigation? Please roll well for this, Luis ... he gets all the shards, but the crossbow bolt is GONE ... yeah, of fucking COURSE it is ...

Gods is she STILL going on and on? This bloody woman has no shame ... oh here we go ... yeah, she's just spinning a whole MANIFESTO now, that's just what I expected ... this really is SO MUCH deflectionary bullshit ... oh wow, that strike at the Revolutionary Council is just the PERFECT final stroke, there ...

And THIS is where he calls it on the Schemers' Table, with a little declaration from Hal ... fitting ...

Aha ... back with the Seekers' Table, then ...

Back in the safety and sunlight of the Keep, at least ...

Yeah, Dame Seremai ... hmmmmmmm ...

Julien's mother is here? Holy shit ... that's interesting ... O.O ... and word of an attack on the Golden Orchard too ... gah ...

Oh my ... wow, so THIS is where julien gets his spectacular good looks from, then ... Maya Davinos ... an absolute VISION ... I am INTRIGUED to see what she's actually LIKE ...

Fuck ... Matt and Brennan going RIGHT FOR OUR THROATS with the heartbreak right now ...

THAT meeting with Occtis went significantly better than I expected, definitely ... I hope the civility can hold ...

The Orchard was DESTROYED?!!! O.O ... no ...

Insight check from Vaelus? And with some Guidance from Thaisha, too ... oh wow ... they're not taking ANY chances ... and Ashley's shitty rolls definitely did EXACTLY what we would've expected ... O.O

It's so true, you can't be mad AND sad ... LOL ... (yes, that WAS sarcasm) ...

Perception check! A massive eagle is landing nearby? Oh yeah, we definitely know who THAT is ...

Whoa, chill there, Vaelus ... that might not be the best tack of questioning ...

Oh yeah, no0, Maya is DEFINITELY where julien gets it all from ... right down to the SASS ... "She'll kill you" No shit ...

Yeah, good point ... what WAS the actual POINT of the attack? Might be a good problem to SOLVE at some point ...

A few minutes ALONE for mother and son ... I get the feeling this is gonna be INTENSE ...

Wraith's Touch? Julien's sister is ... in a bad way ... FUCK ...

Here it comes ... the recrimination, the projection ... she's in a bad place and she'll take it all out on her son who's become a disappointment to her ... this is gonna hurt ...

And now she's shitting on Aranessa while she's at it ...

Oh fuck ... she's gonna make Julien TAKE A WIFE now to FIX EVERYTHING ... that's very drastic, but I get EXACTLY where that's coming from ...

Yeah, that is EXACTLY what I expected julien to say ... he's not having ANY of this ...

That could have gone batter ...

Oh you sweet summer children ... hold onto that delusion, it's definitely a lot better than what REALLY happened ...

Ingrid Einfasen? O.O ... intriguing ...

Oh yeah ... Menelas ... hmmmm ... that's intense ...

She's looking for Julien? OF COURSE she is ...

Persuasion with Guidance ... for VELUS to comfort this girl right now ... oh, really? Her Charisma is HIGH, actually ... Dirty 20! There you go ...

Ingrid is VERY awkward right now ... poor girl's so flustered she might burst into tears ...

Ethrand Tachonis? So she's been pushed to marry too, then? But of course she's not having ANY of that ... wow ... yeah, her turn of phrase is PERFECT there ... LOL

He does have very good hair, yes ...

That's it, absolutely ... she's totally thinking: "I can fix him!" Oh dear fucking gods ...

Exactly ... demure is BAD ...

Fucking hell, Thaisha ... PLEASE don't encourage this ... and now Vaelus is prompting it even further ... yeah, this is going to be SOMETHING ... I CAN;T WAIT to see how THIS turns out ...

Oh shit ... Thaisha has been SUMMONED back to Dol Makjar ... that's a big deal ...

Filling the druids in on what happened in the Eternal Night, then ...

Aabria snipes Brennan RIGHT when she needed to ... ah, the joys and perils of having THREE DMs at one table right now ... LOL

More revelations, then ...

Moving back inside to Occtis and Dr Talter ...

Oh gods ... so Dame Seremai was an EXILE? Hmmmmmm ... that's a tricky spot, then ...

Poor Dr Talter ... she really is somewhat adrift right now ... she needs a new mission, then ... and clearly she HATES adventure after her first one ... hmmmmmmm ... but yeah, clearly Occvtis has made a very good friend here ... and found a place he can be safe in the Totality too ...

He points her to Murray as someone who can halp ... yeah, nice one, Occtis ... Insight check! Oh boy ... he shits the bed ... and COMPLETELY misses the fact the Doc had a massive crush on him ... LOL

Time for a break!

Oh hello ... we're back with the Soldiers' Table ... okay ...

Einfasen guards? Interesting ... that's surely not ... foreboding or anything ...

Yeah, I reckon Kattigan's probably the one SMART choice to be driving right now ... oh dear gods he's going to do SO BADLY here ... please just TALK man ... O.O ... fuck he's SO BAD AT THIS ...

Definitely a Deception check ... seriously, how is this NOT at Disadvantage? O.O

Brennan: "This was supposed to be one skill check!"

"Assorted treats"? Fucking hell he is DIGGING A HOLE for himself right now ...

I cannot believe that actually fucking WORKED ... Kattigan: "I'm not good with people!" No shit!

They're back in the city ... unbeilevable ...

Oh boy ... so the hubbub has already begun ... the Halovar's are cashing in on hteir newfound fame as much as possible ...

Shadia! Oh hello! Nice job there, luv! That's a great idea ...

OF COURSE she instantly recognises Thimble ... :3

Funky little Druidcrafted goggles ... so cool ...

Good point ... what ARE WE going top do first? Yeah ... to the Archenade, then ... and HERE COME THE SCHEMERS!!!

Holy shit ... FULL TABLE now ... only Liam is missing ...

So what IS going on in the city today after THAT mess?

More unintelligable dice ...

Getting a REASONABLE read on the crime scene, then ... but not a GREAT one ... but it jogs a memory, apparently ... The Lana Strossa ... hmmmmmm ... an assasins guild? Fascinating ... yeah, vanished is SCARIER than not ...

Yup ... that is PERFECT timing ... (that's more sarcasm) ...

They IMMEDIATELY start yelling at each other ... this is EXACTLY what I expected ...

Go to the study ... DEFINITELY ...

Brennan is cracking up magnificently right now and I'm right there with him ... this is BEAUTIFUL ...

That is a LONG WAY to lug that big piece of once-living stone ... meanwhile Murray's clearing the way as they go ...

Yes. Give Bolaire the basilisk leftovers ...

OH SHIT!!! MAJOR REVELATION!!! Murray's visions coming through in a pinch!

Arcana check! Or Religion with Advantage! HOLY SHIT, Murray! Wizards, man ...

Ah yes ... the others finally find out what happened to Tachonis ... oh man ... how's Thimble gonna take this news?

THE ANCHOR!!! There you go!

Gods, there is A LOT of information they all need to relay to each other gith now ...

NO!!! NOT THE SANDWICH!!!

How you hug a really genuinely tiny person ...

Wick finds out just how FULL OF SHIT his family and in particularly his grandmother really is ... and Azune needs to BACK OFF of our boy because he is INNOCENT in all this ...

Wisdom saving throws? REALLY?!!! Chill, Bolaire ... he's just detecting Thoughts right now ... a Steven Universe episode in Wick's head ... I like that ... Pizza Pockets? LOL

The Holy Order ... yeah ...

Bolaire: "What do you know about Ksha'ravi, darling?" Tyranny: "That's MY DAD. Darling!"

Okay, I think Teor's word can be trusted in this ...

Yes. Come on. BRING CYD BACK ALREADY!!!

The Sea of Lachris? Hmmmmmm ... lots of undead stuff ... tracks with wehat we've all been going through lately ...

Wick: "I think you DO know more than we do ..."

Arcana check! With Guidance! Holy fucking shit, Murray ... 29 on Arcana? That is INSANE ...

DIVINE SENSE!!! Of course! That makes perfect (ahem) sense ...

That is a fascinating little puzzle right there ... but also REALLY SCARY in its implications ...

How to un-petrify Cyd? Arcana check ... hmmmm ... interesting dilemma, that ... do it now or wait until they can potentially heal OTHERS too ... but that's right, they might not actually have TIME to wait right now ...

Yes! Thwart Priums Tachonis!

Putting it on Teor? Not cool ...

And we're going back to the Seekers!

Oh boy ... Julien and Ingrid, then ... this should be FASCINATING ...

Well this is actually helpful because it does mean she's giving him much needed information he might not otherwise have access to ...

She's really dancing around the subject right now ...

Holy shit that was a hell of a swig there, luv! O.O

Julien PLEASE don't break this sweet girl's heart, she is REALLY TRYING here ...

Persuasion check ... dirty 20! I mean of course ...

Just getting to know each other, then ... it's actually kind of adorable, really ...

Meanwhile with Thaisha and Vaelus ...

Mara is clearly a disappointment to the Circle ... hmmmmm ... this clearly IS a thread to pull on in this, then ...

Oof ... yeah, that did sound a bit worrying for Thaisha for a moment there ...

Oh hell yeah! Catching a trip back to Dol Makjar as quickly as possible would be EXTREMELY helpful ... and seems like Hannan's coming with, too ...

interesting ... is he maybe throwing Vaelus a bone right now? Insight check! Roll god for once, Ashley! Oh, not bad ... yeah, maybe he is, at least a little ...but it is REALLY HARD for him ...

Checking back in with Occtis ...

The scroll? Oh here we go ... oh, she's been summoned to Dol Rungia? To explain what she's done, maybe? Interesting ...

So she's going to DECLINE this not-exactly-an-invitation? Oh boy ... O.O ... but it does at least mean they have a specific fixed plan, then ...

Dame Seremai's body ... yeah ... she needs to be laid to rest in one way or another ... so Occtis is gonna take her back to Dol Makjar instead ... oh boy ...

Gentle Repose? Yes, of course ... I was hoping he'd do that ...

Julien is still getting to know ingrid ...

Oh here it comes, then ... yeah ... and she's making a pretty decent stab at the proposal, too ... but then he STOPS HER SHORT and very gently just puts a pin in it in the most pleasant way ... that was REALLY SWEET, Julien ... keep it up. Just don't hurt her, okay? And nice way to keep her in his confidence in what they have to do, as well ...

Oh my goids he actually KISSED HER ... O.O

You played it cool, girl ... you did it JUST FINE ...

Reunion, then ...

Yeah, Julien ... you're really smooth ...

Heading out at dawn, then ... Juliem sends messages out to those he must ... and especially to his sister ... giving his goodbyes to his mother while he's at it ...

Oh, there's some fae here with her! Nice ... not unexpected, of course ...

A message to Thimble? "Twig's okay" ... yeah, okay, there we go ... that's good news for her ...

Yeah, he has his mission ... and he throws his mother a bone after all ... in his own, very proud way ... and does his best to reassure her while he's at it ...

THAT was the ending to this meeting that I was hoping for ... or at least the best it could have gone ...

Heading out in the morning, then ... accompanied by Ingrid ... oh ,here we go ... their farewell ... oh, this is a PERFECT ... a BATTLEAXE? As a favour? That's pretty fricking sweet, actually ... I'd absolutely TREASURE that ...

Oh here we go, they make it back to the city BEFORE THE END OF THE DAY!!! Blimey ...

Half of the group SHOULD NOT BE SEEN ... that is VERY RIGHT ...

Fog Clouds ... nice ... smart call ...

Making plans with Hannan for whatever happens next ...

DO NOT forget your axe, Julien ...

The Hallowed Round? Oh, that's fortuitous ...

And here comes Liam ... perfect ...

Yes, so what has HAL been up to since that NIGHTMARE? Okay, so it's final preparations the day before the night ... hmmmmmmm ... everybody's busy and he's just using to distract himself ...

Hopefully Hal's plans for the day WILL NOT get him killed ...

Here we go, they finally arrive ... and he sees them coming ... it;s a rather clumsy greeting, but still quite sweet too ...

Just be part of the moment, guys ...

Finding some privacy ... and Hal fills them min on all the CRAZY SHIT that's just happened here ... and then they enlighten him in kind ...

Yes. Hide the curls. Ignore pretty boy's protestations ...

Please don't forget about the corpse in your charge right now, Occtis ...

Performance check for wig placement ... oh boy ... XD ... holy shit, this is really something ...

Good old Disguise Self ...

THAT'S LUNCH!!!

Oh shit ... Misha ... yeah ... under house arrest ... how are they going to work around that? "Outside voice" ... LOL

Heading to Hal's house ...

And some more swapping out ... this is getting really hard to keep track of ... ah, so we're back with the Schemers and Soldiers ...

Trying to make the petrification antidote? Yeah, honestly, the penteveral is probably the better call ... or Bolaire could just have HIS people do it instead ... yeah, that's actually probably THE BEST move right now ...

"It's a shared universe!" Except it's NOT ... do not believe that, internet ... curb your enthusiasm ...

Yes, you need to hide Wick and Tyranny somewhere ... oh, hello again, Liam ... and he's gone again ... ah yes, a disguise ... might be a wise move ... but he is WAY too enthusiastic about this ... and Tyranny is being WAY too encouraging too ...

"Mistrtess Endeavor?" What? Marisha your notes are insane ...

Knife & Palette Pigments ... yes, Thimble knows of it ... oh, so she's MORE than just familiar, then ... okay ... but no actual face-to-face ...

Yes. Celestial Blood. There you go, Wick ... your family ARE in on this crazy shit with the paint ...

Altering arcane objects? Oh dear ...

History check! Ah yes, so Murray DOES know this mysterious country lizardfolk wizard type ...

The revelation of the source of the Filament ... and LOOK AT the faces on them all as they hear about this ... oh shit, and HERO just arrived and heard that too ... ouch ...

Lord Einfasen is here ... shit ...

Hero has now been PUT IN CHARGE of making the basilisk antidote ...

Mask of Many Faces ... nice, Tyranny ...

Kattigan: "My lower back hurts when I sit still for too long."

Heading off to the Hallowed Round, then ... but on the way Azune runs into Lord Einfasen ... and he Alters his face very subtly to look a little more like one of their House ...

A private talk out of the way, then ... why does this make me nervous?

Perception or Persuasion check ... oh boy ... and he uses a Luck point ... NICE ... that's an impressive roll indeed ...

Another investigation? Hmmmmm ... oh yeah, this guy is TOTALLY digging for information right now ... be careful here, Azune ...

So he's very much ON THE CLOCK now ... with a VERY short time limit ... and this whole thing STINKS , I swear ...

Yeah, is he about to walk into a trap? That sounds VERY suspicious to me ...

Interesting place to call it for the night, there ... very foreboding ... definitely sounds like the next one's going to be another doozy of an episode ...

Back in the Barrowdell, then? So we're with the Seekers again ... on, and it's A FULL TABLE this time for the cold open? Awesome ... maybe this will be a longer one, maybe? Are we maybe leaning into a changeover again, maybe?

Dr Talter! Hi! Awwwwww ... :3

Julien, you're very rough ... don't knock on the halfling ... I know we're in a hurry, but still ...

A Sea Door? Hmmmmm ...

Not going the way the crow flies is safer than a beeline, then? Okay, then ...

New discoveries amongst the scavenged evidence, then? Oh here we go, more revelations ... Timmony! Great ... and a shitton at the Orchard, which is definitely not a good sign ..,

Obrimus ... hmmmm ...

A small sprig of holly ... wait, that rings a bell ... oh, so it's SPECIAL holly? That's something else, then ... but still, isn't that a component for something? Meanwhile this is NOT a good sign for Vaelus ...

Speak With Plants! Does that work on an already dead plant? Nature or Religion check ... nice ... oh, a little Speak With the Dead in the mix ... interesting ...

O.O ... oh boy, that is trippy ... yeah, as suspected ...

A spell! I knew it! Hello ... Locate Object! That's the ticket ...

PHYSICAL PROPS!!! OOOOOOOOOHHH!!! O.O

Pre-written revelations ... and very telling, too! Oh boy, this is heavy ... yup, this definitely pertains VERY particularly to what's about to happen in Dol-Makjar ... not good! Not good at all!

What IS the Sea Door? I'm so confiused ...

Yes, time to go ... best get a move on ... and this is it for the open ...

What is it this time, Sam? How are you going to annoy and offend us this time? And what's with the fishbowl? Oh dear ... ah, I see where we're going with this ... the devil and the angel on Riegel's shoulders are back ... slash his tires? AGAIN?!!! Oh gods ... and now it's gettign surreal ... but in a fun way ... yeah, I kidn fo liked thsat one, actually ... XD

At least he didn't make a mess like we were worrying ...

Almost a year for Daggerheart already? O.O ... fascinating ... I really am gonna have to give it a go sometime ...

Wow ... way to get Tal's name SPECTACULARLY wrong, Marisha ... LOL

Oh yes, of course ... it was all kicking off when we called it a night last time ... this is going to be a TOTAL SHOCKER right from the start, i can tell ... how bad is it about to get?

Battlemap! Oh wow! Nice ... and also it means it's all GOING OFF right away!

Wowking out what's going on, then ... and where everybody is ... the housekeeping, if you will ... and timely reminders, good ... any more questions?

Oh, a little run-up to the start for a single action each? This could be very helpful, then ... and a couple of Insight AND perception checks ... oof ... can't be good ...

Well that is VERY supsicious ...

Tongue twisters and enemies ... hmmmmm ...

A swishing lion's tail? Oh now THAT is interesting ... Hero? Oh, now I DEFINITELY don't like this guy ... you don't mistreat Hal's little girl ...

Arcana check ... I'm sorry, a Dirty 20 is MID for Murray? Wow ... O.O ... but then that means she's definitely ON THE BALL ... oh dear ... MIND CONTROL!!! That's never good! And is Gus CHOKING now? Has he been poisoned?

ROLL INITIATIVE!!! And Bolaire has broken his See Invisibility glyph .. okay ... O.O

Oh, we're just ALL doing See invisibility, then ...

Wowking out order, then ... here we go ...

Oh my ... THESE guys clearly mean business ... stock-styled assassin types, never good ...

Liam (to Marisha): "Use you bursar powers!"

Oh, so NOT crossbow bolts, then? That's interesting ... ah, so THAT'S interesting ... nasty smelling shit to disarm the Hounds ... YOU BASTARDS!!! Not the doggos!

Violence erupts! BLACK crossbow bolt? Oh dear ... and they SHOT THE PHOTARCH?!!! Holy fuck! What is going on? They're NOT with the conspiracy at large, then? I'm confused again! We're starting to wonder if this is a THIRD PARTY and it just makes it even more complicated ... O.O

Murray reallky DOESN'T want to be in the middle of this right now ... but she has NO CHOICE in the matter ... Insight check! Marisha is GOING THROUGH IT trying to work out if there is ANYTHING she can actually do right now that won't INSTANTLY give her away ... oh, that's clever, that could work ... slipping HIM the potion instead of giving it to him herself ... will THAT do it? So ... MAYBE that's gonna work? Even choking he's smart enough for that ...

death saves for the Photarch, already ... and THAT is a fail IMMEIDATELY ... PANIC ENSUES around the table ... O.O

Hal's Bardy Senses are tingling ... Adrenaline Rush? Yes! Smart man, do THAT!!! Disguise Self! Yeah! Oh, that's a good choice ... Perception check! Ooh, not great but not BAD ...

Wait, Diswcovery? Secret Extra Battlefield? Oh, now THAT is so cool ... O.O ... but also that means he's ON HIS OWN ... now THAT is interesting ... yeah, he's DEFINITELY up to no good ... BLUFF IT, expert actor ... oh hello, Unsettling Words ... VERY smart ... and COOL, too ... choice ...

Bolaire hustles it down the hall as fast as he can without giving himself away ... and he gets into melee! Perfect ... sword's out! Command! Nice ...

Arcana check! Oh, so the door IS locked, but weith MAGIC ... fuck ...

Who's fucked? Please tell me it's not Gus ...

Yeah, that Fire Bolt is a TOTAL wash ... this guy's clearly not a natural combatant ...

Azune Quickens his spell and hits the guy with Booming Blade ... nice! But it misses ... so he summons Flaming Sphere! Perfect ... and he DOESN'T require Concentration for See invisibility, either ... WHOOMPF!!! And he has to make a Perception check too ... hmmmm ...

Oh nice ... so Varen and his fellow security are PULLING THEIR WEIGHT right now in this party ... SO GOOD they brought them in right now ...

Attacks of Opportunity! Always helpful when they're on OUR side ... and Flaming Sphere does the job as intended ... nice ... Mind Spike from Bolaire thanks to War Caster ... sweet ...

More murder ... we're losing peripheral allies FAST ...AND they stab one of the Hounds you BASTARDS!!! I'm getting MAD now ... fuck, the Lux is DEAD ON THE SPOT ... but this knight might be a bit more help, at least ...

Murray holds her action ... yeah, she is GOING THROUGH IT right now ... Marisha gives a REALLY great description of someone trying VERY HARD to fight off a panic atack ...

Oh, Marisha's had an intriguing idea ... I hope this is as interesting as it sounds ... O.O ... oh, so she could actually SAVE THE PHOTARCH right here? Yes, DO IT!!! Oh, and Brennan's going with it, he's clearly INTRIGUED by this new and unexpected turn of events ... Investigation check! Divination Wizards, man ... wait ... WHAT?!!!

THE PHOTARCH IS FAKING IT?!!! Are you KIDDING ME?!!! The Photarch is just PLAYING A PART in a cunning deception ... THIS FUCKING BITCH!!! She IS a bad guy in this! CONSPIRACY!!! I'm losing my mind right now! Brennan, you sly fuck!

Halovar shenanigans confirmed! O.O

Absolute rule of thumb in D&D of course ... DMs CHEAT sometimes! But somehow he just GOT CAUGHT for once, and he LOVES IT ... LOL

Hal unleashes Shatter at him and the bookshelf behind him ... oh yeah, I LOVE this spell ... and it works BEAUTIFULLY ... BOOM!!! To quote Liam he is FULL-ON pulling a Bene Gesserit use of The Voice on them right now ... oh balls ... that Con save could have been SO MUCH WORSE than a fucking NAT20!!! Damn it ... so much for the Concentration save, then ... but he still takes a BIG HIT, and he's clearly NOT tough ...

Bolaire holds his turn for when Azune moves ...

Hal breaks his Shield glyph JUST IN TIME to resist two nasty claw hits ... NICE ... oh, that's such a cool visual representation of Murray's power right now ...

Azune casts Booming Blade as an attack this time ... and HITS now ... and FORCES him to move so he gets hit with the spell effects ... then he drags the Flaming Sphere across to plant it between two assassins ... beautiful ... yeah, that guy takes A LOT of damage all at once thanks to Azune's quick thinking ... and a perception check ... hmmmmm ... not a great roll ... oh hello, extra spellcaster who's invisible but NOT to HIM ... and THIS is the guy who's "locking" the doors ...

Bolaire just STROLLS into the room and takes the scene in ... judging his options ... hmmmm ... another perception check ... and a GREAT roll ... Crown of Madness on the axe-fighter? Beautiful ... I love that ... and he SHITS IT on his Wisdom save so now he's primed to ATTACK HIS COMRADES ...

One more round before help arrives ... okay then ...

the Crown of madness works very well ... but only as well as the combatant in a stand-up fight ... hmmmm ...

What are they splashing on their swords? I don't like that AT ALL ... do not kill Gus, you bastards!

Shit ... Azune gets his with a poisoned blade ... Con save! half-damage but that's still A LOT, apparently ... that stuff is NASTY ... fuck fuck fuck ... and the other one landed a CRIT, so ... fuck that's FORTY POINTS OF DAMAGE to him right away ... fuck, and now Azune is DOWN ... goodbye Flaming Sphere too ...

Fuck ... and THIS is where he chooses to call a break ...

Liam: "he's robbed us of our power!2 That's right, Mulligan don't play like Mercer ... XD

Murray tries to kick Gus his sword AND his shield ... fuck ... but thankfully they're not rolling great either so they don't NOTICE her ... oh, but that NEW plan with the Shield glyph is BEAUTIFUL ... just in case, that's perfect if it WORKS ...

Hal prsses the nama back and hits him with Cutting Words, then follwos it through with another Shatter ... and he fails his save so he's WIDE OPEN ... BOOM ... yeah, this guy is a MESS now ... he loses Concentration and now the druid is FINALLY FREE ... O.O

Marisha: "Bolaire should've given us goat masks cuz that's what we are!" LOL

The druid REMOVES POISON from Gus! And GUS is next in Initiative! Perfect!

Gus just GOES THE FUCK OFF with THREE attacks and just starts laying about with his sword and it's SPECTACULAR ...

The nama has a glyph too? Tricksy ... and he's GONE?!!! Dimension Door> So that's potentially VERY DANGEROUS for the guy who just left ...

Bolaire dumps a healing Potion into Azune and stabs his nearest opponent with his glass sword ... yeah, he just RUNS THE FUCKER THROUGH on the spot ... Green Flame Blade? Perfect ... FWOOMP!!!

Azune's back up at least ... so he uses his action to strap on his Shield ... he's not got a lot of health right now ... try not to do anoything TOO strenuous right now ... no Booming Blade with THAT roll ... oh, but then there's Desperate Merasures ... okay then ... that's more like it ... THWACK!!! And he shoves him back too ... so he gets hit with the full force of the Thunder damage ...

Here come sthe Veterans! Yes! At last! Help is coming!

He only had ONE hit point left? Perfect ... that's it for that fucker then ...

The Shield glyph trick WORKS ... perfect ... he's at 20 AC now ... this better work ... TWO hits, the rest miss ... so ... how bad is it? O.O ... that's a lot of dice I am SO SCARED ... SEVENTY POINTS OF DAMAGE and it DOESN'T KILL HIM ... it's a miracle ... he's HURT but still up ...

And NOTHER save from Murray just in time with another Portent ... I'm not surprised she gets a nosebleed ...

Murray casts true Strike on her dagger and attacks right as she drops her Invisibility ... Nat19 is beautiful ... she cuts his throat ... and he is on the verge of death ... but she can't move without provoking an attack so she stays put ...

Hal uses ALL HE CAN to cover the full distance to the fight ...

The druid casts Cure Wounds on Gus ... who gets a Nat20 on the assassin and MURDERS him in the most beautiful way possible ... while paying FULL RESPECTS to Murray as he does it ... :3

Bolaire chucks a Mind Sliver into the invisible assailant ... which doesn't do much but hopefully that kills his Concentration check ... which he TANKS ... fucking BEAUTIFUL ... and now the doors are all WIDE OPEN ...

Azune uses a dou8ble move to get to Bolaire which kills his action, then chugs a Healing Potion ... at least he's in a bit better health now ...

The invisible man casts Dispel Magic on the guy with Crown of Madness ... BALLS ... but here come the Veterans ...

Rolling four d20s ... hmmmmm ... what's this, then? How bad is it? Oh, here's Varen ... roll Insight? Great ... it gets worse, clearly ...

Wait ... what is going on? I'm confused ... O.O

A pair of sunset eyes? Oh fuck, what is this? This sounds so bad ...

Mayali Nayar? Azune's sister? WHAT THE FUCK, MULLIGAN?!!! Is she dead?

Holy shit, Gus JUST BARELY avoided those two hits ... that was almost SO BAD ... yeah, it's turning into chaos ... only one assassin left ... end this NOW please ... one more hit and the king is DEAD ...

Murray casts Musical Migraine right into the assassin's mind ... and he FAILS his save ... BIG Thunder damage and he's INCAPACITATED ... fucking beautiful ...

Hal is STILL running to get to the fight ... one last Adrenaline Rush ... he's arrived, then ... Perception check ... just chaos, then ...

The druid heals the Hounds ... thank FUCK ...

Gus MURDERS th remaining assassin with marten's help ... perfect ...

The remaining spellcaster uses another glyph and is GONE ... coward ...

All that's left is the axe-wielding lunatic ...

Bolaire is being a SNEAKY BASTARD and I love it ... that guy is now THOROUGHLY CHARMED as Bolaire once again messes with his mind ... and then Bolaire check Azune before he attacks ...

Azune instead goes to his fallen sister, then casts Lay On Hands on her ...

Mayali looks REALLY BAD, what has she been through to ruin her so utterly? And yet she recognises her brother and is just HAPPY to see him ... fucking hell, Mulligan ...

Roll another d6 ... hmmmmmm ...

FUCK!!! Another Dimension Door glyph? Crap ... Mayali is just GONE ... what the FUCK?!!!

Okay, just don't kill the axeman, then ...

Bolaire burns his reaction to cast Command on Azune to stay his hand ... thank fuck it works JUST IN TIME ... yeah, they're just gonna arrest him then ...

MORE pure chaos, then ...

Murray tries to work out if Filonius is playing along or simply genuinely shocked and enraged ... so he's LYING, then? This is SO fucked up ... so she casts Hold Person on him ... last and one of the most crucial rolls of the night ... O.O ... SHIT ... it doesn't take ...

Hal has NO idea what to do right now ... so he just gives Azune Bardic Inspiration and then uses Help to insert himself between Filonius and the remaining assassin ...

Shit ... even with Disadvantage this STILL hits ... O.O ... fuck, that's it ... the assassin no longer has his head ... shit ...

Holy fuck, is she doing a fake Divine Resurrection kind of Messiah bullshit right now?

And THIS is where he chooses to call it a night? FUCKING HELL!!! Mulligan you SADIST ...

Laura! Hey! Here we go, just Thimble, on her own ... more backstory time, then ... so this is just gonna be pure Thimble and Thjazi origina story time, then? Great ... that means this cold opening is gonna FUCKING HURT ...

Clearly times are difficult for them right now ...

Oh yeah, that's it ... they're DEFINITELY looking at a mole inside, right?

Maybe he's right, maybe he's too dangerous for her to be around ... but even so ... yeah, is this really a breakup? It definitely feels a bit like one ...

I think they'll ALWAYS have each other's back ... that's kind of the problem ...

Card reading? I wonder ...

Yeah, she is TOTALLY pretending this doesn't hurt her worse than ANYTHING ...

That's it? Blimey, that was a short one ...

What fresh hell do you have for us this week. Samuel? This is so normal and pedestrian ... I don't trust it ... what are you planning, Riegel? I am SO SUSPICIOUS right now ... oh my gods ... Quyen! Wow ... I love it ... and I love how he accidentally calles her a "bed breaker" and she just OWNS IT ... oh, she's just like: "Damn straight." ... ah yes, here we go ... yeah, this is absolutely just everybody haring on Sam in total impunity right now ... XD ... yeah, she is SO GAME for doing this ... and they are SO SWEET actually ... he really is batting WAY outside his league with her ...

Marisha: "Bed breaker confirmed!" Yup ...

It's "Impenetrable" ...

Three days to the Gala, then ... hmmmm ... that's very suspicious ... that feels like a pretty distinctiive COUNTDOWN right now ...

Lots of disappearances of late ... ALSO suspicious ...

At the meeting with Varen, then ... plotting potential ... STUFF ... I don't want to say revolt but it does at least feels like potential UNREST ...

A lot of well-trained and potentially dangerous men and women who now find themselves out of work ... that's NEVER a good thing ... but potentially advantageous ...

RESISTANCE? Oh boy ... THAT'S a dangerous word to be using right now ...

"A leader as a story" ... oh, I like that, actually ...

What are you saying, Marisha? Betty Crocker WASN'T a real person? O.O

Well yeah ... in situations like this sometimes IGNORANCE is a useful thing ...

He's definitely a proper GOOD EGG, is Varen ... I like him ...

Planting spies in the Sundered Houses? Oh, best be careful with THAT ...

Awwww ... I like magpies ... corvids are awesome ...

Hal has a pitch ... this should be interesting ...

Mischiefs and Tidings ... fascinating ... yeah, might be best to keep that bird away from all of Murray's gems ...

And now he's LEVELLED UP?!!! Oh boy ... Animal Messenger! Awesome ... oh, that's really cool ...

Murray is ALSO Levelling Up ... a little call and response, then ... cool ... oh, one of Keyleth's old spells? Cute ... Skywrite! Nice ... and a pretty subtle but very clever use of that too ...

Poetry? Oh yeah, I know that one ... I always knew it as CROWS, but then I like the band, so ...

Oh dear, what's this, then?

"The group upstairs" ... that's cute ...

Wow ... oh, that was NOT a smart costume choice for EITHER of them ... yeah, subtle as a brick through a window ... fantastic ... might be best to see them both together ...

Clearly they're neither of them PROS at this ...

Insight check!

Well THAT all went exactly according to plan, then ... their little bit of subterfuge worked out BEAUTIFULLY down there ... perfectly little payoff ...

Oh wow ... so Orus and his and just MASSIVELY screwed now by this sudden situation ... he's definitely onard for what they're planning, but even so he's in a REALLY tough spot econnomically so he's kind of DESPERATE because of it ... which could actually be useful ...

"Educational enlightenment"? Yeah, sounds potentially VERY fruitful ...

Yea, I mean right now they definitely COULD potentially help with the security side of things ...

Multiple empty warehouses? Oh yeah, that's ALSO useful ...

Lord Primus will be here in the city on Traders Day ... oh, so THAT'S the countdaown, then ... so FIVE days rather than three ... a little more time, but also a whole lot MORE suspicious too ...

"Betrayal" ... oh yeah, there we go ... potential cracks among the Sundered Houses, then? Not a bad thing, that ...

Marisha: "What Reddit thread did you see that on?" Indeed ...

Yeah, please TAKE CARE, Romina ...

Insight check! Yeah, DEFINITELY chekc up on THAT shit ... O.O ... how bad was that? What's happening?

Bolaire just LEVELS UP on the spot because of that ... and casts Detect Thoughts ... yeah, smart ... yeah, ALL OF US are on edge now ...

Paranoia is a powerful thing ... okay, so it's just her being cautious and pragmatic ... thank duck for that, than ...

Seriously, give this poor girl A HUG after putting her through THAT ...

See Invisibility ... yeah, nothing there, then ... just paranoia ...

Magical Rickroll ... oh that's so perfect ... LOL ... Arcana check!... NICE ... yeah, that's awesome, scramble their brains with a bagpipe jam ... XD

Perception check! Liam: "Help me, Orym!"

Oh yeah, once again the chotic aftermath of Thjazi's downfall rears its ugly head ...

So this was all just a big REACTION? Is THAT why this is all happening NOW? They were just complacent and then one little detail just kicked off a sudden desperate SCRAMBLE?

Dwarven allegories ... yeah ...

Working out how to smooth things along for the near future, budget-wise ... hmmmmm ...

Hal's NOT married? Well that's interesting ... after all, sometimes the best families work out very much because the parents DON'T actually get hitched ...

Heading out to the Fray, then ... is that a reference to the band, or just a happy accident? Inquiring minds want to know ...

The big setup at Orus' factory, then ...

Taliesin makes us chuckle about nonsense sometimes ... XD

A whole bunch of clues all slotting together right now ...

Awwww ... I like Rohir immediately ...

Murray SHOULD take a look at the books ... she's probably the perfect choice for this stuff ...

Oh, so he's dropping a pretty HEAVY hint, then ... yes indeed, this is an EXTREMELY major clue right here ... O.O

Knife & Palette Pigments ... hmmmmmm ...

"Animal companion"? A| falcon? Oh wait ... THAT rings a bell SOMEWHERE ...

Blood resistance? That's a very SPECIFIC requirement ...

A "birthday gift"? Hmmmmm ...

So just opening overtures to potential future business with the Sundered Houses ... interesting ...

Oh, that';s PAINFUL ... not good business planning ...3 silver to the gold ... ouch ...

Yeah, Murray could very much be the solution to this problem all on her own given HER connections ... and THIMBLE is the key, apparently ...

Metagaming again ... who's "skull guy"?

"Tunk Whoreman"? Whoa ... O.O ... porn stars, Araman style ... XD

Working out the next move as the day wraps up, then ...

Bolaire returns home to his new "roommate" ... and Demodus has been cleaning up, it seems ... and this is a GOOD thing, apparently? Fascinating ... turns out Bolaire just realised he actually LIKES having company ...

Figment is FASCINATING ... :3

Azune is now Levelling Up ...

This poor kid is SO MESSED UP by his greif right now ... he is SO beholden to the idea of what he thought THJAZI wanted him to be instead of what he HIMSELF could have become ... this is SO complicated and troubling ... it's heartbereaking, really ...

Innate Sorcery activated without even realising ... and he CHANGES HIS OWN FACE ... oh shit ... O.O ... where is this GOING?!!! Alter Self ... oh fuck ... and now he looks like himself but if he was Thjazi's son ... that is kind of FUCKED UP ...

Going to bed ...

THIS is where he chooses to call a break ... hmmmmm ...

"Deez nutz are delicious" ... yeah ...

"WE RETURN ..." LOL

The morning after ...

Candle Feast? Oh gods yeah ... I forgot about that ...

How shite are we rolling, then? O.O ... lots of admin today, apparently ...

Azune and Veran are working out how they're gonna handle the plants, then ... okay ... I really do hope this works out all right and doesn't blow up in our faces REALLY BADLY ...

The almonds strike again ...

Murray's going to be "representing the Penteveral" at the Gala, apparently ... and the subject seques to Hero and her family connections there too ... hmmmmm ... and she works out a perfect way to solve the reseold gems problem too ... NICE ...

Ah, spell management ... time for some mental character housekeeping all round ... how it is when you're playing at a table of just Full Casters ... given that I'm a Martial Class player (even if I'm multiclassing) all the way my eyes are starting to glaze ...

Bolaire is playing with weird Latin terminology ... yup ... and some delightful mask-based shenanigans for the Gala ... cool ... I like where his mind is at right now, it sounds like some theatrical fun ...

HOLY FUCK Liam rolled high ...

Faffing about with the fancy enchanted stones, then ... and working out what they're planning on doing next ...

Oh, the "not a foodbank" idea is a VERY GOOD ONE ...

FIFTEEN HUNDRED gold? Fuck me ... O.O

Meeting up for the evening and a group dinner date ... and they set all the necessary shit up and running while they're at it ...

Meanwhile Hal checks in with Elodie ... yeah, they really do have A LOT they need to talk about right now ... Hall, you better do right by this woman, she is A KEEPER ... Persuasion check ... HOLY SHIT ... oh, so she was expecting the BIG amount and was getting ready to give him THE TALK she's always been dreading, but a few hundred gold is FINE ... wow ... I maintain, he really NEEDS to know HOW too good for him she really is ...

Making arrangements ... and it's all starting to happen, then ...

On to the next day, then ... time for more rolls, people!

Azune passes the cash on toe Varen ... time to pick some hired security, then ... yeah, Varen is DEFINITELY the perfect man to help handle THIS part of the business ... oh hello, the bird is SPREADING ... perfect ...

They're not ACTIVELY looking for Demodus now ... instead they're looking for Dame Cormoray instead ... hmmmm ...

The Photarch? Oh boy ... O.O ... yeah, DO NOT deny that plus-8, Bolaire ...

Murray does some clever bureaucratic shit ... she's really good at that stuff ... oh yeah, Jeweller's Kit is PERFECT for that ... yup, this is gonna be a REALLY slick piece of crafting right here ... 25 = FOUR prepped spell glyphs ... NICE ...

Sweet Appallachian bagpipe james ... LOL

Hall is just OVERSEEING all that he can in the preparations they set up on his end, and he does it to PERFECTION ... very nice ...

Azune is just INSERTING HIMSELF right into the investigation looking for Dame Cormoray ...

ARE the Tachonis expected to attend? No clue, but there's no real INDICATION of that ...

FREE SANDWICHES are like GOLD for performers ... and the whole show just COMPLETELY SOLD OUT!!! Yay!

The night before the Gala, then ...

See Invisibility!

Divvying up the glyphs, then ...

Heading out to check out that suspicious address, then ... oh, I hope this doesn't blow up in our faces ...

In the shadow of the Tachonis' Manor? Oh, that can't be a good sign ... O.O

This is VERY MUCH the sticks out here ... THE BAD PART of town, if you will ... great ...

Investigation checks!

Incense? Hmmmmm ... See No Evil? Interesting ... is this a good or bad sign?

Aid! Nice one, Hal ...

So this place looks deceptively small ... so it's actually probably MASSIVE in a way we CAN'T see ...

Detect Thoughts ... yeah, there's somebody in there and now they're AWARE they've been discovered ...

Oh hello ... not exactly a friend, but still not a stranger per say ... it's an invitation, certainly ... but not necessarily a friendly one ... hmmmmm ... how wary should we be?

Insight check ... so they're not EXACTLY alone, then ...

Hollis Kinnywater ... nice ...

Very much dancing around letting things openly slip, but we are making some rather oblique progress here ... ity's not quite a conversation in Thieves' Cant but it's getting there ...

Introductions? Well, I mean they can be VERY valuable in the right circumstances ...

Insight check with Advantage ...

I am DEEPLY curious about who this Mistress really is, but I think we're gonna have to WAIT ...

And some small condolences ... hmmmm ...

"Foul" doesn't AUTOMATICALLY mean bad ... hmmmm ... interesting distinction ...

Investigation or Arcana check ...

Brennan: "Who's the freak here now, huh? He wants my hand!"

Persuasion check ... yet more cryptic talk that just keeps us going round in cdircles .. and yet somehow it's comforting ... hmmmm ...

And that's it, then ... heading back out with some leads but a bunch of vaguery too ... it felt both helpful and distinctly NOT so much ... so now we're trying to make sense of it all ...

Have a closer look at the paint, that's probably a good idea right now ...

Yeah, Murray is just tumbling down several rabbitholes of conjecture at once, right now ... O.O

Yes. Go for a walk. That's just what you need right now ...

The Hallowed Round ...

Enhamced Ability ... nice one again, Hal ... but still please don't just start huffing paint, Murray .... oh and Bolaire's gonna do it too ... meanwhile Azune's just doing something ... Guidance!

Whispers! Brought to us by Liam's Sense of Existential Dread ... fucking hell, Liam, that is UNSETTLING, please stip doing that ... O.O ... oof ...

So the paint is DEFINITELY specifically connected to the Stone of Nigthsong? Intriguing ... rendered from blood? Oh, that's never good ...

Here we go, the Celestial Divine blood ... yup, they blood came from the chained angel the Halovars have got locked away in the coffin in their cellar ... that stuff NEVER stopped massively CREEPING ME OUT ...

Performance check, Art Boy!

Nothing happens ... Religion check? Hmmmm ...

Something abut a river? That's pretty vague ... Gavzidra? Who the hell is that?

Yeah, Hal's just had enough of this shit and I don't blame him in the slightest ... and I guess that's it for the others, too ...

Give him a hug, Azune ... he really fucking NEEDS ONE right now ... meanwhile I can definitely understand Hal being kind of pissed at bolaire about HIS part in the secrecy right now ...

The dragon from the card? With the trees? Hmmmm ...

The central question of whether Thjazi was good or bad or just a fool even when he was trying to be clever ... it's as pressing as ever, and the answer remains just as elusive ...

Best if we all just go home and get a GOOD NIGHT'S REST for tomorrow, it's going to be a BUSY DAY ...

The day of days dawns ... and no rolls this time ... thankfully ... that might have been TOO MUCH ...

Final preparations as Hal tries not to micromanage TOO HARD, but he just can't help himself ...

A few possible spies in the Sundered Houses, but none for the BIG ONES, no Tachonis of Halover ... not really a susprise, that might have been too much to hope for ...

Hal's just looking PROPER SLICK as expected ...

Nice move, that's a really smart idea, the golden bird hidden in plain sight to mark those who can be trusted ...

Murray's letting the girls breathe again, i see ... but DAMN does she look really good ... and the bling is POWERFUL ...

The schmoosing and general to-do stuff begins ...

Gus! Hi! And Sir Marten is with him! Cool ...

Photarch Yanessa Halovar ... oh boy ...

Asking after Wick? Damn smart, hal ... roll for Deception! Holy shit ... that is an INSANE score ... O.O

Yeah, Hal just be DODGING BULLETS throughout THIS conversation ...

She reaslly is fishing for ANY indication she can get, she's a really slick one ... that was SERIOUSLY dangerous ...

Bolaire you are a MISCHIEVOUS bastard and I love it ... yeah, i didn't think that one was gonna go, but NICE TRY ... oh, so he came up with one for THEIR religion instead? Perfect ...

Did Einfasen bring a DATE? Where are you going with this, Azune?

Oh, this is getting frosty ... Gus isn't quite making a scene, but it has the potential to GET THERE ...

Here we go ... the clandestine hijinks begin ... and Murray;s invisibly listening in the whole time ...

Sedition and Rebellion? Oh boy ... he's just going RIGHT THERE ... but then it's a nasty business ... politics and religion should ALWAYS remain seperate ...

Argosian Knights? Hmmmmm ... oh, this is getting worrying ... that CANNOT be a good sign ...

The unmistakable click of a crossbow being strung ... FUCK ...that's REALLY BAD ...

ROLL INITIATIVE!!!

The Top Ten:

10. THE BLUFF

Sure, it’s a pirate movie, but you really couldn’t get much further away from POTC if you tried – this aggressively blood-soaked, fast-paced and rewardingly ENERGETIC period actioner produced by the Russo Brothers is far closer to their similarly overblown stunt-centric straight-to-streaming post-modern exploitation thriller franchise Extraction, and like those movies this really deserved to actually try its luck in cinemas first. We may mostly know writer-director Frank E. Flowers for penning the recent Bob Marley biopic, but he shows surprisingly impressive and robust skill at wrangling a suitably SAVAGE array of brutally effective action sequences out of his cast and crew, but there’s a bit more genuine SUBSTANCE backing it all up than you might expect, the deceptively simple premise shored up by a surprisingly complex story of a mother trying to bury her dangerous past who’s forced to fall back on old skills when her sins come calling …

Pryanka Chopra (Krrish, Fashion) is frankly STUNNING in more ways than one as a fugitive pirate, who formerly went by the decidedly fitting monicker of “Bloody Mary”, living an idyllic Caribbean island life with her pre-teen son and baby sister but thoroughly dreading the day a face from her past might show up looking to take revenge. She brings rich and exotic presence to the role, very much as we might’ve expected after breakout small-screen turns in Quantico and Citadel, but even so this REALLY DOES significantly stretch her already impressive action chops, showing that she can be a genuinely LETHAL lioness when roused. Of course an big screen badass is only ever as good at the villain arrayed against them, but we absolutely lucked out MAGNIFICENTLY with an absolutely ON FIRE Karl Urban as Captain Connor, a long-standing rival out to extract a heavy price for her past indiscretions as he sets his sights on an even bigger prize. He’s a FEROCIOUS presence here, chewing whopping great mouthfuls of scenery with unrestrained aplomb and making every moment of his pleasingly ample screentime a joy, while the fierce antagonistic chemistry these two powerhouse leads share is magnificently intense throughout, helping the whole thing build to a highly anticipated and deservedly cathartic climactic showdown. The rest of the cast are thoroughly capable too – Temuera Morrison, Ismael Cruz Cordova (The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power), David Field (Two Hands, City Homicide) and Safia Oakley-Green (Out of Darkness) all pull their weight admirably well here – but at the end of the day they’re all THOROUGHLY eclipsed by the sheer wattage of mutual star power those two give off as they battle for dominance …

There’s a welcome gritty edge and some really dark themes that make this a lot more interesting than you might expect, ultimately bringing this much closer to Black Sails territory (okay, so it’s not really THAT GOOD, but it still very much surprised me), but even so, this is DEFINITELY a balls-to-the-wall action fest that could easily put the POTC franchise on notice if it wanted to. The performers and stunt-team deliver MAGNIFICENTLY throughout, executing some agreeably robust and frequently wince-inducing fights that also display a rewarding amount of invention and variety, which definitely helps to keep things interesting while the whole thing also manages to maintain a suitably brisk pace once it’s set itself up through an admittedly still fraught anticipatory opening stretch. There’s also a pleasing intelligence and sophistication on offer here,, with more than enough emotional heft to keep us invested amidst all the heavy duty bloodletting. Altogether this is FAR BETTER than the sort of thing I usually expect from a straight-to-streaming offering on Prime – I’m DEFINITELY up for more if Amazon did decide to take a chance on a sequel like the ending clearly wants to set up, while I am DEEPLY curious to see what Flowers is gonna do next now he’s shown what he’s REALLY capable of ...

9. WE BURY THE DEAD

While this mostly snuck in under the radar, getting talked about in the back-end of the festival circuit but never really building up any MAJOR buzz, I still caught wind of this coming early and was absolutely champing at the bit for TWO major reasons – the writer-director and the star. Ultimately I had to wait until it finally limped onto streaming, but it was definitely worthwhile putting in the time because this turned out to be JUST as much of a genuine winner as I was hoping for – after all, I was properly BLOWN AWAY by Zak Hilditch’s “breakout” feature, These Final Hours, an Aussie end-of-the-world psycho-drama that didn’t offer up any easy solutions or expansive action but simple concentrated on all the intense personal emotions the assorted simple folk the story focused on went through in the last twelve hours before it all came to a fiery end. So I was DEEPLY intrigued to see how he’d handle bringing a similar approach to a zombie flick, and I’m so glad it didn’t disappoint …

Daisy Ridley’s the OTHER main reason I was SO worked up about this – she’s a GENUINE WONDER, I’ve been MASSIVELY impressed with her ever since she made her gobsmacking debut in the first Disney Star Wars sequel and proved that she had IMMENSE natural talent despite having no real prior training, and she’s only gone from strength to strength since, so I knew she was gonna deliver something particularly special here. Naturally, she’s absolutely SPELLBINDING as Eva, an American physical-therapist who’s come to Tasmania in the aftermath of a cataclysmic disaster which saw the accidental discharge of a US military experimental weapon wipe out ALL LIFE on the island. Ostensibly she’s here to volunteer for the humanitarian clean-up crew, extracting the bodies of the unfortunate population for humane disposal, but she has an ulterior motive driving her – her husband was at a corporate retreat on the island at the time of the disaster, so she’s determined to find his remains and hopefully get some closure. But there are two major problems standing in her way – the resort is on the other side of a burning city in a massive exclusion zone, and a small but still worryingly significant number of the dead seem to be inexplicably reanimating …

This is VERY MUCH Ridley’s movie, she largely carries the whole thing on her deceptively narrow shoulders and is MORE THAN equal to the task, delivering PRECISELY the tour-de-force performance I was expecting from her – whatever naysayers there are left who think she’s not really that good should finally be put in their place by this turn, she’s powerfully raw and naked and deeply affecting, absolutely wringing every inch of appropriate emotion from what has to be HER VERY BEST performance to date. The criminally overlooked and underused Brenton Thwaites is great too, largely playing it cocky and irreverent but bringing deeper nuance and vulnerability to his character that make us feel there’s a lot more to him than just himbo machismo, while Mark Coles Smith (Picnic At Hanging Rock) is quietly menacing in a complex and mercurial role that once again proves that, in the best zombie stories, the living dead are THE LEAST of our characters’ problems. Both are excellent here, but they’re still mostly acted right off the screen by their co-star – seriously, if THIS doesn’t finally make people properly sit up and start taking Ridley seriously there’s no justice in the world.

Much as I expected, this is NOT a full-bore terror-fest, there aren’t any shambling hordes or knuckle-whitening battles for survival as the cast desperately scramble to evade infection or worse. These zombies are entirely removed from the classic tropes of the sub-genre, reinvented in compellingly fresh and rewardingly inventive ways, largely provoking sympathy rather than dread as the film largely focuses on the harrowing aftermath of a devastating event that NO-ONE could realistically prepare for, it can only be endured and survived rather than actively prevented. There ARE palpable horrors here, but they’re played for pathos rather than scares, the film preferring to deliver a tale of grief, regret and unresolved trauma with no real hope for a tidy resolution in the end. The fact that Hilditch is able to wring an impressive amount of haunting beauty and stately grandeur out of it all is an impressive thing, but after his breakout feature I’m not really particularly surprised, it definitely shares a lot of the same highbrow DNA. This is similarly visually arresting and emotionally devastating, and despite its slowburn pace and mostly understated execution it never drags, there’s always something interesting going on to keep you hooked before it finally delivers a genuinely startling climax. Ultimately I don’t see this one really becoming anything more than a minor cult favourite, and that’s a criminal shame because this is a genuinely EXCELLENT work of rate vision and exceptional power that DESERVES to be seen ...

8. 28 YEARS LATER: THE BONE TEMPLE

Right off the bat I must admit that this just DOESN’T impress me quite so much as the last one did. That’s no shade to Nia DaCosta, of course – I think she’s great, she’s got a powerful talent and she’s MORE THAN deserving of the high praise she’s largely been denied so far, and I think she did a similarly BEAUTIFUL job with this that she did with her Candyman “requel” and the criminally underrated The Marvels. Danny Boyle just did it BETTER ...

That being said, this IS a very interesting position to be in, as far as this franchise as a whole is concerned. You have to bear in mind that, before this, EVERY ONE of the 28 {Insert Here} Later movies has unapologetically been ENTIRELY its own thing within the sequence, a largely self-contained experience with its own very particular cinematic identity despite their shared lore and overarching storyline (hell, from what I can tell the SECOND ONE has largely been pretty comprehensively DISOWNED from canon narrative by Boyle and Garland themselves, which is pretty scathing really). This is THE FIRST FILM in the franchise to actually DIRECTLY follow what came before, a TRUE sequel that picks up individual characters’ story and builds on these narratives in a direct way, following young Spike (youg breakout star-in-the-making Alfie Williams) on his increasingly fraught misadventures with his newfound “friends”, Sir Jimmy and the Fingers, while also peripherally delving far deeper into the tale of Dr Kelson (Ralph Fiennes) as he tends both his ossuary and a dangerous but potentially fruitful burgeoning friendship with well-endowed Alpha Infected Samson (Chi Lewis-Parry), so there’s already a far stronger connection between this and the first Years than any the previous films. So DaCosta was left in the EXTREMELY unenviable position of having to follow on from what Boyle and co did in the “first” one while also making this film her own … and for the most prt I think she managed to do JUST THAT. But also, somehow, I think this GENUINELY being a proper SEQUEL does also rob it of some of the distinctive originality its predecessor had, which is already a mark against it before it even gets out the gate. And that’s not the ONLY problem, but we’ll get to that …

For the most part, though, this works out JUST FINE. Almost everything that worked so well in the last film that’s been transplanted here works like GANGBUSTERS. Ultimately this IS a more consistently COHERENT piece of work than the third film, DaCosta definitely bringing a more even-handed and measured approach than Boyle’s more incessantly FRENETIC and somewhat fevered style, and this certainly helps to ground the events in a grittier, more dark and dirty intensity which fits a significantly more straightforward story. There’s still a clear breathtaking BEAUTY to the piece as well, the cinematography maintaining an agreeably skilful flair and sense of haunting WONDER, while also finding a brittle beauty in the post-apocalyptic squalor and ruin. And the worldbuilding remains absolutely UNPARALLELED, even if, thanks to the more FOCUSED scope, there’s definitely less grandiose SCOPE here than we got in the last movie. But I definitely enjoyed the opportunity to properly get to know our new resident villains this time round … for better or worse …

Jack O’Connell certainly gets to be the most interesting one here this time round – he’s definitely as ferociously TERRIFYING as he was in Sinners, but thankfully Sir Jimmy Crystal is a significantly DIFFERENT character from Remmick, a different kind of self-absorbed evil little cult leader this time round, but no less interesting in spite of it, and his performance is consistently MESMERISING. I also enjoyed seeing SIGNIFICANTLY more of my beloved Erin Kellyman than I ever hoped to, she got to really SHINE in this, landing an enjoyably complex role that really got to play to her myriad strengths, while young up-and-comer Alfie Williams continues to impress after rightly dominating the first Years, and I really enjoyed seeing Lewis-Parry’s magnificently intimidating Samson get a SIGNIFICANTLY expanded role in some VERY interesting and unexpected ways. But at the end of the day, it is, once again, the living legend himself, the incomparable Mr Fiennes, who comprehensively STEALS THE WHOLE MOVIE. The man continues to be MAGNIFICENT in one of his most interesting roles EVER, a fascinatingly complicated but also thoroughly ENDEARING man who manages to hold onto his integrity, kindness and stately GRACE no matter WHAT this nightmarish existence throws at him. I genuinely CANNOT BELIEVE this man STILL doesn’t have an Oscar yet …

In the end this is DEFINITELY darker than its predecessor, which is an IMPRESSIVE feat following a movie which already had SO MUCH NASTINESS in it … but seriously, this is, at times, maybe a bit TOO MUCH, I don’t doubt that one scene in particular will be genuinely overwhelming for some viewers, even if this whole thing’s an absolute TREAT for the gorehounds. Even so, there’s still a certain soulfulness that definitely carried through whole from the third film, particularly in the more interesting of the two main storylines, Dr Kelson’s burgeoning “relationship” with Samson, which frequently lends the whole affair an air of tragic doomed whimsy which I really fell for wholeheartedly. That being said, the fact that the two largely disparate storylines take SO LONG to finally resolve ultimately makes this whole thing feel a bit like two separate films welded together with less skill than I’d really prefer kind of counts against it, but I feel like that's probably more Alex Garland's fault than DaCosta's, and at least when the two groups are finally brought crashing together it leads to a truly GOBSMACKING climax which provides to be one of the VERY BEST sequences in the series as a whole. I definitely enjoyed the musical contributions, too – score composer Hildur Gudnadottir definitely pulls her weight here, while the soundtrack choices are enjoyably idiosyncratic throughout. I love Duran Duran as much as anyone, but as a card-carrying metalhead this film’s use of a particularly well-placed Iron Maiden song is ABSOLUTELY the icing on the cake. Finally the film drops a tease of what’s still to come, and if it turns out to be as good as that epilogue promised then it could be the best of the bunch. Or at least since the ORIGINAL. I guess we’ll just have to see ...

7. THE RIP

Joe Carnahan’s last film, Not Without Hope, felt like something of a throwback, a real life survival drama that harkened back to the gritty moodiness of The Grey (albeit ultimately in a more overwrought and undercooked kind of way that was mainly saved by its cast), and there’s a bit of that to this one too, seeing him somewhat revisiting the murky dark and seriously grimy corrupt-cop drama of his original breakthrough feature Narc … albeit while also bringing something a good deal FRESHER to the mix as well. Ultimately this one fairs MUCH BETTER than his previous offering, seeing the director deliver one of the very best films I’ve seen from him to date, a taut and ferociously MEATY suspense thriller which plays a VERY sneaky game with its audience. Seriously, this is a TWISTED slice oi EXTREMELY heightened drama indeed, weaving a spellbinding labyrinth of suspicion, duplicity, betrayal and divided loyalties that kept me on the edge of my seat ALL THE WAY THROUGH.

Lieutenant Dane Dumars (Matt Damon) and Detective Sergeant J.D. Byrne (Ben Affleck) are two seasoned veteran Miami Dade cops on a narco task force who find themselves under investigation for corruption after their commanding officer is brutally murdered in highly dubious circumstances, so the LAST thing they should be doing is following up on their late leader’s cryptic tip to check out a newly discovered “trap house” on a seemingly routine cash search. But when the haul proves to be SIGNIFICANTLY larger than they were expecting, tempers start to fray as temptation raises its ugly head and nobody can be sure who they can REALLY trust around THIS MUCH CASH … ultimately the MAIN selling point of this movie is, OF COURSE, the much vaunted onscreen shared-lead reunion of Damon and Affleck, two actors who have CONSISTENTLY delivered every time they’ve properly gotten to work together onscreen before, so getting to see them go head-to-head again with something THIS substantial (after so many years of one usually turning up in a much smaller role to support the other instead of just getting to see them properly SHARE the spotlight) is definitely an unadulterated JOY – these two are HITTING HARD and taking no prisoners, both actors ABSOLUTELY bringing their A-game (especially Affleck, who I’ve always felt generally tends to MOSTLY deliver his proper GOOD STUFF when he’s serving under a genuinely talented director who can really PUSH HIM to stretch himself … which, rather amusingly, does actually include HIMSELF), and the results are some of the VERY BEST performative fireworks I’ve seen from EITHER of them for a good long while. It certainly helps they’ve both got rewardingly complex characters to play, being able to dig DEEP into the nuances at play in their respective backstories, but at the end of the day it’s JUST AS MUCH about how well they’re able to feed into each other’s abilities and instincts to really DRIVE their various exchanges, and this leads to many of the film’s MOST intense and memorable moments. It’s an incredible experience and I felt GENUINELY PRIVILEGED getting to watch this unfold, it feels like this may well go down as some of THE VERY BEST acting we’re gonna see this year, PERIOD.

But that doesn’t mean that everybody else gets eclipsed by the sheer star-wattage of the two heavyweight leads – this is definitely one of THE VERY BEST CASTS Carnahan has assembled to date, and EVERYBODY here is pulling their weight as much as the big marquee names. Steven Yeun particularly stands out here, he’s always been a really interesting and enjoyably RICH performer but he’s brought something special to this one, while I got a really MASSIVE kick out of getting to see Sasha Calle finally getting a role that REALLY lets us see her strengths on full display after her opportunity to break out playing Supergirl comprehensively disappeared after the DCEU fizzled out. One Battle After Another’s Teyana Taylor and Maria Full of Grace’s Catalina Sandonio Moreno make for an enjoyably vital pair too, and I got a real kick out of seeing Scott Adkins getting to really ACT without having to do any fancy punches or kicks for once. But it’s Kyle Chandler who MOST holds our attention here, seeming to go from surprise cameo to far more SERIOUS heavyweight supporting player as the film progresses, his importance and pure PRESENCE almost seeming to INCREASE as the narrative grows more tangled.

Really though, this is a COMPLICATED BEAST of a film, there’s a whole lot of moving parts but they’re ALL very intelligently put together and deployed as the story progresses. The first half starts out already pretty loaded but it takes its time to lay things out and put us in a particularly difficult and morally INTENSE situation, all while very effectively cranking up the tension with a thickening atmosphere of oppressive foreboding and ripe suspicion, before the second hour finally starts to tease out the action side while things go from just twisted to a genuine cinematic THICKET. While this film does put something of a premium on genuine action-based fireworks, what there is here is FULL-BLOODED and pleasingly robust, delivering a particularly fraught and chaotic atmospheric shootout before the film finally builds up to a spectacularly adrenalized two-pronged chase. But the film’s BIGGEST fireworks are definitely much more due to the committed performances and seriously COMPLICATED plotting – this film is a genuine BAG OF SNAKES all the way through, very hard to predict and throwing an almost DIZZYING number of twists and turns our way, but it’s all expertly set up and paid off, something I don’t doubt is really gonna reward repeat viewing. This is proper TOP SHELF STUFF from a director who’s always excelled at more flashy and OVERBLOWN cinema, so I really enjoyed seeing him reining in his showier impulses for once and just delivering a “simple” thriller that trades on SUBSTANCE over style … even if there is, nonetheless, still a whole hell of a lot of THAT in here too ...

6. GOOD LUCK, HAVE FUN, DON’T DIE

This is already turning into one of the great Marmite Movies of the year, and I can totally see why, there is A LOT going on in this one and it’s just A LOT of movie altogether, and sometimes people can’t really GEL with that, even the well-rounded ones coming with good intentions. You really have to be IN THE MOOD for something like this, but at the same time actually really ENGAGING with it is a whole lot more rewarding than you might expect, at least from what it SOUNDS LIKE. On paper this really SHOULDN’T WORK, it’s a genuinely tangled narrative mess with A LOT of ideas that you really don’t expect to mesh very well, and I suspect if this had been made with less attention to detail and some real strong commitment to the glorious absurdity on offer it likely would have devolved into a great big cinematic dumpster fire. But this turned out to be one of those flash-in-the-pan instances where everything actually came together just right, and so those willing to just GO WITH IT will find plenty to enjoy here. Or maybe they won’t, I suspect even some of THOSE people just won’t GET THIS ONE …

Anyway, it definitely helps that everybody involved here was really just as committed to the bit as the suitably mad screenwriter (then again, Matthew Robinson IS the guy who came up with The Invention of Lying and polished Brian Duffield’s script for Love & Monsters, so there’s that … although he did also come up with Monster Trucks, so … yeah, maybe don’t read TOO MUCH into it). Gore Verbisnki was definitely an INTERESTING CHOICE to direct, once absolutely ON FIRE for his top-notch work on the original Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy and the criminally underrated adaptation of Ring, but then fallen SERIOUSLY out of grace with the significantly more hit-and-miss Lone Ranger movie, but while I don’t really see this being the second renaissance I suspect he might have been hoping for for his career, this definitely turned out to be WAY better than I really expected from him – this is a BONKERS piece of work, but there’s genuinely flair and vitality to the whole thing, it’s whip-smart and fast-paced and thoroughly sticks to its guns the whole time, and I have to admire the way he definitely wrangled everything into order so seamlessly despite having SO MANY moving parts to deal with. There’s at least a half dozen initially disparate story elements going on here, but the great genius of the whole thing is that, once all the pieces fall into place, you realise how surprisingly intricate and ingenious the entire tapestry actually is, and this translates far better to the screen than you really expect.

The whole thing kicks off with Sam Rockwell’s mysterious stranger walking into a late night diner dressed in outlandish clothes and threatening the staff and customers with what he claims is a bomb while talking craziness about being sent back from the future over and over again to prevent the imminent emergence of a rogue AI from causing the complete downfall of society and the deaths of most of the population. Gathering up a seemingly random selection of his hostages – Mark and Janet (Michael Peña and Zazie Beetz), a pair of substitute teachers who’ve become deeply disturbed by the fact their students are turning into mind-controlled drones under the spell of their social media-powered phones, Susan (Juno Temple), a grieving mother going through an existential crisis because she was given the chance to resurrect her son, recently killed in a school shooting, using cutting-edge cloning technology, only for him to come back very WRONG, and Ingrid (Haley Lu Richardson), a professional kids’ birthday party princess suffering from a lifelong chronic illness that renders her violently allergic to digital devices, among others – he heads out on a dangerous mission to hunt down and kill the creator of the AI before it can go online ...

The cast are all fantastically game here. This is ONE HUNDRED PERCENT Rockwell’s show, the man is an offbeat quirky GENIUS in everything he does but this role really does seem like it was written especially for him (honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if it WAS), and it really just feels like he was given very general direction in each scene and allowed to just GO OFF because it really does feel like he’s just freewheeling it and it’s BEAUTIFUL. Even so, there’s genuine complexity beneath all the showy overacting too – he comes across as a man who’s been driven far beyond his breaking point, but there’s both a steely inner-strength and a deep-seated vulnerability in his turn that make this feel like so much more than just what you can see on the surface, which is a perfect fit here. Thankfully the other main cast members are easily equal to the task, and their characters have, by and large, been crafted with the same impressive care and attention to detail too, so they don’t just get lost in the chatter while their co-star is proper COOKING. Richardson is definitely one of the biggest standouts here, and Ingrid is EASILY the most interesting of Sam’s motley crew, a fascinatingly tragic and troubled young woman who effortlessly tugs at our heartstrings even as she finds the strength to truly rise to the occasion once it gets really messy. Peña and Beetz, meanwhile, are huge fun and have some really sweet chemistry, and Temple is, unsurprisingly, absolute DYNAMITE in another gloriously complex role which goes a really long way to show why she’s rightly become one of the BIGGEST breakout stars of her generation. And Asim Chaudhry is absolute comic GOLD just like you expect him to be …

Once you give yourself over to the sheer madcap EXPERIENCE this really is a deliriously GLORIOUS wild ride of a film, throwing a multitude of fascinating ideas at you while somehow managing to do justice to every one of them without losing sight of the bigger picture. This seems really noisy from the outside, but there’s genuine method to the madness, and the way it’s structured means that the deeper you delve into the seemingly overstuffed story the more sense it manages to make. Like I said, this SEEMS like a collection of seemingly disparate cautionary tales strung together by a much more overblown framing device, but everything has its place and leads to a genuinely compelling climax where all our questions are answered in very clever ways. It’s impressively sophisticated, not just in the execution of the various ideas but in the way it’s all presented, and while there’s a fiendishly subversive sense of humour there’s some troubling DARKNESS at the heart of it too that gives it proper weight and a significant amount of DANGER besides. It’s HILARIOUSLY funny too, while the setpieces are dynamically staged and suitably offbeat to really fit the overall off-kilter vibe. And the film has absolutely NO FEAR about getting really NUTS when it needs to, delivering some of the most spectacularly BONKERS moments we’re likely to see this year, with an ending which is GUARANTEED to surprise you. I promise you WILL NOT see that shit coming, and that is ALL THE WAY a compliment.

Seriously, this is EASILY one of the most original, out there and just purely AMBITIOUS movies I have seen in a real long time, taking particularly prescient and timely themes we’re really starting to get seriously worried about and recontextualising them through one extremely SKEWED LENS in order to really shake us up about this. I’m not at all surprised by all the Black Mirror comparisons, this is DEFINITELY going to do serious numbers with THAT crowd, and I fully support it. Sure, this is NOT going to be the big hit they might have hoped for, and while in a way that’s better – seriously, we NEED properly NEW and FRESH slowburn word-of-mouth sleeper cinema like this to keep us intrigued in this day and age – we are more at risk of losing the opportunity to see any more truly inspired cinema like this in the future than ever, and that’s very nearly as scary as AI taking over and anything else that this movie’s dreamed up …

5. GOAT

Okay, here we go, the first PROPER contender for animated feature of the year for me (although it’s since been usurped – you’ll see) … and yeah, it’s really nice that Sony Pictures have really stuck to the clear commitment they’ve made since the tail end of the 2010s to properly show up with seriously HIGH QUALITY family-friendly animated cinema that can be just as impressive and impactful for the grown-ups as the little kids they’re being forced to accompany to see this stuff in the first place. Sure, I may be all about the Spider-Verse stuff, but lately I’ve found myself really responding to a lot of the other stuff they’ve given us outside of that too, from the straight-to-streaming stuff like K-Pop Demon Hunters and The Mitchells Vs The Machines to the stuff that actually makes it to theatres like TMNT: Mutant Mayhem … which is probably the closest comparison point to THIS one, really. And yeah, I can HAPPILY chalk this one up as another strong success story that already has me wanting more …

Will Harris (Stranger Things’ Caleb McLaughlin) is a poor little inner-city goat who dreams of becoming a professional “roarball” player so he can follow in the footsteps of his hero, Jett Fillmore (Gabrielle Union), the black panther star player of his local team, the Vineland Thorns. He’s an incredibly talented kid, too, there’s just one thing standing in his way – as far as everybody else is concerned, “smalls” like him can’t play because roarball is a sport dominated by BIG animals and he’s just going to get CRUSHED as surely as his hopes. But the Thorns haven’t won a season in YEARS, and with the team in desperate trouble their warthog manager, Flo Everson (Jenifer Lewis) is looking for ANYTHING that could give them an edge, so when she sees a video capturing Will absolutely HUMILIATING legendary Andalusian stallion rival player Mane Attraction (soon-to-be Green Lantern Aaron Pierre) in an impromptu one-on-one match, she has a really crazy idea, and our plucky goat finally gets a chance to prove himself. But Jett’s not about to let some rookie steal her thunder, and as good as he is the odds really DO still seem to be stacked against him ...

The title is DEFINITELY just as much figurative as literal, and that kind of multi-layered smarts is just what I like about this one. Yeah, this is EASY to digest for smaller audience members, but there’s some definite nuance for the “bigs” in the crowd to appreciate too. At its core this is a film about following your dreams no matter what the status quo might want to say about how the perceived rules might be set up to keep you out, ANYONE can be a star if they dream (ahem) big enough, but there’s also strong messages about teamwork and listening your friends, not stepping on those around you to get to the top because it’s not just about IF you win, but how you GET THERE. Sure, none of this is exactly galaxy brain, super life-changing revelatory BIG WOW stuff, but it’s at least delivered in such a way that it genuinely MAKES the moments truly SING with impressive power. And it’s definitely a powerfully EMOTIONAL piece of work, a film suitably overflowing with genuine heart and substantial weight, which therefore makes it a good deal more rewarding besides. Kids are gonna go in mostly for the bright colours and talking animals, but they’ll leave with an education they actually ENJOYED getting, while the adults should definitely be pleased that they actually had a good time instead of spending half the time checking their watches and the rest trying not to let the cringe show TOO MUCH. Which is a fine measure of universal success for something like this.

It certainly helps that the characters are very strong, with a lot more going on than just a bunch of rote stereotypical tropes intended to make the message flow through a little more smoothly. And more so that the cast voicing them all are thoroughly talented to boot. Ultimately it’s the titular star who shoulders the lion’s share of the narrative weight here, with Will genuinely being the ideal underdog for this particular story, and McLaughlin is ideal casting for such a plucky and determined but persistently upbeat dreamer given the opportunity to realise his potential despite so much arrayed against him, although I greatly appreciated that Jett (who pretty quickly became my favourite character, flaws and all) was allowed just as much agency throughout the story too, and especially having SUCH a strong character arc too. It was a tricky thing keeping her likeable in spite of her big ego, but in the end I found the prickly edges actually made her MORE endearing because she wound up feeling SO understandable in her deep-down insecurity and determination to not just win but actually be ACCEPTED for it. As for the rest of the team, they’re all absolute keepers, but I particularly appreciated the adorably neurotic ostrich, Olivia (Derry Girls and Bridgerton’s Nicola Coughlin), and OF COURSE the truly scene-stealing off-the-wall genius of Nick Kroll’s hilariously unpredictable and unapologetically singular Modo, who is undeniably the most memorably inventive creation in the entire piece. And the rest of the colourful collection of voices impress throughout too, from the truly inspired casting of Patton Oswalt as the team’s coach Dennis to Will’s lovable best friends Hannah (Joy Ride and Shortcomings’ Sherry Cola) and Darryl (Stranger Things’ Eduardo Franco), while Pierre delivers a winningly skilful turn as the film’s nominal villain, giving genuine restrained menace as strong as his more showy bravado-filled celebrity brinkmanship.

All round this was a genuine treat, a SPECTACULARLY colourful piece of work, visually arresting and absolutely GORGEOUS in its consistently vibrant and endlessly inspired creativity and invention, with some FIRE levels of skilful worldbuilding that take the real world allegories and create something that, if I’m really honest, actually OUTDOES what Disney delivered with the Zootopia flicks. Moreover, that signature Sony animation style really POPS with this one, perfectly fitting the rich complexity of the design of the characters and environments, while everything moves with impressive speed and intensity even OUTSIDE of the setpieces. Which are themselves REALLY GREAT too, each roarball sequence delivering something fresh and thoroughly inspired while the choreography of the actual movements is a thing of beauty. The pace is agreeably nippy too and the balance of inspired, sometimes agreeably outlandish humour and genuine heartfelt emotional POWER is pitched to perfection. This is just a thorough, rousing success, and I didn’t have to look around me at the crowd in my screen to know everybody else was enjoying it too because it spoke just as much to my more jaded adult half as the kid inside that, thankfully, has never even TRIED to grow up. This one really is something for everyone, which means it pulled off its intended job JUST RIGHT. And it ended to perfection too – sure, I’d be HAPPY to see Sony come back with more of this in the future, but the way they sign off here means it would be just as fine if this is all we ever get. And I’m really happy with that ...

4. THE BRIDE!

Oh yeah, clearly this is gonna be one of the year’s biggest Marmite Movies, I can TOTALLY see a lot of people really NOT LIKING THIS, and that’s fair because it is a very STRANGE and decidedly polarising piece, and quite clearly INTENTIONAL TOO. Films like this are not meant for mass markets, not really, they’re intended to spark debate and have people either love them or hate them, they’re not meant to appeal to everybody. But that’s good, because films like this definitely still find THEIR audiences because cults are like that. And this one has future classic written all over it. I’m glad of that, because I’m definitely one of the ones it worked its spell on just fine – I was already onboard for what I figured was going to be a particularly WILD ride, and it didn’t disappoint. It did EXACTLY what it promised to, and I really love it for it.

Maggie Gyllenhaal’s second directorial feature is certainly an extremely AMBITIOUS piece of work – I haven’t seen The Lost Daughter, so I really don’t have any frame of reference on how it compares, but going from this she really has a very singular voice that really speaks to me as a lover of deeply original takes on otherwise well-trodden ground. Well this doesn’t so much remix tired old tropes as just throw everything out and start completely fresh – Maggie’s screenplay concentrates on the barest bones of Mary Shelley’s TRUE ORIGINAL science fiction novel and uses it to create something ENTIRELY NEW which still feels at once akin to the source, so this definitely isn’t just another tired old case of Hollywood flogging one of its VERY DEADEST horses for a few more dollars. This is spectacularly OFF-THE-WALL, a beautifully bizarre bonkers fever dream of a film, coming right in at the start with a fantastically batshit concept and just running with it while twisting the whole world it inhabits marvellously out of true into a weird pastiche that manages to carry through to a thoroughly unexpected but ultimately still PERFECTLY natural conclusion which is both tragic but also poetically RIGHT for the piece as a whole. Although saying anything about what that actually IS beyond the broadest of hints would do this whole experience a criminal disservice, and I’m ultimately deeply glad the advertising campaign by and large did a really smart job of keeping the spoilers to the barest minimum too. This is best watched just going in cold, so just take my word for it that this is PROPER GENIUS. You might like it, but you might not … that’s not for me to say. But you’ll definitely be suitably BAMBOOZLED …

Still here? Okay then … it’s Chicago circa 1938, where Frankenstein’s Monster (Christian Bale) has come in search of mad scientist Dr Cornelia Euphronius (Annette Benning) in the hope that she can create another like him as a partner to ease the unbearable loneliness of his torturous immortal existence. As luck would have it, a suitable candidate has just presented themselves – Ida (Jessie Buckley), a call-girl who was just killed for spilling what she knew about the monstrous appetites of a local Mob boss. But something else has hitched a ride back in the mind of this newly resurrected woman, and as the pair go on the run they leave behind a trail of chaos which is soon picked up by a gaggle of disparate pursuers from both sides of the Law ...

Jake Gyllenhaal makes a really interesting appearance in this which is ultimately a good deal LESS than the trailers might have you think, but in the end that’s probably for the best – in truth he’s clearly here as a favour to his sister, but that works because his character is really more of a touchstone for a particular character’s personal needs and wants to come across mostly as metaphor (leading to a subtly tragic “don’t meet your heroes” moment that leads to something a good deal more intriguing), and besides, it’s a perfect excuse for him to just indulge in another one of his more … OUT THERE turns. By and large, the film mainly revolves around the narrative viewpoint of TWO main couples, along with ONE particularly notable supporting character who mostly provides intriguing bookends for the main story, but still makes a hell of an impression throughout because of how fantastically ODD she is. Of course, the lion’s share of the narrative thrust definitely belongs to the film’s star crossed lovers, with Buckley delivering an absolutely UNSTOPPABLE tour-de-force performance, absolutely BLOWING EVERYBODY ELSE off the screen, including her co-star … although Bale does, nonetheless, largely manage to JUST ABOUT hold his own against SUCH an astonishing turn since he IS one of the greatest actors of his generation. Besides, his “Frankie” is a marvellously tragic (ahem) creation in his own right, at once needy and somewhat childish in the way his somewhat undirected ideas of what he even wants ultimately manage to kick off SO MUCH CHAOS, but also deeply heartfelt and poetic and sometimes SO DAMN ENDEARING in his sheer awkwardness that it’s impossible not to root for him anyway, and the pair share a truly incendiary chemistry which really does constantly set the screen on fire, whether they’re dancing around each other or figuratively tearing each other apart through sheer frustration. Meanwhile the comparatively underserved pairing of Peter Sarsgaard and Penelope Cruz (who arrive a little shy of the halfway point and then mostly dip in and out of the story) came as a genuine happy surprise that I absolutely ADORED, which really just made it kind of frustrating that the world-weary broken down gumshoe detective and his far more bright-eyed and eager rookie partner were ultimately given quite short shrift – they’re a fascinating (sort of) couple, and really deserved to be leading a different movie, some kind of post modern take on a His Girl Friday-esque screwball mystery comedy. Finally there’s Benning, skilfully taking a character who, honestly, is just WEIRD SHIT INCARNATE and turning her into a deliciously tired and cranky but still somehow rewardingly wonderstruck “mad scientist” who just fits so perfectly into this whole fantastically bizarre cinematic tapestry.

This really is a SPECTACULARLY ODD film, a bona fide acid trip that keeps flipping genres even in individual scenes with impressive abandon, and while it really shouldn’t work, Gyllenhaal’s fearlessly ballsy unifying take manages to rein it all in and keep thinks flowing impressively smoothly despite all the baffling eccentricity on offer. There’s a decidedly meta flavour to the whole thing too, the way it’s as much ABOUT cinema as it’s clearly IN LOVE with it, ultimately becoming a gloriously skewed love letter to the silver age of screen musicals and a macabre black comedy reinvention of Depression-era runaway criminal melodramas which were themselves inspired by “Robin Hood” crooks of the day like John Dillinger and Babyface Nelson. For the most part the body horror elements are kept on the back-burner, so while there are some icky moments scattered about, for the most part this is played far more as a darkly off-kilter romantic drama married with an old school crime thriller, while most of the scary stuff is purely PSYCHOLOGICAL, tying into a recurrent storytelling conceit that I know is really gonna IRRITATE some viewers (especially a lot of purists) but is handled with real skill and a pleasing amount of bizarre poetry so for me it just WORKS. Honestly that’s just a microcosm of the film itself – this is a fundamentally MAD MOVIE, schizophrenic and more than a little DANGEROUS in many ways, but surprisingly endearing and touching and genuinely extremely ROMANTIC so there’s true WORTH to what it has to offer, and it stubbornly sticks to its guns THE WHOLE TIME so if nothing else you really have to admire its stubborn COMMITMENT TO THE BIT. We just don’t get enough truly ORIGINAL genre cinema like this any more, not with this big name level STAR POWER behind it, so between this and Good Luck, Have Fun, Don’t Die we really should be damn thankful movies like this still exist at all. I for one am happy to champion it as long as I can, it’s definitely worth it.

3. ALL YOU NEED IS KILL

Now listen, I LOVE Tom Cruise’s Edge of Tomorrow, it’s huge fun and a spectacular sci-fi action comedy that is GENUINELY as smart as it thinks it is … but even so, I was REALLY EXCITED when I heard about this new anime adaptation of author Hiroshi Sakurazaka’s original novel which promised a very different and more leftfield take on the core concept – Rita Vrataski, a young woman working on a massive alien artifact fallen from space in a mech suit, finds herself repeating the same day over when whatever it is finally wakes up and an invading force of lethal biomechanical killing machines starts killing everything in sight, leading her to take full advantage of her seemingly inescapable situation to learn to fight back and maybe stem the tide of this nightmarish invasion. Seriously, that whole premise was genuinely MADE for this particular medium, so the prospect of a film really do it all justice was something I couldn’t turn down. So I wholeheartedly recommend anyone who’s seen Doug Liman’s live-action take to check this one out too because you’re gonna LOVE IT, but also anyone else who hasn’t either, just ANYBODY really, it’s too good not to. This is EVERYTHING I hoped it would be …

It’s a magnificently colourful, daring and extremely adventurous piece of work, and I particularly enjoyed the way the particular animation style is SO MUCH outside the stylistic norm of standard anime too. It’s much more in keeping with the offbeat style of some of Studio 4°C’s more singularly outlandish and idiosyncratic work like Tekkonkinkreet, delivering some really interesting and unique character designs while also shaping the way the action is crafted and executed in really intriguing ways too. I love how even in its quiet moments there’s such fascinating dynamism here, and the film is unafraid to merge some really beautiful human moments with some proper surrealist HORROR, sometimes both at once. The creature designs are suitably bizarre and definitely entirely ALIEN, while the tech is quite weird but nonetheless feels like it could genuinely WORK in reality, at least in this kind of situation. And it’s so COLOURFUL, it’s all very bright and striking and opulent, I really vibe with the way this never really gets DARK or moody, even at its most nightmarish everything’s decked out in vibrant primary colours and that FASCINATES me, it’s a gorgeous paradox.

Most importantly, though, this is a marvellously HUMAN story. At its core its about two very different but equally damaged and vulnerable young loners finding each other and discovering they can only REALLY solve their problems by working together, and managing to save THE WHOLE WORLD while they’re at it. There’s a great deal of deeply affecting heart and pathos here which really touched me, and I’ll admit that as much as I ADORE the visual splendour and magnificently madcap action and invention on offer here, I know full well I couldn’t have found it HALF as compelling without that very strong emotional connection to keep it all so well rooted. Meanwhile this definitely has as much fun playing with all those videogame-esque ultraviolent time-loop shenanigans as Tom Cruise’s take did, which definitely made so much FUN while we were at it. This is just a full-on TREAT for the artform, easily one of the most memorable and distinctive anime features I’ve come across for some time, and I have great hope for whatever debuting director Kenichiro Akimoto does next ...

2. DUST BUNNY

I can EASILY see this fantastically ODD little film giving birth to a whole generation of gloriously WEIRD future filmmakers, artists and other brilliant little out-of-the-box creatives – this is a particularly heady mixture of a whole bunch of disparate influences and inspirations that, on paper at least, sound like they’d make some kind of unholy mess, and yet here they’ve been woven together with such magnificent skill that it all meshes with a genuinely intoxicating precision, and the results are a film which is absolutely destined to become a brilliant future gateway horror for an entire generation while simultaneously potentially introducing them to a few other little sub-genres besides. There are elements of Grimm’s fairy-tales in here, a hefty dose of absurdist dark comedy mixed in, with more than a little (intentional) post-John Wick action thriller vibe to make things even more interesting, although here it’s A GOOD DEAL more restrained, clearly geared to be accessible for younger viewers as well as their parents by dialling back the violence and at least SOME of the more adult themes without sacrificing ANY of the edge. This is EXACTLY the kind of formative film I would have ADORED when I was growing up and I KNOW it’s going to be JUST THAT for a great many in the future.

Aurora (Annika and The Chemistry of Death’s Sophie Sloan) is a little girl who’s terrified of the monster under her bed, but her parents don’t believe her protestations until it comes up out of the floor and EATS THEM ALIVE. Certain she’s going to be next, she enlists the help of her new neighbour (Mads Mikkelsen), a reclusive loner who also just happens to be a world-class hitman, to help her get rid of the monster once and for all. Unsurprisingly, he doesn’t believe her, but now they’re both in an even more precarious position because as far as his handler Laverne (Sigourney Weaver) is concerned, this little girl just turned herself into a material witness who knows far too much about their business and needs to be eliminated … Mikkelsen is a PHENOMENAL choice for the lead here, bringing his trademark subtle edge of understated suave menace to bear in a role which is SOMEWHAT like the character he played in Polar but with the rough edges more effectively smoothed off, giving him a good deal more quirky charm to eliminate any hints of creepiness. Certainly this is a much more thoroughly WHOLESOME tale of a burgeoning surrogate father/daughter bond than what we saw in Luc Besson’s Leon (a clear influence), and his chemistry with Sloan is MARVELLOUS, easily forming a powerful emotional core for the story to unfold around. The young actress is a REVELATION here, bringing a weight of maturity far beyond her years to the role while still seeming SO adorably innocent in spite of everything her character’s clearly been through, and her wonderfully subtle comedic timing is FLAWLESS. Weaver’s really not in this anywhere near as much as she SHOULD BE, but what we get of her is FANTASTIC, she’s clearly having an absolute blast playing passive-aggressively bitchy charming here and I love how great HER chemistry with Mikkelsen is too, these two really need to work together again. The supporting cast are memorable too – any appearance from David Dastmalchian is a welcome one, and he’s clearly having fun too, while Sheila Atim (The Underground Railroad) is classy and Rebecca Henderson (Russian Doll, The Acolyte) is creepy but still fantastically GAME. In the end, though, this is VERY MUCH Mads and Sophie’s film and they both carry it SPLENDIDLY.

This may be Bryan Fuller’s directorial debut, but I’ve been a fan of his work for ages now, thanks in no small part to his LONG and immensely fruitful collaboration with Mikkelsen as the creator/showrunner of Hannibal, while he similarly impressed through his work on Pushing Daisies and American Gods besides, so it was only a matter of time before he made the leap to directing AS WELL as writing. Needless to say he’s JUST as accomplished on THIS side of the equation, bringing an impressive flair and wondrously PLAYFUL, darkly mischievous invention, crafting a spellbinding air of idiosyncratic heightened reality which artfully skews our expectations in fun and daring ways. It’s really no surprise he famously sited Jean-Pierre Jeunet’s Amelie as his very favourite film – I felt right from the opening scenes that this whole thing had a powerfully FRENCH vibe to it, extremely reminiscent of a Jeunet & Caro film (a la Delicatessen or City of Lost Children), and it lends an enjoyably offbeat atmosphere which blends very well with the dark humour and effectively haunting but never overtly scary atmosphere. Ultimately this ISN’T wall-to-wall action like the advertising might make you expect, the film is a good deal more slowburn, but that means it instead does a particularly compelling job of taking its time to introduce the characters, setting and narrative stakes before finally UNLEASHING the more potentially THRILLING aspects with a suitably patient and artful amount of scene-setting. The effects work is striking too, using CGI in clever ways while the creature design is incredibly striking, making the monster itself a brilliant blend of sort-of-scary but also kind-of-cute, albeit in a particularly TWISTED way. And this has artistic style TO BURN, with every scene designed, choreographed and shot with the kind of rare and eye-catching flair that many filmmakers can only ENVY. This is an AMAZING directorial debut for a creative voice I have admired for a good while, and I CANNOT WAIT to see what he’s gonna do next ...

1. PROJECT HAIL MARY

So did you ever think you’d wind up crying buckets over a space tarantula made of rock? No, neither did I … and yet here we are. Phil Lord and Chris Miller’s first feature gig as directors since their last tour on Jump Street (and indeed their first officially helming a project, PERIOD, since their original aborted gig on Solo; A Star Wars Story crashed and burned through no fault of their own) is not immediately what we might have expected from the guys who made The Lego Movie, although given their CLOSE involvement throughout all aspects of the Spider-Verse movies it’s not really SO unexpected … but anyway, this is, quite simply, an absolute, unadulterated JOY from start to finish, the kind of film that locks onto you in the first five minutes and works its magic so effectively that you’re helpless to escape its spell because it’s all SO DAMN WELL MADE in every aspect but more importantly it’s also just been made with SO MUCH LOVE too. Then again, this is VERY MUCH how it was with The Martian, Ridley Scott’s adaptation of wannabe astronaut-turned-author Andy Weir’s DEBUT sci-fi adventure, which for me was genuinely one of THE GREATEST NOVELS EVER WRITTEN long before it then got turned into one of the most effortlessly adorable and thoroughly engrossing sci-fi adventure comedies I’ve ever seen. So of that Fox seeing sense in bringing original screenwriter Drew Goddard back to perform the same duties on this adaptation of Weir’s most recent offering was an absolute no-brainer, but having THESE TWO directing it too simply turned out to be THE perfect secret ingredient. This is EVEN BETTER than The Martian, which I genuinely didn’t expect to be saying, but here it is … and yeah, it’s also THE BEST THING I’ve seen so far this year too …

In the very near future, an astronaut wakes up from suspended animation with complete amnesia to discover that he’s on an experimental spacecraft several light years from Earth in a distant star system, and the rest of his crew are dead. As he slowly puts the missing pieces of his mental puzzle back together, he realises he’s the only remaining hope for a truly desperate mission to discover why the star of this system is THE ONLY ONE in the known galaxy that ISN’T inexplicably dying and use this to engineer a solution to save OUR OWN Sun before half the Earth’s population starves and the rest freeze to death. But it turns out he’s NOT actually alone out here, a fellow astronaut has also found his way to the system – Rocky, an alien who’s ALSO the sole survivor of his own race’s last-chance mission of discovery. As the pair learn to communicate a close bond begins to develop between them, and they realise the best way for them to save their worlds, and maybe the rest of the galaxy, is to work together ...

Ryan Gosling is the OTHER spot-on secret ingredient that REALLY makes this one work. Matt Damon was SUCH a success in The Martian because he was the PERFECT FIT for that lead role – Mark Watney is cocky and endearingly self-deprecating, but at the end of the day he’s still genuinely heroic along with it, he’s a forthright and courageous man who just happens to also be a MASSIVE GEEK, and Damon fit the mould to a T there. Now Gosling MAY have cinematic astronaut cred of his own having played Neil Armstrong in FINE STYLE INDEED in First Man, but he was VERY MUCH playing against his usual type there – he is MUCH BETTER SUITED for the role of Ryland Grace because he’s SO DAMN GOOD at playing adorable losers, men who are sexy as hell but also spectacularly terrible at EVERYTHING in life, but they make it so loveable precisely because they’re also EXTREMELY self-aware about it too. So yeah, he didn’t exactly need to stretch himself for this role … but GODS BLESS HIM for doing it anyway, because it’s just who he is! Yeah, he brought EVERYTHING HE HAD to this role, so he gets that charmingly pathetic man-failure down-pat perfectly but also brings real heart and pathos to the role too, a powerful vulnerability and rewarding complexity that helps to ground Grace’s impressively nuanced character arc in pleasing realism.

Sure, there are other great turns throughout this film too, with Sandra Hüller (Anatomy of a Fall, The Zone of Interest) particularly (rightly) standing out here, although I really appreciated getting to see The Bear’s Lionel Boyce landing a nice meaty role in a major high profile feature film too … but at the end of the day this is PRETTY MUCH just Gosling’s film, and he carries it MAGNIFICENTLY, effortlessly holding our attention all the way through even though vast swathes of the runtime really are just watching him do his thing. That being said, the TRUE emotional core of the whole film, and the reason this all REALLY works as well as it does (I know I keep saying this, but there are SO MANY exceptional lucky accidents all coming together to just MAKE THIS ONE, I swear), is the relationship that forms between Grace and Rocky … and yeah, like I said, it really was a genuine surprise that I fell SO HARD IN LOVE with a weird rocky alien who’s build like a spider and has NO CONCEPT of personal space, but he’s just TOO CUTE and an absolute sweetheart besides, with a heart FAR TOO BIG to realistically inhabit his comparatively tiny body, and yet here we are. Massive kudos must, of course, go to the film’s REAL breakout star James Ortiz, the puppeteer who not only brought the magnificent physical creature to life but also provided his adorably nerdy “computer-generated” voice. And the chemistry that he and Gosling CLEARLY HAD on set absolutely translates FULLY onscreen because you buy it right from the start, which makes us fall even harder for the pair of them …

Anyways, this genuinely is a case of just EVERYTHING coming together perfectly, not just the writing and the directing and the casting but also the design and the cinematography and the score (maybe THE VERY BEST I’ve heard from Daniel Pemberton to date, this) and the glorious physicality of these people doing EVERYTHING they could possibly DO for real (the ships are all REAL SETS and miniatures instead of CGI, so that by and large digital effects are used more to simply AUGMENT what’s already there so the whole thing feels tangible and lived in and we never have to suspend our sense of disbelief for a moment). Even the film’s structure is perfect – the fact that Grace wakes up at the start with NO MEMORY and has to recall EVERYTHING as he goes means he’s finding everything out the same time WE are, which really helps bring us into the thick of the story and action all the way through … and it particularly helps when the really BIG twist comes and it genuinely hits us like a ton of bricks. Meanwhile this is EASILY the most unapologetically CHARMING film I’ve seen so far this year, playing things VERY MUCH for laughs with a particularly CHEEKY and chaotically mischievous sense of humour without EVER undermining the inherent thrilling danger, dramatic weight and sheer emotional PATHOS of everything that happens. Indeed this film really is impressively accomplished at turning on a dime at a moment’s notice to sock us SO HARD in the feels when it needs to, and one scene in particular is GUARANTEED to have absolutely anyone BAWLING THEIR EYES OUT without reservation, no lie at all. But at the end of the day you’re mostly going to just absolutely FALL IN LOVE with it all, because this is one of those movies that’s PRECISION CRAFTED to leave you with big dumb grin on your face by the end. Which, to be honest, is kind of becoming the Andy Weir stock-in-trade … I’d love to see Goddard, Lord and Miller reteam sometime to have a crack at bringing Artemis to the big screen so we can have the whole set. Anyone else?

The Runners-Up:

20. THE TANK (DER TIGER)

German writer-director Dennis Gansel, who I mainly know through The Wave and the deeply weird vampire romantic horror We Are the Night, bounced back onto my radar with this surprisingly complex and intense existential World War II thriller following a Panzer crew sent on a dangerous rescue mission behind enemy lines in the final days of the War in Europe. This is SERIOUSLY DARK STUFF, impressively suspenseful and acted up a storm by a small but incredibly talented cast. Compelling, challenging, richly atmospheric and a good deal smarter than you might expect ...

19. LEE CRONIN’S THE MUMMY

Hot off the back of his DYNAMITE breakout soft reboot horror Evil Dead Rise, the writer-director stays sharp while exec-producing its back-to-back sequels by ushering in this sort-of-but-not-exactly companion piece to Blumhouse’s recent Universal Monster re-imaginings The Invisible Man and Wolf Man. Ultimately this isn’t REALLY as good as the movie which has rightly made him one of THE ONES TO WATCH in the horror scene, but it EASILY transcends its comparative flaws by delivering the same kind of gross-out shocks, skin-crawling nastiness and relentlessly unbearable family-centric supernatural distress with just as much gleefully sadistic enthusiasm ...

18. SCARLET

I am a MASSIVE fan of big screen anime writer-director Mamoru Hosoda’s films, so while this might not be among his very best work I still had a fine time with what’s ultimately a Grimdark version of What Dreams May Come filtered through a rewardingly surrealistic reinterpretation of Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the afterlife. The worldbuilding is sublime, the animation is STUNNING and the narrative CONSTANTLY surprises, while the themes are rich and the characters fascinatingly complex. Sure, the pacing might put less patient viewers off, but those who are willing to give it due time to breathe will find plenty to entertain and invigorate.

17. MIKE & NICK & NICK & ALICE

BenDavid Grabinski absolutely deserves to break out BIG TIME for this gleefully INSANE time-travelling jet black comedy thriller that makes FULL USE of the oft-underrated subtle comic talents of Vince Vaughn, who is EVERY BIT as good in this as he was in Freaky. This is a gloriously WEIRD piece of work that consistently subverts expectations with a gloriously offbeat plot and some ingenious leftfield character choices, while Vaughn and his co-stars, who include James Marsden, Eiza Gonzalez, Keith David and a fantastically douchey Jimmy Tatro, are all clearly having an absolute blast …

16. WHISTLE

While it doesn’t quite live up to the massive promise of his feature debut indie horror The Hallow, director Corin Hardy’s latest offering is still one of the most entertaining kids-do-something-dumb-and-supernatural-and-seal-their-own-fates movies I’ve seen for quite some time, thanks in no small part to an incredibly game young cast led by Dafne Keen and Sophie Nelisse. It’s wildly inventive and gleefully sidesteps a lot of the more conventional tropes in some really clever ways, so while the end results may wind up comprehensively jumping the shark before the end this is still huge fun, and I would HAPPILY sign up for a whole franchise based on THIS premise ...

15. SEND HELP

Sam Raimi is BACK baby … although he never ACTUALLY went away, but it is still nice to see him on such fine form with this gloriously over-the-top survival horror which sees Rachel McAdams and Dylan O’Brien both acting up a storm as a pair of massively disparate corporate co-workers trapped on a deserted tropical island in the middle of the Pacific after a work trip ends in a horrific plane crash. Flipping between a scathing psychological deconstruction of gender-politics and office hierarchies and a sadistically macabre jet black comedy, this is EASILY one of the most deliciously uncomfortable films I’ve had the pleasure of squirming through in quite some time ...

14. COLD STORAGE

I read David Koepp’s original novel way back when it first released, and I KNEW that if he ever got to actually turn it into a film it was gonna be an absolute RIOT … so I was SO HAPPY when it turned out to be every inch the outrageously bonkers intentional throwback guilty pleasure I was expecting. Liam Neeson has HUGE FUN relentlessly lampooning his veteran tough guy persona while Stranger Things’ Joe Keery and Barbarian’s Georgina Campbell have chemistry FOR DAYS as completely unqualified wage-slaves trying to survive a potentially world-ending outbreak of deadly mind-controlling alien fungus ...

13. IRON LUNG

YES!!! THAT’S RIGHT!!! IT’S FINALLY HERE!!! Markiplier’s fantastically ODD (sort of) single-location post-apocalyptic cosmic horror definitely DESERVES to go down as one of the greatest video game adaptations ever made, but given how much of an undeniable MARMITE MOVIE this is I highly doubt that will ever be the case unless this experiences a major reappraisal in a decade or so. Either way, this really is one of THE most unique super-low budget indie flicks I’ve seen in a while, with Mark Fischbach handing in what’s largely a one-man-show in front of the camera with as much impressive skill as he shows in the director’s chair. I don’t care what the establishment might think – as far as I’m concerned this is MESMERISING ...

12. MERCY

Timur Bekmambetov ALMOST makes up for inflicting Ice Cube’s abysmal War of the Worlds on us by taking the reins himself on a Time/Life sci-fi thriller and actually making it WORK, although with an inherently fascinating premise like this it had a MUCH better chance right off the bat. Chris Pratt and Rebecca Ferguson thoroughly impress on what’s essentially a two-hander that takes an incredibly challenging central idea and masterfully channels it into a compellingly twisty and persistently gripping real-time cyberpunk suspense thriller that looks SIGNIFICANTLY more expensive than it likely actually was …

11. RENTAL FAMILY

Brendan Fraser continues his MUCH DESERVED comeback with a far more loveable but still JUST as emotionally resonant and impactful turn as what he delivered in The Whale. This is an EFFORTLESSLY charming and emotionally evocative culture-clash comedy drama built around a brilliantly unusual core concept that also does a really beautiful job of shining a light on aspects of Japanese culture we’ve never seen on film before, while Fraser is ably supported by a massively committed supporting cast that includes a career best performance from Takehiro Hira and an astonishing debut from Shannon Mahina Gorman which is SURELY just the start of an INCREDIBLE future career ...

Oh hello ... so the Soldiers are almost back, then? Intriguing ... so we're catching up with Tyranny and Wick! Awesome! This cold open's going to be fun, clearly ...

Yeah ... the giant angel ... that creepy shit neds to be dealt with at some point ...

They're under a blanket together? O.O ... okay ...

Dr Finger ... yeah ... I wouldn't mind seeing the return of THAT particular character sometime, actually ... LOL

NO!!! DON'T take the blame, Tyranny? You deserve better than that! You're your own person and shouldn't just be full-on BEHOLDEN to this man ... I get that it's complicated, but, y'know ...

Ah, the Insta-toot ...

Reconnaissance ... yeah ... smart ...

Sticky palms? Hmmmmm ... and a callus ...

Oh dear ... Wick's Great Shame ... he "pulled a Tyranny" ... "Your Radiance!" She's so excited, it's adorable ... XD

So ... there's something a little different about these particular Orders? something out of the ordinary? Hmmmm ... Arcana check for Tyranny! And she's SNIFFING them ... hmmmmm ...

BRIMSTONE?!!! I'm sorry? O.O

OF COURSE she wishes to touch it ...

The name of her FATHER?!!! Holy shit ... O.O ... so it's NOT Holy Orders ... IT'S A CONTRACT?!!! WHAT?!!! HOLY SHIT!!! And THIS is where he calls it for the cold open! GAH!!!

So what fresh hell have you got in store for us THIS TIME, Riegel? That's an awful lot of pottery ... I do hope he doesn't start BREAKING anything ... oh yeah, I saw where THIS was going then, clearly ... oh hello ... the Nerf guns have returned! Okayt, this is more like it, then ... XD ... Sam: "Why, Travis?" Travis: "It's just who I am!" Sam: "Oh, I can't stay mad at you ..."

I'm with Matt ... that isn't REALLY Uranium glass is it? O.O

Kirby Winslow? Oh hello! Welcome!

Holy shit ... oh my gods yes, I remember THESE tees ... very cool ...

Brennan: "Schemers, you have had ... A FUCKING DAY!!!" This whole Table is basically going to be a single TWENTY FOUR HOURS of storyline, isn't it? XD

Yeah, A WHOLE LOT of time has passed in this SINGLE DAY, hasn't it?

Everybody's just exhausted and they just REALLY NEED some proper rest at this point, definitely ...

Return to Temelow, then? Hmmmmm ...

Message! Cool ... "a city of magpies"? Hmmmmm ...

Yeah, he is VERY SMALL ... oh, that's clever, nice way to keep the cloak from getting TOO dirty, at least ...

True, he really should get out of the city pretty sharpish ...

Oh yes, one last order of business for the night, then ... and yeah, probably shouldn't delay THIS any longer than it already has been ...

Parting ways, at least for now ...

OF COURSE Murray's blagged all the magical gear ... and now Brennan's adding MORE to this massive haul of loot? O.O

I really can't tell if Demodus is nervous around Bolaire or just thoroughly geeking out ... it's kind of adorable, actually ... meanwhile Bolaire's just making a joke of it ... honestly, I think they're just becoming genuinely fond friends, to be honest ...

Oh yeah ... makes sense that Azune's going to try, once and for all, to make sure that Bolaire REALLY IS safe ... but honestly mostly he's just checking that he's ALL RIGHT, which is kind of sweet, really ... they are still just FRIENDS, so ...

Taliesin Jaffe and his fantastically complex and deeply philosophical characters ... I love it ...

Coming home for the night, then ...

On ritual spell, then ... oh hello Find Familiar ... one of my favourites ... Figment? That's perfect ... :3

Making themselves cosy ...

Meanwhile with Hal and Murray ...

Seems like a very pleasant place to be laid to rest, this ...

No, I don't think she's intruding at all ... I mean Thjazi was her friend too, wasn't he?

The girls! Awwwww ... and Olgud ... hello ...

Gentle awakening as possible ... yeah ...

I must admit I am very much looking forward to Tyranny and Thaisha's reunion, actually ...

Last farewerlls and confessions of perceived personal failures ... oh man ... this is going to be HEAVY ...

Time for the burial itself, then ... that last, very final piece of business ... hmmmmm ... fireflies? Nice one, Murray ... is that Dancing Lights?

Murray: "Fucker's got the best view in th city." Awwww ...

So that's it, then ... done and dusted. Thjazi Fang has been laid to rest ...

Morning at last, then ... and another busy day ahead ... thankfully we HAVE all had a Long Rest ... phew ...

Heroic Inspiration for Murray, then ... nice one, Hal ... and she has to reroll her Portent ...

A new day! Liam: "And this is a new cmpaign, then?"

Marisha's "Fuck You, Fuck Me" dice ... yeah ... I thought about getting a set of those ...

SKILL CHECKS all round ... and also adding a d4 for multiple days? Hmmmm ... interesting way to do that ...

Murray's intern student pics for Dean Kora ... hmmmm ... and she's slipping Hero into the mix ... oh wow ... that's a risky play there, luv ... justr a flat dex roll, then ... Marisha: "My Dex is not great ... because I'm top-heavy ..." LOL ... oh wow ... that's SUCH a bad roll ... ouch ...

And now she's just making herself SEEN as she goes about her work ... and she's spreading HOPE while she's at it ... I love how she's such a positive presence amongst the faculty and studen body ... and covering for Demodus while she's at it ... hmmmmmm ...

Azune's jsut doing what he always does, clearly ... but keeping an eye out the whole time ... Control Flames ... cool ... and another "Profession" check ... hmmmm ... and he can Guidance himself while he's at it ...

No Lord Einfasen? Hmmmm ... is that an interesting development? It's definitely convenient ...

Insight check! Oof ...

Bolaire just gets on with it with the major upheavel amongst the collections ... delegating responsibilities accordingly ... okay, then ... and he's fundamentally aware that this is all going to be a MAJOR MESS ... hmmmmmmm ... yeah, it all does seem very complicated ... Deception check or Forgery Proficiency ... hmmmmm ... a decent enough roll ...

So it's all a skilful little shell game, then ... and a merry bit of bureaucratic chaos, too ...

Hal throws himself FULL-ON into his work as much to distract himself, really ... Bardic Inspiration! Yeah, he is a BUSY BOY today ... but he does also get A WHOLE HELL OF A LOT done, too ...

The whole time all he can think of is his friends and family going through a whole lot of difficulty, and his own guilt on what just happened besides ... it's A LOT to be shouldering right now ... I just want to give him a hug ...

Wow, I love how Shadia is just a BUNDLE of pure energy, it's so sweet ... Performance check! A BIG ONE too ... yeah, as hard as he tries, Hal just can't be convincing in his brave face, can he? O.O

Oh hello ... holding off on the bad rolls for a day or two? Yeah, might be best ... but it's also kind of BRUTAL too ... Brennan Lee Mulligan, you're a kind little sadist, aren't you?

Catching up ...

Oh hello extra swag ... Murray casts Identify as a Ritual ... yeah, that's A LOT of work right there ... O.O

Fancy magic, that ... very specific, but quite special, too ... "jamming the airwaves" ... cute ...

Four Potions of Healing ...

Oh, that's sneaky ... Metamagic Gems ... so this was actually REAPPROPRIATION to the original owners again then, technically ...

Voker's Gems? Oh hello ... I love Evocation magic ...

Viner's Gems ... yeah, that in particular is EXTREMELY useful for Murray herself ...

"Sprinkles for spells" ... XD ... that's cute ...

FORTY blank spell slatres ... AAAAAAAAHHHH ... okay, this is starting to make sense, then ... that's clearing up a big question mark while also raising more ... and it also opens up some VERY interesting possibilities, too ...

Yes. Altogether that is a MASSIVE amount of money too ...

That's a prodent point ... maybe they SHOULD talk to Ortus about this ...

The Cirumlocution Wing ...

"Which one is the Cup of Christ?" Yeah ... that's basically it ...

It all sounds like some very dangerous clandestine shenanigans that have SO MANY opportunities to go HORRIBLY wrong ... this Table is aptly named, then ...

Splitting up again, then ...

Azune has Murray investigate the Candle ... another casting of Identify ... and then maybe an Augury ...

Holy shit ... tallow rendered from the fat of Tachonis family members ... oh wow ... yeah, that sounds like a HORRIFICALLY powerful Necromantic artifact ... this is some Hand of Glory level awful shit right here ...

A Candle of Slaughter ... "heinously evil" ... yeah, you got THAT right, Brennan ...

So this WAS used at the Pallazzo Davinos ...

It definitely does sound like it's gonna be ugly, yes ...

"What happens when you burn this cadle all the way down to the wick?"

Good but also VERY uncomfortable additional question ... how many of these candles ARE THERE?

Arcana check ... but a very HIGH DC one! O.O

23 ... is that good enough?

A very VERY loaded lore dump ... yeah, this is A LOT and it's very informative ...but not QUITE everything, in the end ...

Oh shit! It's the Seekers' Table side of all of this! O.O ... cue the metagaming!

And THIS is where he calls a break ...

The other side of the equation, Hal and Bolaire return to the Archanade ...

Oh dear, he's calling for a surprise roll ... how bad is this gonna get?

Archivist Rosadella ... great, this can't be good ... thankfully Bolaire's skilful implimentation of pure chaos has definitely saved this from far worse disaster ...

Yeah, NEVER cancel impending takeout ... that's just not DONE ...

Group Stealth check ... for TWO people ... hmmmmm ... wow, that is a REALLY bad roil ...

The Pariah Blades? Oh gods ... how bad is this about to get?

Perception check ... and Bardic Inspiration ... nice ...

Yeah, like I thought ... SHENANIGANS ...

Oh dear ... a sudden chill is NEVER a good sign ...

So the blade doesn't look like much, but in a really stunningly beautiful way ... that's a FASCINATING way to describe something so powerful ...

Nice idea ... hiding it in the clutter is a SMART move ...

"Golf cart" ... LOL

Acrobatics or Sleight of Hand ... hmmmmmmm ...

Great ... what's about to happen, then? ANOTHER Perception check ... not good ... footsteps ... classy and refined HEELS ... oh yeah, we know who THAT is ...

Just push the cart ... PUSH THE CART!!!

Oh shit ... this can't be good ... INITIATIVE?!!! Damn it! O.O

Animal Handling AND Acrobatics ... oh gods ... and ALL FOUR rolls have to be GOOD ... PLEASE roll well guys ...

SHITE ... the horse DOES NOT LIKE YOU, then ...

Land Vehicle Proficiency? Really? As in what EVERY FIGHTER gets automatically?

The footsteps keep coming ... and Bolaire's preparing to MURDER THEM if he must ...

The Lady Amaria Dacen Cormoray ... here we go, then ...

Stop talking, stop talking ... oh gods here you are I can feel you just DIGGING THE HOLE DEEPER right now, definitely ... Deception check ... great ... BOTH of them ... Silver Tongue? Oh hello ... nice ... but Bolaire's tanking it ... oof ... it's all balanced on the edge of a blade right now ...

Insight check for her ... oh boy ... holy shit ...

Luis and Marisha are ducking under the table ...

Holy fuck ... O.O ... oh, this is about to go SO BAD ... she's got the Pariah Blade ...

Marisha: "We're talking about making a pillow fort for safety."

Oh yeah, she's just a complete PSYCHOPATH, isn't she?

PLEASE tell me you've got a brilliant plan right now, Bolaire ... you are both in SUCH a tight spot ...

A Nat20? Oh shit ... yeah, they're doomed ...

Wisdom saves from both of them ... fuck ...

Detect Thoughts versus Suggestion ... Counterspell ... and now wer're ROLLING INITIATIVE!!! Fuck!

Legacy Rules ...

Oh yeah ... so the Suggestion goes through after all ... but she still has to make a Wisdom save ... oh boy ... HOLY SHIT she tanked it ... unbelievable ... that went SO WELL ...

Brennan: "You have caught a tiger by the tail." Holy fuck yes ... PLEASE don't fumble this now ...

Well so far this looks tentatively promising ...

Aid! Nice one, Hal ...

Suggestion lasts for EIGHT HOURS?!!! Holy fuck ...

Into the Secret Vault ... oh boy ... and the spiral staircase WITHOUT A RAIL ... oh here we go ... I can see where he's going with this now ...

Insight check! Hmmmmmm ...

I'm sorry ... a CR similar to A DRAGON?!!!

Olbalad's Coffin ... hmmmm ...

Persuasion or Deception ... with Advantage thanks to the Charmed condition ... unbelievable ... O.O

Detect Magic ...

She's reaching for the coffin ... oh boy ... PLEASE let this go the way I hope it does ... O.O

A Nat1? Wow ...

Yeah, she is now THOROUGHLY Masked Up ... Sleight of Hand with Advantage? And now Hal has the Pariah Blade ... ohj shit, Dame Cormoray just GOT SUCKED INTO THE BOX and now it's closed ... holy shit ...

Termina? Interesting ... so that was ... FAMILY, then? His sister? Wow ...

Yeah, grab the box and let's GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE ...

Yeah, we're all just FUCKING REELING after THAT revelation ...

And NOW we flip over to Murray and Azune ... come on, get it together, guys ...

Little theatre in LA? Sounds charming ...

Okay, so we're all back together again ...

Hal is MINT GREEN? Hmmmmm ...

Yes. Booze is DEFINITELY a good thing for this current situation ... hmmmmm ... time for liquid fortification ...

Oh yeah, BOTH parties have some pretty shocking news to impart ... Boulder Parchment Sheers? Yup ...

It's bad, but it's not THAT BAD ...

Azune has a point ... as far as the Sundered Houses know, the only people who could be to blame for all of this are EACH OTHER ...

Yea, PLEASE Bolaire, tell us about Termina and the God Prison ... here we go, time for a really cool loredump ...

Now Murray fills the others in on THEIR side of the problem ...

Arcana or religion for Bolaire ... DOES anything ring a bell? Apparently yes, then ... oh dear ... so he has a good idea what this is all about, then ... yeah, so here we go with another loredump, although something closer to a recap for US after the Seekers' Table ...

Yeah, this is all getting REALLY COMPLICATED, and whoever's ACTUALLY behind this has many more pieces coming together than we could ever imagine ... it's ALL remnants of the Shapers' War ... so how many OTHER pieces are there left, then? How much worse can this get?

The Hallowed Round? The paint? Oh shit ... something's happening at the theatre too? Is that INTENTIONAL or more of a complicated accident?

Cool! Secret trapdoor! Sweet! Smart ... yeah, that's perfect to hide all the SRIOUSLY SCARY SHIT ...

Yeah, for in improv troupe EVERY day is a shit day ... LOL

Arcana check!

Brennan: "On a 22, you guys haven't said a reasonable thing all day!"

Yes. Do it. Paint over the codffin AND the Pariah Blades and just HIDE EVERYTHING in the hole ...

Performance check for painting, I guess ... hmmmm ... and Guidance ... a Dirty 20 ... okay ...

Taliesin: "We've McCurdied it, then, if you understand that story." Marisha: "They look like Nerf Guns!" LOL

Gods it's fucking LATE ... you're well on the way to wearing yourselves out, guys ...

Hal gives Bolaire a moustache ... nice ...

Long Rests! And then more Group Profession checks ... wow ... yeah, seriously guys, just LAY LOW ...

New Portents!

Trying to sell Haro to Dean Kora ... roll Persuasion! Wow ... NAT20!!! Oh, that's perfect, yeah, so she just convinced her to convince HERSELF instead ... cute ... XD

Oh interesting ... can Azune get this problematic guard busted for corruption? Oh shit ... nicely done, Azune! And that wasn't even a deception really, it just reframed THE TRUTH ...

Bolaire just helps Azune look into the disappearance of the very person whose disappearance they're covering up ...

Hal just carries on with his preparations at the Hallowed Round ... and that's that, then ... hmmmmmm ... turns out the near distaster last night has made him EUPHORIC ... fascinating ...

Oh shit ... PLEASE don't kill yourselves with the Pariah Blades, kids ... O.O ... oh fuck that is just FUCKED ... and strangely inspiring too ... FASCINATING ...

So no larceny tonight, then? I agree, BOO!!! LOL

The NEXT day ... new Portents! And new rolls! Oh boy ...

Hero! Hi! Don't forget the accent, Marisha ... gods, she's so sweet ... and yeah, Murray's right, she is JUST the person to step up and lead the way for the others in this ...

And now the chaos at the Aarchenade is on hold ... hmmmmmm ,,,

Yeah, just getting on with work in general, then ... this really IS the Employed Table ...

Nightfall and reunion at the Seven Stars ... and an update on the preparations for the potential reinforcements ...

The first seeds of a potential revolt, then? Hmmmmm ...

350? SERIOUSLY?!!! O.O

And that's where we call it a night ... okay then ... so much downtime, really ...yeah, that means this was just the deep breath before the plunge ... this is about to get SO HEAVY ...

Laura and Akex? Interesting ... where's THIS going, then? The Golden Orchard? Okay, this could be something really special ... are we getting some Thimble backstory? Is that what this is?

Twelve years ago? Okay then ... the end of the Fanconer's Rebellion ... hmmmmm ...

He's EIGHT ... WOW ... this kid was SO YOUNG when he died ... it just keeps getting MORE AND MORE tragic ...

Gods he's such an EVIL AND CRUEL BASTARD ... Occtis, your dad is a DOUCHE ...

That is a VERY KIND TREE ...;

That wing of the castle is UNDER THE LAKE ... that is EXTRA FUCKING COOL ... fae stuff, man ...

Wwow, are ALL of his family a bunch of asshats? Is that REALLY how it is? This poor kid ...

Thimble really was YOUNG too ... O.O ... and her brother is called TWIG ... I love it ... it's so apt ... also she has SO MUCH ENERGY too ... I love her so much ...

GO THIMBLE!!! Wreck that little turd!

She's so childish, it's so precious ... :3

Is this the start of a really adorable friendship? I suspect it is ... and I'm expecting MASSIVE TRAGEDY ...

Stealth checks! With 1st level and CHILD STATS ... wow ... O.O

Wwow, that is just NASTY ... nice save there, Occtis ...

Yeah, the tragedy of Occtis Tachonis which makes him so useless to his family, which is the cruelest thing ever ... because his family are ASSHATS ...

The Trial of Thjazi Fang ...

Perception check!

Oh, that's fascinating ... oh my gods ... wow, so he already escaped? Wow, Thjazi is SUCH A COOL GUY ...

Ah, so THIS is how Occtis and Thjazi became friends ... cool ...

Thjazi: "Technically is how a lot of interesting things work." XD

Oh gods yes ... I can TOTALLY see this is how he became a mentor for Occtis ... and he totally got him into trouble from day one ... perfect ... and THAT'S IT for the cold open ...

Another Thorum plug from Sam ... PLEASE no ring-piece jokes, Riegel ... "vertical dramas"? Sounds awful ... wow ... yeah, see, THIS is half the problem right there ... oh but I love their bad acting SO MUCH ... this is so spectacularly DUMB ... and Taliesin isn't even IN FRAME ... what the fuck is even going on? Is this what having a stroke feels like?

"Prompter crimes" ... LOL

Where the heck is Liam even coming from with this performance? XD

Vox Machina season FOUR?!!! Nice! Can't wait!

Brennan: "Liam said always be masturbating!" Taliesin: "There was context!"

MINIS!!! THEY HAVE MINIS!!! Perfect ... O.O

Working out where everybody is ... ah yes, this part is always interesting ... first real combat of the Schemers' Table! Potentially ... we'll see how it unfolds, I guess ...

Now we gotta work out what we MIGHT be doing next ... yeah, like plans EVER actually work out in these kinds of situations ... "no good plan ever survives first contact with the enemy" ... very apt in this game ...

One last Group Stelth check ... WITH ADVANTAGE thankfully ... hope this works ... Taliesin (to Luis): "Don't make that face." Oh dear ...how bad is it?

Bolaire or Azune ... who will act first? Hmmmmm ... and Bolaire's being SUPER CREEPY ... Command! Nice choice ... cue perfect silence ...

Azxune no flashiness, he just ATTACKS physically ... holy shit, his first attack roll is a FUCKING CRIT ... O.O ... and the confusing new rules for 2025 ... hmmmmm ...

Holy shit, you fucking MURDERED this man on the spot ... Dexterity save for both to help the body drop as quietly as possible ... nice ... and Azune went to a really DARK PLACE there ... O.O

Phantasmal Force is still going? Perfect ... that's handy ...

Oh fuck ... THAT was a close call ... it could have been SO MESSY ... and stinky too ... oh fuck ... and some wholesale SLAUGHTER too ... nightmarish ...

Hal is a bit shook, clearly ... but here enough to grant some Bardic Inspiration even so ... nice ...

Murray wants to go up and around using the ladders ... yeah, might be the smart move with all THAT scary shit going on ...

A little truncated storytelling here, it would seem ... yerah, that's the ticket ... nothing gets in the way, then ... so they're comfortably IN POSITION, then ...

Okay, whoever THAT is sounds pretty dangerous ...

Cost Benefit for the win in this case, clearly ...

Oh my gods, brennan that is s a HIDEOUS description ... O.O ... seriously, is this literally some kind of nightmarish MOULD MAN?!!!

Hal uses Adrenaline Rush to Dash to CHARGE round ...

Laumy ... urgh ...

Murray is getting a first-rate "look" at ... whatever this is in here ... oh boy ... Insight check! With Advantage! Yeah, this is definitely SERTIOUS right now ... she's right, potentially above their pay-grade ... Mage Hand? Might work ... and a nice way around not actually being able to "attack" with MH ... but in a way to make it LOOK LIKE a betrayal ... this should be interesting ... Expertise or just Proficiency? AND Bardic Inspiration ... yeah, I still preferred when we could just DOUBLE Crit damage rolls ... so THAT works, then ... Liam: "By the way, that is the most Appallachian wizard shit I've ever seen!"

Oh shit, it's all GOING OFF now ... GET IN THERE, guys!

Azune casts Control Flames and DIMS the closest torches ...

Bolaire casts Mine Sliver ... oh, that's some nasty stealthy shit right there ... oh, and that is UNSETTLING the way he does tyhat, too ... O.O ... Deception with Advantage ... nice ...

Yeah, they're all just TURNING ON EACH OTHER right now ... this is going beautifully ... OH SWEET FUCK THAT IS HORRIFYING!!! That was SO NASTY ... O.O

Marisha: "Guys, if you have black mould in your house, it's important to maintain that ..." Yeah ...

Hal is DEFINITELY getting triggered now ... but he climbs down all the same ... and uses his remaining Adrenaline Rush while he's at it ... MAYBE Stealthy, maybe not ... no way to know ... he's going for Demodus ... free Medicine check ... oh dear, the poor kid is unconscious, but stable ... that's definitely not cool, and does complicate things ...

Murray holds a Chromatic orb for JUST IN CASE ...

Bolaire holds a Bane for a double-whammy ... cue Liam doing a Dark Knight Bane impression ... LOL

It's all still GOING OFF with the Crowkeepers and ... THAT THING ...

Azune ALSO holds his Action waiting on the others ... and the rules get COMPLICATED because of it ... oof ...

Bolaire scoots down to pick some targets ... and ALSO holds ...

The tension is getting unbearable here ...

Laumy is getting FUCKING SCARY ... or MORE SO than he already was, anyway ... even "bloodied" ...

Looks like it's time to move, then ...

Hal grabs Demodus and works on carrying him out ... Stealth with Disadvantage ... nice ... it's actually WORKING ... and he casts healing Word while he's at it ... VERY nice ...

Oh my gods this poor kid is ADORABLE even after that beating ... and he's casting Mage Armour on Hal? AWESOME!!! But also time for another Stealth check ... oof ... and he CRIT FAILS it ... O.O ... the Mage Armour is MAGNIFICENT but also very showy ... NOT DISCREET AT ALL!!! Brennan: "People pay a lot for Mage Armour that looks this good!"

Murray tells Azune to: "Hold my feet!" and just ducks down the ladder to grab the kid ... beautiful! It's perfect! He's yoinked ... TIME TO RUN!!!

Bolaire casts another Command on Zaghi, telling her to droip her weapon ... and she FAILS the save ... perfect ...

Stalth check! Azune fucks up BADLY and instantly gives them away ... O.O

Brennan: "Yeah, here's how it goes ... on a Nat1, I have to FUCK YOU GUYS ..." great ...

Azune acitvates Innate Sorcery as he ruyshes for where the other hoods are PROBABLY going to come from ... ready to do some damage if he must ... O.O ... yup, here they come ... do something FANTASTIC, please ... Booming Blade! Oh nice ... this is gonna be GORGEOUS ... or not ... yeah, that's a MISS ... DAMN IT!!!

Zaghi DROPS HER WEAPON ... perfect ... "Meddler ... playwright?"

Fuck ... yeah, Azune is now SURROUNDED BY ROGUES ... oh my gods please don't kill my sweet boy ... oh, anbd he just casts Shield to protect him self ... HOLY SHIT HIS AC IN NOW TWENTY-FUCKING-FIVE!!! O.O ... it is EPIC, he is hit by NOTHING ...

Laumy ENVELOPS Zaghi and instantly DIGESTS her ... OH MY FUCKING GODS ... this is just pure NIGHTMARE FUEL ...

Hal casts Shatter at the platform the THING is on and it deals DOUBLE damage here ... spectacular ... he FUCKS IT UP ... but now he has to make an Arcana or Investigation check ... a very HIGH DC one ... oh dear ... and Laumy DROPS ... in pure CHAOS because it reverberates EVERYWHERE in these tight tunnels ...

Demodus really doesn't have a clue what's going on right now ... and FALLS IN LOVE the moment he sees Azune ... and creates a MASSIVE knight as an Illusion ... oh my GODS that is absolutely FABULOUS ... and magical Bottle Rockets too ...

Murray YOINKS HIM with her own magic ... then bundles him up and runs in to join Azune ... then she casts Colour Spray ... oh boy ... basically she lifts Demodus up and TURNS HIM INTO A WATER CANNON of blinding glittery magic ... spectacular!

Bolaire casts Dissonant Whispers down the drop onto Laumy ... oh, the beautiful poetry in his execution ... oh, that's a very solid slab of Psychic damage ... and now he makes an Intimidation check ... which he CRITS!!! Holy shit, Tal! And now the THING just FLEES in horror ... he literally FLUSHES HIMSELF ... perfect ...

And THIS is where he calls it a break ...

Azune turns to the non-blinded Crowkeepers and tries Booming Blade agsain ... and it HITS this time! Nice ... He Qucikens his spell and pulls the same on the other one ... now they're BOTH knocked back and in danger of a severe PUMMELLING if they move ... beautiful ... and they do just that so they take additional THUNDER DAMAGE!!! Perfect!

One of them's still coming for him ... but Azune Shields himself AGAIN and so YET AGAIN tyhey can do FUCK ALL ...

Hal draws the Liar's Blade and rushes down to join Azune, going for the nearest foe ... swish-slash! Perfect ... and he just KILLS this guy on the SPOT ...

Demodus is still FIXATED on Azune right now, clearly ... he casts Disguise Self, then starts speaking Thieves Cant in Zahgi's voice, telling them to drop their wepons ... nice ...

They only need ONE for questioning ... oh boy ...

Murray pulls one of her daggers out and uses the NEW version of True Strike to inflict Radiant damage when she attacks ... AND she had Advantage because they're Blinded, too ... oh, thsat's nasty ... then she scoops Demodus up again ...

Bolaire just STROLLS IN and evaluates the situation ... oh my goids I know what he's about to do ... oh, this will be SO NIGHTMARISH ... meanwhile he fells the wounded one with Necrotic damage from his dagger.

Azune Quickens another Booming Blade, going for non-lethal damage, knocking him back before warning him to essentially just FREEZE ... yeah, he's definitely smart enough to do what he's told ...

The "Friends of Justice"? Oh my gods, Demodus ... just chill already ...

Yeah, that should be effective enough to put him to sleep ...

Murray's right, kid ... hetting mixed up with the Crowkeepers was REALLY DUMB ...

A "Murray hug"? It sounds cuter than it maybe is ... but even so, it's still really sweet ... and the kid really needs it right now, anyway ...

Yeah, please, end the weird giant knight with all the positive affirmations ...

Oh my gods, he STILL thinks Pimley was on the up-and-up with him ... he's just TOO PURE for this world, I swear ...

Might be best to get rid of the manacles ...

Meeting the rest of the crew, then ... turns out that Demodus has MORE sponsors than he ever thought he did ... :3

Okay, here we go ... Demodus' side of the events, at last ...

Ophelia Seremai? Hmmmmmm ...

Lieutenant Junaeus ...

"The Falcon has just been delivered" ... oh, that's interesting ...

Lord Ethrand? Hmmmmmmm ...

Oh yeah, "loose ends" is NEVER a good sign ...

Yes, this boy must be protected at all costs ...and not just because he's a vital witness ... I mean he's an absolute cinammon roll as well ...

Hey! Bad guys! You better leave King Gus alone!

Lodging an official complaint ... Brennan: "I heard Dani Carr laugh SO HARD!!!" LOL

Maybe not take a Short Rest down here with the toilet monster loose right now ...

Investigation? Arcana? Hmmmmm ...

Yeah, Demodus is rightly RELIEVED and inordinately happy to still be alive ... he's okay now, definitely MUCH BETTER than you might espect ... and Hal's absolutely MOTHERING him right now ... it's very sweet ...

A Ritual Casting of Comprehend Languages, along with Detect Magic ... yeah ... that's it ...

Okay people, so what have we found?

Three Healing Potions? LOOT!!! Yay! And 60 GP too! Yes, definitely give it to the kid ...

Oh hello, impressions of scrawl in the tabletop ... some very nefarious bookkeeping was going on here ...

Interesting ... so not all the Crowkeepers would actually have approved of all this business ... I'm intrigued ...

So Laumy was fae? Hmmmmm ... a fairy of Harrow ... yeah, sounds about right ... typically nasty ...

Sylvan writing in the floor ... okay then ... most of a poem, but missing the last stanza ... interesting ...

Transmutation ... okay then ...

Oh hello, magic trapdoor treasure stash ... and MORE LOOT!!! A pretty srious haul, in fact ...

I'm sorry, are those DICE BAGS in there?

Holy shit ... FIORTY BLANK SPELLBOOS?!!! Are you SERIOUS?!!! That is an INSANE amount of treasure ... O.O ... yeah, Murray is rightly just LOSING IT right now ...

Bolaire is definitely asking Hal for a VERY complicated and potentially disquieting favour ... something which will DEFINITELY have a significant effect on their friendship ... I do hope it won't BREAK it ...

Yeah, Murray is just CLEANING THAT HOLE OUT right now ...

Looting the few bodies that aren't absolute MUSH ...

Yes. Put the boy to work to keep him distracted ...

"Blix's Bungling Blitz"? Oh my gods that is AWESOME ...

Yeah, I think it's probably sinister too ...

I do love Azune and Murray's friendship, it's so sincere and full of mutual respect and fondness ...

You're NOT a shit person, Murray. Thjazi believed in you because you're WORTH believing in!

Fuck the Dean! Fuck her right in her lousy arse!

Damn it, I just wanna give Murray the biggest hug right now. Can Azune please do it for me?

Murray: "I could never hate you, Azune. You're a good egg." Azune: "I would kill someone for you, Murray." Awwww ... they're so cute ...

Bolaire's about to do his thing ... this is going to be INTENSE, I can already tell ... I mean this is going to look SO BAD ...

Bolaire: "I'm going to need to die, and then I'm going to need you to take my face and put it on our friend over there." Wow ... that is already A LOT ... "My life is in your hands." Oh fuck ... he had to put it LIKE THAT ...

Brennan: "Bolaire ... you die again."

Oh hell ... Bolaire's TRUE FORM ... this is TRIPPY ...

Please don't read the writing, Hal ... O.O ... oh man, these two step in at the PERFECT moment ...

History check!

Hal has to make a Wisdome save ... oh thank fuck ... he reads the words and hears applause ... loud enough for the world to crack at its core ... O.O ... oh shit ... PLEASE tell me he's able to shake this off ...

Oh thank the gods ... that was almost SO BAD ...

Bolaire has a new body, then ... yeah, he WOULD need that healing potion ... and that Healing Word, thanks for that, Hal ... that says so much about how tight their friendship clearly remains ...

Yeah, he definitely needs his wig back ...

Hal is definitely going through it right now, but he's an excellent actor, so you'd never know ... oh boy ...

Thankfully Demodus is OBLIVIOUS ...

Making their way out of the sewers, then ... and Demodus disguises himself accordingly ...

And that is it for the night, then ... a good, healthy place to stop, definitely.

Flashback time in the big city? Ooooooh ... and Liam and Aabria are here? Young Hal and Thaisha! Sweet! Awwww, I love it, they're gonna be so cute, I just know it ... are we gonna see them fall in love? They're NINETEEN!!! :3

Oh my gods, they areally ARE ridiculously cute ... O.O ... so so cute ... and this is actually MEET THE PARENTS right now? Are you kidding me? It keeps getting cuter ...

Ah, this is really more like meet the whole FAMILY ... XD

Damn, orcs are TALL ... I mean yeah, of course they are, but STILL ... O.O

Grandma! Yay! Awwwwwwww ... more cuteness ... and wow, she is OLD too ... she's seen ACTUAL GODS ...

Oh yeah, this boy is SMITTEN ... meanwhile Aabria's just GUZZLING the tea watching him right now ... XD

Oh okay, so THIS is how the whole family fortune and legacy thing works here ... okay then ... this is FASCINATING ...

Seriously, WHAT HAPPENED?!!! These two were clearly SO COMPLETELY IN LOVE right away ...

Religion, festivities and family ... hmmmm ... this is very potent and personal ...

Congratulations? You what? Is that ... oh wow ... that's so cheeky ... LOL

Yes, please, just do THAT Sam. No stupid skits for once. Oh yeah, here we go ... this was quicker than I thought ... interesting way to do a NordVPN ad, though ... oh dear ... yeah, watch yourself Riegel, that's a bit much ... leave Marisha out of this ... oof ... oh, it gets worse ... where is this gonna go? There we go, that's more like it ... and Tal had some spare sausage to hand, too ... Ye gods ... oh dear ... just put the salami down already, please ...

Poor sweet old man, he didn't deserve all ot that. And even after all that, he's still so chipper and kind and just DECENT ...

Persuasion check!

Yeah, they are a very nODD BUNCH, I can see why he's a bit ... surprised ... O.O ... he's a little man in a BIG WORLD all of a sudden ...

Yeah, the kid really has pretty limited choices right now ...

Are you home? You can be ... LOL

See Invisibility ... is it still up? Might be helpful if it is ... especially after last night ... Perception check! Very nice ...

Wow, that was a VERY CUTE SNEEZE ...

Tea is a good thing right now, yes ...

It is DEFINITELY a coup and a conspiracy right now, clearly ... they really need to get a handle on what might be going on, at least beyond the broad strokes ...

No! Don't split the party! That's never a good idea ...

You need to eat some food! Take care of yourselves! And also a Short Rest too ...

Seven Stars ... sounds like fun ...

inez! Hello! Nice to see you here ... oh, and Romina's here too ... perfect ... this is most fortuitous ... yeah, I think a private room's a good idea ...

Yeah, clearly Romina is a SWEET lady ... I love her already ...

"Thjazi was a proper shit, but he was OUR shit ... "

Get some food while you're at it, guys ... don't go hungry, it's not conducive to sharp thinking ... Guidance! Nice!

Wine! Oooooh ...

Looking for a nice spot to sit ... Perception check! Oh yes, there are some very good choices around here ... and Murray works her Southern charm ... Persuasion! Yeah, I'm with you, Marisha ... all these good rolls mean as soon as you get into combat you're gonna be rolling SHITE ...

"Ass"? Oh dear Azune, you poor sweet summber child ... ordering some ass ... wow ...yeah, we're all just CHILDREN here tonight ... XD

Mask of Many Faces! Smart call right now for the incredibly distinctive Mask ...

The ass steaks have arrived ...

Meanwhile Hal is holding a meeting with the sisters, and treating them to dinner while he's at it ...

Silver-Tongued Halandil Fang, hard at work ...

Yeah, you'rte gonna have to play tghis SO DAREFULLY right now ... Persuasion AND Insight check? Hmmmmm ...

So the plot very much thickens ... MORE disappearances ...

Oh yeah, this is DEFINITELY getting complicated ... and it's all clearly building to something much more serious ...

"A little bit of unrest" ... that's putting it mildly ... "incandescent with rage" ... even more apt ... yeah, she really COULD be a writer ... XD

No communications returned from the Golden Orchard ... yeah, not likely that there WILL BE either ... O.O

Wick was rumoured to have "fallen in love with an actress"? Oh wow ... yeah, I mean it was definitely HINTED AT, but still ... oh, the tea is SCALDING ...

Yeah, that WAS a lot ...

Wick was, apparently, a "deeply kind and conscientious man", and apparently that is somewhat contrary to how many of the others of his family are ... such as his SISTER ... hmmmmm ...

And now to Occtis Tachonis ... and "the doors to Faerie opening" ... and a "lion man" ... wow ... this keeps getting closer to the bone all the time ... O.O

A small envoy from Argosia? Hmmmmmm ...

Romina may be nervous, but she is also a GOLD MINE right now ...I'm sorry, "falcon shit"? Wait a second ... O.O ... and the Falconers' Rest is currently bereft of falcons ... that's WAY too close a coincidence right there ...

Thjazi and that thrown rock ... yeah, more than just a metaphor right now ...

Romina is TOO SWEET, I really hope this doesn't end up costing her ...

Back downstairs ... who's Short resting, then?

More talk of eating ass ... oh boy ... please, we're supposed to be adults ... Taliesin: "Yours looks to be a bit buttery." LOL LIam: "I imagine it's hard to eat ass when you're wearing a mask." Oof ... please stop ...

Best got on with that intern business, Murray ... deadlines are a ballache ...

The games room ... yeah ...

Ah, so that must be the High Rollers' table, then ...

Pimley Morn? Wow ... what a name ...

Insight check!

They are definitely a very colourful bunch, aren't they? And very LOUD, too ...

"Underbelly of the city types" ... cute ... Azune really does have a very special way with words ...

You should ALWAYS gain a Proficiency in a gaming set, guys ... that's like LEVEL ONE stuff, it's VITAL ...

That is A LOT of money for a single hand ...

Are we about to Card Sharp, Bolaire? Is this where we're going? I'd be FASCINATED to see that ... O.O

Control Flames ... cool ... and an Insight check ...

The gnomish smuggler? Oh hello ... hmmmm ...

Does Murray know who he is? History check! So she DOES ... nice ... and that makes her even MORE suspicious ... now she's just fishing for eye-contact ... oh, he doesn't like THAT ... yeah, this is getting interesting ... Insight check! Marisha: "It's gonna come back to haunt me, I hate that I'm rolling this good." Yeah, it is worrying ... O.O

Murray goes to the loo, and casts message to Pimley as she goes ... hmmmmm ... wow, she is rolling WAY too good tonight ... it really is SUCH a razor's edge she's walking right now ... O.O

Oh, that's convenient ... Bolaire gets an in at the gasming table ... lovely ... how fortuitous ...

Druspin Fortunada? That IS a hell of a name ...

Bolaire is playing tricks already ... Insight check! Nothing on THIS one ... but he is familiar with the game, at least ...

Moving to the bathroom, then ... lovely ... LOL

Inside plumbing ... well the city IS built on a slope ... XD

Another Perception check ...

Roll Initiative? SERIOUSLY?!!! O.O ROLLIES!!! Oh boy ...

He's about to cast a spell? Do something, Murray! Hold person? Nice save, girl ... he is TRAPPED ...

Arcana with Advantage ... so he was trying to Misty Step away? Interesting ... but now she needs to us Message to actually talk to him ...

Persuasion check ... replacing the roll with Portent? Smart ...

Here comes the truth, then ...

Oh you evil fucking bastard ... he sold him out to the Crow Keepers? Yeah, I just wanna DESTROY this little turd right now, that was a SHITTY MOVE ...

Zaghi ... sounds intense ... another history check ... ooh, not great ... the dice tide may be turning, looks like ...

Yeah, you really AREN'T a hero, Pimley ... oh no, there is NO WAY a classy girl like Murray would touch you with a barge-pole ...

Deception or Intimidation ... looks like those dice were more "Fuck You" this time, Marisha ... O.O

Yeah, what IS a Gambling check? Raw Charisma or Wisdom? Hmmmmm ... I mean I imagine Bolaire can choose with impunity ... XD

Oh boy ... the mechanics of card playing ... I am NOT a fan of this stuff, if I'm honest ...

Tailors? Oof ... don't remind me, please ... O.O

A ridiculously long vest? A "charismatic snake" ... yeah ... this is such a weird turn of conversation ...

Bolaire is SO GOOD at this shmoosing business, I swear ... XD

Yeah, we all know who has the Jack now, don't we?

Hal returns ... trying to get a read on Gus ... I mean yeah, he would with THAT name ... meanwhile Azune catches him up ...

Finally a decent Perception check ... oh damn ... that's a big detail ...

I like to think Bolaire is being COMPLETELY HONEST in this moment ... he really is fascinating ...

Oh yeah, he's just killing it at that whole schoosing thing again ... he's got them absolutely wrapped around his little finger ...

Murray returns ... while Pimley just BOLTS ... hmmmm ...

Catching up the rest of the way, then ...

That's a very magnanimous way to take your leave there, Bolaire ... he really is too good at this ... and networking while he's at it ... slick bastard, I swear ...

Sir Marten has arrived ... sniffing about ... I love this little Hound ...

Oh shit ... Gus is KING Gus ... OF COURSE ... I love it ... that was just BEAUTIFUL ... and he's a fan of Hal's, it would seem ... nice ... and Hal is being VERY CHARMING about it all, too ...

A little friendly warning, too ... good man, Hal ...

I distinctly suspect that King Gus probably looks like Oliver Reed in his prime ...

Fascinating meeting, definitely ...

Murray's just waiting on the others outside ... and getting a little stewed on wine while she's at it ... hmmmm ... a reunion, then ...

Bolaire's apartment sounds like the smart play to catch up, then ... and THIS is where we call a break ...

Liam: "Ass Without a Trace ..." Down boy ... yeah, Brennan is a SNITCH and it's definitely refreshing ... LOL

Making their way through the market to Bolaire's place ... and they're conferring on the necessities ... yeah, they really need to be CAREFUL going about what they're doing ...

Yeah, they know where the boy is now ... are they changing their plans?

Guard Tower? Hmmmmm ...

Good point ... maybe they can just BUY HIM out of trouble instead of having to rescue him ... could be cleaner and more discreet ...

Azune's right, FEAR could work even better ...smart ...

Murray's got the boob-sweats ... XD

Above Table ... skill rolls? Intriguing ... a group check for Investigation, perhaps? Go for it ... ah yes, incrimental DCs ... always fun ... and a Guidance from Azune is definitely helpful here ... and a Luck point from Murray ... MUCH better ... altogether it's a good one, then ...

Nice place, definitely ... and many friendly faces, too ...

"It's been a while" ... it HAS been a while since that particular combat ... twenty-four whole hours, in fact ... LOL

Temalow ... intriguing ... oh, she is absolutely FASCINATING ...

Wow ... yeah, she really is very well-informed, clearly ...

Time for sa friendly little reading, then ... this should be interesting ... definitely some Sleight-of-Hand in this card shuffle ... cut first, then ask the question ...

"The fate of the world hangs in the balance" ... oh, that can't be good ...

Perception checks all round, then ...

Minor Illusion ... hmmmmm ... oh, so she's fae, then ... I did wonder ... ah yeah, like I thought, she's a fawn ...

This is all very concerning, definitely ...

Oh, so they're in the sewers then, are they? Yeah ... that's just lovely ...

A little message for Thimble before parting ... yeah ...

Another Minor Illusion from Hal ... cute ...

From Caravan Hill down into the Victor's Highway ... charming ... Bolaire's right, this will be extremely unpleasant ...

Guidance and an Investigation check ... oh, now that is very clever ... it's a trick grate ... thoughts of rebirth ... "Hold the gate" ... ah yes ... yup, here we go, secret entrance ... and steps, going DOWN ...

Here we go, who's got Darkvision?

Sneaking around in the pitch black tunnels, then ... lovely ...

Investigation with Advantage ... okay ... meanwhile Murray's also mapping their route as they go ... smart ...

Group Stealth check with DISADVANTAGE ... oof ... that can't be a good sign ... Marisha rolls a CRIT ... but also a SIX ... ouch ... but altogether it's a 14 median ... nice ... they just avoided what Brennan was going to consider a CATASTROPHE ... O.O

Crow feathers? Hello ...

And there are torches up ahead ... and voices too ... yeah, looks like they've found what they're looking for, then ...

Mage Armour ... yeah ...

Oh hello, Volaire's sexy glass rapier ... that's pretty sweet ...

Perception check ... yeah, that was pretty crap ... but she does have Stone Cunning ... so she casts Tremorsense on herself ... yeah, that's smart ... Perception with Aadvantage NOW ... much better ... oh hello, Whispers? Oh, no, something else, he's leaving ...

Yeah, we DO have reason to be excited ... YES!!! BATTLEMAP TIME!!! Oh hello ...

Oh man ... that is UNNERVING ... whatever that thing is it sounds NIGHTMARISH ... O.O

Decision, decisions ...

Yeah, that has to be Demodus ... they've found him ...

Making a plan, then ... but that means making and decision ... do they fight, do they distract, or do they talk?

Phantasmal Force? Oh hello, this should be fun , nice call, Bolaire ... with some additional audio from Hal, maybe ... Stealth with Advantage, then ... not great ... I really hope they roll shit ... and they DO ... perfect ... or maybe not ... hmmmm ... it's a mixed bag then, it seems ...

Hal just THROWS HIS VOICE ... nice ...

So they THINK tghey're seeing a group of soldiers panicking and bolting ... I really hope this works ...

Group Deception checks for both sides, then ... hmmmm ... thank the gods for the Liar's Blade in this moment for that Advantage ...

O.O ... that's really good ... and then Tal CRITS ... beautiful ...

The distraction worksd BEAUTIFULLY ... here's hoping the next part does as well ...

Time to get stabby in an ambush here, Bolaire ... you have to be SO SNEAKY with this ... PLEASE roll great Initiative ... oh, they're all tanking it SO BAD ... it comes down to how bad Brennan rolls in comparison ...

But he calls it a night HERE ... THE BASTARD ... oh, that is SO MEAN ... we have to WAIT to see what happens next ...

I mean it's SO FUCKING ACCURATE ... if Molly had still been with them in The King's Cage it would have gone down JUST LIKE THIS ... I'm not crying, you are ...