behind bars.

“I don’t want you hurt either,” he murmured, “but I have, right?”

She nodded.  ”But so’ve I,” she admitted quietly, feeling herself fading off to sleep against him and fighting it, wanting to make absolute sure that he knew what she was trying to say.

“You’ve hurt yourself?” Ferdinand asked her, confused. “What do you mean? You’re happy, aren’t you?” he asked, reaching out to cup her cheek, stroking it with his thumb.

“Mhm,” she agreed, nodding slightly against him.  ”Yeah,” she breathed out, too groggy to say much more for the moment.

"Let's just talk about it later, alright?" he asked with a little laugh. "Just sleep now," he whispered.

“I know,” she murmured back.  ”Neither could I.”  She sighed against him, her eyelids heavy.  ”I still don’t want you hurt.”

“I don’t want you hurt either,” he murmured, “but I have, right?”

She nodded.  ”But so’ve I,” she admitted quietly, feeling herself fading off to sleep against him and fighting it, wanting to make absolute sure that he knew what she was trying to say.

"You've hurt yourself?" Ferdinand asked her, confused. "What do you mean? You're happy, aren't you?" he asked, reaching out to cup her cheek, stroking it with his thumb.

She closed her eyes and nestled herself against him.  She felt peaceful; she’d forgotten how nice it was to sleep beside him.  ”I’m sorry,” she breathed out quietly.  ”For whenever you do remember, just know that I never wanted you hurt.”

“You know that I could never hate you, right?” he whispered, turning his head to look down at her. “I mean, no matter what you’ve done that I don’t remember…”

“I know,” she murmured back.  ”Neither could I.”  She sighed against him, her eyelids heavy.  ”I still don’t want you hurt.”

"I don't want you hurt either," he murmured, "but I have, right?"

Ferdinand smiled and wrapped an arm around her, turning his head to kiss the top of her head gently. “Just go when you need to go,” he said softly. “I was considering a nap anyway. Nothing the fuck else to do around here.”

She closed her eyes and nestled herself against him.  She felt peaceful; she’d forgotten how nice it was to sleep beside him.  ”I’m sorry,” she breathed out quietly.  ”For whenever you do remember, just know that I never wanted you hurt.”

"You know that I could never hate you, right?" he whispered, turning his head to look down at her. "I mean, no matter what you've done that I don't remember..."

She glared up at him for a moment.  ”I know that.  I just wish you and Mason had a more eloquent way of saying it,” she sighed.  ”I’m just really tired, okay?  Imagine if I was sick, too, I’d look half alive.”

“If you were sick, I’d be fucking worried,” he said, moving to lay down on his back again. “Come here. If you’re tired,” he prompted. “Come here.”

She paused a moment and then rose slowly, sitting down on the edge of his bed.  ”I can’t stay long,” she said quietly, casting an eye over at the clock.  She figured it wouldn’t really matter.  At this point, she’d pretty much lost faith in sleeping longer than a few minutes to an hour.  She swung her legs up gently on the bed and lay down beside him, resting her head against his shoulder.

Ferdinand smiled and wrapped an arm around her, turning his head to kiss the top of her head gently. "Just go when you need to go," he said softly. "I was considering a nap anyway. Nothing the fuck else to do around here."

He shifted on the bed, scooting over to the side farthest from her. “It’s okay,” he told her, his tone soft, forgiving. “I was pissed off the first day or so, but I got over it,” he shrugged, shooting her a crooked smile. “You look like fucking shit, by the way,” he reached up with his free hand, running his thumb gently across one of the bags under her eyes.

She glared up at him for a moment.  ”I know that.  I just wish you and Mason had a more eloquent way of saying it,” she sighed.  ”I’m just really tired, okay?  Imagine if I was sick, too, I’d look half alive.”

"If you were sick, I'd be fucking worried," he said, moving to lay down on his back again. "Come here. If you're tired," he prompted. "Come here."

As Ferdinand watched her, his expression slowly fell. He clenched his jaw and looked away from her. “Don’t, okay?” he whispered. “Just don’t tell me what you have to tell me.” He knew whatever it was, he wasn’t going to like. Besides, from how Minerva had sounded…Sam had been his last hope. Now, knowing that she was going to tell him exactly what Minerva had told him, he found that he didn’t want to hear it. He couldn’t hear it. “Just be here, alright?”

She hesitated a moment and then nodded, running her thumb across his knuckles gently.  ”Okay,” she said quietly.  She fell silent then, just sitting with him, wondering if he wanted to talk, or not talk.  It was strange, she usually knew what was on his mind.  Then again, so did he.  After a while, she broke the silence.  ”I’m sorry it took me so long to come by.”

He shifted on the bed, scooting over to the side farthest from her. "It's okay," he told her, his tone soft, forgiving. "I was pissed off the first day or so, but I got over it," he shrugged, shooting her a crooked smile. "You look like fucking shit, by the way," he reached up with his free hand, running his thumb gently across one of the bags under her eyes.

“Yeah,” he nodded, “I feel better. Besides the whole…” he put two of his fingers to his temple, “confusion thing. They keep telling me some stupid bullshit.” A part of him knew, of course, that maybe it wasn’t all bullshit, especially with how Sam was reacting. A bigger part of him would rather continue on being ignorant.

She nodded slowly, taking his hand in both of hers and looking down at it.  ”I know it’s easier to believe that everything’s okay,” she said quietly.  She figured it would just be better to get it over with; besides, she was tired.  Not just physically, emotionally too.  She looked up at him.  ”But I know that if I lied to you now you’d just be mad at me when you do remember.”

As Ferdinand watched her, his expression slowly fell. He clenched his jaw and looked away from her. "Don't, okay?" he whispered. "Just don't tell me what you have to tell me." He knew whatever it was, he wasn't going to like. Besides, from how Minerva had sounded...Sam had been his last hope. Now, knowing that she was going to tell him exactly what Minerva had told him, he found that he didn't want to hear it. He couldn't hear it. "Just be here, alright?"

He looked so much better.  So much happier, so much full of life.  But even as a smile spread across his face, disappointment was coursing through her.  She’d hoped he would have remembered by now.  She wasn’t looking forward to this conversation in the slightest.  She crossed over to sit beside the bed, nodding with a smile that did nothing to convey any form of happiness.  ”You look a lot better,” she noted, ignoring everything he’d said.

"Yeah," he nodded, "I feel better. Besides the whole..." he put two of his fingers to his temple, "confusion thing. They keep telling me some stupid bullshit." A part of him knew, of course, that maybe it wasn't all bullshit, especially with how Sam was reacting. A bigger part of him would rather continue on being ignorant.

She hurried through the passage to Honeydukes, wasting no time lest she talk herself out of going.  That, and the shorter time it took, the less likely anyone was to notice she’d even left the castle.  She apparated straight to the staircase and entered into his wing, pausing to speak to a nurse quickly before going over to his door.  She paused with her hand on the knob, taking a deep breath, mentally preparing herself for anything that could be on the other side of the door.  He could be sick, he could be angry, he could be too happy… he could be perfect.  After a moment she opened the door and entered slowly, leaving her expression as inscrutible as possible, not even sure how she was feeling about doing this.

Ferdinand's eyes snapped to the door when he heard the door open, his eyes taking in the person in front of him. "Sam," he breathed out, his mouth spreading into a wide smile as he moved to prop himself up in the bed. "About fucking time you showed your face," he sniped, though his tone was still playful, happy she was there. "I told Minni you'd be here soon."

School was drawing to a close for the term, and Sam was excited about her plans for the holiday.  She was absolutely ecstatic that she didn’t have to go home or stay at Hogwarts, and the fact that she got to spend a lot of time with Axel just made everything better.  Still, she figured she wouldn’t be much fun unless she figured out how to get some sleep, and there was only one thing she had left to try before she went and begged Pratt for whatever he had.  She had to go make sure Ferdinand was okay, that he wasn’t still delusional, and she had to do it now.

Ferdinand sighed out heavily as he rolled over on his side, having exhausted counting the tiles on the ceiling for at least an hour. He'd heard so many things about what he'd supposedly done the past few months, some of which had come from Minerva himself. Still, he couldn't bring himself to believe any of it. Why would he do that in the first place? It wasn't like him at all. It couldn't be true. It had to be some sick joke. If it was, why hadn't Sam came to see him? He'd never felt so abandoned, so alone, stuck in the stupid hospital bed in St. Mungo's. There had been talk of them taking him back to Azkaban in the next few days, or at least to move him to another ward. Mrs. Weasley had been by the day before to try and make it so that he wouldn't have to go back until he at least remembered what had happened to land him there in the first place. He didn't know what he'd prefer more: waking up to realize this had all been a dream, or remembering just what they wanted him to. He decided he'd prefer the former rather than the latter. The latter just seemed too terrible to be true.