Gratitude's an Attitude

So I guess the new thing (and I am not knocking it, I am jumping on it) is to pick a word to help define your year. I thought all of December and couldn’t come up with any word that stuck, was motivating, or would help define what I wanted in 2019. Then I read and article this morning (yes, January 2, so I am a little late) and there it was - unapologetic. That is my word for 2019.

Now before you tell me that is it not positive or motivational and might even be a bit bitchy, I will stop you. There are several reasons this word leaped out of the article and spoke to me. 

First, I am a giver. I give, I give, I give, I give. For me, unapologetic helps balance that. My self-care is lacking and therefore my stress levels, waistline and anger are up and happiness is down. This, right here is what I needed to read and what I need to recite daily in 2019:

“I have a word that I often say to myself when I go to work out – unapologetic. We are all busy, and saying this word either silently or aloud helps to remind me that I should be allowed to fit exercise into my daily routine without feeling guilty or without having to apologize for the amount of time I spend exercising. It seems like a small gesture, but it really is liberating.”

Second, in general I feel that women need to stop apologizing for everything. I mean everything. And I need to be the one that goes first. Yesterday, a man literally knocked me off my feet trying to get in the door I was trying to come out of and instead of apologizing to me, I apologized to him - “oh, I’m so sorry.” I say sorry maybe 10,000 times a day. When did I learn this and rather why do I feel responsible and the need to apologize for EVERYTHING? I mean I fully intend to continue to seek forgiveness for the things that I do wrong, but those intentional things that I should apologize. This year, I want to focus on being unapologetic for my mistakes, the ones I am making because I am learning. Unapologetic to myself. Owning the mistake will be important but apologizing for something that was not intended (like I do now) needs to stop. I need to stop being regretful for the risks I take, the things I try that don’t work out and the mistake make in the process. How liberating is that?

Third, I am catholic and guilt comes with the upbringing - I am guessing that combined with being a woman is where the excessive “I’m sorrys” came from... so we need to break those guilty habits. Guilty feelings for my family not liking the healthy dinner I cooked and giving in to the pizza delivery. Guilty feelings of knowing what things are not a fit for my family, like foster care. Guilty feelings of infertility. Guilty feelings of added weight. Guilty feelings for my husband’s unhappiness. Guilty feelings for helping family when I myself don’t have a minute to breath. Guilty feelings for going after a dream that doesn’t make a lot of sense on paper. Guilty feelings for taking time for me. 

Now, these habits weren’t built in a day, 40 years is more like it. So I don’t intend for them to disappear quickly. However, intentional living is what I seek with my word. It is my 2019 reminder of building better habits, looking to build a bright and exciting future. 

What’s your word?

un·a·pol·o·get·ic/ˌ

ənəˌpäləˈjedik/

adjective

Well, it looks like I abandoned the blog, again. Whoops. Some things fall by the wayside too quickly when stuff in my life gets busy. But I am back and in the interest of documentation, I have decided to share a bit about our newest journey... kids.

If you have been following along, you know that I am not able to have kiddos of my own. Despite what any nurse or MA thinks, my form of birth control was my full hysterectomy three years ago. (Seriously, every time I am at the doctor they ask me what form of birth control I am using. EVERY TIME). This leaves us with some interesting and challenging options for adding to our family. But if you know me, you know I am always up for a challenge. 

So in the summer of 2017 we started the journey to become licensed foster parents. We got our license in May of 2018 and took our first kiddo in Sept. For 16 hours. More on that saga later. We remain interested in fostering to adopt in the right scenario, but have begun to explore other options like gestational carriers, egg donors, embryo donors, etc. Adoption through an agency is also something on the table, but much, much harder for me since I am a cancer survivor. And honestly, astronomically expensive for no guarantees.

See, we have been blessed with an angel in our family who has offered to carrier a child for us and meets all the criteria to be a carrier. It feels a little too right not to fully explore. So, we have called around to various fertility clinics to explore their services and explore our options. The first one I called the nurse answering my questions told me it “seemed like a lot of trouble to go through when it likely wasn’t worth it.” That seemed like a lot of none of her business and also, I feel bad for her kiddos if she has any. God bless them. (Also you work at a fertility clinic so....) On my second call to another clinic I got a much more positive response and promptly booked their next available appointment - on our first wedding anniversary. It felt like a sign. 

Well, if it was a sign, I am not sure the kinda sign I am getting from above... we go to the appointment and immediately they wanted to take my vitals and get me ready for an exam. To which I objected. I don’t have a role at all to play in the physics of our baby making. I told the nurse I declined the exam to which she got very flustered. In my head I was thinking that I didn’t want to get billed for an exam of nothing... this clinic was all out of pocket and I am not paying for them to tell me I can’t have a child. I know that. My husband smacked me on the back and told me to be nice. We were then seated in the consultation room where the same nurse asked me a series of questions about my medications, medical history, etc. To which I still didn’t understand why they cared. She got a bit flustered and then gave up and went to go get the doctor.

When the doctor finally arrived, it became very clear what had happened. She asked me why I was there, I started in our story and she stopped me. Told us they never should have accepted our appointment and could not help us at their clinic as they don’t offer the carrier services we need. It was a super short appointment after taking off the day and driving 2 hours from our home. While the doctor was lovely and offered some advice and referrals, it only made the sting a little less. Trust me when I say, I understand the ups and downs of the fertility journey - while I am not physically trying myself to have kids, I am trying through several systems that are not that equipped to help folks like us. It is very up and down. But that got me thinking on our drive home, where both of us were still trying to be positive and not ruin our first anniversary... about the power of the of the most important words to add to your vocabulary... “I don’t know.”

Had the women fielding my call and making my appointment used them, we never would have had to waste our time and first anniversary. When I asked, “do you work with gestational carriers, embryo donors and egg donors?” She didn’t have to say, “yes, we can help you. When would you like to come in?” A simple, “hum, I am not sure, let me ask to make sure and get back to you.” In my day job, I am charged with knowing a lot about a lot. And the most important lesson I have learned over time is that if I don’t know the answer to something, not to make it up, not even to speculate an answer, but simply say, “I don’t know, but I can find out and get back to you.” It causes so much less trouble than making up the answer and having to back track later or having to tell a very hopeful couple sitting across from you that you never should have gotten their hopes up and talked to them. Put those three words into your vocab. And think carefully about the consequences of just getting something done and out of the way or a question answered if you don’t know the answer. It could have large consequences.

It is the last part of the gratitude alphabet challenge!

R: Records! I got a turntable for my birthday and now my favorite thing to do is to search resale shops for treasures! So far I have some Herb Alpert which sounds awesome spinning on my new turntable.

S: Simaytis Family - duh!

T: Travel - I love to travel and explore and I am lucky enough to be able to do a lot of. I am also lucky I found a partner to travel with!

U: Unique - why be like everyone else when you can be you? I love spending time with people who embrace their uniqueness. I try hard to embrace my own but it is a work in progress.

V: Vegetables: Brussel sprouts, green beans, cauliflower, lettuce, yum. Love them all!

W: Wilson my first fur baby.

X: eXperience: So it is a little bit of a cheat,  but look up words that start with X. There are none. Anyway, I love spending time with those who have lived either longer or more of a diverse life than I so far. Learning and sharing their experiences is such a valuable lesson in life and I enjoy it greatly.

Y: Yellow - was my very first favorite color. My parents didn’t know if I was a boy or girl so they decorated in yellow and it stuck. I don’t have much yellow in my home/life these days, but I still have a very strong affinity for the color. It certainly makes me feel warm and happy.

Today was a DAY. If it could go wrong it did. No joke. I was on the road for work and my cell phone busted. What a helpless feeling! But I was heading home today, so I tried not to freak out too much. I just needed to make it to the airport and then I was on my way. Well, my rental car had other ideas. It also died at the same time I had no phone. (Come on, ONE OR THE OTHER!). I also had some trouble getting someone to lend me a phone to make an emergency call and it was -8 outside in the Twin Cities. I did make it home but my plane needed a tow into the gate when we landed in MKE because of electrical issues. Can’t make this stuff up!

Here we are on day 3 and I am continuing the alphabet challenge I started yesterday -  Use the alphabet as a fun and quick format for making a list of things for which you feel grateful.

J: J - my stepdaughter. She makes my life better.

K: Kindness, especially the little kind things people do to make brighten your day - hold the door, smile, pay for your Starbucks. It is all the little things!

L: Laughter. Do I really need to explain this? But a day without some laughing is a wasted day.

M: Magnolia Trees! I love them. I can’t get enough of them, especially the big dark green and golden leaves with the large white flowers. Makes me want to move south so I can have an entire yard of them!

N: Nana’s Blankets - we called my grandma Nana and she made the most wonderful blankets for us. I still have about 20 of them throughout my house. They are warm and remind me of many nights curled up on her spare room “sleeping” while my parents enjoyed a night out or building forts with them in the dining room. The yard ties are everything.

O: Ocean - I am a water girl. I love being near it, on it, in it. I especially love being near the ocean. To me it feels alive. I can be peaceful, angry, happy, etc. I can’t get enough of the sound, the smell and the mysteries it holds.As vast as the ocean is, it truly connects us all. 

P: Popcorn. Good snack, makes me sentimental and as the hubs says can also serve as poopcorn a natural way to get things going. (I am old, what do you expect?)

Continuing #21daysofgratitude challenge:

Day 2:  Use the alphabet as a fun and quick format for making a list of things for which you feel grateful.  

Ugh, this is a long one so I am going to split the alphabet in thirds.

A: ABLE - check them out. Great products and excellent cause!

B: bodyfuel inc. - my gym, when I am not on the road and can get there, keeps me sane!

C: C Max - my new Ford hybrid car. Very grateful for its gas mileage and small payment.

D: Disney - I know Disney is a love or hate. I LOVE all things Disney and am grateful for the joy they bring to so many and the lessons they teach through their art.

E: Energy - grateful I still have energy to get through very busy and jam-packed days and still have energy for some fun and quality time with my family.

F: Foo Fighters - I have a tattoo in their honor, need I say more? (Do I get bonus points cuz that was two Fs?)

G: Good Food - Ok, there G is harder than I thought, but I am grateful for good food and the people (and recipes) that take the time to cook foods that taste good AND are good for you. 

H: Husband - duh!

I: Intuition - i have pretty good intuition and am grateful for it. It allows me to be good a my job and make quick decisions. 

My employer is participating in an exercise in gratitude - 21 days to be exact starting today. Since this blog is centered around being grateful, what better way to get back in the swing of things than by jumping on the bandwagon?

You can read a little about the why and the what here. And here. And here.  I am not going to follow one format in particular, but combo a few exercises for the 21 days. Consider taking the challenge yourself! Post a comment responding to the exercise of the day.

Day 1: Write down 3 things you are grateful for.

My 39th year started low key but filled with fun and love. I had been sick for my entire holiday break and by my birthday was finally feeling less like I wanted to die. So, I decided to take the day off and have a little fun! 

Earlier in the week (with some sniffles and a low fever), I celebrated my birthday and the holidays with Meredith at little Happy Hour. Gotta love $5 Old Fashions!

On my actual birthday we headed for breakfast down at Potawatomi and of course it was followed by some slot fun. Turns out the hubs is pretty lucky! Between the two of us (he won way more), we walked away with some decent winnings. After the three machines we played hit significantly, I insisted we leave before we got sucked into losing it all. From the casino we headed to do one of my favorite things - GAMES!  It was time for some bloodies and play at Dave & Busters. Honestly, playing skeeball, basketball, the weird clown milk jug game, etc. are SO. MUCH. FUN. I love that I found a hubby that has fun running around like a little kid at Chuck E. Cheese with me. We won a ton of tickets and this super amazing, giant Batman pillow that has taken up residence on the kiddo’s bed. It was a blast.

Next up was our monthly wine tasting at Cooper’s Hawk. We love the place and are wine club members. Their wine is good, but the monthly tastings and bottle pick-up force us to stop the busyness of our lives and have a little fun. Their food is also very yummy. 

We ended the day getting together with my family for dinner at Palmer House Restaurant. The place came recommended to us by the finance guy at my car dealer and it did not disappoint! I am super thankful for his chattiness - we never would have found the place on our own.

Greetings Friends and Followers. I am back! There are not a lot of good excuses for being absent so long, but it certainly wasn’t because I am not grateful. There was so much going on in my life to be grateful about, i just didn’t have time to write about it!  But I am starting back with a little recap of 2017. And I promise to provide consistent content in 2018, if for no one but my exercise in capturing all the great moments that happen throughout my blessed lifetime. 

2017 started with a bang and a lot of WEDDING PLANNING! I got engaged at the end of October 2016 and we jumped right into planning our small and modest (ha, not, have you met my mom?) wedding in Charleston, SC. It was certainly an experience planning a wedding from afar and I would do it over again and again. Kept it simple and not an everyday worry. It required my type A personality to relax and let little things go. It all turned out great too!  

I also started the year as a first ever Auntie!!!  My SIL gave birth to my niece FInleigh in late December so we spent a year hitting all those first milestones and it was blast! Finner is certainly someone that makes me grateful!

The year was such a whirlwind looking back I can’t believe we fit all this in! So very much to be grateful for in 2017. Check out the highlights!

We spent my cold, cold, cold and slightly snowy birthday at one of my favorite restaurants doing what I love - playing games! It was pizza and a pitcher night at The Mineshaft and that is an evening I can’t pass up! This guy rocked it and we took home a lot of crap with all the tickets we won! Great way to ring my 38th year.

Feb is Heart Month in my professional life so naturally we spent the month celebrating and I also spent the month roping my loved ones into helping, I mean celebrating. Me and the man headed to the Bucks game to support my bestie, the one in the Heart costume. I sure owe my loved ones a few favors!

In March we got to escape to do a little wedding planning in South Carolina! It was a fantastic time to leave the Midwest and head to warmer areas. Unfortunately I got pretty sick on the ride down to Charleston and spent the better part of the car ride trying not to die. Once I got there and got some sun on my face, things started looking up! We checked a few items off the wedding list, ate some good food, hit the beach for some great R&R and a few good workouts and on the way home hit the Bourbon Trail, aka Mecca.

April was a whirlwind as I was on the road the majority of the month. We did however to celebrate this kiddo’s 12th birthday with a bounce party and sleepover for all her friends. It was a sleepless night but she has a great time. I can’t believe the peanut is 12, going on about 47. She has grown up so much since I met her only a few years ago. 

We kicked off May with the first of three garage sales. (People, we had a wedding to pay for!) I got to spend the weekend with this guy. Believe it or not, he wasn’t that great at the selling, but we did ok. Being the first garage sale in the neighborhood of the season helped. We didn’t do too bad. May was also jam packed with birthdays and working on fixing our boat (which ended up sitting in the shop until the end of August).

We kicked June off with my man’s family baseball game at Miller Park. We host every year and it is always a blast to get the family together to hang at the park. This year we had some sun, some rain, a car accident and lots and lots of food and drink. It was another success.

In June, we also became godparents to Miss Finleigh. It was such an honor and fills my little heart with so much gratitude!

In June I also hosted a team meeting Milwaukee-style for my coworkers. What better way to spend time in this great city than where it all begin in the old Pabst Brewing area. 

June ended with a work trip to Washington D.C. for our national lobby day. I love my job. My volunteers and coworkers are best! We took more than 70 people to DC to lobby for heart-health policies the week the Senate was working on repealing the Affordable Care Act. That got all my volunteers pretty fired up and on the day we had meetings on the Hill, the postponed the vote because they didn’t have enough support. I also go to see some of the sites and oh, I met Bob Harper, trainer for The Biggest Loser and heart attack survivor. Bob was fantastic, passionate and kind. Also, looks like I may need a visit to the Ranch. 

While in DC i also got to connect with my dear friend’s daughter - who I could not believe was 21, taking the subway by herself at night and being an adult. I remember when she was a freshman in high school. How is this happening? It is always great to see Bridget and catch up. That kiddo is going places. 

In July we found ourselves out east for a quick trip to the Cape to meet with my father’s dear friend and also the man who would be marrying us in October. it was a little wedding planning, a lot of sight seeing and a chance to meet the entire Lang family as their youngest, Sarah would be getting married that weekend. (When I asked if it was a good week to visit, there was no indication that their daughter would be married that week or I never would have gone.) It was an excellent trip - much love, lobstah and beautiful sites. Can’t wait to go back!

August was a busy month as we started the count down to the wedding! First up was getting all the beautiful invites out! My sister drew all our favorite landmarks in Charleston which allowed us to create very special and personalized invites for our big day! There were so beautiful.

In August, I was recognized with my Chicago colleagues for our work on one of the toughest campaigns I ever worked on. It was so nice to be recognized for all of the hard work.

My mom and sisters also threw us a fantastic wedding shower at the Milwaukee Sail Loft in late August. Made us feel loved and was really fun to spend time with our loved ones!

We also spent some quality time with our friends the Connolly’s having a wonderful tasting dinner at the Ale Asylum. It was a second year for us doing this and so much fun!!

We kicked-off September running the Dodge County Sheriff’s Office K-9 Golf Outing! It was a beautiful day and a we raised some great funds for the pups!

My man’s family also showered us with love, great foods and presents in anticipation of our big day. This is the only photo I got from this beautiful shower. Where’s the MR.? Lol

In mid-September we boarded a plane for our last trip to SC before the wedding. We got our marriage license (doesn’t he look thrilled??!?!), enjoyed some good food and drink and also celebrated a dear friend’s wedding!!!

The wedding almost didn’t happen because of Hurricane Irma, but she left in time and most of Charleston dried out and Team Turgas has a wonderful wedding. We were thrilled to be included in their big day!

We also managed to catch a Packer game at our very favorite bar, The Windjammer. They lost, aw shucks - says the Bears fan.

September also brought a very real reality... the wedding countdown was getting much smaller and I was not. It was time to turn up the volume on my sweat sessions. So I enlisted friends and family. Always more fun to spin, walk and train with a buddy!

October was so busy with so many highs and lows, I can barely remember it all. I will start with the highs. We celebrated my in-laws birthday with some volleyball (the kiddo has a tournament), beers and good food. 

October at work was a giant low. However, I do remain and always will remain grateful for the wonderful people I got to work with on this awful campaign which shall not be named. We fought the good fight, we finished the race and then we drank a lot of martinis.

And then, the biggest high of the month came at the end! I got to marry my best friend in one of my most favorite cities. It was everything I dreamed of an more. There are so many photos, I can share them all. These are my faves. I may throw a few in during the year. This was certainly the highlight of my year and now I get to call that handsome guy my husband. Luckiest girl ever.

Oh and my mom met Shep. This was her highlight. Lol #relationshep

Immediately following our big day (ok, we hung at the beach for a few days first) we headed to the Twin Cities for one of my good friend’s big day! It was so much fun to celebrate with them again! Very fun wedding reception and a great way to kick-off November!

And immediately following that, my guy switched jobs and joined a new department so we had his swearing in and pinning ceremony. So proud of this one. Gush. (Vomit.)

I also had a super fun “celeb” sighting in the Twin Cities later in November. My gal pal and I were checking out a new and FANTASTIC restaurant near our office... partaking in a little happy hour when the Fabulous Beekman Boys walked right past our table into the restaurant. I swear I was the only one who got excited and I had to convince her they were in fact someone. Not only did I love their show, but I do love all their products!

Keeping with the theme of the year, December was as crazy as ever. First this guy got another year older and we celebrated with bloodies, a trip to Poto and some prime rib. 

Before we could finish celebrating, I hopped a plane to Nashville with my mom to present at a conference. We did a little sight seeing, eating and drinking too. I highly recommend historic Franklin if you are in the area. Well, also Husk. Both are way too cute. The Champagne Sale at Gus Meyer is also entertaining if you can catch it! Broadway wasn’t too bad either. Can’t wait to take the hubs back. it has him written all over it... that and there are about 15 pairs of boots i want.

I wrapped the year at work with a lovely holiday gathering at a fabulous volunteer’s house. It was nice to get together and not talk about the bills we need to stop or pass and just enjoy the company!

Next, Finners turned ONE!!!! And her mommy loves a theme, as does her Aunite. So, we may have gone a little overboard... but you are only ONE once. 

We ended the year in style... Christmas with the Griswold’s. I seriously may have married Clark, or cousin Eddie. It is hard to tell depending on the day. But we had a great time with games, fun t-shirts and a gingerbread competitions where we turned our house into Clark’s for the holidays. Seriously, check out our attention to detail - the 25,000 lights, the RV, the shitter pump and even Clark’s dream pool in the back. 

I headed with my family to Elkhart Lake the next day for a little R&R to celebrate the holiday. 

Oh so much to be very grateful for, however so little time to sit down and write about it. So today my friends you get a recap and in the coming days I vow to be better at real time updates and gratitude sharing.

Super grateful for my godson Joey. He turned 18 at the beginning of the month (18?!?!? How did that happen?) and we all celebrated at a Brewer game. I am so proud of the guy (I don’t believe he is a man yet) that he has become, grateful for being able to share in his life and excited to see what the next 18 years bring. I am so very proud of him and love him dearly. 

Me and Joey

My cousin Abby, sister Angie and me.

Our Brewers Win Selfie!

September has been a blur... it is crazy. I have been extremely busy at work which I am grateful for, but it has been slightly insane gearing up for a new legislative session and in Illinois' case what could be a very busy veto session in November. I also took on a new pilot program with a co-worker to engage our top volunteers through a series of new programs. I am very grateful for the opportunity but whoa, it is busy! Stay tuned for more on this later.

Earlier this month I was able to attend a training for work in Memphis. I had never been to the city and I wouldn't say it is on the top of my list of places to rush back to (I mean, we have established that NAPA is that place) but it was very fun. Beyond the training, I got to eat good BBQ at Rendezvous, have some incredible fried chicken (BEST EVER) at Gus's Fried Chicken and see one of the most impressive museums I've ever been to -the Civil Rights Museum. It was a great trip and no, I didn't see Marc Cohen on Union Avenue, but I stayed at The Peabody and there were ducks in the lobby. It was kinda weird, but their thing. 

The Civil Rights Museum

The best meal I have had in a really long time... Fried Chicken and Fried Green Tomatoes. YUM! 

Listening to some music on Beale Street 

September continued to be amazing as I got to check-off the #1 concert on my bucket list... 20 years in the making, Mr. Garth Brooks!  It was everything I had hoped and more. There is a reason he has been named the number one performer. He is just freaking amazing. I have loved him since I was in 7th grade and through the years he has NEVER left my music rotation. It was an amazing show and I am very grateful I was able to attend!  

And a pre-Garth selfie  

In my spare time, I have been helping my friend and super-fab personal trainer with some marketing/communications stuff. I love being able to use this part of my expertise again... politics and volunteer management is fun, but this stuff is my hobby. I love it! So I have been spending some extra free time working on plans, ideas, etc. I am proud to say, i was able to launch a new website for the biz, implement some marketing strategies and come up with some pretty awesome 1, 3 and 5 year plans... that are only in our  heads at the moment, but they will be in writing soon. Another benefit to spending free time helping a personal trainer - I don't have to do too much convincing to get him up and moving. We took full advantage of the beautiful weather lately and got in a walking meeting along the gorgeous Milwaukee lakefront.  

Here's a shot of the website:

And here are some great shots from our gorgeous walking meeting 

Work travel has been at an all-time high lately with no end in sight. But I am grateful I have a job that gives me freedom to do different things each day - I was never a cube girl. That style of work environment is so not me. A few weeks ago I was able to attend the Illinois Alliance to Prevent Obesity all-state conference in Normal, IL. It was awesome to catch-up with partners from around the state and talk about potential solutions to solving the obesity crisis. It was very focused around the Rethink Your Drink Campaign and taxing sugary beverages in Illinois. Me and my coworker Mark encourage ya'll to Rethink Your Drink! 

The last two weeks have been consumed with Heart Walks in Illinois and we have been blessed with some AMAZEBALLS weather, making it not-so terrible to stand outside for a few hours collecting petition cards at the walks. And every time Heart Walk season rolls around, I am reminded of the wonderful volunteers I have across the state who spend their Saturday and Sunday mornings help us out! Below are some of my fav pics from the last few events.  

My fab co-worker Jen and I hanging in the Soldier Field parking lot (perfect location for this Bears fan!)

The Illinois Advocacy Team 

Me and the Disrude Boys 

My fab admin Rae working the booth  

It has been 5 years today since I lost my father to a rare form of cancer and I continue to miss him every single day.

My dad was the smartest man I knew. Both book smart and street smart. There wasn't a question I came to him with that he couldn't answer and answer well. He was the guy you wanted on your team (well him and my aunt Kathy – they weren't allowed to be on the same team ever) when playing trivia because he could come up with all the answers all the time. He had a quiet personality, was extremely funny and witty and knew how to have a good time. He taught me the importance of hard work, that the only fair in life was the annual state fair and that you are never too old to pursue your dreams. He left my sisters and me with a love of weird old movies, sports car racing and how to make the world’s best popcorn. I am sad he isn't here to share all the moments of the last five years and the next five to come with us. But I know that we each carry him with us and I call upon his infinite wisdom daily.

Today, I couldn't help but think about what has happened in those five years. There have been babies, marriages, divorces, sickness, hardships and new memories.  However, I was struck when I started to think about how cancer has continued to affect my family. In those 5 years, I have lost three additional family members to the disease. My aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer and luckily we saw her through treatment successfully. My godfather and uncle was just diagnosed with cancer and is in his fight right now. And less than a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer and am thankfully doing well. So today, while I remember my dear dad and all of the amazing things he taught me, I can’t help but reflect on the last five years and the epidemic that is this disease. We need more research and better treatment options and seriously, a world with more birthdays!  

Today I have no words. Maybe one day I will be able to write about today and explore the things i should ultimately be grateful for today but right now I just feel numb. So instead I will just leave you with this advice from one of my favorite ladies, and advice I wish I would have taken sooner: