2) Tour guide interrupted himself every time he saw one of those delivery robot carts, was so much more animated and passionate about those that it was hysterical, told us he calls them "his little friends" sometimes

3) Tour guide was interrupted by an old woman in a gated community asking him to drive him to the deli. He inexplicably chose to engage with her, yelling back that he doesn't have a car, how's he supposed to do that. She yelled back that it's not far. He tried the gate, yelled back that it's locked. The woman yelled back that someone needs to unlock it. My partner and I are at this point facing 180° away trying to keep it together

4) None of the sites were actually haunted. He was like "See this church?" And we'd be like "This church is similar to a famously haunted church 15 minutes away." "What about this one?" "This one isn't." "Why don't we go to the haunted one?" "BECAUSE IT'S FIFTEEN MINUTES AWAY. BY CAR."

5) The ghost stories were cracking us the fuck up, stuff like "she saw either a really small childlike figure or a giant looming onr" WHICH IS IT 😭😭😭 He also quite obviously improvised a ghost story involving like, the Seattle Seahawks getting attacked by floating beer bottles like I think that would have been larger news??

6) He told us it's a full moon (it is, visibly, not) and the Jersey Devil was going to kill and eat us. He waited for us to respond and we said "Oh no" and he seemed satisfied with that

7) Part of the tour was at an old hospital but we missed all of it because a car drove past playing music at max volume and the driver kept screaming "I'M NOT ANYBODY'S BITCH ANYMORE" again and again and he refused to raise his volume even a little

8) We were interrupted mid-tour by a Bangladeshi guy waiting at a bus stop going "HEY! You guys doing a tour? Oh shit, GHOSTS? I'm Bangladeshi, and let me tell you we got ghosts in Bangladesh."

I have so many Pet Anxiety Nightmares, here are some of the most common:

one of my parrots becomes injured

one of my parrots has a mysterious illness

I suddenly realize I’ve been neglecting some basic and obvious need of all my pets and I’m a terrible pet owner

I’m suddenly responsible for an additional parrot I wasn’t prepared for

I’m suddenly responsible for MANY additional parrots I wasn’t prepared for oh my god there are so many of them is one of them missing already???

for some reason all my birds are outdoors without their harnesses at the same time, oh no

He was much more efficient than the other tellers and made a lot more money than they did, but his customer service was terrible, and his coworkers resented him for this. Sometimes he would ignore customers or rip up their checks, and this came out of his paycheck, but he was making so much money playing online poker during his breaks that it didn’t really make a difference.

His bank account balance was more than enough to pay off our mortgage, but I didn’t want to pressure him into doing that because he’d earned the money himself and I didn’t want him to think I felt entitled to it.

Halfway through the dream he also developed a superpower which allowed him to make anyone or anything disappear by saying “undo (thing).” He made all kinds of things disappear: his cage door, food he didn’t want, inconvenient customers. People started to fear him and he became known as “The Undue Bird.”

Magical 1940 villa in Västersjön, Sweden on the Västersjön Lake. 3bds, 1.5ba, 210 m² - 2,260.42sqft, Price avail. on request. It's an artist's dream retreat.

Character has 2 PhDs: either they did a dual degree program and are braggy about it, had a life-changing experience after their first degree and pivoted their whole career, or they find the structure of being a PhD student, despite all its stress, more comfortable and familiar than the stress of finding a Real Job and have a very indulgent advisor.

Character has 3 PhDs: who keeps accepting them to PhD programs. Either this person needs psychological help or their department needs to be investigated for its academic standards. Probably both

1990 house in Waitsfield, VT was designed and built by Yestermorrow founder John Connell. It's supposed to be "creative, whimsical, but also highly efficient and exciting." 2bds, 2ba, 1,594sqft, $495k.

Notes from a scholar who found a talking castle, then tried in vain to map a way out of it…