Graphelle

and stairs what to use daily

the stairs are difficult to make

difficult to clean and sometimes 

difficult to use

Maybe I can just

live in the room with big windows

bath and balcony

and i would never close the curtains

because I am too pretty

Maybe there will be someone

already living inside me 

and will take me over

to a second level

upgraded

graduated

well done

excellent

with one extra life

missing the old rainy days

missing the misery 

mystery 

magic

and self harm

Even I can ask. now

Wonder if she is. alone?

Or laughs on Sundays 

with her foreigner friend

one hand on the lap

the other touching the hair

soft, slightly bleached.

Will she stare at the sea 

with relaxed face muscles

and lost her feet for a second or. two

will she close the door

as silent as she could

Will she wash the mirror

in the hotel room

will she be okay

when she closes her lids

and falls asleep

will she ever think of me

that what I have done 

will she ever talk about me 

my faults 

You can ask

I will turn the water on

anyway

I. will stare the TV with no channels. anyway

I wil be alive anyway

I am the same

you are the same

maybe once a year i can ask that

whats wrong with those too kind girls

who I meet i n the streets

they like me too much

i am offended like dandelion 

how can I ever love them back?

if their happiness is so insulated.

Or thad doll-faced girl

who wears too much make-up

and are fake serious

like hipsters these days

How can I ever love her?

even through I know her hands

are soft and can draw lines well.

How can I love that older man?

who sees just right through me

but pretends he does not

just to keep the fun

the same way he keeps his secrets 

when he sees another girl young.

How can I love this too nervous lady?

who works in the local art shop

Do we both need a Xanax.

How can someone ever love me?

the girl who thinks and drinks too much

who are rarely pleased 

and never calls first to her friends.

And still twice in a lifetime

theres nothing to point out

nothing what keeps us back

and we start investigation 

called