moved

Do me a solid and follow my new blog if you’re still interested in interacting with me! If you’re NOT interested in interacting anymore, this is your out !!!

I’m keeping all the threads that were in my drafts UNLESS you choose not to follow! So like, if you follow my new blog, I’ll keep whatever threads I have in my drafts that I owe you and continue them there! If you don’t follow/follow back, I’ll just drop the threads!

To those of you with whom I have signed a soul-binding contract to be mutuals forever, I’m sorry but I’m not giving you a choice in the matter. Follow my cool new blog.

Do me a solid and follow my new blog if you’re still interested in interacting with me! If you’re NOT interested in interacting anymore, this is your out !!!

I’m keeping all the threads that were in my drafts UNLESS you choose not to follow! So like, if you follow my new blog, I’ll keep whatever threads I have in my drafts that I owe you and continue them there! If you don’t follow/follow back, I’ll just drop the threads!

To those of you with whom I have signed a soul-binding contract to be mutuals forever, I’m sorry but I’m not giving you a choice in the matter. Follow my cool new blog.

“Go suck an egg!”

“Boom. Butterfly effect.“

“Okay, tying me up now, okay.“

“I’m such an idiot. I’m so dumb.“

“Ugh, stop talking! I can’t take it!“

“No, no, no, they’re gonna hurt us.“

“You’re a coward, that’s all you are.”

“It’s nothing, really, it’s not a big deal.“

“That scared the blue out of my jeans.”

“Damn right I’m right. I’m always right.”

“Look, an axe. I feel better with an axe.“ 

“Oooh! Sleepover! Can we order pizza?”

“Let’s party like we’re fucking pornstars!”

“I’ll get you out of this! I won’t let you die!“

“Understand the palm of my hand, bitch!“

“Get BACK! Stay the hell away from me!”

“Shit. I’m gonna murder his fucking face off.“

“Hook, line and sinker for every little stinker!”

“Don’t you guys think this is a little bit cruel?“

“Just walk slow. It’s okay. Come on, it’s okay.“

“Don’t think, you idiot, just get me outta here!“

“Do you enjoy feeling terrorized? Humiliated?“

“I made you believe in the world that I created.”

“I should’ve paid for attention in climbing class.“

“Lookie-lookie, who’s gonna fire up some nookie.“

“When are you going to take her to the bone zone?“

“I was right there, and I could have done something.”

“Do they still have some aspect of humanity in them?”

“I can’t imagine doing something worse to somebody.“

“That poor little guy was alive about ten seconds ago!“

“I wouldn’t want this place to burn down on my watch.”

“I’m not all muscle. There are some brains in here too!”

“Yeah, thanks, maybe you should go first. To protect me.“

“You’re kinda hot when you get all alpha, you know that?“

“There’s… There’s no excuse! There’s no excuse for this!”

“We were just playing a joke. It was supposed to be funny.” 

“I showed you parts of yourself you were too afraid to visit.”

“Do you expect me to believe that you’re gonna shoot me?”

“You couldn’t buy a moldy loaf of bread with your skanky ass.”

“Jesus hot sauce Christmas cake, this is fucking unbelievable.“

“I’ve seen what’s down there… and I’d give anything to unsee it.”

“I’ve seen what these fuckers can do. I don’t wanna see it again.“

“You want to ruin our fun that bad? Well, guess what? You can’t!“

“What are you tweeting!? Hashtag there’s a freaking ghost after us?!”

“I don’t care if you believe me or not. Doesn’t matter, because you will.“

“Yeah, you just take all the time you need, not like I’m going anywhere.“

“Let me choose to save you. If I do one last thing in my life let me do this!”

“Are you insane? Like, really? Do you not understand what you’ve done?“

“Whoa, wait a second. We start smashing shit down, he’s gonna hear us.“

“Every single choice will affect your fate, and the fate of those around you.“

“We’re up in the woods! It’s spooky! Come on, let’s get into the spirit of things!“

“The past is beyond our control. You have to accept this in order to move forward.“

“Who needs grades when you’ve got ALL the natural advantages you can handle?”

“It is essential that you answer honestly in order to get the most out of this experience.“

“Every second that I spent with you was the only thing I ever wanted to do with my time.”

“Come on, guys, we’re all friends here, right? No need for violence, just a little harmless fun!”

“Maybe we should start with a little, you know, making out, and see where it goes from there?“

“You manipulated us, you tricked us, you hurt your friends and you did it all while you hid in the shadows.“

“I swear, they just need like, something to bond over ya’ know? Some sort of traumatic event to send them into each other’s arms.”

“Just hit a fire hydrant, but I survived. #unbreakable”

“Can I help you move? I’m really good at it! Afterwards I can take the cardboard boxes and use it for breakdancing.”

“I can’t use my GPS, but I figured it out. I just drove around in circles until I saw something familiar.”

“Anything that can be penis shaped, will be penis shaped!”

“You look like Encyclopedia Brown.”

“As your self-appointed emotional guardian, it is my duty to love and support you.”

“The original title of this was: A Lively Fisting.”

“I really like you, and I was wondering if you wanted to get a cup of coffee sometime.”

“IF you had gone to Hogwarts Academy, which house do you think you’d be in?”

“I really need this party to go well, which is why I’m stress eating gummy penises.”

“Well, four years of work down the drain and I have a penis on my head.”

“I hate doing work, but I love being flattered. So maybe I’ll give it another try.”

“Please put your pants back on.”

“ Love? Love fades away. But things … Things are forever.”

“What I hear when I’m being yelled at is people caring loudly at me.”

“We’re just friends. He’s like the gayest person I’ve ever met, but I make out with him when I’m drunk sometimes.”

“Earlier, I was licking icing off of my finger and boom, I swallowed my wedding ring.”

“One time I accidentally drank an entire bottle of vinegar. I thought it was terrible wine.”

“Oh, one time I rode in a sidecar on a guy’s motorcycle, and the sidecar detached and went down a flight of stairs.”

“ I AM NOT CRYING, OK? I’M ALLERGIC TO JERKS!”

“That looks like something you would find on the wall of a serial killer.”

“ I have never taken the high road. But I tell other people to ‘cause then there’s more room for me on the low road.”

“I want to punch you in the face so bad right now.”

“I’d like to say something. You are a wonderful person. Your friendship means a lot to me. And you look very beautiful.”

“But think how much better our friendship would be if we added…doin’ it.”

“I just opened a can of whoop ass on myself!”

“Your/My nickname around the office is Softypants Mchuggable.”

“Let’s cut the bull, alright? You want this. I definitely want this. T.H. wants this. Let’s seal this devil’s threeway right here, right now.”

“We should sue their parents for spawning a human turd burger.”

“I cannot emphasize enough how little I was thinking.”

“Don’t teach a man to fish, and you feed yourself. He’s a grown man. Fishing’s not that hard.”

“Scientists believe that the first human being who will live 150 years has already been born. I believe I am that human being.”

“I typed in your symptoms here and it says you might have… network connectivity problems.”

“One time I was dating this guy for a while, and then he got down on one knee and he begged me never to call him again.”

“ I call noodles long-ass rice. Chicken parm is chicky chicky parm parm. I call eggs pre-birds, or future birds. Root beer is super water. Tortillas are bean blankies. And I call forks…food rakes.”

"I feel great. I ran 5K this morning. No, no I didn’t. I threw up in the shower.”

“When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. I read that one on a can of lemonade. I like to think it applies to life.”

“Catching the number 12 bus to Satan’s butthole?”

“Normally, if given a choice between doing something and nothing, I’d choose to do nothing. But I will do something if it helps someone else do nothing. I’d work all night if it meant nothing got done.”