Art Requests Open Sorta kinda an artist with writing tendencies | Adults only, please | Currently obsessed with Hazbin Hotel | Any Pronouns or Nicknames, just don’t call me late for dinner
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Hey, Big Haus. Are you ready to start your very first super fun therapy session with lil’ old me? I promise to be toootally normal~
And sorry for being so late with your appointment. I went on a teeny tiny drug bender and forgot what day it was. All therapists do it. I’m pretty sure. It was in the contract I signed, anyways. I get two days a week with no sick pay.
A therapy session? I didn't know you did those! Cool! Alright, whenever you're ready!
You never asked. You steal one, maybe six and a half other spleens, and that’s all you’re about to some people. It’s like I don’t even have a name to some people. Rude, right?
…Of course he does. He also knows Skimpy Uniform Guy, too, so I guess I’m leaving a little bit of a mark. I just hope it’s a more positive one from here on out.
I’m getting to talk to you, so it’s a great day already. //Pulls out a clipboard and begins writing on it//
Have you ever been in therapy before? Group or otherwise? I heard you were in Heaven for a long time, did you go to any sessions there?
We used to do a monthly catch up in Heaven when a few winners started turning up. But other than that, not really.
And Lu out up into couples counciling. Haven't gone for a while, though. I have a therapist. She says my brain is mush so there's not much she can do. I don't get tne bug deal, but Lu wasn't happy with her.
She said I'm too old to really get anything out of therapy. She said if I wanted change, I needed a new brain. Which I'm not sure how that would work, and I don't really want to find out. So... yeah. Lu doesn't like her. I think he said he'd kill her if he saw her.
I don't know what's wrong with me. I just go with whatever is going on, it's easier that way
That was.. extremely unprofessional of that therapist, Adam. People of all ages and all walks of life can benefit from therapy. As long as you have a desire to work through your problems and are honest with yourself, therapy will always have a place for you. You don’t need a new brain.
Why do you think something’s wrong with you? Do YOU think something’s wrong with you?
And do you WANT to go along with what everyone else is doing?
You can answer these questions in any way you’d like. I’m not here to force you to do anything you don’t want to do.
I just want people to stay away from me. Everyone has expectations of me and make assumptions and I'm never what they expect. I don't act right, or look right, I'm meant to be perfect but I'm not. If everyone stays away from me, I have nofhing to prove, I don't have to act.
If I'm an asshole, they stay away. Abel stayed away. So did Sera and Emily. And Peter and most winners. The Exorcists were stuck with me. And now Lucifer's stuck with me.
I don't mean to hurt him so much, I'm just making his life worse. The kids are the only good thing to come from all of this. I can't even bring myself to make it worth it fir him to stay. I don't know why he loves me, I'm not loveable. Maybe he's just lying to himself, trying to trick himself into thinking he loves me so he doesn't have two divorces under his belt.
Surely he doesn't think that I'm actually a good parent. There's a reason why Abel doesn't talk to me much and why Cain would rather die when he found out,he was my kid, and not Lucifer's.
Sometimes I want to run away... or just hide somewhere until someone finds me and offs me. But I can't. And probably wouldn't. I dunno. I think I'm going to cause some shit with this one but yeah.
Is that even an answer to your questions? Maybe I just rambled.
It sounds like the people you’ve been around in the past had very high expectations for you. That would be stressful for anyone to deal with.
And whether you met those expectations at one point or not, the stress of constantly trying to meet everyone’s different expectations has worn you very thin. It’s probably, and I don’t say this lightly, traumatized you in different ways that you’re struggling to deal with now.
You want people to stay away because it’s less stressful for everyone involved. It’s easier than dealing with their perceived eventual and inevitable disappointment with you, right? You protect yourself, you keep their expectations low, and you can’t fail when there’s nothing to achieve with that person.
It must be pretty lonely, though, keeping people at arms length.
What are some expectations that you’ve failed to meet in your life? Anything particular that stands out for you? And what happened when you failed?
I mean... I guess that all makes sense. It's weird to see it just... out there.
One tine was during that meeting with Charlie and Heaven, and I told everyone about the exterminations. That... really didn't go down well.
The achangels went on and on at me for days. Then there was Emily who said I was a monster. Then Sera who just... refused to even be in the same room as me. I tried to say sorry, but they wouldn't let me- everyone wouldn't leave me alone. They kept asking me why, telling them this whole redemption thing is my fault... I didn't know what to say... I think it's why they didn't care when I got hurt... they probably would rather me dead.
I've just... always shamed them. There was nothing I could do that was good enough. I tried. I really did... but nothing I do is good enough. Not for Heaven, or for my kids, or Eve, or Lilith, or Lucifer, or God. Nothing.
I can't even die right. Or live right. I just... i can't do anything right.
Don’t shrink into yourself now, you’re doing a really great job talking this out. Better than most people who move gone through what you’ve been through.
//flips through some papers on the clipboard, stopping on a particular page// You have kids, right? Several of them from what I’ve been told. One on the way.
Let’s do a little roleplay.
One of your children is experiencing the same situation. They’ve been told that they need to protect something important and part of protecting that thing is keeping how they protect it a secret.
Someone they don’t know explains that the whole way they’re doing that protecting is wrong and evil.
Your child reacts poorly to this news because they’ve been told by the people your child loves, the ones they’re protecting, that there was only one way this entire time.
They’re understandably angry at this person so they lash out. They didn’t want to hurt the people who got hurt when they lashed out.
They come to you crying, hurting because they’ve didn’t mean any of this to happen, and they want your love and advice on what to do next.
I... fuck, I don't know. I can't even think of anything... I just get scared all over again. I wouldn't want my kids to have this burden- I'd rather have it than them. I'd rather deal with whatever demands Heaven wants.
I just... I have ni idea what I'd say, because I don't know what I wanted them to say to me. There's nothing that comes to mind that would be enough comfort to make me feel better, so there's nothing I could do for them...
//flips back to the front of the page and begins to write again//
A parent who would rather experience a traumatic ordeal over having their child experience it certainly sounds like something a good dad would say. It also sounds like you don’t have the tools to properly convey your feelings to them, either.
So, let’s keep going.
Your child, a toddler in this new scenario, is crying and wants you to comfort them because they’ve hurt their best friend by accident and are afraid that friend doesn’t want to be their friend anymore. What do you say to calm and comfort them?
Surely you’ve wiped away their tears before, haven’t you? What words do you use to soothe them? They’re scared. Soothe them.
I mean... I've comforted them before... but we didn't have that specific problem in Eden, I don't have a best friend- I don't know what happens if you hurt them...
Maybe... I'd tell them to apologise? I don't know...
Or maybe depending on how they hurt them, ny kid could just cut them off and stay far away from them. If they know what they did wrong, there's no reason to keep rubbing salt in the wound, you know? It'll keep hurting my kid- and I don't want that...
Maybe a long time ago, like a really long time ago, but most happy marriages are kept by those who consider themselves best friends. Why else would you bother marrying them?
You can have more than one best friend, too. And while partners and friends are different, a partner doesn’t stop being a best friend just because they’re now your partner.
Do you think Lucifer considers you his best friend? I imagine he would. He thinks the world of you.
I don't... I don't know why thinks the way he does about me. I'm horrible to him and his family. He should have left me ages ago... maybe he feels like he can't. Maybe I'm keeping him here- but I don't know how. Or maybe I know how but I don't want to accept it.
And while you’ve definitely been horrible in the past, I’m struggling to see how you’re horrible now to anyone besides yourself. You occasionally hurt Lucifer with your jealousy, but I think that ultimately stems from a low self esteem and a fear that everyone you love will eventually leave you as they have in the past. It doesn’t excuse your bad behavior, though it does explain it.
Wouldn’t you say, for the most part, that you have a good and loving relationship with Lucifer? Don’t you love him and love your life with him? Would you do anything for him?
...I don't know. I think I love him... I love the girls, I... I like being here with him... I like him. A lot. I just... I'm scared. Everytime I see him. I never feel good enough. Like there's nothing I can do to be worth it for him.
I don't offer him anything. There's no reason to be with me. Lilith is beautiful, and acts like a real queen, and she's mature, and she loved him- maybe not now, but she did and I'm not like that. I'm not her. I'm not good or good enough for him.
It's like my whole life is dependent on Lucifer and how this fucking marriage goes, if it goes sideways, I have no one... Angel is the only one who's not a complete asshole to me but he's at the hotel, and even if he wasn't, I doubt he would help me. I know his kid won't help me. Abel can't... and Cain hates me, the sins hate me- I'd literally be dead if anything happens to my relationship. And knowing Lu will one day realise that I'm not worth it along with knowing I'll probably die as soon as I step foot out there- I just... I'm... scared.
I hate how I am with him. I'm ruining his pregnancy because I hated mine. He's having a shower- and I couldn't. Not only because of the Roo thing but I know no one would come- and everyone loves Lucifer so everyone will be there and it just shows that I have literally nothing down here. Or anywhere.
I know it's my fault. I'm hurting him and everyone close to him and I'm making everything shit for him and I fucking know. I hate myself for it. I hate that I just can't be happy that he's happy, I can't not fucking ruin it for him. I just- I don't know... if I really love him... maybe I hate him... but then I feel fucking horrible for thinking that because he's literally the best thing ever and I'm not and I'm making his life worse but I just-.
I have to go. Sorry- I can't do this. I can't ruin it for him anymore. He doesn't deserve it.
Then stop! //quickly grabs Adam’s hand before he’s able to leave// You can start by stopping this self sabotage and take a few breathes with me.
You wanna stop freaking out and ruining everything? Then you’ve gotta learn to healthy deal with these sudden fears and self esteem issues that don’t consist of blowing up and running away when things get hard.
//gives his hand a little squeeze// Let’s take a break to learn how to relax when these thoughts spiral and make you panic. Breathe in, hold it, and count to ten. Breathe out, hold it, and count to ten. Do this a few times until your heart stops racing, then it’ll be easier to tell your brain that it’s wrong.
We can stop this here if you really want to, I can’t physically keep you here, but if you leave you’ll never learn and you really will make sure your self fulfilling prophecy comes true. And you’ll have no one to blame but your inability to deal with your problems like the brave man you are.
Then do this for yourself. For your kids. And for the future person who will inevitably fall in love with a better you.
I mean, do you even hear yourself? You’re worried about him leaving you because you believe you’re not enough. But you’re also so sure you’ve fooled him into staying with you because you believe you’ve convinced him you’re a better person than you are. You also admit you push everyone away from the jumpstart and you’ve never stopped pushing people away, so where do you have time to pretend to be this good partner that’s fooled Lucifer? How?
It doesn’t make sense. These are mental circles you’re constantly going in and it has to be so exhausting to be in your own head all the time, listening to these voices telling you all the negative things about yourself.
Is there anything you like about yourself at all? You haven’t said one positive thing about yourself this whole session. Could you even name five things you like about yourself?
You know, I've slept on it and yeah. There's nothing with me. I have no idea what the fuck I was talking about but trust me, man, I'm good.
As for the five things, I can list, like... 15 things.
My face. My eyes. My bod. My ass. My dick. My hands. I'm the best at playing the guitar. I'm the best fucking singer. I'm the best in bed. I'm the best cook. The best gardener. The best human. The best DJ. I make the best ribs. I'm the best person ever to hang out with.
Oh! //puts the clipboard completely down// Good! So with this sudden renewed confidence and bare minimum surface level compliments to yourself— that we’re totally NOT using as a poorly made front to keep yourself from getting to the meat of the problem— you’re set to actually tell Lucifer everything you’ve told me, right? I’ll call him right now.
//Fishes two cigarettes and lighter from their front pockets, offering one cig to Adam// Do you smoke? Because I’m thinking you’ll want one for this.
Saw a big scary beetle on my way home after taking my dog out and thought of you and your amazing pictures!
How are you doing? And do you have any artwork you’ve been working on? Or stories you wanna talk about? They don’t have to be about Adam or anything particular. 💕
Answer this at your leisure, my liege.
dude thanks for swinging around my blog and sharing whispers of the intimidating beetle thats awesome.
as for how im doing, uh, its pretty obvious right now that im in a creative slump. beginning of the year i was churning out content and now im crawling across the thorny and stony ground on my belly.
i always seem to go full throttle when i can, and im paying the price for it :(
its really hard to keep track of all the stuff ive started, so im hoping to start journalling my snippets or compiling them somewhere accessible. as for artwork well, i did start one with adam as an icecream parlour maid with huge tits (part of yours and cakerys parlour cow maid adam au) but i havent worked on it in a while and i dont think its ever going to see the light of day.
um, as for stories. There is this one scenario I've been rotating in my head where Adam hears Charlie's dumbass pitch for her hotel and goes "Sounds suspicious, I'm gonna have to stay there until you've given up on your dumb idea or until you show your true hand."
Much to Charlie and Lute's dismay, Adam does move in and is a general menace to the staff (Vaggi especially). And then when Lucifer comes into the picture, his motivations become clear.
"Adam!? The fuck are you doing at my daughter's soup kitchen?"
Manspreading on the four person couch, Adam casually scratched his stomach and yawned. "I'm just chilling, relax dipshit. I haven't done anything to your mini you or this fucking trash heap."
Then a look of concern flashed over his mask and Adam straightened up. Almost fearfully, his yellow eyes shot towards Lucifer.
"Hey, uh. You didn't get any calls from Heaven or anything, did ya?"
"No, not that I can recall," Lucifer responded, brows furrowed quizzically as he tapped the head of his cane against his chin. "Did you get in trouble or something?"
Adam's shoulders dropped and he relaxed back into the couch with a sigh of relief. "Honestly, I have no fucking clue. It's just gotten so weird up there the last two thousand years."
"Oh, do catch me up, it's been so long since I've gotten any news," Lucifer took a seat across from Adam, much to Charlie's irritation.
"Great, instead of kicking him out, my dad's gossiping with the enemy," she muttered under her breath with folded arms.
" 'Kay, so you know when G-" Adam slapped a hand over his mouth, glancing up furtively as though he were being watched.
Lucifer shook his head, "You didn't say the whole thing, He's not looking."
"Oh thank G-- nope! Almost did it again." Adam groaned. "Anyways! So you know that time that the big guy did a run on Earth as like, a human?"
"The Jesus thing, right? I thought that was His son?"
"Eh, that part's complicated. But like, here's the thing." Adam leaned forward in his seat. "The big guy has been acting hella weird ever since He ascended back into Heaven."
Eyes shining with curiosity, Lucifer also leaned forward. "What's weird about Him?"
"He's been summoning me into His office and asking me about my day."
Lucifer gasped, hand flying to his mouth in shock while Charlie and the others gave each other confused looks.
"Is it a test of some kind?" Lucifer asked.
"I don't fucking know, all I know is that it's awkward as shit! We're just sitting in silence until He starts talking! And it's never about what I've done, or about my duties, or how I could be better, it's just normal stuff!" Clutching his head in his hands, Adam started sweating. "And the look on His face when He tried to lay a hand on my shoulder and I flinched, it was awful! I don't know what He wants from me!"
"Wow... haha that sounds scary," Lucifer's knee was bouncing with nervous energy and he too, looked at the Heavens anxiously.
"I mean, it sounds like He just wants to connect with you, like Father to son," Charlie interjected, twisting her hands together.
The glowing lines of Adam's expression spasmed erratically before settling on a face of pure terror.
"No... That's not what He's like. He's not some loving patient creator. He's angry. He only ever raises His hand to discipline. I... I don't know what to do with Him now."
yeah thats like the most ive got right now lol. just like god trying to be a better dad and scaring his kids.
dont worry too much about me, ill keep trucking and thinking about pathetic men kissing.
It was huge. It was on the outside door knob to my house. I got to enjoy an extra 15-20 minutes of my allotted outside time while it decided to slowly meander away from giving me a heart attack.
Hey, it happens very easily. Hell, It gets me with writing what little I do write, I couldn’t even imagine where I’d be with what you still put out. It’s okay. We’ll all still be here for you even if you never write again. You’re fun to know.
Besides. You are no pale imitation, no Magma Wyrm. You have not finished your dragon communion that’ll keep you rooted to the ground, on your belly with no proper wings. You are a true dragon. You will fly again. //nods knowingly in cringe//
I like that a lot! Adam being concerned about his dad not cracking whips and suddenly spreading peace and love would scare anyone from a… reactive household? Is really fun to see and a great character study. I’d like to see how little he knows what to do with himself over it. Maybe Adam could learn from it. He won’t, but maybe!
That’s what friends (or moots? Is what it’s called?) do. We worry while also thinking about pathetic men kissing.
57 is Miscommunication. Parts one and two are on tumblr but haven't finished the ending. Adam is more like an annoying uncle than an asshole, in part two he's already getting fucked by Lucifer, he just doesn't know what their relationship is.
69 is Feral. Lucifer actively hates Adam, and in self defence scratches the base of Lucifer's head which basically drops every angel. He unwittingly has been turning Lucifer into a horny mess. It's a they start as Lucifer as a bottom, but I stopped right around when Adam was going to try bottoming
As your punishment I’m deleting this barely started story of Adam sucking Val’s cock under his desk when Charlie comes in asking about Adam’s well being. She doesn’t know he’s there, but he hears her and Val’s extra mean.
I’m teasing. I’m just learning to like mustard (spicy honey being my favorite) and hotdog yellow kinda tastes like battery acid and crayons right now, but I’m learning. That’s what’s important.
As soon as I get to know you better I’ll be able to come up with more clever punishments, but burning Pokemon cards to spite you sounds like I’d just lose myself to collecting them and I’m too poor for that. This is all I’ve got.
I’m not either, man. But here we are. Slathering you in it. You can blame December when we’re done.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Oh, sweet! And I get beat up by some hot slag? Sign me the fuck up. Make sure Adam chokes me somewhere in the middle of it and we can all go get smoothies afterwards as a throuple.
As your punishment I’m deleting this barely started story of Adam sucking Val’s cock under his desk when Charlie comes in asking about Adam’s well being. She doesn’t know he’s there, but he hears her and Val’s extra mean.
I’m teasing. I’m just learning to like mustard (spicy honey being my favorite) and hotdog yellow kinda tastes like battery acid and crayons right now, but I’m learning. That’s what’s important.
As soon as I get to know you better I’ll be able to come up with more clever punishments, but burning Pokemon cards to spite you sounds like I’d just lose myself to collecting them and I’m too poor for that. This is all I’ve got.
I’m not either, man. But here we are. Slathering you in it. You can blame December when we’re done.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
As your punishment I’m deleting this barely started story of Adam sucking Val’s cock under his desk when Charlie comes in asking about Adam’s well being. She doesn’t know he’s there, but he hears her and Val’s extra mean.
I’m teasing. I’m just learning to like mustard (spicy honey being my favorite) and hotdog yellow kinda tastes like battery acid and crayons right now, but I’m learning. That’s what’s important.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
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