Hi?

This man was beyond real

“Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first.” - Steve Irwin (r.i.p.)

okay but that snake bit him right in the neck and he didnt even flinch

thats how you know he’s australian….

Funny joke aside, he also knew that the snake he was handling was not venomous, it was only biting him to show it was not happy with the situation it was put in. If it was venomous, he wouldnt have had it that close to himself

@saint453

The bigger your shoes, the bigger your dick, the bigger the car the smaller your dick. No wonder people are so afraid of clowns.

he’s dark, tall and handsome, has messy hair, a smug grin, and perfect teeth. you know who i’m talking about ;)

At any given time, the urge to sing “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away

i hope this video is 5 minutes long someday

My parents HATE overwatch because it takes up our entire wifi whenever my brother goes online and when I bought myself the new Zelda my mom was like “can I watch Netflix? or are you playing” and I was like no, no don’t worry it doesn’t take up internet. and she was so relieved and started walking towards the TV in her room and I was like “you want to watch it out here? I can switch to the handheld mode” and she was so impressed that she could watch Master Chef next to me while I played my game. Nintendo is truly the family system.

nintendo paid for this post

blizzard payed for that reply

I paid for my lunch today (one of sandwich, meat ball sub)

did it taste good?

it was very good. thank you for asking :) i hope you have a good lunch tomorrow 

Centaurs have more than one rib cage

If there’s a “heavens no” and a “hell yea,” why isn’t there a “purgatory perhaps”?

The sinking of the titanic must have been a miracle to the lobsters in the kitchen.

See also: Hen’d job, choking the chicken, breast stroke, feather daddy, jerk chicken, fowl deed, cluck yourself, waxing the beak, squeezin’ the bird, chick magnet, aroused con pollo, beating the white meat; peep show; wing man

If reality is really a simulation, as a cashier my life feels like I’m a poorly programmed NPC.