Everything aches like peeling sunburns and I feel like I’m growing six sizes too big for my heart to handle but I love it even though it might hurt

Been on meds for a few days now and oh my god. Do other people just get to experience happiness regularly. Is it supposed to feel good to be alive. I feel like I’m doing something. Wrong

I keep putting myself in the torment nexus and maybe it’s my punishment for repressing my feelings for so long but oh my fucking gooooooooddddddddd. I feel like shit garbage. and I know that romantic relationships aren’t the focus of life but the part of my brain that seeks to be desired is so fucking loud and sore and tired. Is it too much to want to be held and seen without fear of shame or disgust. Or have I projected my own fears of being shameful and disgusting so strongly onto my loved ones that I will never let them see me like that. Who knows.

Cis people scare me so bad. You try to have a nuanced conversation about how gender essentialism is unhelpful and alienating and all of a sudden it’s “making the argument too complicated” no i just don’t think you view men and women as equally fallible categories of people and as such i fear that you will always view trans women and men in a Weird Way

Wish there was a way to talk about my mental health that wasn’t simultaneously excruciating and humiliating