Githyanki Fiend Folio, 1981 Illustration by Russ Nicholson
One of my very favorite pieces of art in the fiend folio
Cosimo Galluzzi
noise dept.
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
Misplaced Lens Cap
will byers stan first human second
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ellievsbear
$LAYYYTER

Love Begins
Cosmic Funnies
Three Goblin Art

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@theartofmadeline
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Not today Justin
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@greenbeard
Githyanki Fiend Folio, 1981 Illustration by Russ Nicholson
One of my very favorite pieces of art in the fiend folio

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Enjoy your downtime. (at Z Boaz Disc Golf Course) https://www.instagram.com/p/CcBOQP2rcd6/?utm_medium=tumblr
Shaggin-wagon van interiors of the 70's and 80's
The man who drives one of these has a luxurious mustache and sideburns.
These vans fuuuuuuuck
@pscentral mini event: get to know the members akira 「アキラ」 (1988) dir. otomo katsuhiro
My life is garbage. I am exceptionally thankful for my health, and the other small things that I have in life, but for the most part I’m just chugging through with no joy on any level. I get to go out and play disc golf with my friends, I even had a nice vacation camping trip, but of course the second I get back home everything goes to shit again. Put a fucking fork in me and declare me done, because I’m so tired of living with a woman who doesn’t fucking give a fucking shit about me. Why are we still playing these games? Just get on with it, kill me and be done with it. Put me in the fucking ground already.

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It’s a hard world for little things.
THE NIGHT OF THE HUNTER 1955 dir. Charles Laughton
Gil Gerard and Markie Post, promotional photo for Buck Rogers in the 25th Century (USA, 1979-81).
Holy shit.
“So you’re a private detective? I didn’t know they existed, except in books or else they were greasy little men snooping around hotel corridors.” THE BIG SLEEP (1946) dir. Howard Hawks
Perhaps the whole vista of my future had flashed before me, and I saw myself just as I am now exactly fifteen years later, only older, just as lonely… But that I should nurse a grudge, Nastenka! Oh never, never! May your sky be clear, may your smile be bright and serene, may you be blessed for that moment of blissful happiness that you gave to another lonely, grateful heart! A whole moment of happiness! Is that really so little for the whole of a man’s life?
— White Nights (Белые ночи) (1848) by Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Adapted into LE NOTTI BIANCHE (1957) dir. Luchino Visconti
The strain of relationship issues on your mental health can be incredibly damaging. I have never had this level of a capacity to deal with vague possibilities that I fostered in my head be so in the negative. Accepting you ultimately have zero ability to ‘make’ someone feel better towards you is imperative. It also helps you deal with that very same fact.
Trying to maintain a mental balance while on an island of my creation was slipping early and I saw it. I constantly had to tell myself to stop slipping into two terrible habits: dwelling on the past and projecting the future. But of those were my pillow and blanket for decades of insecurity and depression. They are as easy tools to use as sarcasm.
The word ‘separated’ is very heavy, as it is just on the other side of divorce some times. Hearing it via text was like an icy gut punch. I immediately lashed out, and once again reacted poorly I think. If we are going to heal, then we do need to ‘separate’. That means I simply need to give her her space, and let her unwind her head. No matter what I say, it will not influence what she feels right now. I’m on pins and needles, but I know she’s on much more, considering her recent work load.
Coming to that particular conclusion really freed up a lot of tornadoes in my head. While I am still jealous, lonely, bored, horny, I miss and love my wife, and want to move on from pining. There is no guarantee this will resolve as it should, no matter how much I love her and want us both to be happy.
I was genuinely concerned for my own health for a few days. I fasted for almost two days, finally eating a sausage roll. I knew I wasn’t eating, I just had no appetite other than coffee and a giant gas station coke thru out the workday. So I’ve lost 25 lbs in a month, but now I’m actually eating, just better and smaller portions.
Again, it’s okay for us both to fall down. But I fell down and tumbled out of view. The pandemic boxed us in together, and I allowed our rock solid connection to dwindle. Because I love her so much. I got super comfortable, and just expected. And that can damage relationships.
So I’m focusing on growth and repair. I still have a house and family to take care of, and will do what I can to make us better.

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Man, I fucked up. Bad.
First of all, I love my wife with everything in me. But I took her for granted. And I may lose her.
Why? Because in my love, I got comfortable with routine on many levels. And those routines were easy to enable over time. She pointed this out a few times, and I guess I ignored it. Brutal.
We’ve been through far more than most couples can handle, but we’ve always been that rock for each other. And along the way, we developed different sleep patterns. I’d crash early, she’d stay up late. And eventually, cry. I had unwittingly began to hack at our connection. Old habits soon became a problem for myself, and I was unable to direct my critical eye towards a mirror and see the damage that I was doing.
Phone gaming became her crutch. The medium itself preys on the weak, and her leap into it has cost us thousands of dollars, despite my desperate pleas. But she had developed relationships with men and women, away from me. The money flew away. And still I went to bed early.
Eventually, we had a very innocuous straw that broke the camel’s back moment, and everything came crashing down inside of her. For a few days, I just tried to weather the storm, but the storm only picked up. A few days later, my concern was taking a sharp turn, as was her anger. She’s an incredible professional for her work, and opening a department as a manager for the first time that’s an hour plus away has been her focus since it was announced, and rightly so. But twelve hours a day away every day needs more than just good parenting and keeping up with laundry. I work hard, but she busts her fucking ass. Everyone knows she’s a ringer.
A week later I found myself in a pit of drunken irony. Years ago, in the whiskey days, she would from time to time try to hold a drunken and sometimes angry convo with me, to which I would commonly say ‘I don’t want to have this kind of discussion while we’re drinking.’ And now the circle has completed, because that’s what I kept trying to do. And jealousy and doubt began creeping over me like an army of ants.
The intimacy was gone. Anger and resentment was fortifying, and the distraction of her addictions was better in her mind than anything that had to do with me. I felt like an absolute creep touching or caressing her in anyway. And yet she was burning for contact. At one point it almost happened, but I knew we were not in sync and declined. It was a bad move, but I was not in that place. I wanted to understand.
One morning I thought and thought, and began to realize this was not going away. And it was because I was failing at being her equal and her partner. And the reality of losing her for real began to foster itself in my mind. Hurt, lost, scared, confused, I soon launched into invading her privacy after her location services were turned off for a week with only the most paltry excuses she could muster. She didn’t want me to ‘keep tabs on her’. My creep level shot up a million fold.
She had developed a flirting relationship along the way with someone she had known for a while, and when I dug out the truth I lost my mind. And My stoic ability to remain intact blew up on a day off, after not eating or getting good honest sleep much. Two glasses of wine fueled another dive into her privacy. I roiled over what I saw. I bent the terror of being cheated on into a hammer then beat myself with it all day. To escape my mind, I stumbled to the discgolf course, and blew thru every hole like it was on fire. The heat was not terrible, but present. And after throwing a heavy drive, I got lightheaded, stumbled, then face planted in a daze. I drove myself to do this on purpose, I think. I got up, dusted myself off, and left. My jealousy was taking root in my psyche and could not be broken.
A few positives began to crop up. I was tired of feeling like fucking bitch. I wanted to heal. So death metal came screeching back, and it’s frenetic pace soon became an eraser to brain shitting. And telling myself three things also help me balance. Those are: Move forward, never backwards. Mover forward, not fast forward. And Twisting in place does you no good. Basically it’s just don’t dwell on the past, don’t project the future, and don’t fill your head with anger. Ending old bad habits is a hard thing to face and admit, but that’s what I’m doing. But is it enough and is it too late?
She developed a nasty bruise on her forearm. She bruises easy, but this looked like a very forceful grab mark. I have no ability to hurt a woman in that regard, and deep down she knows it… but it’s. There. The possibility of me doing that in my sleep was presented to me, which I flatly denied because I do not drink that much, my mid night sleep pattern is very broken so I am awake a lot, and she’s my wife and I love her. I would never hurt her. She says she doesn’t believe me. Her work eventually put her up in a hotel because a store opening of this magnitude is keeping her beyond busy… but to keep her from being stuck with me. Being accused of cheating is one thing, but being accused of hurting someone I love in my sleep, even accidentally, is something I just can’t accept. But it looks like someone grabbed the shit out of her. That’s real.
Last night we made plans to have a nice dinner on her last night here for a while. But she pregamed, we had two martini’s and the same things came up, despite my best efforts. She dragged stuff up, but so did I, most certainly. Our sex life is more open to each other more than most couples I’d wager. We had a bit of a new discussion about that, which excited me to no end, but that doesn’t mean she has that burning for me at this time. But she made a comment about missing hugs. It hit me like a train. We struggled through our meals, remained cordial of sorts, but she was check out and I knew it before we walked in the place. When we got home things were no better.
This morning she left super early. Before leaving, she said goodbye and gave me a big hug as she sniffed away a sudden burst of tears. It’s been about a month since this meltdown began to gather strength. I have changed many things, I feel so much better mentally and physically. But she’s even angry at that, because those changes should have happened when she still looked at me the way she did, and continues to doubt change. Now a phone game and someone else have occupied what little time she has away from work. She is on an inaccessible island. And while I’m better, I’m still jealous and lonely. I desperately want that hug back.
#whofarted https://www.instagram.com/p/CPWjozQn2sj/?utm_medium=tumblr
Getting Buckley was a great decision. Both of these dogs were either going to have a home fast or they were pound bound. And that I simply could not have on my conscious. They are getting along swimmingly. https://www.instagram.com/p/CPT3sF-nw8k/?utm_medium=tumblr
Bastard gas. https://www.instagram.com/p/CPTWmpeH8SE/?utm_medium=tumblr
Sidewinder pt. 2: the empire spins back #discgolf #discdye #spintowin https://www.instagram.com/p/CPRArOBH6ew/?utm_medium=tumblr

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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This was a pretty bright orange Sidewinder. It always makes me nervous dying discs that aren’t super light colored. But this one came out pretty much exactly like a Corvette I did about a week ago, so it’s all good in the hood. Still learning ;) #discdye #discgolf https://www.instagram.com/p/CPQsp0Sn_EB/?utm_medium=tumblr
Welcome to my world #discgolf #discdyes https://www.instagram.com/p/CPQdQp-nrHb/?utm_medium=tumblr