Mr. Loverman

• Spark aching as you shudder against him, curling your legs under yourself in his lap, he brushes his chin against the top of your head. And he’s not really sure how to make this better, how to comfort you when no one’s ever comforted him. So he wraps his arms around you and holds you, rocking slightly. Hoping he’s not making things worse because your pain hurts him so much.

Soundwave

• “I’m okay,” you lie through your teeth as his head tilts and the tip of a gentle servo slides under an eye to brush away tears. And your resolve completely shatters from that one gesture. Big hands cupping around you and lifting you. For a moment you think he’s going to slide you into his cassette compartment like he usually does when you’re upset, but he cradles you against the warm mesh of his neck instead.

• Crooning softly like he would to his cassettes, his servos slide against your spine. Feels your heart beating, the warmth of you. Touching you, holding you close comforts him, but he’s not sure if you crave his touch the same way, if it soothes you. And your sorrow sinks into him, quicksilver human emotions threatening to drown him.

Optimus

• Servos reaching to gently grip your upper arms, the mass displaced bot pulls you into his warm frame. A big hand cupping the back of your head as his other arm curls around you. Not telling you to get over it, but just letting you cry if you need to. Wrapping your arms around him, you feel his palm slide up and down your spine.

• Pressing a kiss against the top of your head, those hitching, pained sounds you’re making hurt him so much. But he’s almost sure you need this, need to be able to grieve so he rocks you slowly. “I’m here,” he murmurs and brush your mouth against his neck, tears dampening his mesh.

Bonus: TFP Shockwave

• Throwing your hands over your head in self defense as he dumps something on top of you, your breath hitches realizing it’s candy. Why? Hundreds of boxes of chocolates. Had he kicked down the wall of a Russell Stover’s? And he’s pointing his cannon at you. “Be comforted,” he growls, antenna back, the words more demand than request. Trying to follow the weird way his processor works, you scrub at your eyes with a fist. Where would he have gotten the idea that you need chocolate because you’re upset?

• Sitting down near the box, you watch him select another of his little glowing snacks before you open the box and inhale. “Where’d you get this stuff?” Cookies, granola bars, canned pasta, is that a candy bar? Chocolate? Not even hesitating, you snatch the candy bar and tear it open. Because this stuff isn’t those awful bars Pharma keeps giving him for you to eat. Real food. “Chocolate. Oh, I missed chocolate.”

• “I know a mech,” he mumbles as you pretty much inhale the little brown bar like you’re starving. And he feels guilty watching you. Makes him feel like he’s been neglecting you. Appetite failing him as you reach for another package and pull out a black and white disc to shove in your mouth. Eating quickly, urgently. He has been failing in taking care of you, hasn’t he? “I’m so sorry.” How long have you been going hungry and not saying anything? How has he not noticed? He’s been feeding you Pharma’s little bars formulated for your kind based on his scans. Maybe he’s not been giving you enough to eat?

• Head lifting guiltily, you realize how it must look to him to watch you scarfing food like you’re starving. “You didn’t do anything wrong. Really. Pharma’s nutrient bars are just…” Disgusting? A form of particularly cruel and unusual torture? Something you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy? “Different,” you settle on with a weak smile. It’s on the tip of your tongue to ask if whoever he’d gotten the food from also has a way to get you home, but asking that makes you feel guilty. You like First Aid and honestly, he acts so lonely it makes your heart ache. Always reaching for you, worrying over you.

• Shivering, you can’t look him in his red optics as he carries you back to his berth and lays down, settling you and your blankets on his chassis. “I woke you again.” Embarrassed, you curl on your side so your back is to him, because you can’t meet those worried optics right now. “Sorry.” Can still feel the vestiges of the nightmare, the fear so visceral you can’t breathe even now. Wanting to curl up and just cry, but knowing that will upset him more. The urge only increasing when he cautiously runs a servo over your head. The big guy trying so hard to take care of you. To fix what was already broken.

• Uncomfortable with handling you, afraid you might think that he thinks you’re a pet, not a person, it’s the only way either of you will get any rest. Any time you have those dreams, you’ll just toss and whimper all night long unless he intervenes. “My friend, Red, has trouble recharging,” he murmurs. Red Alert’s paranoia disturbs his recharge. He has no idea what bothers yours. You refuse to tell him. “Told me he has this little ambient noise loop going and it calms him right down.” Tiredly telling you stories about Red Alert and rubbing his servo between your shoulder blades until your heart calms. Until you relax against him.

• “Thank you,” you mumble, cheek on your arm as you listen to his deep voice and the hum of his spark. Letting your big protector banish the fear. Because nothing can touch you while he has you, even if there’s guilt for accidentally waking him. For not being strong enough to lie to him that you’re fine. Not that he ever complains about you annoying him, just patiently dealing with your issues without prying. Without telling you that you’re the problem.

• “Ow,” he groans, before panicking that maybe he’s crushing you and trying to get up. Only to look up at you. “Oh.” Because you’re bigger than him somehow. He’d mass displaced past his limit and he’s about knee high on you now. Flexing his servos as he sits up, his vocal indicators flash pink when you touch them. “That wasn’t supposed to do that.”

• He’s toddler sized. Still Jackie, but so little. And you know darn well he’s an adult bot, but you still grin like an idiot and examine his little hands. Because he’s so adorable this size. When he doesn’t protest, you drag him into your lap, hooking your arms around him like a teddy bear. “I didn’t know you could go this small.”

• “I can’t.” Vocal indicators fully red now as you wrap yourself around him fussing over how tiny he is- and why are you talking to him like that? Voice cooing like he’s a sparkling. “I uh, really need to mass shift back?” That earns him an unhappy sounding ‘aww’ and he grimaces. “I guess i don’t have to right this second,” he mutters, venting when you hug him even tighter. Because being cuddled definitely isn’t awful. Hears you murmur he’s ‘toddler sized’ and has no idea what that means, but at least you’re happy? And as far as explosions go, this one wasn’t that bad, really. Comm pinging, he acknowledges it and hears Ratchet’s furious voice yell at him. “What the Pit did you do? I know this was somehow you!” Oops. Maybe it was isolated and not that- optics shuttering as pings start coming in from all over the Ark.

• “I know you can, hun,” you say and he sits down hard on his berth. Hears your bare feet padding as you use your little walkway to get to his berth and join him, sitting crosslegged beside him. “You’re funny and kind. Try so hard to look out for everyone. And those magnawheels kick ass,” you add, tone serious and he laughs despite himself, mass shifting and leaning to lay his head in your lap. His annoyance easing as you run your soft hands over him. At least you appreciate him.

Bluestreak

• ‘Would you shut up already?’ Sunstreaker snaps and you’re on your feet and striding across the rec room table before he can stop you. Hears Sunny’s belligerent ‘What’ right before you’re yanking off a shoe and nailing him in the face with it. Pointing fearlessly at the much bigger mech to his horror. “Tell him to shut up again and I’ll fucking cut you,” you growl, extending both middle fingers. And his anxiety is through the roof, but he’s so happy you care enough to stand up for him. Even if it terrifies him that Sunny might retaliate.

• That one went right over his handsome head. Most of what you say probably does, but he’s good enough to just look slightly puzzled and to go with it. “We dance.” Motions faltering, you stare up at him. Really? ‘Show me,’ you demand, aware that you sound like a little kid, but this you need to see. “Show you?” He repeats. And maybe you want to dance with him. A real dance not just grinding on a stranger, the air thick with cigarettes and your skin itchy with glitter.

• There’s a challenge in those eyes of yours as he sets his datapad aside and presses him palms against the desk. Vaulting up and mass shifting, stumbling a bit before he finds his balance. And your eyes drift up and down him as he holds out a hand in invitation. Your little hands so soft as he curls his servos around it and sweeps you up against his frame. Aware of how inexperienced he is with this. That while Senator Shockwave had invited him to parties, he’d rarely attended and then only so the other mech could pretend to be occupied talking business with him to avoid being pulled into a dance. They’re all sharkticons, the Senator had whispered once a bit too loud, lips curling into an almost smile. That memory fills him with an unexpected melancholy as he tries to remember the dances he’d seen. Trying to remember the steps. Not what they’d done to the Senator for daring to question them.

• For a moment, there’s something in his expression. Almost pain and he takes an uncertain step, resting a hand against the small of your back. It’s a waltz, you realize. Or something close. Following his slow, uncertain lead, there’s a vulnerability in his hesitant movements. Resting your cheek against his chassis, his palm slides up your spine, servos splayed. You can hear his spark thrumming, those little noises his internal systems make. Familiar sounds. “Thank you for not laughing,” he says, venting to stir your hair. “I know I’m bad at this.”

• “It’s fine,” you say, smiling though it’s not exactly a nice smile. “You did your best and it’s fine. It’ll grow back. Nothing to worry-” Eyes closing as a shadow falls over the rec room table and Sideswipe starts cackling as he lets his human slide out of his hands onto the surface. And they’re biting their lip, looking like they’re struggling not to laugh, too. ‘Oh, hun. No,’ they say, reaching for the scissors and making you turn around. ‘I think I can fix it, but how do you feel about bobs?’

• “Great,” you manage, before forcing yourself to smile for Blue because he looks like he’s about to start bawling and you really don’t want to find out if giant robots can cry. “Hey, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it,” you say, reaching out to touch his hand and he just lunges at you, arms wrapping around you as he hits his knees. And you lay a palm on his helm when he hides his face against your belly babbling apologies. Before lifting your other arm and extending a middle finger to Sideswipe.

• Clinging to you as the other human fixes his screw up, he can’t make himself meet your eyes. Why aren’t you yelling at him? You’re very obviously unhappy with him, so why not take it out on him like everyone else does? The fact that you won’t somehow just making it so much worse. You’re allowed to be angry with him, to tell him when he does something wrong. So why won’t you?

Waspinator

• Legs pinned under your clingy, giant alien wasp you fidget with your hands and absently crack your knuckles. And his head comes up, optics wide and antenna back. “Don’t,” he hisses, wings buzzing slightly. Staring at him in speculation, you deliberately crack your knuckles again and he flinches back. Wait. Wait, that freaks him out? Popping your thumb to confirm it and watching him recoil. A wicked part of you can’t help but grin. “Please,” he whines, ruining your fun at his expense, because tormenting him is like kicking a puppy. As tempting as it is to use this new knowledge to drive him off to get some space, you know you won’t no matter how annoying he can be.

TFA Starscream

• Freezing when you pop your knuckles, he stares as the mini-con nearest you flinches away with a startled chirp. “Did you just break your own hands?” Growling in incredulous horror, he hooks a servo around your waist to tug you closer and then to touch your tiny hand, trying to examine it. “Why would you do-” Anger faltering when you wiggle your fingers at him, looking sheepish. Some strange human thing? “Don’t do that again.” Because for a moment, his spark had constricted painfully with alarm that you were not only hurt, but that you’d hurt yourself on his watch.

Metroplex

• “Stop,” he growls, voice pleading as he catches your hands in his drone’s and separating them, he vents as you just smile up at him in amusement. Like harming yourself is no big deal when he’d heard those tiny bones crack and it hurts him. “Don’t ever do that again. Please. I’m here.” And you just look puzzled, not even trying to pull free as he feathers his servos over your hands, looking for damage. Finding none, he tugs you closer, resting the drone’s chin on to of your head, but not releasing your hands. Understands being frustrated or lonely, but he’s here and he can’t allow you to hurt yourself.

TFP Knockout

• Primus. The first time he saw you in full racing leathers, boots, gloves, and that helmet, he just stopped short in surprise. Thinks of the rare times he’d seen minicons and how you look like one instead of just another squishy, little human. And while he’d initially just been invested in figuring out how an inferior, little human beat him in a race, it doesn’t take long for him to start looking forward to those almost nightly meetings. It becomes less about winning and more about the bull session between you two after. Enjoying when you stand up to him, argue with him, even though you must realize he could hurt you so easily if he wanted to.

IDW Bumblebee

• It’s honestly such a pleasant surprise how tactile humans are. You seem to have no sense of personal space and he loves it, because it’s less lonely when you’re near. You don’t mind being picked up and carried, your little frame so warm in his hands or cradled against him. Always so curious, your little hands exploring his servos, while you smile to yourself. Then holding out your own hands so he can carefully manipulate them with a single servo. It’s like a game between you, showing off your little, blunt teeth so he will bare his denta for you as you sit on his thigh.

IDW Bluestreak

• Knows he can be a bit annoying to some bots, but you never seem bothered by his chatter. Actually asking him questions, interacting and it means so much to him when you stretch out against him, laying a cheek on him to listen to the sound of his voice rumbling through you. Liking it when he talks, wanting to be near him. The big surprise, though? How protective you are of him, not even thinking twice about throwing a shoe at Sunny for making a rude comment aimed at him, your little face red as you snarl at the much bigger bot, who’s too shocked at the outburst to respond.

IDW Starscream

• Having so little to call his own, he’s extremely possessive of you. It doesn’t hurt that you’re always happy to see him, greeting him when he returns from patrol, fussing over his injuries like you’re trying to take care of him. No conniving or plotting in you and no ulterior motives for seeking out his company. Aside from leeching body heat, and he hardly minds that, enjoys the feel of you sprawled against him, the peaceful silence.

TFP Soundwave

• Even though he initially took you because of the effect your strange organic thoughts have on him to try and understand why he can’t shut you out, it’s impossible to stay impartial. Every day he tries to inoculate himself against your thoughts, strengthening that connection through touch. And when you start reaching for him in return it’s a surprise. Eventually you sing for him not because he asked you to in an effort to distract you and focus your thoughts on something so they’re less painful to him, but because you want to. Because you think it makes him happy and it does.

ES Megatron

• He’d never paid much attention to humans until he’d met Dorothy, he’d fought alongside her and suddenly humanity wasn’t just something vaguely annoying getting in his way, under ped. It’s harder to not care after getting to know humans. Harder to not be overprotective about you after making it his mission to look after you. And maybe he’s a bit overzealous about it, because you’re not Dorothy. She can stand on her own and take care of herself, but you? You need him.

IDW Optimus

• He’s so used to being bigger than most Autobots. Of being looked up to, but you’re even tinier than they are. Small enough to carry in one hand even though he’s awkward about asking you to let him carry you at first. But after the spark twisting anxiety of watching you walking where bigger Cybertronians are walking? Seeing it not even occur to you that you might get stepped on? He insists on carrying you for your own safety, though, truth be told, he enjoys the feel of you in his servos, that little bemused smile you aim at him.

IDW Thundercracker

• He feels guilty sometimes about taking you, but it’s for the best even if you’re upset now. He’s seen enough movies to know how to coax you, win you over. He became obsessed with human love stories, the drama and romance. And he wants that for himself. Needs it. So he tries different tactics, little gifts and acts meant to convince you to love him. It’s so easy in the movies.

TFP Megatron

• The game you two play has become something of a guilty pleasure of his. Watching you pretend. Pushing you to see how far you’ll allow before you snap at him. Pretending you aren’t scared of him, though he’s seen the fear in your eyes once or twice and while it had amused him at first, he prefers you snarling back at him, all attitude. Your fear twists unpleasantly through him, but that angry defiance? So lovely.

IDW Soundwave

• He never meant to get so attached to you after he’d found you in Starscream’s quarters that day. You’re just so small and you’d looked at him in fear, your wild emotions almost crippling him since he couldn’t shut it out. Even after you calmed, days later, he finds himself reaching out a thought. Finding you and monitoring you from a distance. Again and again until he’d finally had to check on you in person again. After all, what did Starscream really know about caring for anyone, let alone a human. And that hesitant, little smile had warmed him when you’d looked up at him.

IDW Jazz

• The fact that you can see through his lies and will call him out on it? It’s a surprise and a relief. Letting down his defenses, letting you in takes time. He’s worn that smiling, carefree mask for so long. But he slowly lets it fall away when it’s just the two of you, feeling the absence of that weight he’d carried for so long. Getting to know who he is under the facade.

IDW Prowl

• Has to protect you since you don’t seem to understand just how small and delicate you are. Standing up to him and any other bot with zero fear. Something about that reckless anger calls to him. Around the other Autobots, he has to be the one in control, the one with a plan no matter what. Never allowed to falter or hesitate. You spark his own temper, making it easier to drop the act. Be frustrated or angry when it’s just you two. Be real.

Megatron

• Exhausted all the time. With all that’s been lost, he can’t just stop at this point. There’s no peaceful end even if he almost wishes there was. The Decepticons look to him, believe that he’ll bring them home. To a better world. That guilt and responsibility fuels his hatred, keeping it going. If he fails, it’s all for nothing.

• They’re always watching. Looking for weakness to exploit. There’s always machinations among his officers, plots and schemes. You have no ulterior motives beyond survival and he can respect that. Even so, you’re willing to meet his optics even though you know who he is and what he’s capable of. Brave, foolish little thing.

Wheeljack

• Absentmindedly creating problems in the name of science. Is genuinely surprised when something blows right up in his face no matter how many times it happens. Forgets to refuel and recharge until someone says something or he just crashes. Generally avoided by everyone because of how often his experiments spectacularly fail.

• Even if he’s engrossed in an experiment, if you’re around, his attention is divided. You crash a lot faster than he does and guilt prompts him to take a break, because you definitely don’t look comfortable cheek propped up on a hand, sound asleep. He’s awful at taking care of himself, but surprisingly attentive toward you. Constantly worried because you’re just so fragile compared to Cybertronians.

Jazz

• Smiling through the stress. Seriously, he’s on a knife’s edge of anxiety all the time even as he plays it off. Everything’s a joke. Everything’s fine. Even if he wants to just scream, he keeps that easy going smile in place. It’s his armor and he needs it to convince himself as much as everyone else.

• Somehow you see right through him. You can lay a tiny hand on his plating and he just unravels. And you don’t expect him to just keep smiling through the pain. He doesn’t have to keep the act up, he can vent to you, bleed all the anger and frustration out instead of pretending it away. And he needs this more than you know.

Ratchet

• Gruff and caustic, that angry exasperation is all defense, pushing others away with sarcasm. No matter how quickly he works after a battle, the wounded just keep coming. Sometimes he’s not fast enough. A spark gutters out while his hands are wrist deep in another patient. He’s not enough. If he loses someone, it’s his fault. His burden and his blame to the point where sometimes his servos just won’t stop trembling.

• Somehow you understand that if you try to comfort him, he’ll fall apart. There’ll be time to grieve later, but right now the two of you work to save who you can, your little hands able to reach things he can’t. You don’t complain, just do what’s necessary. Later, he’ll cup you to his chassis, silent as you break.

Soundwave

• The worst part of being able to hear other’s thoughts? They never stop. It’s a constant sensory barrage threatening to overwhelm him unless he makes a conscious effort of block them out, so he’s always on guard. Can never relax or that tide of voices crashes over him. Finding out he can’t even block out human thoughts is a shock. You’re there in the back of his processor all the time.

Megatron

• It’s been a long time since he’s let his guard down. Mostly because he knows the loyalty of his followers is a tenuous, uneasy thing. They might cheer his name to his face, but they scheme behind his back. And he can’t allow himself to really make friends with any of them. Any weakness will just be exploited. Used to hurt and betray him. You aren’t Cybertronian, though. He’s almost sure Soundwave deliberately leaves you with him, because the other mech knows how much he needs it. Slumping on his throne in those quiet moments when no prying optics are about, he cradles you against his chassis. Sometimes he tells you about Cybertron before the war, but usually he just idly holds you, his spark softening.

Wheeljack

• So busy. This mech forgets to refuel and recharge when he’s working on a new project, obsession consuming him. And he’s always working on something. It takes a bit for you to notice the pattern and realize the big guy isn’t taking care of himself. And that’s not happening. You walk across his desk to put yourself between him and whatever he’s working on, head tipped up as his vocal indicator panels flash at you in question. He might not remember himself, but a gentle request to share a meal is never refused. He carefully offers his hand and carries you to find an energon cube and something for you. Recharge is the same, a soft complaint that you’re cold and a light touch on his servos and sure, he’s picking you up to hold because he knows you like sprawling on him, soaking in his warmth. With how explosive his projects sometimes are, most Autobots avoid him. That you want to be around him? Understand that he’s lonely and needs this without making him ask? It means everything to him.

Soundwave

• What with his cassettes and his abilities, he’s never truly alone. Lonely, though? He drifts through the base, the voices of other Decepticons whispering in the back of his processor. There, but distant. But not you. He finds himself gravitating to wherever you are, the strange, chaos of your mind so fascinating. You calm whenever he picks you up, those snarled worries and fears soothed away with a touch of his servos. And his own tension drains away in turn. You give him one voice to anchor to when he’s adrift and in danger of slipping under.

Jazz

• No matter how stressed he is, he keeps that smile in place. It’s part of the mask he wears as a spy-nothing can touch him or put a dent in that perpetual good mood. Even if underneath the surface, he’s so tired of pretending. That exhaustion is always there, trying to drag him under. He can’t let that mask slip, not even around the other Autobots. They need him to be the easy, going spot of sun for the team. With you? His door wings can droop as he toys with your hair or feels your little hands cautiously exploring his much bigger servos. He doesn’t have to pretend that everything is alright. And he needs that so much his spark hurts.

Ratchet

Thundercracker

• Doesn’t just grab you and it’s honestly adorable as he kneels and offers a huge hand to try and coax you to him like you might a stray dog. You’re pretty sure in his alien mind, you are a stray dog, but the novelty of not just being grabbed makes that realization more amusing than insulting. And his expression when you do willingly come to him to be picked up is too cute. He’s not above bribing you to him with little odds and ends he finds, including food of dubious origin.

Megatron

• Cages you carefully between his hands like a fragile moth he wants to inspect without hurting. For such a huge mech, he’s shockingly gentle with you. A lot of it is guilt, that dark tide constantly threatening to pull him under. Finds your presence soothing, but because of that same guilt, will pass you off to another caretaker given a chance. Can’t trust himself to not accidentally break you. He feels he definitely shouldn’t be entrusted with fragile things when all he’s good at is destruction. But he does love those quiet moments of contact, deserving of them or not.

Ratchet

• Picks you up to almost absentmindedly move you from getting under ped or if you’re just in his way while he’s working. He’s careful about how he handles you, but uncomfortable with just holding you like a favorite pet. Gets the award for being painfully awkward when he does have to carry you, because he’s sure you don’t enjoy being carried like a sparkling. He’s sure you resent it even if you never say a word. You don’t mind when it’s him picking you up. Those clever hands are so gentle with you and the longer he has to carry you, the more uncomfortable and gruff he gets.

Skywarp

• Absolute menace. Carries you like a toddler with their first kitten. One hand too tight around your middle as you hang upside down, because why carry you right side up when you change colors upside down? The more you struggle and swear, the funnier he finds it. Plus, he’s learning so many new, fun words and phrases to use. Most likely to accidentally, on purpose, drop you.

Whirl

• Not a lot better. He seizes you around the middle with one claw and carries you hanging awkwardly face down, arms and legs dangling and your hair in your face. Sometimes swings his arms, because your miserable groaning and complaints are too funny. Won’t hurt you intentionally despite acting like a jerk. Actually pretty protective of you and by his twisted logic, no one else is allowed to mess with you. Only him.

Wheeljack

• Doesn’t really carry you around unless there are other bots about. Honestly, isn’t sure how you feel about being picked up, but you’re so tiny compared to them and he gets anxious whenever he sees you walking in a hall with other Autobots. It doesn’t matter that he knows you’re in no danger. Those times, he makes a line straight for you, scooping you into his servos for your own safety. Half the time, he scares you silly because you hear running, heavy peds behind you, then you’re being grabbed. He means well and you appreciate how much he worries, but, really, you’re fine. The others see you. No one is going to step on you.

Soundwave

• Has a fondness for small things and even though you’re hardly one of his cassettes, will pick you up place you in his chest compartment if he finds you wandering about unsupervised. Being nabbed and dropped into the dark absolutely terrifies you at first, but you can see a dim glow in front of you and hear the hum of the big mech’s inner workings around you. It’s a surprise to both of you when you manage to fall asleep inside him. That cements it for him, he adopts you.

Bonus: Soundwave’s cassettes

• Opening his door, he looks around before looking down. And your shoulders hunch. “I’ll absolutely get it if you want nothing to do with me, but Rung explained what a scraplet actually does to you guys and I wanted to apologize,” you say as he stares at the sign around your neck, trying to figure out whose handwriting that is. “I’m an idiot and I’m sorry. I won’t listen to Sideswipe anymore.” Why is he not even surprised that it was that particular mech that taught you the sound? It had taken joors to get his hands to stop shaking, to calm down. To stop straining for the scrabbling of sharp claws.

• He’s just staring at you in silence and your shoulders hunch. For as tightly wound as the mech is, you kind of like him. Like how calm his voice is when he’s explaining something he’s comfortable with. That he actually takes the time to explain things instead of getting exasperated with you for not just knowing. “If I’d have known they ate you guys alive, I wouldn’t have done it,” you add, aware of how insufficient the words are. But how were you supposed to know that scraplets were tiny, swarms of predators that overwhelm Cybertronians and eat them from the inside out. And you’d targeted the bot perpetually on the verge of a nervous breakdown with your prank.

• Watching you fidget uncomfortably when he doesn’t respond, he’s starting to get uncomfortable, too. “It was childish and immature. And I really regret it, but if you don’t want me for your caretaker anymore, I’ll understand,” you add and he shakily clears his vents. “Um, centipedes. And not just the big ones. I think maybe it’s the legs, but they’ve always freaked me out. So if you want revenge, centipedes will do it.”

• You’re babbling and you can’t seem to stop. Probably making things worse. Why won’t he say anything? Cringing as he just stares at you, you’re nervously fidgeting with the sign. “That says ‘I think it’s funny to make demonic noises and frighten people,’” he says and you sputter out a laugh. ‘Wait, it’s a dog shaming sign?’ You ask in disbelief and he actually smiles faintly. And you freeze, staring at him. Have you ever seen him really smile? He’s kind of cute when he smiles you realize.

• Turning at a noise, he stares with a frown at an empty bucket rolling across the concrete. Sliding his ped to intercept it, he glances at the haphazard mess this humans had left of things waiting to be put away, the disorganized chaos bothering him. Venting, he bends to pick up the bucket and put it back where it goes. And he hears something skittering around behind the pallets. Plating lifting slightly, he frowns. An animal? Supposes that even with the gate and walls, an Earth animal could have gotten back there.

• Keeping low as you walk in a crouch, you reach out an arm and deliberately shove a precarious stack of soap bottle to make the whole thing rock before moving as quickly as possible for cover. Exhaling as you listen to the sound of peds coming closer, you make the sound. And Red Alert stops short. “Hello?” He calls out, voice trembling. Moving as quietly as you can to a new spot, you make the noise again. Where is he now? You’re pretty sure he hasn’t moved.

• Frozen as his venting grows ragged and his spark constricts, he knows that sound. And it’s the stuff of nightmares made flesh. How has one of those things gotten on world? Had it stowed away on a ship? Even a single scraplet can strip a mech to the spark. What if it’s not a single scraplet, though? What if there’s a pack of them? Drawing his blasters as he backs away, every shadow seems malicious, rife with shapes waiting to launch themselves at him. To eat him alive.

• Making the noise again and shoving a bucket off a pallet, you scream and flatten yourself against the ground. Because Red Alert is also screaming. While shooting wildly. “Red! Red, stop!” You scream and you can hear the other caretaker also screaming at him as he just keeps yelling in his language and shooting. Heart pounding, you pop your head up. “Red!” Dropping again when he swings your way, optics wild. ‘It was a joke! There’s no scraplet!’ The other caretaker yells as your bot hesitates, venting raggedly and hands shaking as he stares at you when you push upright doing a little shaking yourself. That’s got to be worth fifty points.