I’ve always wondered if I loved out of

boredom or a fiery lust,

and I now think it was a bit of both

I know “I love you” sounds like a solemn oath,

Like a branded mark on your heart,

But I drank that truth,

Like the sweetest poison.

It ended like most of my loves did

In bitter cyanide

Leaving me no place to hide

Not even your loving arms.

Now I’m slipping

out of my finest clothes,

into the density of imagination.

I wonder what our love would look like without the

rubber glove

nullifying the sensuality of intense infatuation.

If I hadn’t handcuffed myself to a post,

content in not being disturbed,

content in being frozen,

I wonder what our love looked like

if I had the audacity to pick you first

and smash the glass ceiling.

I wonder what we’d look like

if I was done healing,

But even now I’m broken still.

I’m Content in not being disturbed,

I’m content in being alone,

I wonder what our love would look like

if I had the audacity to pick you first

and smash the glass ceiling.

I wonder what we’d look like if I was done healing,

but I’m broken still,

feeling the sting of failed romance,

the bruises of overprotection,

the crumbling of ego,

Dying-to-self perseverance,

knowing that I’m just a porcelain puppet

clothed in flesh

I want to be carefree

I’m done with being palatable

A grape on the plate

Perfectly curved

And violet

For you to poke and prod

To peel with steady surgery

With your tiny sterile instruments

That slice

and cut

and scrape

With enough force to burst open a water bottle

And make helium balloons deflate

I’m done with being malleable

Like gold on high heat poured into an iron vessel

To find any crevice for my dignity to nestle

To be polished and shine

To be shown in all my glory

To drape on hardy fabric

To embellish a story

I refuse to be chained down to my self limiting beliefs

I yearn

To rise above this dark cloud

I feel so small beneath you sometimes

Like a slimy thing in a copper shell

Under your booth

In my own little hell

My very own tribunal

Where I’m the judge

Jury and

Executioner

Where my branches extend inward and point guilty

At my bark and futile protests

The vines grow and pierce my flesh

Through my ribs

Shortening my breath

I didn’t expect to feel so sad underneath you

To fold so easily

So crumpled and downtrodden

So void of inner knowledge

To trip so easily

And even now my heart is breaking

Ripping at the seams

Grappling for my fallen dreams

They multiply

Plenteous like the stars in the sky

Increase my capacity for love

not only for myself but also for others

Help me to love like you and see through eyes

only you can open and close

Waken my mind to the truth

that your covering is all I need

Your banner over me is love

And your love is ever lasting

So teach me to love like you do

And how to walk full in your mercy

For the rest of my days