prentiss: oh boy can’t wait to go gambling this weekend

reid: i personally will be eating an encyclopedia 

hotch: sorry guys, we have a case

prentiss: uch

jj: seven women were found dismembered 

Garcia: d1sm3mbEreddd????

hotch: wheels up in twenty

*at local police precinct*

officer: thanks for coming to help out

Morgan: no problem

prentiss: the bodies have stab marks–

all: SEXUAL SADIST

hotch: we’re ready to deliver the profile

jj: white male

reid: late twenties to early thirties

Morgan: he’ll likely insert himself into the investigation

hotch: he’s trying to regain control over his life

*in serial killer’s lair*

serial killer: I love you

woman: we just met

serial killer: STAB STAB STAB

*back with BAU team. Morgan is on the phone with Garcia*

Morgan: give me what you got, baby girl

Garcia: you’re looking for Evil McEvilface, his father tried to kill him seven times, his mother ran away with the manny, and he lives at 6969 sad street

Morgan: you’re a miracle worker

Garcia: why don’t you come over and see what kind of miracles I can work

Morgan: *smiles and hangs up*

*back at serial killer lair*

serial killer: *about to kill woman*

all the BAU agents: FBI, PUT YOUR HANDS UP

serial killer: *puts knife to the woman’s neck*

prentiss: what happened to you as a child wasn’t fair, but you can’t hurt other ppl

serial killer: *starts crying, drops knife*

voiceover: *obscure quote*

*back on plane*

reid: did you know that there are seven leopards in existence. you have blinked twenty-two times since we boarded this plane. I am smart

Every second beat of Smooth Criminal, by Michael Jackson.