in therapy my therapist and i were talking about my own feelings of self worth in relationships. and she asked me to say qualities about myself that someone else would be attracted to, on a romantic and platonic level. so i named some things like compassionate, empathetic, etc. and she saidĀ āyou named things that you can give someone. ways you can serve, rather than ways that you areā and y'all..my mind was blown thatās gonna stick with me forever like she then proceed to tell me actual innate qualities about myself that she liked and thought anyone else would like as well and i hadnāt even considered those because like she said i was focused on things i could do outwardly to attract and maintain connections rather than who i was as a person..goddamn!!! thats tea!!!
With this in mind, this also makes me think of the ways people describe us. When people say the reasons that they love/like you or describe you as a person, are they only naming ways that you serve them? Are they equating your worth with how much you do for them?
ex. āYouāre such a good listener. Youāre so generous, youāre so compassionate. Youāre always there for me. You always hold me down. Youāre reliableā
vs.
āYouāre so funny! Youāre very vibrant. Youāre creative, passionate, and intelligent. Youāre optimistic. Youāre so talented at ____ā , etc. I think thatās very telling.
