Beautiful Crazy

Happy, sad, angry, lonely; it does not matter which it may be, when they come out to play all these emotions enslave me.

They take complete control and threaten to never let go; each time they arrive it slowly damages my soul.

I become the same victim over and over again, reliving each heart wrenching memory, opening new wounds, my heart defends knowing that failure would place my soul in jeopardy.

Time has no meaning when they take the wheel.  They force me to watch as history repeats. I become numb with no will to fight and succumb to the sickness of defeat.

The path to peaceful has no beginning or end.  All my barriers have collapsed and crumbled no longer able to comprehend . 

I wait in silence and pray for the day these binds set my mind free.  Lifting my blinders to face the journey that lies in front of me.

Until that day comes I must continue to live as if there is no tomorrow; gaining strength and motivation to finally find my way out of being emotionally enslaved.

I strive to leave my past behind. Desperate to forget all those moments in time.

I need to move forward away from all the pain. Please don’t say all my struggles were just in vain.

I continue to search for my inner peace, frantic to find the ME that hurts the least.

Instinctively, I know this journey continues and remains incomplete. Still I struggle to stand firmly on my own two feet.

All the hours that fly by, I sit my mind wandering hoping my life has not been just one big lie.

I wish I could let go and leave my life to fate, but I am haunted by all the decisions I figured out too late.

My thoughts grow like a raging fire, they consume all my energy and destroy all my desires.

Will the day ever come when my mind wears out and allows me to rest. Patiently I wait narrowly surviving each passing test.

I need to stay focused on the road ahead, infinitely determined to not be mislead.

The battle to contain this corruption within leaves my world in shambles and on a constant spin. My demons are strong, giving up is not their style. They have an unquenchable thirst to continually have the upperhand, my greatest weapon lies within each genuine smile.

I know my existence has not gone to waste. The breaks are beginning to let the light in, showing the way to escape this haunted place.

The days ahead, just over the horizon, have begun to shine brighter and brighter, consuming little by little this overwhelming darkness. I wear my scars like badges of honor, proof that I have survived and I will continue to conquer irregardless.

I know my true worth is finally showing thru the shadows. My clearance has been granted, the passage is clearing. Overcoming is near and no longer unknowning.