Grading Lyrics

I'm starting a little project here where I evaluate music just based on lyrics alone. Here's what I'm scoring based on:

Originality & specificity: How original is the wording? Is it general or specific? Does it use cliches or does it phrase things in a way you've never heard before?

Storytelling & imagery: How evocative is the writing? How well does it tell the story of the song? How does it convey meaning through the use of imagery, metaphor, simile, etc.?

Flow & phrasing: Are lines clunky or are they elegantly written? Does it feel like the "best words in the best order"? Does it have a meter that feels just right, or does it feel forced? How do the words themselves sound to the ear? Does it make use of internal rhyme, alliteration, or other poetic devices?

Emotional impact: How do the words make the listener feel?

Cohesiveness & song structure: How does the writing work together as a whole? How well do different elements of the song support one another? Where does the song go and does it have some type of narrative arc?

Each of the above categories will be rated on a 10-point scale, which will then be added up to give a percentage score with a classic letter grade.

A lot of great songs have kind of mediocre lyrics if you look at them just on a page, and there are some songs with great lyrics that are weak in other areas. This will not be an objective measure of how good a song is by any means - it's just a bit of fun!!!

(and since I just want this to be fun little project for me - the writing on this page itself will not be very carefully written. Sorry about that!)

Grade Distribution

In case you're wondering how I'm distributing grades - I'm trying to create a fair scale across the full spectrum.

A+: This is next to impossible to achieve and even the best songs ever written may not get an A+. There are probably fewer than 10 artists who have ever lived who'd even be able to get this score. And none of them have a stan army.

A: One of the best songs ever written.

A-: An excellent song but it has a few things holding it back from being an all-timer.

B+: A great song.

B: A solid song. Has a few standout moments. A little generic or cliche at times.

B-: A good song but it's not exceptional. Decently written but generic.

C Range: Mediocre, unoriginal, low effort.

D Range: Uninspired, clunky writing throughout, no sense of direction. Straight garbage.

So much of whether you think these lyrics are good depends on if you think "Tummy Hurts" is a good song title. I think it's very much not.

It's unclear what the other woman did wrong in this song or why she's a "fucking monster". Seems unnecessary to take shots at her!

Originality & specificity: 7/10

Storytelling & imagery: 7/10

Flow & phrasing: 6/10

Emotional impact: 7/10

Cohesiveness & song structure: 8/10

Grade: C- (70%)

My overall feeling about Taylor Swift is that she is a decent, but very flawed writer. She can, in fact, write a good line. But unfortunately, she can also write some of the worst stinkers I've ever heard.

"You smoked, then ate seven bars of chocolate We declared Charlie Puth should be a bigger artist I scratch your head, you fall asleep Like a tattooed golden retriever"

This is a song about two shallow people who both think, somehow, that they're deep. But in different ways. She mocks this man for his typewriter and yet, her overwrought metaphors and "Quill Pen" lyrics on this project are two sides of the same coin.

The best line in this tune might be "You're not Dylan Thomas, I'm not Patti Smith / This ain't the Chelsea Hotel, we're modern idiots".

And it's true, but I'm not sure if she realizes how self-incriminating that line is. Taylor is certainly no Patti Smith. (Patti Smith is a serious artist concerned about things other than herself and has been publicly speaking out against Israeli military actions since at least 2006).

At her worst, Taylor's songs are shallow, self-indulgent, and undisciplined. But, how can she be undisciplined but productive, you might ask?

Sure, if you consider output the same as discipline. Throughout the whole 31-SONG DOUBLE ALBUM (yeesh!) she retreads the same subjects time and again using similar metaphors (and similar melodies and chord progressions). A more disciplined writer would cut, trim, EDIT. Think, Taylor - do you really need multiple songs with "grave" metaphors?

There are worse songs than this one on the album. The chorus is honestly decent but every line on the bridge made me want to hurl. This woman is 34 and writing about her heart exploding after a man pulls a (cheesy) move on her. Time to grow up.

Originality & specificity: 7/10

Storytelling & imagery: 7/10

Flow & phrasing: 6/10

Emotional impact: 7/10

Cohesiveness & song structure: 8/10

Grade: C- (70%)

I was just perusing the Spotify top ten looking for songs to rate. This one is a perfect example of how many contemporary songs are hypersexual but not at all sexy. Are y'all even enjoying yourselves????

Originality & specificity: 6/10

Storytelling & imagery: 7/10

Flow & phrasing: 7/10

Emotional impact: 6/10

Cohesiveness & song structure: 7/10

Grade: D (66%)

Oh wow lol OK I haven't been on tumblr in years and didn't expect anyone to see my silly little blog

Paper Bag by Fiona Apple

I generally love Fiona, I don't think she's ever written a bad song. This is still a standout for her even though all her songs are very good. She really excels at writing a lyric that connects emotionally but is completely original - no one writes quite like her.

Originality & specificity: 10/10

Storytelling & imagery: 10/10

Flow & phrasing: 9/10

Emotional impact: 10/10

Cohesiveness & song structure: 10/10

Grade: A (98%)

I tend to listen to albums on repeat. I've fixated on a few of Fiona's, but I don't know why but I've not listened to as much of When The Pawn... and I need to.

Really great writing, an artist with a lot of potential! This song does not have a typical song structure which leaves the different sections feeling a bit disconnected - which is intentional. Still, Kara has a really unique voice as a writer.

Originality & specificity: 10/10

Storytelling & imagery: 9/10

Flow & phrasing: 9/10

Emotional impact: 9/10

Cohesiveness & song structure: 8/10

Grade: A- (90%)

Decent songwriting. The high point here is the level of detail and storytelling, and nice elements of wordplay that result in a handful of really well-written lines.

Emotionally, it falls a bit flat for me by being a bit too self-pitying. He is aware of this, and maybe it's relatable to somebody but personally, I find it grating. There are some lyrical cliches in here too. And while the descriptiveness is nice, that's an awfully wordy chorus.

Originality & specificity: 8/10

Storytelling & imagery: 9/10

Flow & phrasing: 9/10

Emotional impact: 8/10

Cohesiveness & song structure: 8/10

Grade: B (84%)

An aside that doesn't impact the score - the melody, arrangement, and production are all pretty dull.

These lyrics read like they were written by ChatGPT.

Originality & specificity: 7/10

Storytelling & imagery: 7/10

Flow & phrasing: 7/10

Emotional impact: 7/10

Cohesiveness & song structure: 7/10

Grade: C- (70%)

Lyrics My grading system

Selfish by *NSYNC

Much was made of the fact that Britney had a song called Selfish but *NSYNC also had a song called Selfish!!!

A fatal flaw - it rhymes "love" with "love" in the chorus.

Originality & specificity: 7/10

Storytelling & imagery: 7/10

Flow & phrasing: 7/10

Emotional impact: 8/10

Cohesiveness & song structure: 8/10

Grade: C (74%)

This reworking of Jolene is... not good. I get that it is not realistic for Beyoncé to sing about how a woman is more beautiful than her and could easily take her man but... the level of aggression and bravado reads as insecure.

If Beyoncé was so sure knowing she is better than Jolene, why sing a song about her? And the way the relationship is described, it's unclear why Jolene would envy what Beyoncé has. Lines like "I raised that man" are particularly rough - what grown woman wants to raise a man?

The "beautiful beyond compare" phrase feels sarcastic in this version. Dolly's version is so delicate and nuanced, and this is just so clumsy.

And I don't think most of Beyoncé's lines will hold up as well as Dolly's has for 50+ years! The overuse of contemporary slang will date it really quickly and also creates emotional distance that lacks specificity. Whenever really common phrases are used in songwriting, they feel perfunctory. There's a low attention to craft here.

The added bridge is probably the best-written section of the song. But it still lacks emotional impact because the whole song up to that point has been trashing this other woman. I'm not really rooting for this couple and the talk of standing by one another sounds like overcompensating - like one of those couples that has big blowout fights every week but won't stop telling you how they're soulmates.

Originality & specificity: 7/10

Storytelling & imagery: 8/10

Flow & phrasing: 7/10

Emotional impact: 7/10

Cohesiveness & song structure: 8/10

Grade: C (74%)

In comparison to the original I would want to rate it a little bit lower, but I'm scoring it based on its own merits here.

An all-time classic. Dolly's lyrics are so kind to Jolene - she describes in sharp detail how beautiful this woman is. And it's unclear from the song if Jolene even wants this man, just he is attracted to her and it makes Dolly feel inferior. Great storytelling, great descriptiveness, excellent songwriting.

Originality & specificity: 9/10

Storytelling & imagery: 10/10

Flow & phrasing: 10/10

Emotional impact: 10/10

Cohesiveness & song structure: 10/10

Grade: A (98%)

An obvious classic that's worth studying. Kate Bush has such a unique and distinct voice as a writer.

Originality & specificity: 10/10

Storytelling & imagery: 9/10

Flow & phrasing: 9/10

Emotional impact: 10/10

Cohesiveness & song structure: 10/10

Grade: A (96%)

I liked this song, reminded me a bit of Carly Rae Jepsen + Kate Bush. The writing is solid with a few good lines. Nothing is particularly clunky, but there's no single lyric that's really wowing me either. The bridge is the best part and elevates the storytelling. But everything comes together well and serves the song.

Originality & specificity: 8/10

Storytelling & imagery: 9/10

Flow & phrasing: 8/10

Emotional impact: 9/10

Cohesiveness & song structure: 9/10

Grade: B (86%)

Love Is A Losing Game - Amy Winehouse

An all-time great by Amy Winehouse. Her vocal performance was always so original but don't you ever forget that Amy could write a line that tears your heart into pieces. This is elegantly crafted songwriting. Amy Winehouse was an ARTIST.

Originality & specificity: 9/10

Storytelling & imagery: 9/10

Flow & phrasing: 10/10

Emotional impact: 10/10

Cohesiveness & song structure: 10/10

Grade: A (96%)