Frothy

And sorry for being so late with your appointment. I went on a teeny tiny drug bender and forgot what day it was. All therapists do it. I’m pretty sure. It was in the contract I signed, anyways. I get two days a week with no sick pay.

I’m getting to talk to you, so it’s a great day already. //Pulls out a clipboard and begins writing on it//

That doesn’t sound really professional of her to say. Nor very nice. Why would she say that about you? Do you think your brain is mush?

Why do you think something’s wrong with you? Do YOU think something’s wrong with you?

And do you WANT to go along with what everyone else is doing?

If I'm an asshole, they stay away. Abel stayed away. So did Sera and Emily. And Peter and most winners. The Exorcists were stuck with me. And now Lucifer's stuck with me.

I don't mean to hurt him so much, I'm just making his life worse. The kids are the only good thing to come from all of this. I can't even bring myself to make it worth it fir him to stay. I don't know why he loves me, I'm not loveable. Maybe he's just lying to himself, trying to trick himself into thinking he loves me so he doesn't have two divorces under his belt.

Surely he doesn't think that I'm actually a good parent. There's a reason why Abel doesn't talk to me much and why Cain would rather die when he found out,he was my kid, and not Lucifer's.

Sometimes I want to run away... or just hide somewhere until someone finds me and offs me. But I can't. And probably wouldn't. I dunno. I think I'm going to cause some shit with this one but yeah.

It sounds like the people you’ve been around in the past had very high expectations for you. That would be stressful for anyone to deal with.

And whether you met those expectations at one point or not, the stress of constantly trying to meet everyone’s different expectations has worn you very thin. It’s probably, and I don’t say this lightly, traumatized you in different ways that you’re struggling to deal with now.

You want people to stay away because it’s less stressful for everyone involved. It’s easier than dealing with their perceived eventual and inevitable disappointment with you, right? You protect yourself, you keep their expectations low, and you can’t fail when there’s nothing to achieve with that person.

It must be pretty lonely, though, keeping people at arms length.

One tine was during that meeting with Charlie and Heaven, and I told everyone about the exterminations. That... really didn't go down well.

The achangels went on and on at me for days. Then there was Emily who said I was a monster. Then Sera who just... refused to even be in the same room as me. I tried to say sorry, but they wouldn't let me- everyone wouldn't leave me alone. They kept asking me why, telling them this whole redemption thing is my fault... I didn't know what to say... I think it's why they didn't care when I got hurt... they probably would rather me dead.

I've just... always shamed them. There was nothing I could do that was good enough. I tried. I really did... but nothing I do is good enough. Not for Heaven, or for my kids, or Eve, or Lilith, or Lucifer, or God. Nothing.

//flips through some papers on the clipboard, stopping on a particular page// You have kids, right? Several of them from what I’ve been told. One on the way.

Let’s do a little roleplay.

One of your children is experiencing the same situation. They’ve been told that they need to protect something important and part of protecting that thing is keeping how they protect it a secret.

Someone they don’t know explains that the whole way they’re doing that protecting is wrong and evil.

Your child reacts poorly to this news because they’ve been told by the people your child loves, the ones they’re protecting, that there was only one way this entire time.

They’re understandably angry at this person so they lash out. They didn’t want to hurt the people who got hurt when they lashed out.

They come to you crying, hurting because they’ve didn’t mean any of this to happen, and they want your love and advice on what to do next.

I just... I have ni idea what I'd say, because I don't know what I wanted them to say to me. There's nothing that comes to mind that would be enough comfort to make me feel better, so there's nothing I could do for them...

A parent who would rather experience a traumatic ordeal over having their child experience it certainly sounds like something a good dad would say. It also sounds like you don’t have the tools to properly convey your feelings to them, either.

So, let’s keep going.

Your child, a toddler in this new scenario, is crying and wants you to comfort them because they’ve hurt their best friend by accident and are afraid that friend doesn’t want to be their friend anymore. What do you say to calm and comfort them?

Maybe... I'd tell them to apologise? I don't know...

You can have more than one best friend, too. And while partners and friends are different, a partner doesn’t stop being a best friend just because they’re now your partner.

And while you’ve definitely been horrible in the past, I’m struggling to see how you’re horrible now to anyone besides yourself. You occasionally hurt Lucifer with your jealousy, but I think that ultimately stems from a low self esteem and a fear that everyone you love will eventually leave you as they have in the past. It doesn’t excuse your bad behavior, though it does explain it.

Adam: you my true feelings? Fine! Lucifer, ... Cinderella two was the best of the three movies.

Lucifer: OH, FUCK YOU! It was not!

Adam: it fucking was!

Lucifer: three was the best-

Adam: three shouldn't have existed because three gave Anastasia a romantic ending!

Charlie: wait, have you too just been upset about Cinderella??

Adam: yeah?

Lucifer: it completely ruins movie night.

Charlie: oh... I thought you two might have feeling for each other. I feel silly now.

Lucifer: ohh, sweetie. It's okay.

Adam: yeah. Us banging is a separate thing from the movie issue.

Lucifer: Adam! We said that we weren't going to tell anyone!